by Alice Ward
“It doesn’t matter,” Dani said and swiped the tear away. And just like that, everything about her changed. She pulled her shoulders back and lifted her chin. “It isn’t your job to defend me or protect me. In fact, it isn’t your job to do anything except pay me. So, do that. Pay me and give me the annulment or divorce or whatever I asked for.”
I stared at her. Everything she said was harsh and cold. She didn’t even sound like herself anymore. She sounded like a completely different person. The Dani I knew would never have dismissed me this way, and yet, here she was, wanting money. Just like everyone else.
“This isn’t just about the money,” I said. “It can’t be.”
Her hands clenched at her sides. “All I want from you is the money I was promised and the annulment. That’s it.”
I reached for her shoulders, but she jerked away. “I don’t believe you. I don’t believe that this, us, means nothing to you.”
“Well, it doesn’t,” she insisted, pulling her shoulders back and facing me with grim determination.
I shook my head and stared at her, searching her face for some sign that she was lying. This didn’t feel real. Nothing she said felt real. Everything about our conversation was wrong, horribly wrong.
“Look me in the eye, and tell me you don’t care about me,” I said, moving closer to her still. “Tell me that I mean nothing to you, and then, I’ll do whatever you want.”
Dani’s eyes locked on mine, but she didn’t really see me. It was like she looked straight through me. I wanted to reach out and touch her face, to remind her what it felt like between us, but I knew I couldn’t.
“I don’t care about you,” she said without emotion. “You mean nothing to me.”
The universe shifted beneath my feet at her words, and it was like all the oxygen had left the room. At first there was only blessed numbness, then a driving pain in my gut. Part of me wanted to argue, but I didn’t have any arguments left.
“Okay,” I said softly. “I’ll put the money in your account today. The annulment papers will be drawn up this week. I’ll take care of it.”
Dani just nodded and turned away from me. She walked down the hallway, leaving me standing there alone, watching her go.
CHAPTER THIRTY SIX
Dani
I spent the night at the hospital that night in my mother’s hospital room, not leaving her side throughout the entire night. Seeing my mother lying in bed helpless and alone was too much for me to take. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her there. When I arrived at the hospital yesterday, no one could tell me what happened. I wasn’t even allowed to see her for a while. The doctor finally came out to talk to me, and I found out that my mother had fallen and hit her head. Her neighbor found her and called an ambulance. They rushed her to the E.R. and ran all kinds of tests, but she hadn’t woken up yet.
On Tuesday morning, she was still unconscious. There wasn’t any life-threatening brain damage that they could see on the CT scan, but they were concerned for her mental well-being. She had a concussion, but that was the least of their concerns. Mostly, the doctors were worried about her not being able to function normally on her own. Her dementia was progressing quickly, and the worse it became, the higher her chances were of becoming seriously injured.
My fears were stronger than ever when I woke up that morning. The nurses had told me to go home and get some rest, but I knew I couldn’t do that. She was my mother, and she needed me.
I had failed her on Monday. I wouldn’t fail her now.
When she woke up, I wanted my face to be the first she saw. It would only scare her if I wasn’t there, if there were only doctors and nurses surrounding her. My guilt was already at its peak, and if I left, it would swallow me whole. No matter who insisted I leave, I refused. I wouldn’t move until her eyes opened.
“Dani,” a voice said from the doorway. I whipped around to see my mother’s doctor standing there. He smiled at me and gestured for me to join him in the hallway. I rose to my feet and followed him without a word.
“There are just a couple things I want to talk to you about,” he said. “If that’s okay?”
“Of course,” I said with a nod.
“Well, I feel fairly confident that your mother will wake up,” he said. “Right now, her body is simply trying to recover from the trauma she suffered. She was lucky. There was very little damage, and we didn’t need to operate. However…”
He paused, letting his last word hang in the air between us. It felt menacing in a way, almost as if he were intentionally trying to scare me. Part of me wondered if doctors somehow got off on scaring their patients’ family members. I knew I wasn’t being fair. He was only doing his job, but I hated everyone and everything right now. My world was crumbling around me, and I was powerless to stop it.
“However, I’m worried about her living situation,” he continued. “You said she lives alone?”
“Yes, but I check on her often,” I said defensively, guilt causing my back to go even straighter. “And her neighbor does too. That’s who called the ambulance yesterday.”
“And that’s great,” he said with the same gentle smile. “But, at this point in her life, it might be better to start looking into assisted living. She would benefit greatly from around the clock care. If anything like this happens again, it could be far more serious.”
I was nodding before he even finished speaking. He wasn’t the first person to think of assisted living homes. I’d been touring homes for a month, and after today, I was finally able to pay for one. But the doctor didn’t know that. He couldn’t have.
“I’ve already taken care of it,” I said. “I’ve been touring nursing homes and found an assisted living place I really like.”
I gave him the details and was relieved to see him nod in agreement. “I can work with the owners and get you a deal,” he said confidently. “Your mother’s care is far too important to leave up to chance.”
