by Michele Hauf
“I want her. I will go to her.”
Yes, he’d kiss her. And it would be as it always had been.
Or he would sooner die.
* * *
Bella sorted through the negligee drawer. She normally slept in the buff, but she’d been wearing pajamas lately because it was cold in bed at night.
Severo had been sleeping in the chair so he wouldn’t accidentally rub up against her. He probably believed she didn’t know, but she was aware in the middle of the night, when her sleep grew light, that he watched her. From afar.
She shivered and swallowed a desperate need to cry.
“You’re stronger than this, Bellybean.” Using Seth’s nickname for her, she released a teardrop, which slid down her cheek. “Suck it up. You have far worse things to deal with than a confused boyfriend.” Like how to deal with what she was becoming. She could feel it.
She traced her throat and then her chest. There, at the base of her lungs, was where the pining had first surfaced. It was a burning, like heartburn, but not. It wanted. Craved. And it needed to be slaked.
“The blood hunger,” she whispered, her lower lip wobbling. “I don’t want to do this. I can’t drink blood. It would be so much easier…” If she had support.
“Bella?”
Tugging the pink silk nightgown from the drawer and clutching it to her naked body, she turned to find Severo on the other side of the bed. Leather pants, chest bare, looking so handsome. So fine.
Yet no longer yours.
“Is something wrong?”
“Yes, everything,” he replied heavily. A sigh lifted his shoulders. He prowled around the bed to her side. He hadn’t stood so close to her in days. Tentatively, he lifted a hand and traced a finger down her arm. The heat of him, his musky male scent cloyed. Her skin tensed in anticipation. “I’ve been cruel to you.”
The confession stirred her hope. But Bella was not quick to clutch it. “With good reason.”
“No.” He touched the silk fabric hanging over her forearm. “I’ve succumbed to an ingrained belief. I should not look to the past. I must move beyond. My world, my beliefs and prejudices, are formed, but I need to think about what I am willing to accept. What I think I should believe. I need to change my thinking. You should not go through this alone.”
“You really feel that way?” The heat of his body poured over her like a desert sun, warm and rich. Could she melt against him without fear of him stiffening and pushing her away? “I just need you…to hold me.”
“I can do that.”
He embraced her, drawing her against his chest. The thin silk garment slid to the floor, and they stood flesh to flesh. But Bella did not fool herself into thinking he did not flinch. He did. And the embrace was noticeably stiff.
But it was a start.
“You’ve been feeling the hunger,” he whispered. “I can see it torment you at night.”
He smoothed her hair, and she remembered how she’d felt so safe in his arms. She wanted to know that feeling again.
“The hunger will only increase,” he said. “I’ve no means to understand or deal with what is going on inside you. I think I need to contact a friend.”
“Someone who knows about the transformation?”
“A vampire.”
“But you called him a friend?”
“That may be too generous a term. I’ve mentioned him before. He is the one vampire in this world I respect. He was once a brain surgeon, and though he heads tribe Kila now, he has fought for peace between the vampire and witch nations. I admire him for his values.”
“So you can accept a vampire.”
He tilted up her chin. “I will accept a vampire. And I love you, so don’t think I could ever stop.”
“I think you’ve already stopped.” She lifted her quavering chin bravely. “You just don’t realize it yet.”
“That’s cruel, Bella. I love you.”
Hearing the words forced her to swallow back tears. She nodded. “But it will be hard.”
“I won’t lie and tell you it’s going to be easy.”
“And I won’t push. I’m just happy to stand in your arms. Will you hold me until I fall asleep?”
“Yes.”
* * *
“I’ll talk to Bella and get back to you. Thank you, Ivan.”
Severo clicked the cell phone off and swiped a hand over his face.
So he was going through with this. He’d given Nikolaus Drake a call, the vampire he knew he could trust with the situation, but he’d been away in Africa. Instead, his son Ivan had taken the call. He was in Minneapolis for another few weeks.
After Severo explained the situation, Ivan agreed to help.
Not that it was his deal to go through with. It was all about Bella. Or it should be. He’d put on a good face the past few days. He’d even slept beside her last night, holding her, kissing her. But not on the mouth.
How desperately he wanted to make love to her, but she’d told him it was all right. She’d read his reluctance.
Why could he not get past this?
If he didn’t master his feelings now, they would not climb up from this chasm and when she did turn, he would never be able to accept her.
“What’s up?” Bella asked as she strode through the kitchen, a book in hand. She wore loose-fitting white yoga pants and a tank top that showed her peaked nipples beneath the fabric, and her hair was swept up in a neat ponytail.
“I spoke to Drake,” Severo said. “He’s out of the country, but his son Ivan is in Minneapolis.”
“Oh. And?”
“I trust the Drakes, Bella. You would be in good hands with either father or son. But with the son you have the added factor that his father is a vampire and his mother a witch. And that vampire father is a phoenix.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“A phoenix vampire has survived a witch’s blood attack and has an immunity to the sun. If you chose to accept the transformation, you will have that blood running through your veins.”
“This is my choice?”
“Can’t be anyone else’s.”
