by Lee Rose
Chapter 12
“Quit your worrying, Alana,” Alicia said with impatience. She looked at Alana’s outfit for her date with Noah. “You’re too young to have permanent worry lines.”
Alana sat on the edge of the bed with her shoulders slumped. “This is a bad idea. My stomach is tied up in knots. I’m not ready for this. Go down there and tell Noah to forget it. Tell him I have the flu or something.”
“You look great, Alana. You are going to act like the brave, strong woman I admire,” Alicia stated firmly. At first Alicia wasn’t too thrilled with Alana’s news, but she grudgingly gave in.
“I did your makeup. Your dress covers every square inch of you. I’m sure even Papa will approve your dress,” she stated disgustedly, making Alana laugh. Alicia had picked out a sexy red dress, but Alana felt too self-conscious to wear it. She didn’t even know where they were going.
Alana looked down at her dark-purple dress. It reached her knees and was a little loose. The neckline was high and showed nothing. The sleeves were short at least. Her hair was loose. She took a deep breath and stood up.
“I can do this. I know Noah. He would never rush me into anything.” She knew she sounded like she was trying to convince herself. Maybe she was. “I told him I needed slow, and he agreed.”
“I may not like him, but he is different this time. More serious. Ray would never allow you to date someone dangerous,” Alicia said, sounding frustrated. “I made a date with Bobby Monroe. Ray went behind my back and threatened him with all kinds of things. Bobby wasted no time in canceling on me. What a wimp.”
Alana laughed at that picture. She had heard plenty of rumors about Bobby and his friends. They drank a lot and often got in trouble for starting fights. He had even been banned from the bar.
“Bobby has a wild rep, Alicia.”
“I know, but what if I like bad boys?”
“Do you?” Alana wanted to know. Alicia was young and pretty. She was outgoing and bubbly but also soft inside. She did her best to hide it from the world. Alana didn’t want to see her sister get hurt. Getting your heart broken sucked.
Alicia threw her hands up in the air. She gave her sister a frustrated look. “I don’t know. Ray won’t give me the chance to find out. I might have to look into online dating.”
“Don’t do that. You might meet a weirdo.” Alana laughed, hugging her sister.
“Okay, let’s go downstairs and face the family.” Alana led her out to the hallway and down the stairs.
Noah was already there talking to her father. He looked so handsome in a dark suit and white shirt. He kissed her knuckles when she reached the bottom step.
“You look beautiful, Alana.”
“Perfect,” her dad added proudly, and Alicia silently mouthed, “I told you so.”
Alana smiled and held on to Noah’s arm. They said their good-byes, and she followed him outside. Noah opened the passenger door and helped her in. She loved his manners and the way he always made her feel special. Problem was he probably made every woman feel that. He was a ladies’ man.
The drive to the next town took twenty minutes, but Morehouse was larger and had more to offer in the entertaining department. They even had a large nightclub, but she hoped they weren’t going there. She went with Alicia just before the robbery, but she had felt like a squished sardine in a can.
“I hope you like steak,” Noah said as he drove. He sounded a little tense and nervous. His shoulders were straight and tight. “Jack’s Outback has the best steak ever.”
“I do,” she answered. This was Noah, the man she had known for years. There was no need to be nervous. She forced herself to relax by taking a deep breath.
She told him the scene with Alicia in her bedroom. Soon she had Noah relaxing and laughing out loud.
“I feel sorry for any man your sister gets involved with. She is a firecracker for sure.” Noah laughed. “I walked around the charity ball with a red-stained shirt, listening to Cora whine and demand I buy her a new dress. Every corner I tried to hide in, I ran into Alicia or Cora. I got such a headache I left. If I had not been obligated to go, I would rather have stayed home.”
Alana laughed imagining snobby Cora with wine all over her. She owed her sister for that one.
“I know you went out with her because she has big boobs, but geez, they are so fake, Noah. Don’t men have any standards when it comes to women?”
He thought about it. “Not much, I guess. And I only went out with her twice, and that was enough. When she started flirting with me and making suggestive remarks, I felt nothing, but when I was with you, I became possessive, jealous, and I hated saying good-bye to you. That scared the shit out of me. I am not proud of what I did. I made a date with Cora, and that was wrong of me. Even as I was doing it, my stomach was tense. I had no idea she would flaunt it to you like that. Adam and Liam tore into me. Ray punched me, and I took it because I knew I deserved it. I had too much pride to beg you to forgive me.”
She tried to see things from his point of view. It was safer and easier to focus only on her hurt feelings, but she had to try to see how scared Noah had been. He was a dominant, strong man. For him to admit he had acted out of fear must be hard for him to do. He was willing to admit it out loud so she could understand he knew he did wrong and he had paid for it dearly. She could cling to her fear of getting her heart broken again, or she could reach out and take a chance.
“You did hurt me, Noah. Cora humiliated me. I couldn’t take it, so I got stuck in my own little bubble, letting my family deal with keeping you away from me. That was not a mature way to handle things. I just couldn’t face seeing you two together as a couple.” Confessing her feelings was hard, but they had to be honest if they wanted this to work out. “Despite all that, you never left my heart, Noah. I dated a few guys, but no one could make me forget you. I want another chance, too. It’s scary, though.”
