by Неизвестный
‘It’s the last thing you see when you’re mad about some-one,’ Trish said ruefully.
‘God!’ he cried with feeling. ‘Don’t I know that! I’ve told myself there are too many differences between us, that our ages are too far apart, our lives complete opposites, that I don’t want to be overwhelmed by emotional uncertainty. . . I’m used to taking risks, but this is ridiculous!' He shook his head in self-reproach. ‘I’m just not listening to sense. Nothing I tell myself makes any difference. I know I’m acting illogically but I’ve no power to stop myself!’
She stiffened. Slowly she turned to stare at him. His hand caressed her cheek in a gesture both gentle and yet trembling with suppressed passion. It was as if-She jerked back in alarm, stunned by her whirling, deceiving imagination.
‘From...’ She hardly dared to ask. But the words spilled out recklessly, in a husky little voice. ‘From what?’
‘Wanting you. Being obsessed by you.’
Her hands clasped together convulsively as she searched his face for confirmation that she’d heard right. Wanting. Obsession. Her heart thudded rapidly and disappointment permeated her whole being. It was less than she wanted, more than she’d expected.
‘You can’t feel like that about me. . . ’ she began weakly.
‘I can! God, I can! I’ve wanted you from that moment you walked in the door at the age of sixteen, your hair like black glass, eyes as blue as the sky, a smile on your face so radiant and joyful that I couldn’t breathe for a moment.’
Astonishment softened her mouth as the words tumbled out in rapid succession. She shook her head in disbelief.
‘But...you were so formal and polite——’
‘I had to be,’ he said, his eyes warm with a heartstopping tenderness. ‘I felt as if I’d been hit by a train. I put it down to...well, you can imagine. Lack of sex, emotional hunger, and a need to indulge in a normal relationship... It’s none of those—and never was.’
‘Christine...’ Her throat closed in horror. His wife had been ill and he’d thought only of sex with the nearest available person.
‘We never truly loved one another,’ he told her in a low voice. ‘We had a good marriage based on deep affection. Never passion. I did care for her, Trish. I loathed myself for thinking about you and I denied my feelings for you because of the situation-and because of my regard for Christine.’
‘Why did you marry her if you didn’t love her?’ she demanded, appalled by the terrible lie he’d lived. ‘You were only eighteen with the whole of your life ahead of you! It was wrong!'
‘Life isn’t that simple, Trish! I needed her. Needed someone. She’d been through a messy divorce and had a small child——Petra. We both wanted security, both knew the score. And I was faithful. It was enough till you came along,’ he said, jerking out the words in short, sharp bursts of breath. ‘I think she knew what I was going through. Several things she said at the time make me almost sure of that——though I refused to talk about you or acknowledge my feelings, even to myself.'
Trish stared at him, stunned. She remembered the conversations with Christine, how the older woman had praised Adam’s good qualities, hugged her fondly and said in a joking way——as she’d thought at the time—how Trish and Adam were soul mates.
Then Christine’s last words came to her mind. ‘Darling, love Trish.' Had that been an attempt to give her blessing to something she'd suspected all along? Christine knew! she thought in amazement. Adam’s wife had sensed what Trish had felt and was hoping she and Adam would get together in time.
‘Christine loved us both,’ she began, trying to come to terms with the revelation. ‘It was a sentimental hope—’
‘It was more than that!’ Adam cried roughly. ‘She knew us both well. I’d seen her watching us, hoped she hadn’t seen the way I was looking at you. But she knew——and she wanted us to feel free to be together. I’ve only just realised that, Trish. I fought my feelings and tried to forget you. I thought I’d found the ideal wife in Louise because we got on well in the office and shared a common interest in our work... I thought she was all I wanted. I was wrong. Seeing you brought passion back to my life, made me see. what I was missing. I want to know everything about you. I am fascinated by all you do. My mind and my body are obsessed with you. No one else and nothing else takes priority. I told you, Trish, that I’d made a mistake in going for second best——’
‘I——I thought you meant I was second best!’ she said in small, strangled tones, staggered——·overwhelmed—by his vehemence.