“But I thought there was no other option. I mean, madness doesn’t ring any of my bells, nor does suicide. I don’t want to do anything that’s going to see you hating me.”
He gripped the back of her head. “I love you.” Teeth bared, he snarled out the words, “I will always love you.”
“You can speak the words,” she said, “but I don’t see the truth in your eyes.”
That made him rear back and slam a fist against the kitchen counter. “Bella, I’m trying!”
“It’s okay. If you won’t have me as a bloodsucker, then I’ll have to learn to accept that.”
“You won’t do any such thing. How can I make you understand how I feel about you?”
“By being truthful.” She set down the book and crossed her arms over her chest. “Severo, you’re as scared as I am. Admit it. You’re losing the woman you fell in love with. I’m not the same, and I’m never going to be the same. And every time you look at me, you will see the horrors of your past.”
“It won’t be like that.”
“Just, please, look me in the eye.”
It was such a simple request, and yet he struggled to hold her liquid green gaze for longer than a second. In her eyes he saw so much. Their shared love. The good times, when they’d spent days making love until they were both too exhausted to rise for breakfast. And the teasing play. And the jealousy he felt whenever another man got close enough to breathe her air.
She is yours. Look at her.
Bringing up his chin, Severo found Bella’s pleading stare.
“You love me?” she asked.
He nodded.
“And you’re afraid?”
“I am. I…want it to be as it’s been, but it never will be. And what scares me the most is the werewolf will kill you first chance it gets.”
“It will not. I love the werewolf, and it loves me.”
“The werewolf takes off vampire heads with one swipe of a paw.”
“You can control it.” She hugged him and kissed his neck. “If you want to.”
If he wanted to? So easy as that, she thought.
Yet would he want to?
* * *
Bella kept a firm grip on the passenger-side door handle as Severo navigated the potholes on Highway 35W, which stretched to Minneapolis. He seemed unsure and frequently slowed to read the signs.
“You’ve not driven this road before, have you?”
He cast her a knowing smile.
“You’ve run here,” she decided.
“Saves on gas, and the wolf needs the exercise. I can make this distance in half the time it takes a car.”
“Well, aren’t you speedy on four legs.”
“Don’t worry. I’ve a driver’s license. I drive into town on occasion to stay in practice.”
“You navigated our small town pretty well.” She twisted on the seat and curled a knee up to her chest. “So, you’ve told me about Ivan. How does this all work? How long do you think it’ll take?”
“Ivan suggested a few days. The initial bite can take place right away, but you’ll then need to drink human blood. He intends to show you the ropes, which is generous of him. You’ll be in good hands, Bella. You could have just ventured out on your own, attacked a mortal and found your own way.”
“You’d never allow that.”
He smirked. “Only because I want what’s best for you.”
“You are what’s best for me, lover. Are you going to be there when we…do it?”
“I will not watch another man hold you in his arms and sink his teeth into you, Bella. I don’t think it would be comfortable for either of us, do you?”
The man did have a ferocious jealous streak. “Yes and no. I mean, I want you there for support, but it would be kind of squicky for you, I’m sure.”
“Squicky?”
“Yeah, squirm icky.”
He turned onto a highway off-ramp. “I’ll stay at a motel and pick you up when you call. Might be safer for Drake that way, too. I know if I get anywhere near him after the fact, I’ll want to rip his head off.”
* * *
Ivan Drake lived in a forty-second-floor penthouse in downtown Minneapolis. Bella swallowed during the elevator ride, because fast elevators made her ears pop.
As they waited before the door, she slid her hand into Severo’s. He leaned in and kissed her on the mouth—slowly, like he meant it—and she didn’t sense any disgust or repulsion. In a way, it was a goodbye kiss. Goodbye to the woman he knew, the woman she knew.
“It’s going to be fine,” he said and pressed his forehead to hers.
What she wouldn’t give to have back the randy, charming Severo who had once seduced her with suggestive moves and aggressive will. That charm was still inside him, but she would never be able to touch that part of him again.
“Just tell me what you think of me.”
“I love you, sweet.”
The endearment went a long way in reassuring her. Superficially. “I love you, too.”
Ivan opened the door to the vast penthouse. The foyer was stark white and modern, as was the living room beyond it. The man had to be rich, because, Bella thought, from what she could see, the place deserved to be in a magazine.
Ivan stood as high as Severo and was equally as built. What was with all these paranormals? They were all muscled and so sexy. He had dark hair that feathered about his ears and neck, a regal nose and piercing eyes, not to mention a friendly disposition.
Cripes, her lover was delivering her to a male model so she could suck on his neck and exchange bodily fluids. The rabbit hole kept getting weirder and weirder.
“You must be Belladonna Reynolds,” Ivan offered when Severo forgot the introductions. “Come in, the two of you, and sit down.”
Severo put his hands on her shoulders, pulling her to him. “I won’t be staying.”
“Oh, of course. I could have a car take Belladonna home,” Ivan offered to Severo.
“No, I’ll pick her up when…” Severo let the end fizzle.
When? she thought. When she had become what he most hated?