He reached across the seat and grabbed her hand. She scooted closer to him. She breathed in his musky cologne and felt his body heat. She had missed him.
“I’m sorry, Alana. I couldn’t forget you either. When Drake told me you were hurt, my heart stopped beating for a second. In that moment I knew I was a fool for letting you go just because I was scared. Now we have a second chance, and I promise not to fuck that up again.”
“Okay.” She sighed. “Just give me time, Noah. It’s hard to trust you again. I still love you. I will not hide that from you, but I don’t know if you can be faithful, and that worries me.”
He stayed silent for the rest of the drive, and his face looked pained. She knew he was truly sorry, but that didn’t erase her doubts and fears. She was afraid she had hurt his feelings, but she had to be honest.
They arrived at the restaurant, and he looked calm again. Noah held on to her hand until they reached the table. A small candle was lit, and it gave the table a warm glow she found romantic. She knew Noah, so she wasn’t nervous about being around him. She had had two dates in the last six months, and they had been okay, but neither man had made her feel like Noah did.
She ordered a chicken salad, and he frowned. “You need more than a salad, baby. I worry about your health. You need red meat and some potatoes.”
That made her feel all warm and gooey inside. How many men encouraged women to gain weight? She gave in and let him do the ordering.
They spent the next hour getting comfortable with each other again. Soon it was like they had never spent time apart. The conversation was smooth and easy. She had him laughing in no time.
“You worked at Hooters in college?” His eyes were wide and automatically went to her large breasts.
It made her laugh out loud. “At least mine are real.”
He couldn’t look more shocked if she told him she was a centerfold model. Men. They were so easily impressed.
“Why did I never know this?” His brows were crinkled as if he had been missing vital information all along.
“I lied to my family and said
I waitressed at some diner. My dad and Ray would have thrown a fit,” she confessed in a low voice as if her family could hear. “It was fun, and I would do it again. The tips were awesome. I kind of miss it. Alicia is the only one who knows.”
“I can’t believe Ray didn’t go and check up on you,” Noah said, still in shock. “And no way are you working there again. I don’t want men drooling over my woman.”
“He and Drake visited me a few times when I had days off. I swore my roommate to secrecy.” Alana melted at his claim she belonged to him, but overlooked it. This was their first date. She would not just blindly throw herself into loving him again. “She had a crush on Ray, and I shamelessly used that to get her to cover for me.”
He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. “Ray invited me a few times when they visited you. There are a lot of clubs in Houston they liked going to, but even back then you were a dangerous temptation to me, so I pleaded duties at work. I would have punched any boyfriend you had. I tried not to sound too interested in your life up there. Now I am sorry for that.”
She smiled at his confession. She hadn’t known he even noticed her way back then. She had mooned over him but thought it hopeless.
“What did you major in?” he asked with real interest. They had flirted a lot in the past but never talked seriously. She liked talking to him. He was a good listener, and he had a serious side she had never noticed before. He was always joking around so she never saw his serious side.
“Business management. A lot of people think I only waitress, but I handle all the bookkeeping, payroll, and advertising, too,” she admitted. “I waitress part-time just because I like talking with other people instead of being stuck in the back office. Alicia wants to take over the advertising, and I know she will be great at it. She has a fresh, young viewpoint. She didn’t want to do college, but she has a flair for advertising and marketing.”
His eyes widened. “I am ashamed to admit that I didn’t know all that about you. When we went out together, all I could think was how sexy you were, and I spent half time thinking of ways to get you in my bed. Then I tried to list all the reasons why that was a bad idea and why I should stay away from you. Getting to know the real you never made the list.”
Alana felt her cheeks warm up. “Well those thoughts were in my head, too. We always hung out and joked and flirted with each other. Maybe that’s what was missing in the past. I have lusted after you for years, too. I never thought I could catch your attention. You were older and had your eyes on blondes only. Well, that is how it seemed.”
“Because dark-haired women reminded me of you too much. Ray and Drake went around intimidating any males that even looked your way. How could I tell them I found Ray’s baby sister attractive? Especially when I thought I didn’t want to settle down. I figured a few dates and we could part ways as friends. Boy, was I clueless.”
She wanted to ask if he was ready to settle down now, but she was too afraid of the answer.
Her stomach was so full. She finished only half the steak and left him the rest. “I need a nap.”
Noah laughed and signaled for the check. “No way, lazybones. There is a pretty little river that is all lit up. We are going to take a romantic walk. I am enjoying your company, Alana.”
She groaned but got up. Now she was glad she didn’t let Alicia talk her into heels. Her black flat shoes were comfortable.
The river was pretty, and a light, fresh breeze filled the night air. There was a huge stage with benches all in a row in the middle of the park. It was closed, but they sat on the stage steps. Noah hugged her and pulled her close to his big body. She felt safe and secure. If only she could have Noah by her side for always. She was afraid to hope.
“I missed you,” he said simply, but she heard his regret and his sincerity. “I felt your loss, and the worst thing was knowing it was my fault. I wanted to fix things, but I let my pride and my doubts stop me.”