‘Not you! Trish——’
He’d slid his hands around to her back. Bewildered, needing space to absorb what he’d said, she ducked away and backed up to the fence.
‘What do you want from rne?’ she wailed, her mind occupied with one thought: that he’d said nothing of love. Incredible though it was, he desired her, she didn’t doubt that. That, however, was all he was offering. And she couldn’t trust him. There could be no love without trust. His eyes glittered. ‘Everything.’
A moan broke from her lips as an unseen hand seemed to reach in and twist her stomach. It was ironic. This was what she’d longed for. She was on the brink of flinging herself into his arms. It would be so easy to agree. But now she had become more wary. How long would a relationship with him last? He’d soon tire of her. As he’d said, they had little in common. At what stage of her pregnancy—or her child’s life—might he take off with someone else who inexplicably obsessed him? ‘
She shivered. The risks were too great. Where once she might have taken the chance, in exchange for precious time with Adam, she had a greater responsibility now. Her baby had made a difference. She must nurture it, protect it and not subject it to a series of failed relationships. She had to be one hundred per cent sure. Nothing less.
‘Wanting isn’t enough!' she jerked out.
‘It is for me,’ he said simply, and under his breath added,
‘God help me.’ .
‘Lust is no basis for a relationship!’ she muttered angrily.
‘lt’s more than that. lt always has been. Don’t pretend you haven’t always wanted me, watched me, come close to me—’
‘No!’ she whispered, appalled at the terrible accuracy of his accusation.
‘I’m the same,’ he declared roughly. ‘I think of you all the time. Have to touch you, speak to you——’
‘But, Adam...I’rn all wrong—’
‘Tell my brain and my body that! I’m in desperate need of an injection of common sense,’ he bit out. They stared at one another for a while. Trish’s eyes were enormous, her heavy fringe of lashes fluttering in confusion. ‘God, you’re so...b——’ he took a deep breath ‘-beautiful? he said, on an outrush of air, as if emotion had robbed him of fluent speech.
She quivered, incredibly weakened by the touching chink in his armour. His eyes bored into hers. He took a step towards her and she found herself unable to move.
‘It’s madness? she whispered, wanting it, willing her protest to be overridden. He was free now, she told herself. They might have a chance. .. Her heart thudded. She, Adam and their baby. All her dreams could come true-·if he was genuinely serious. Not otherwise.
‘I’ve had enough of being sensible,’ he growled. ‘Of wrestling with my conscience and arguing that you should be with younger men—even your boyfriend who doesn’t damn well deserve you! I agonise over the fact that you and your perfect, flawless body and enviable youth shouldn’t be wasted on a man of my age!’ he continued savagely, his entire face suffused with passion. ‘I want you, and if all my instincts are right, you want me too.’
'Adam, age doesn’t matter to me but you surely must want someone sophisticated and-’
‘I want you!’ he muttered, his unwavering gaze merciless as it pinned her in place. ‘I won’t listen to anything you say, any objection you put. I don’t care what havoc we wreak. I’m beyond all that. If I don’t take you in my arms, kiss you, touch you, make love to you, I'll destr
oy myself with wanting.'
Another step. She felt her legs buckle at his resolve. And then his hands were resting on the fence either side of her body. Trapping her.
‘What...are you doing?’ she mumbled, breathing only with difficulty.
He studied her for heart-stopping seconds. ‘Testing.’
‘Testing?’ she repeated jerkily.
'The fence.’
Yet, judging from the way he scrutinised her, he was testing something else. Noting the hugeness of her eyes. The trembling of her mouth—and the way it had swollen expectantly. The relaxing of her facial muscles, the tell~tale little catches in her breath, the wild beating of her heart which he surely must hear. She was aware of all those. He must be too.
Now she registered fully the changes in him. This wasn’t the Adam she knew. This was someone who’d stripped away all pretence of civilisation, leaving nothing but raw need. An unbending, single—minded Adam, who’d stop at nothing to get what he wanted.
Thrilled and scared, she gazed up at him, transfixed by his resolve. Slowly his lips parted. He remained very still, but energy rippled through him, waiting to be released. Her whole being seemed to be waiting for him to break the intolerable tension between them.