I smiled my first genuine smile. He wasn’t an asshole like I previously let myself believe. He was just a doctor doing his job. He cared about my mother, and I couldn’t fault him for that. I was immediately grateful for his help.
While we stood out in the hallway, we heard a clatter coming from my mother’s room. I ran toward the door first, throwing it open and hurling myself inside. My mother was awake, her eyes wide with fear, a pitcher of water on the floor. I hurried toward her and grabbed her hand.
“It’s okay,” I promised. “I’m right here. You’re fine. Everything is fine.”
The doctor was right behind me. He walked to the other side of the bed and used his light to peer into my mother’s eyes.
“She looks great,” he said after listening to her lungs. “Just great. I think a little more rest, and then she’ll be good as new.”
“What happened?” my mother asked weakly, looking from me to the doctor and back again.
He patted Mom’s shoulder. “I’ll let your daughter fill you in, but I’ll be back to check on you soon.”
“Thank you,” I said as he left the room. I turned back to my mom and smoothed the hair off her forehead. “You fell. You had an accident, and they brought you here, but you’re going to be fine. You’re going to be perfect.”
“An accident?” she asked blankly. “I don’t remember that.”
“That’s okay,” I said quickly. “Don’t strain yourself. You hit your head hard yesterday. Everything is going to be a little foggy for a while.”
“Things were already foggy,” she said with a soft chuckle.
“Seriously?” I asked, but her eyes were already beginning to close again. I thought about shaking her awake, but I knew better. She needed to rest, and I wasn’t going to take that away from her.
Instead, I waited until she was sound asleep again, and then I made my way to the cafeteria. I picked us up some food for when she woke up. I was certain she would be hungry, and I didn’t want her to have to ask for anything. While she was here, I was going to
be right beside her the entire time. I wasn’t going to let her out of my sight.
My fears overwhelmed me. When I arrived back at her room, I checked to make sure she was breathing before I sat down. She was still asleep, so I had time to let my mind wander. I thought about my discussion with the doctor on the assisted living home, but my heart pounded at the thought. Just days ago, I’d been in complete agreement. After all, I was looking into places for her. Now, everything felt different. The reality of putting her into a home made my skin crawl. I couldn’t stand the idea of her being there, all alone.
While the logical side of my brain knew it was the best thing for her, my heart was saying something different. As I sat there, I seriously considered getting rid of my apartment and just moving back home. With the money Talen promised me, we could live off that for a long time. That, plus any money I made selling my paintings would be enough. I could live with her and watch her twenty-four seven. And if I did need to go out, I could hire a sitter. She would never have to be alone.
I was struggling with the decision when my mother finally woke up again. She turned her head to face me and smiled weakly.
“Are you hungry?” I asked. She nodded. I put some food in front of her and watched her pick at it. I knew I should eat too, but I couldn’t. My stomach still felt sick.
“Honey,” my mom said, pushing her food away. “I think we should talk.”
“Okay,” I said, moving closer to her bed. “What is it?”
“I think it might be time for me to live somewhere safer.” She pressed her fingers to her head. “This fall. This accident. It’s scary.”
“It is,” I said with a nod. “Which is why I thought I might move in with you.”
Her forehead creased into a frown. “No. You have your own life, and I’m not letting you give it up. A home would be best.”
“The doctor said the same thing,” I sighed. “The truth is, we’ve talked about this before. Just a few weeks ago actually. I’ve been looking at some places, and the doctor thinks he could get us a deal.”
“That’s great,” she said. She tried to smile, but I could tell she was upset.
“I just hate the idea of you being alone,” I said sadly. “I can’t stand the thought that something else might happen to you.”
“I won’t be alone,” she said. She took my hand and squeezed. “Those places have nurses and staff members that are always on call. If anything, I’ll get annoyed by all the company.”
I laughed and tried to keep myself from crying. She was right. I knew that, but it was still hard to admit. All my talk about putting her in a home had been bravado. Now that it was finally time to move forward with the plan, I couldn’t do it.
“I’ll be okay,” she promised. “I will.”
I swiped at a tear. “I know. I know you will.”
It was strange how clear my mother was thinking. She seemed to be more herself than usual. As she laid in that hospital bed, her eyes were steady, and her voice didn’t waver once. It was just further proof that she was right.
“Why are you sad?” she asked.
“I just don’t want to put you in a—”
“No,” she said with a frown. “That’s not it. What else is wrong?”
I looked at her and blinked slowly. She could always read me too well. My thoughts turned immediately toward Talen, but I wasn’t ready to tell her about him yet. I wasn’t sure I would ever be.
“Nothing at all,” I said. “Nothing else is wrong.”
To avoid having to talk anymore, I pulled out my phone and logged into my banking app. I was curious if Talen put the money in like he promised. Once the app loaded, I was shocked to see that he had. It wasn’t just the money we agreed to though. It was more. Much, much more.
One million dollars.
“We have the money for the home. Or for me to stay with you. I can—”
She squeezed my hand. “Let’s do the home, honey. It’s my choice and that’s what I want.”
