by Lotus Rose
Billphomet pouted.
Macho continued, “I need to find out if you’ve seen a female poni come through here today. She has a tramp stamp and is named Dust. Did she come through?”
Billphomet shook his head. “Nobody has been through here for over a week.”
“You’re sure?”
“Oh, absolutely! It is my duty to guard the bridge for my dark mistress. No one comes through here without me knowing about it.”
“Oh, okay. Well I guess I’ll just wait here until she gets here.”
Billphomet pouted again, then asked, “Don’t you want to hear my riddle?”
“But I don’t need to cross, so I don’t need to hear it.”
Billphomet looked like he was about to cry. “Oh come on! You’ll like it. Don’t be a spoilsport!”
“Well, can I think about the answer, then answer later? If I’m gonna answer a riddle, I want to try to get it right.”
Billphomet grinned. “Of course! Are you ready?”
Macho nodded.
“Okay,” said Billphomet. “Harken to my riddle: what grows colder as it melts?”
Macho thought for a few minutes while Billphomet watched his face, but Macho couldn’t think of the answer. Finally, Macho said, “I’ll have to think about it.”
“It’s a pretty cool riddle isn’t it? I made it up myself.”
To be polite, Macho answered, “Yes, very cool.”
“Do you praise me?”
“Um, sure.”
“I have a song, too. A very evil song. Do you want to hear it?”
“Um, sure.”
Very evil guitars started to play along with blastbeat drumming. Billphomet put on a scowl, then started grunting deathmetal style vocals, and the voice actually reminded Macho a lot of the Chill-Aid Man. Macho couldn’t understand a single word the goat grunted, but he did notice that Billphomet bleated evilly near the end of it.
When the song was over, Macho said, “I couldn’t understand a single word you said.”
Billphomet rolled his eyes. “Well you’re not really supposed to, but I can tell you the lyrics of the song called:
Praise the Infurnal Goat
Praise the dark princess, corrupt and golden-haired,
Who brought us the dark when she no longer cared.
I wear her mark upon my head,
And voice my greetings to the dead.
Praise the infurnal goat, who is me.
Embrace necrofeelya and blasphemy!
Bring down the Kingdom of Pastel,
And burn it in the fires of helllllll!!!!!
BAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!
Nod your head and praise the goat,
Undead warriors of the night.
Topple the Kingdom of Pastel.
Macho felt the evil of the lyrics seeping into him and he found them oddly compelling. Self-consciously he looked down at his legs. There was no more pastel left—it was all gray.
Macho looked at Billphomet then said, “Those are some sick lyrics. But I have a question though. What does ‘necrofeelya’ mean?”
“Oh, that’s when the undead cuddle.”
Macho nodded. “Oh. And what does ‘blasphemy’ mean?”
“It’s when you use curse words.”
“Like ‘mofo?’”
“No, like, cunt, slut, pussy, bastard, and shit.”
“Oh. I don’t know what any of those words mean.”
Billphomet nodded.
“So…” Macho said, “What does ‘cunt’ mean?”
But just then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something.
On the horizon, four gray four-legged figures were walking.
CHAPTER 11
Reunited
Macho watched the approaching figures without saying a word. They were coming from the opposite direction Macho had come from, so they had obviously chosen a different route. As they got closer, he recognized Dust—her tail and mane had turned dirty silver and the rest of her was gray. Next to her was Darkeyes with his horned hairstyle. There were also two other male undead ponies who he didn’t recognize.
Dust smiled at him briefly and Darkeyes scowled the whole time. Macho noticed that Darkeyes was wearing a saddle.
Billphomet stood in front of the bridge behind Macho, as Macho walked up to meet the undead ponies. Darkeyes snarled, then said, “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I came to bring Dust back.”
Darkeyes laughed. “How do you propose to do that? She’s undead now.”
Macho looked at Dust, and noticed her eyes now looked like cat’s eyes. He replied, “I…don’t know how I’ll do it, but I’ll find a way. You’ve kidnapped her and I’m going to free her. I’ll fight you if I have to.”