‘I want to lay you out on the grass,’ he said in a harsh, emotion-charged whisper. ‘Feel the softness of your hair between my fingers. Bury my face in that soft skin between your neck and your smooth shoulders and smell your sweetness. Sink my mouth into your breasts and taste each nipple with my tongue. Slide my hands down the curves of your back, mould them around your hips...’
Hoarseness thickened his speech. He paused, swallowing, both of them breathing hard from his words and the intensity of his gaze which had swept over her hair, her throat, shoulders, breasts, taut nipples, waist and hips as he had spoken...
Trish tried to speak. Not a word came from her. Only a small, feral moan sounded in her throat. He wasn’t even touching her, she thought, trembling from head to foot in an agony of anticipation. Yet she was aroused in every fibre of her being.
The heat was pouring from her body and it seemed as though she was liquid in each sinew, bone and pore...and deep inside her she could feel the moistness flowing for him, centring her whole concentration on that aching, throbbing core.
An inch or two separated them. It was purely the incredible force field and the extraordinary chemistry between them that kept her his silent and willing prisoner.
‘I won’t let you reject me again,’ Adam said with a soft and ruthless determination. ‘I don’t care what happens. I can’t stay away from you. I think of you all the time.'
Suddenly he moved with a swiftness that left her gasping, pulling her masterfully into his arms, locking her to him, his breath warm on her uptumed, yearning face as he said raggedly, ‘I only want you. To be with you. To laugh and share confidences with you...’
She wilted in his arms, all too easily persuaded, lost to his ardour, wanting all those things he’d spoken of. His hands came up to clasp her head and he bent to kiss her. The sudden hardening of his mouth against hers brought a helplessness so acute that she thought she might faint. And yet...
‘No!’ she said suddenly, pulling away, her eyes frightened and startled like those of a hunted animal. She was scared of loving him. Loath to be railroaded into surrender and then hurt. ‘You can’t come back here and pick up where you left off! How do I know your relationship with Louise is over? Maybe you just want someone in your bed while you’re over here———’
‘Hell, Trish!’ he muttered roughly. ‘What do I have to do to convince you?’
‘I don’t know,’ she answered with a helpless little movement of her hands. ‘I want to believe you...’
She struggled with her conscience. One part of her was urging her to tell him about the baby and secure his commitment. The more sober part was warning her that she could trap them both in a loveless situation which would bimg nothing but grief.
She stared at him, trying to weigh him up. He remained stiff and silent, watching her with a wariness that did nothing to ease her suspicions. Was he worried that she’d sussed him out——and that he’d have to find someone else who’d fall for his convincing line of chat? —
Look at him, she said to herself. Gorgeous. Rich. Mr International. Get real! Whatever would a man like that want with a woman like you?
His mouth was tightening. It always did that when he didn’t get his own way. There was a hardness about his eyes and a quickness in his breathing which surely meant he was annoyed. Well, let him be! she decided. Knowing she was throwing away a chance in a million, she steadied her own breathing and prepared to tell him she wasn’t available for romps in the hay.
He forestalled her, probably reading her body language.
‘I’ll make you as obsessed with me as I am with you,’ he said harshly. ‘You will want me. You will need me, I promise you! And now excuse me.’ He began to stride away. ‘I need to prepare for Lucy,’ he called, with a dark, backward glance which chilled her to the bone.
CHAPTER FIVE
As she mixed butter cream and spread it on top of the chocolate cake, Trish listened to the sounds from Adam’s room: Lucy’s squeals of laughter, and his rich voice murmuring so softly that Trish couldn’t hear what was being said. Bitterly she realised that he was flirting with Lucy on purpose. He was punishing her. Deliberately, cruelly, exquisitely. Angrily she cleared up, hating herself for the consuming jealousy that gripped her. At least, she thought miserably, this was proof that she’d made the right decision in turning down Adam’s pass. He had no scruples!
She’d have to warn Lucy that he wasn’t to be trusted. Adam mustn’t repopulate Bryher island all on his own! she thought angrily.
A while later—sixty-nine minutes, she frowned, checking her watch—she heard the phone ring in his room. Apparently it had disturbed them because, shortly after, Adam and Lucy appeared in the kitchen.