“Are you sure? I could pay to have a nurse live with you if—”
“Shady Pines,” Mom said, and I looked at her in surprise. “When I was first diagnosed, I toured different facilities. Shady Pines was my favorite.”
I smiled for the first time. “It’s my favorite too, and Dr. Talbot agrees.”
She frowned. “It’s very expensive though. I—”
“Paintings,” I blurted. “I sold a bunch of my paintings and we don’t have to worry about money anymore.”
Her eyes widened. “Really?”
I squeezed her hand, hoping she could forgive me for the lie. “Really.”
Relief was like a living thing as it washed over her precious face. “Then let me go there. They have these floors…”
I listened to her tell me all the reasons she liked the place, my heart lightening a little with each word. She even had two friends who lived there now and was excited to be able to see them every day.
Thank you, Talen.
As angry as I’d been at him earlier, I was even more grateful to him now.
I watched Mom eat more of her breakfast. It was like this new decision had been a relief to her too. As she grew sleepy again, I told her, “Get some more rest. I’m going to find the doctor and start getting everything set up for you.”
Her eyes closed but opened again. “Please tell me what else is wrong with you.”
A fist squeezed my heart. “Everything else is perfect.” My fingers went to my left hand before I remembered I’d stuffed the rings into my pocket yesterday.
“Okay.” She didn’t look convinced but appeared too tired to argue as her eyes slowly closed.
As I left, I knew she didn’t believe my lie. She could always see right through me. She knew something else was bothering me, and it was. Talen had been occupying my mind more often than I liked. Despite worrying about my mom, I couldn’t seem to keep him out of my head. I replayed our last conversation so many times that I thought I was going to drive myself insane.
Part of me really thought I did the right thing. He let his father trash talk me. He didn’t say a single word in my defense. He wasn’t the man I thought he was. And still, he came to the hospital. He showed up not long after I did, and he wanted to wait with me, but I sent him away.
Maybe I was the cold and heartless one.
CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN
Talen
I hadn’t spoken to Dani since she kicked me out of the hospital. I thought about calling, if only to check on her mom, but I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone. She had been scared when I left her that day. I could see it in her eyes. She was terrified that her mother might die, and I didn’t help her through it. She told me to leave, and I listened. She said she didn’t care about me, and I believed her.
Still, I wasn’t angry. I put enough money in her account to make sure she’d always be taken care of, and I moved forward with the annulment. I had the papers ready, but I hadn’t sign them yet. I couldn’t. Not yet. Not then. Instead, I held onto them and hoped that I might hear from Dani again. I hoped she would reach out and tell me what happened with her mom. She never did, and I couldn’t blame her. I screwed up that day with my father. I had the chance to defend Dani, and I let it pass me by. I spoke up too late, after she was already gone.
For days, I felt weak and hopeless. I lost Dani, and I lost my place in the company, all in the same day. My life had never felt more pointless than it did that week. I spent all of Tuesday and Wednesday sitting in my apartment alone. It wasn’t until Thursday afternoon that I finally dragged myself out of bed and drank a tall glass of water. My throat was painfully dry, and my stomach empty as a pit. The water hit me like a rock, but I drank it all.
When I was done, I forced myself to eat. It didn’t taste good, but I needed food. As much as I missed Dani, I couldn’t just let my depression swallow me whole. If I did, there would be no point to anything ever again. I still had a life. Friends. My mom. There were still people who counted on me to
be Talen Gaston. As I remembered this, my mind turned immediately to Brandon. I hadn’t seen him since our boat ride when he called Dani a hooker. I was still mad at him for it, but I didn’t care anymore. I would have to let go of my anger, because I needed a friend. I needed him.
I picked up my phone and dialed his number. He answered on the third ring. His voice sounded hoarse and exhausted. I knew he’d been drinking. I could always tell from the way he answered the phone if he had a hangover or if he was still drunk. Both were good signs to me that morning. The only thing I wanted to do was run away from my life. I wanted to party and forget all about Dani and my epic failures.
“Want to go grab a steak?” I asked by way of hello. “Tonight.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” he said. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“Great,” I said and hung up.
I wasn’t in the mood for small talk. All I wanted was to make a plan and stick to it. I still had hours before Brandon would be here. I thought about going back to sleep, but I’d been sleeping for days, and it was the last thing I wanted to do. I showered and got dressed, determined to keep myself upright until the night began.
When Brandon finally arrived in a limo, I was more than ready to escape my apartment. Brandon brought two bottles of whiskey, and I brought my own bottle of tequila. I’d sworn off tequila so many times before, especially after my drunken marriage to Dani. That night though, I didn’t care. It felt amazing as it burned a path down my throat to my stomach. It was like it was burning away all my sadness and every bit of my depression. I used it to drown out thoughts of Dani and to numb my heart and my brain.
It didn’t work.
After the steak dinner, I was ready to head home, but Brandon had something else in mind. When the limo pulled up to the same strip club where I’d met Dani, I immediately said, “Hell, no.”