Darkeyes chuckled, then said, “We haven’t kidnapped her. She came voluntarily, didn’t you, Dust?”
“Yes,” answered Dust. “You shouldn’t have come here, Macho, but I’m so flattered you did. You cared about me so much that you became undead to find me?”
“Yes,” answered Macho. “Well, I died of a broken heart. I don’t just care about you, Dust. I love you.”
“Wow,” Dust said. “You really must. I love you too.”
Macho found himself grinning uncontrollably.
Dust grinned back—she had the sharp incisors of the undead. “But,” she said, “I have to go to the castle and meet with the Princess. It’s part of the deal we made.”
“What are you talking about, Dust? What deal?”
Dust giggled, then said, “I’ll tell you, but first you gotta check out the change I made to my tramp stamp. Check it out.” She presented her side to Macho.
Now he could see that the tramp stamp symbol now had two horns drawn on top. It was identical to the symbol on Billphomet’s forehead: a broken heart inside a circle with two horns.
He gasped. “Dust, what are you doing? You did that on purpose?”
“Of course, I’m one of the undead now. The symbol is called the corruptagram. I came to the dark side on purpose. It was part of the deal.”
“What deal?”
“Clint made a deal with Darkeyes. They traded me for a bunch of shipments of chocolate mints to be smuggled over the Jagged Line.”
Darkeyes laughed, then said, “So Clint got Dust to cross over in order to meet the Princess, but I’m glad to say I screwed Clint over. He didn’t get any more chocolate mints from me! Did you know he made me act like I was scared of him that one time he crossed the line? So he got what he deserved.”
Macho suddenly understood Clint’s behavior. “So the only reason Clint helped me chase you was so he could get revenge?”
“It seems that way,” Darkeyes said.
Macho started to plead with Dust, “Please, let me take you back! We’ll find a way! Anything is possible if you believe! Come back to the pastel side! Please, I love you, Dust!”
Dust shook her head, then said, “I wish I could, but I can’t. I have to bring my half of the broken heart pendant to the Princess. She has the other half. It’s my destiny, Macho. It’s what I was born for.”
“Please Dust,” Macho pleaded, “you don’t have to do anything! They didn’t even fulfill their half of the bargain! I love you, don’t you see? Come with me. I never want to be apart from you!”
“You say you love me, but after a day or so in the DarkKingdom, you will be completely transformed and you won’t care anymore. They don’t have love here. But maybe we can hang out. We can just spend our days having fun and eating chocolate mints! You just have to wait a little bit.”
“I don’t ever want to stop loving you!” Tears streamed down Macho’s face. The other undead ponies rolled their eyes. “I won’t let you go across that bridge! Soon it will be too late, and I can’t let that happen! I’ll find a way! And if our love will only last a day, I want to be with you the whole time.”
Dust glanced at Darkeyes, who nodded, then she said
, “Okay, I’ll stay for a day. Darkeyes and the others can wait for me. We can share our last moments of love together, and it’ll be enhanced by the chocolate mints.” Dust went to the saddle on Darkeye’s back and opened a pocket. She brought out a piece of chocolate candy, then chewed it and swallowed it. She brought another piece of candy out with her mouth and held it out to Macho, who grabbed it in his mouth but didn’t chew it.
Dust said, “Please eat it, Macho. You remember when you had mints before, right? Remember how pleasurable they were? If you love me, you’ll eat it. It’ll make our love even stronger.”
Macho flipped the candy into his mouth, then began to chew. He felt a swoosh of cold throughout his mouth as the candy began to melt, then he swallowed it. He was suddenly reminded of the cold feeling in his mouth he’d felt after kissing Badunkadunk and Dust at the promenade. He wondered if he’d been set up back then. Had Dust intoxicated him on purpose?
He felt a wave of euphoria and started grinning dopily. He was finding it difficult to continue his line of thought.