Trish took one look at Lucy’s brilliant eyes and her flushed, radiant face, and turned away, unable to speak for distress.
‘We’ve made a great start!’ declared Adam with satisfaction.
‘Hurray,’ muttered Trish, shaken by the adoring look which Lucy was beaming towards him.
The girl blushed and shyly left, stuttering her thanks.
‘You might have shown some interest? Adam said testily when she’d gone. ‘She’s thrilled-—’
‘So I saw!’ Trish snapped, hating herself, hating him.
‘Wait a minute? He whirled her around ‘What’s the matter now? What am I supposed to have done?’
‘You’re fooling around with Lucy!’ she hissed. ‘Using her! You rat! I could hardly help hearing all that squealing and giggling. Oh, don’t pretend!’ she fumed, when he stared at her in astonishment. ‘You were trying to make me jealous, to—’
Adam froze. He caught Trish’s arms and turned her to face him. ‘I wouldn’t be that spiteful!’ he said angrily. ‘Do you really think I’m like that? You know that Lucy is terminally shy! How am I to teach her anything if she doesn’t relax? I typed a few jokes on the computer. Got her to communicate with me on screen. She was ecstatic, Trish!
For the first time in her life she was able to have a normal conversation!’
‘You...you were 1aughing...’ she said uncertainly, startled that he was so genuinely shocked by her accusation. Was she wrong? He seemed so offended...
‘Yes, we laughed. She’s damn funny! And she went away on wings! You saw her. I know how she felt! Don’t you realise what it meant to her, to feel like a normal human being for once?’
Trish swallowed, upset that her paranoia over Adam had made her jump to the wrong conclusion. ‘I’m terribly sorry,’ she said humbly. ‘You stormed off, saying you’d make me want you... I thought—’
‘There are plenty of ways I can prove that I’m serious about you without involving Lucy,’ he said quietly. She hung her head. ‘Please, please forgive me! I believed all kinds of d
readful things about you. I’ve been very stupid.’ She lifted her face, tears of distress in her eyes. ‘Thank you for helping Lucy.' Her voice wavered. ‘You’ve done more for her in a short time than I have in months. You’re very kind and thoughtful and I’m terribly grateful to you for going to all this trouble. I care about Lucy. I wish I could take back everything I said, all the things I thought!’
she mumbled, close to tears. ·
He sighed. ‘I wish you’d trust me, Trish. I’m doing my best to show you how committed I am. Hey! Don’t cry!’
he crooned, when she began to sniff. He took her in his arms and laid her head against his chest, stroking her hair. After a few moments, when she sounded calmer, he gently kissed the top of her head. ‘I hate to see you cry,’ he said huskily.
She looked up and he kissed her salty mouth with great tendemess. She’d been a fool. He did care. ‘Oh, Adam!’
she breathed, lifting her arms and kissing him hard. Briefly he responded, then pushed her away with an expression of regret. ‘l shouldn’t be here,’ he said ruefully.
‘I’ve just had a call saying that some parcels are waiting for me at the quay—and they’ll need picking up immediately. Wait there,’ he said, kissing the tip of her upturned nose. ‘Wait there, my darling, and I’ll be back before you know it.’
She smiled, watching him hurry away. He’d called her his darling. Gleefully she hugged herself, and skipped around the kitchen. Darling. Perhaps... She paused. Adam found it hard to acknowledge his emotions. He’d just made a huge step in calling her that. Maybe he couldn’t say the
‘L’ word—yet. But it might only be a matter of time. Then she’d tell him about their baby. He’d be stunned at first, then his face would break into a grin of pride and he’d hold her tightly——no, carefully——and—
Her fantasies were interrupted by a weird noise coming from upstairs-one of his machines. Hurrying up, still dreamily thinking of the wonderful moment when Adam would know he was going to be a father, she pushed open his bedroom door. Nothing was wrong at all. A fax message was chattering its way out of his portable computer. She was about to leave when her eye was caught by a picture of wedding bells on the scrolling paper. Something made her stop and retrace her steps. Curious, she bent to read the message... She froze in horror.