“I trust your father,” Severo said to Ivan, his hold still firm upon her shoulders. He wasn’t ready to hand her over, and that reduced Bella’s anxiety. “He’s promised me that the same trust should not be lost on you.”
“I know your struggles with the vampires, Severo, and believe me, I appreciate the work you’ve done with the Council. If my father could have been here, he would have helped you. But I promise to be a complete gentleman, or my wife will come after me with some wicked magic.”
“You have a wife?” Bella hadn’t been aware of that. The squick quotient suddenly rose exponentially.
“Yes, she’s in Venice right now with her friend Lucy Morgan. Truvin’s wife,” Ivan said to Severo. At the mention of the name, Bella felt Severo’s body tense. “Truvin,” Ivan said to Bella, “is not one of Severo’s favorite vampires. But his wife is a charm. She’s involved in a sort of paranormal debunking venture right now. Dez, my wife, has been helping her with it. They keep the myth a myth, so to speak. It is a project that is invaluable to the safety of all paranormal nations. And Truvin—” Ivan cast a wink at Severo “—has mellowed greatly since the protection was dropped.”
“The protection?” she asked.
“The spell that made witch’s blood poisonous to vampires,” Severo said. “So do you intend to take her out and show her the ways of your kind…after?”
“If Belladonna wants to stay an extra day or two, I would be glad to,” replied Ivan. “If one can have a mentor, then it can make a difference for one’s entire future.”
“I agree.” Severo hugged Bella. “So I guess I should leave. Do you feel all right about this, sweet?”
Who could feel right about being left alone with a stranger whose only intent was to make you a vampire? The one creature her lover could not stand. A creature who lived on human blood. A creature.
Was madness such a better option?
“Yes, I’m good about this.”
She wished he would stay longer. Truthfully this didn’t feel anywhere near right. But what, since she had met Severo, had felt right?
Only him holding her in his arms, making love to her.
Would they ever make love again?
She slid around in Severo’s arms. Sensing that Ivan had stepped away to give them a moment alone, she bracketed her lover’s face with her hands, sliding her palms over his rough beard.
Remember this, the roughness of him, she told herself. His earthy scent. His whiskey eyes. The mouth she could get lost in.
“I haven’t been away from you since the day we met,” she said.
“That first full moon I was gone three days, sweet.”
“I’m going to miss you.”
“I will stay close by. Perhaps a few blocks away.”
“Thanks, but don’t worry too much. I’m a big girl.”
She kissed him and it didn’t matter who watched; she just needed to fall into him. One last time. Once more as a mortal woman who had crazily fallen in love with a werewolf.
Once more, and then forever.
Chapter 20
After a walk-through tour of the immense penthouse—there was even a lap pool—Ivan led Bella to the main room.
The living room had floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the city. It might be a nice view, but Bella avoided walking too close to the windows. She got a woozy feeling even when walking too close to the guardrails on the fourth floor at the Mall of America.
“Would you like something to drink?” Ivan asked.
“Maybe.”
His smile was warm and not at all creepy. Not a hint of fangs, either. “Wine? Or I have Evian.”
“I’m not sure.”
He crossed the room so quickly, she didn’t realize he’d moved until his presence loomed behind he
r. Bella didn’t see any drinks in his hands, which made her frown.
“Let’s get everything out in the open, shall we?” he offered. “I’m sure we’re both feeling awkward about this situation, yes?”
She nodded but avoided looking directly into his eyes. Last time that had happened… She refused to recall it.
“We don’t have to be comfortable with it, but know I do genuinely want to help you. My father reveres Severo and would do anything for him. You have nothing to fear from me. And if at any time you do start to experience fear or get uncomfortable, just say so. We’ll take this at your pace.”
“But I just have to drink your blood to make the change, right?”
“Right.”
“So we should just do it and get it done with.”
“I’m going to pour us some wine first.”
Ivan padded toward the kitchen and Bella followed, to sit on a bar stool across from the counter. He opened a glass-fronted wine cupboard.
“I don’t want it to feel like some kind of pseudo-seduction,” he said. “Trust me, I love my wife, and I would never betray her. But we’re going to be about as intimate as a couple can be without removing their clothes.”
“Oh good.” She blew out a breath. “I can keep my clothes on.”
Ivan smiled and set two goblets before her. “I would insist you stay clothed. Do you know about vampires and their bites?”
“Just that it is what they must do to survive. And that it hurts like a mother.”
“Yes, blood is the life.”
She nodded, recalling how Seth had waxed lyrical over Elvira’s bite. She didn’t recall her own bite. Everything from that night was a blur, save those blue eyes.
“Do vampires hypnotize people? Make them want to be bitten?”
“Ah, the persuasion. It’s not hypnosis, but an actual persuasion of the mind. Some call it the thrall. If you gaze into a vampire’s eyes, you will be caught.”
“Yep, I know how that one works.”
“And when a vampire bites someone, the victim is not in pain for long. They experience the swoon, which is…orgasmic.” He slid a half-full goblet toward her. “And when you bite me, well…I, in turn…”