He stared at Dust and she smiled at him. She walked up to him and kissed him and Macho couldn’t help but kiss her back, knowing that it was perhaps the last time, and their tongues mingled and Macho felt the cold sensation again. Then he was dizzy and fell to the ground.
He lay with his face on the side of the ground, watching Dust and the other undead ponies walking away. He tried to rise to his feet but could only partially get up. And he watched in dismay as Dust talked with Billphomet. It looked like the goat was posing his riddle to her. Dust answered. Billphomet nodded, then stood aside to let the ponies cross the bridge.
And Macho called out to her, but she never turned around as they crossed the bridge, walked to the castle, and as the drawbridge lowered and they went inside.
After a few minutes, Macho was able to stand again. He staggered over to Billphomet, who said, “If you want to cross, you must answer my riddle.”
“Okay,” Macho said.
“What grows colder as it melts?”
“A chocolate mint.”
“Ah, very good. You have to be careful with those things you know. You don’t have as high a tolerance as that girl Dust seems to have.”
Macho nodded sadly. “I’ve got to catch up with them. Do you know where they went?”
“Yeah, they went to visit the Princess. Is she expecting you too?”
“No.”
“Well, you can talk to the guards, and if the Princess is in a good mood, she’ll see you.”
“Okay, thank you,” Macho said as he stepped onto the bridge. Then, out of curiosity, he turned around and asked, “Did Dust answer your riddle?”
“Yes, she did, but she gave a different answer from you. I’m not sure it really fit, but it was original. I liked it.”
“What was her answer?”
“She said: ‘A girl’s heart.’”
CHAPTER 12
The Princess
Macho walked unsteadily across the bridge, then up to the drawbridge of the castle. A guard poni on the top of the wall called down to him, “Are you Machoponi?”
Macho answered that he was.
The guard shouted, “The Princess wishes to see you! She said to tell you that Dust is with her.” The drawbridge was then lowered.
The guards inside the castle escorted Macho through the halls. He still felt quite intoxicated as he walked down the hallways, then into the throne room. On the far end of the large room, he could see Dust with her back turned to him. He didn’t see Darkeyes and the two other male undead ponies. Dust was standing in front of a very thin, blonde sixteen-year-old human girl who was sitting on a throne and blowing bubbles by dipping a wand into a bottle, then blowing through a circle in the wand. Macho had never seen a human being before, other than in books. One of the guards whispered into Macho’s ear, “That girl is the Princess.”
“Hello Machoponi!” the girl called out. “Come closer!”
The guards departed and Macho began walking forward. The sound of his hooves echoed off the marble floor.
Dust turned around and smiled as he approached.
The Princess wore a black corset with purple fringe and a long black dress—she had a tiara on her head and black lace gloves on her hands. Her eyes were heavily lined and she also wore black nail polish. Around her neck hung a pendant that looked nearly identical to Dust’s—it was a ruby in the shape of half a heart—a jagged line was on its left side, as if the other half of the heart had been torn away.
Macho stopped next to Dust, then bowed to the Princess. Bubbles floated and wobbled through the air. They would pop against him every once in a while.
The Princess put the bubble wand into the bottle, closed it, then set it on the inside edge of her throne. Macho could now clearly see how thin the Princess was. Her cheeks were sunken. She looked sick. But maybe it was okay for humans to look like that, he thought.
“I’m so glad to meet you,” said the Princess. “Dust has told me a little bit about you in the short time we’ve talked. I’m impressed by your dedication to her.”
Dust looked over at him and smiled, and Macho found he was suddenly unable to keep from blushing.
“Th-thank you,” he said.
“You’re welcome. So what do you think of the DarkKingdom?”
Macho didn’t want to risk offending the Princess, so he said, “It’s very nice.”
The Princess rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. What do you really think?”
“Well, it’s been a little dangerous for me, but I’ve only seen a small part.”