She wanted to believe him. Her head and heart were in a silent war with each other, but she stayed quiet. She was afraid to trust wholly in what he claimed to feel.
“Do you know about Kari?” he asked.
She could hear the unhappiness in his voice, and it made her wonder if he still had feelings for Kari. She had been gone for seven years now.
She nodded. “Some. I heard the gossip. I don’t remember her much, though.”
“I thought what I felt was love. I begged her to stay, and she told me she needed more than I could give her. It dented my pride. I guess I never got over those words. She cheated on me constantly, but I kept trying with her anyway. It gutted me inside. I wanted to beg you to come back to me, but fear stopped me. What if you had moved on? What if you rejected me for revenge?” he admitted. “I’d make plans to go talk to you, then talk myself out of it. Until the night you were hurt. I knew in that moment I would never stop loving you. I could have lost you without ever letting you know you are worthy, Alana. I love you.”
Alana sighed and squeezed his hand. She was surprised he was being so honest and open. In the past they had flirted and kept any conversation casual and light.
“I sincerely hope you mean that, Noah. I hope it’s not some lame cliché of ‘I almost lost you, and I want you,’ then months later you leave me again. I have been in love with you for so long that I don’t remember what it’s like not to have those feelings. I have watched you date every blonde in town, and it broke my heart, but I had hope. Until that day in the restaurant when Cora smugly announced you had asked her out. I knew there was no way you could have any respect for me. I had to force myself to not see you, or I would have begged you to choose me over Cora.”
He stayed silent, and she wondered if she had gone too far and scared him off. She bit her lips and was about to apologize when he picked her up and set her back down on his lap. His thighs were hard, and she felt the bulge underneath his pants. He kissed her neck and shoulder, her cheek, and lastly her lips. The kiss was so soft and tender that it brought tears to her eyes. He wiped them away with his thumb.
“No more tears of sadness or regret. Tonight we start over.” He smiled, and she could see his golden eyes were shiny, too. “I was scared to admit that I loved you, but I do, Alana. Forever. I know I have to prove that to you, and I will. I love your gentleness and the way my chest expands when you smile at me, as if I am the only man in the world. I trust you, and that is scary. Being vulnerable is daunting. I have plenty of regrets, but no more. All I need is time to prove to you I’m all-in this time. Time has not erased one ounce of what I feel for you, so I know this is real. I will never cheat on you, Alana.”
“I get you were hurt before. Now I understand.” She did her best to put her mixed-up feelings and thoughts into something he would understand. “You hurt me so bad that I wasn’t sure I could recover. Now I am afraid to trust what we feel. I don’t ever want to feel like that again.”
“You didn’t deserve that. I didn’t think. I just reacted to my panic.”
She could hear the sincerity in his voice.
“One more time, Alana. This time my goal is to make you feel happy and secure.”
He kissed her lips, and his hands went to her ass and squeezed softly. She giggled and stood up feeling light. This was Noah, her dream man. He had flaws, but he was real, and he was hers. Didn’t they both deserve a second chance?
“Is this for real, or am I dreaming?” she asked. There was a slight breeze in the night, and she felt it sweep through her hair. The stars were brighter than ever before, or was it just her good mood?
He stood up and swung her off her feet. He twirled her around until she was dizzy and giggling. “You belong to me now, woman,” he growled playfully. “I like this dream, so don’t wake me up.”
She placed her hand on his cheek. “So do I.”
She thought about sex, and she felt nervous all over again. What if she freaked out and panicked? She still dealt with nightmares and panic attacks. A year ago, all she thought about
was seducing Noah, but now it was different. She had a knife-wielding stalker after her. She also had the knowledge of what disappointment and heartbreak felt like.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
She looked up at his golden eyes, and then she laid her head on his chest. “I want to have sex with you. I just need to go slow.”
Noah placed his fingers on her lips, stopping her from saying any more. “Alana, I wasn’t expecting to go to my truck and have sex with you. I can control my needs.”
He ran his fingers through her hair. “I can wait until you feel ready. That’s not to say I won’t kiss you or touch you.”
She looked up at him through her lashes. “I love your touch, Noah. It makes me feel all mushy inside. I want to kiss you.”
He leaned down and took her mouth in a hot, steamy kiss. Her breasts swelled up and hardened. As if he read her thoughts, he cupped her breast in his hand and played with her nipple through the dress. She moaned into his mouth and felt his hard bulge rub against her stomach. Desire, this was a very familiar feeling with Noah.
They were both breathing hard. “Holy hell, woman.”
Alana giggled. “Let’s walk. I need the fresh air.”
Noah grabbed her hand and pulled her along the concrete path. Alana felt a light beat to her footsteps. She still had a little fear that something would mess things up. She hoped not, but living in fear was not healthy either. Like he said, time had not erased what they felt, so it was time to take a chance.
Chapter 13
Alana laid the blanket out on the grass. A cool breeze floated in the night air. This had always been her favorite spot to see the fireworks, on top of a hill at the edge of town. Ray and his friend Colin set down the ice cooler filled with drinks and beers. Alicia immediately grabbed a beer despite Ray’s frown. She rolled her eyes at him.