The Princess nodded. “Well, I control all its parts. I’m the Princess. You may call me, Megan, though.”
“Okay, Megan.”
“I bet you’ve never seen a human before. I’m the last one left. Can I ask you a question? Do I look fat to you? Everyone around here is scared to tell me the truth.”
“No, not at all.”
The Princess huffed. “You’re lying. I’ve put on a pound lately, but I haven’t eaten for three days now, so I should be okay soon.”
Macho simply nodded, scared to say the wrong thing.
The Princess looked at Dust and asked, “Do I look fat to you?”
“Just a little,” said Dust.
“See that wasn’t so hard. But anyway,” said the Princess as she looked back down at Macho. “Dust told me about you, and I truly am impressed. I think it’s so beautiful that you would try to rescue the one you love like that. You have love. All that love has ever done to me is hurt me. So I made it go away.”
“I don’t understand,” said Macho. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I’m the reason there is a DarkKingdom and why there are no more people anymore, don’t you know that?”
Macho shook his head.
The Princess scowled. “I guess you ponies over there in the pastel side don’t know much about me.”
Macho shook his head timidly.
“Well, you see there was a time long ago, way before you were born, when humans hung out with the ponies. I was alive way back then. But I got so sick of people. They really weren’t all that wonderful. So, one day, on my sixteenth birthday, they made me Princess for a Day, so I decided that as Princess, my first order of business was to make all the people go away and to make a dark kingdom to suit my dark heart. And I still sit here today, wallowing in darkness. But you pastel ponies probably have no idea what that’s like. You’re so bright and cheery, you probably don’t even understand what ‘wallowing’ means.”
Before Macho could ask her what wallowing meant, the Princess began to sing her mournful song:
Princess for a Day
“People told me to eat,
And each day to greet
All the others with a big smile.
Made me a princess,
For a day, a princess.
While I filled with the taste of my bile!
Go away
yyyy…I made them all go away.
Love, pastel, and people.
I made it all go away.
For a dayyyyy…made me Princess for a Day,
But they pissed me off too much,
So I made them all go away!
So, he loved me, he said,
‘Til the day that he’s dead,
But love was a poisonous flower!
Made me a princess,
For a day, a princess.
But they shouldn’t have tempted my power.
Ohh, go away, I made it all go away!
They made me Princess. Princess for a day.
So I made them all go away!”
“That’s a touching song,” Macho said when the Princess had finished.
Dust exclaimed, “That was beautiful!”
“Thank you,” replied the Princess, then she almost smiled.
“You’re welcome,” said Macho. “Now, I hate to impose, but since you’re the Princess and obviously have great power, is there any way you could help Dust and I get back to the PastelKingdom?”
The Princess thought for a moment. “Yes, I may be able to help, but you have to understand I can’t just make things go however I want them to. Sometimes we are not as in control of things as we would like to be.”
Macho nodded. “I can definitely relate.”
The Princess said, “Do you know the whole reason I set up the trade of mints in exchange for meeting Dust?”
“No. You were behind it all?”
“Yes. I just had to see Dust, because well, you see, Dust is kind of like the poni version of me. Our destinies are connected. We’re like soul-twins, and we each have one half of the amulet.” She grabbed the jagged pendant around her neck and lifted it away from her chest.
Macho was struck speechless. He had no idea what to say or think. He looked at Dust, but Dust was speaking to the Princess.
Dust said to the Princess, “What are you talking about? This is crazy! Where did the amulet come from? Why did it get broken in half? What do you mean by soul-twins?”
The Princess answered Dust, “You’re just the poni version of me—my ‘poni-me.’ Magic often does strange things. Like I’ve said, I don’t really have a lot of control over things. All I know is that the amulet, when it was whole, was given to me by my former lover. But he ended up breaking my heart. One day, soon after the DarkKingdom became dark, I broke the amulet in half on a rock. I kept one half and flung the other half across the Jagged Line—and since that day, love has been gone from the DarkKingdom.”