by Lori Leger
Sammi studied Tanner for several seconds before she cracked a big grin at him and patted his face affectionately with both hands. “Ta…Ta … ” she cooed.
“Hey there, beautiful. You like your new duds? Did I do good?” He ignored the super long string of drool that fell to the front of his shirt.
“Oh…” Sarah pulled her away and wiped his shirt with a burp rag.
“No worries.” Tanner smiled down at the child with her arms outstretched to him. “Can I hold her?”
“Sure you can, just be warned, there’s plenty more drool where that bit came from.” She leaned forward and Sammi practically jumped from her arms to Tanner. Finding it difficult to pull her gaze from Tanner and her daughter, she finally forced herself to turn away. “I’ll get the camera,” she said, leaving the room.
By the time she got back, Tanner was holding both her daughters, somewhat awkwardly, but looking comfortable enough. Who was this man? He sure didn’t seem like the same self-centered, egomaniacal, womanizer Tiffany had described. Of course, Tiffany also said he’d changed lately. No kidding.
She took some shots with her camera then got a few more shots and a bit of video with her phone. She sent pictures to Tiffany, Melanie, and Angelique via text messaging. Within moments she got replies back from all of them, gushing over the clothes. Within moments after that, Melanie had called her.
Tanner tried to look casual as Sarah quietly discussed his gift buying abilities with someone over the phone. Once her short, cryptic answers seemed too frequent, accompanied by a slight blush, she ended the call.
“Who was that?” he asked.
“Um, that was Mel.”
“Is that the cop? The redhead?” She nodded, but looked away, making him wish he knew what those two had been talking about.
“Let me take one off your hands.” Sarah reached out, relieving him of Sammi.
He leaned in to touch his forehead to Danni’s. “It’s just you and me, kid.” Danni grinned, lifted her face to kiss him on the mouth, and passed gas a split second later. He laughed and turned to Sarah. “At least it was just a fart this time.”
She lifted her brow indignantly. “Everyone knows that little girls don’t fart, Tanner. They fluff.”
“Pfft! Yeah—that didn’t sound like a fluff. And neither did what Sammi did in her diaper a while ago.”
“Oh well, that was something entirely different. We introduced a new baby food, so that’s to be expected every now and then.”
He nodded. “Understandable. So, what were you and Officer Mel discussing?”
“Aw, she was curious as to how you learned about accessorizing those two outfits.”
“I had some help,” he admitted.
“From who?”
“The saleswoman at the boutique I went to yesterday afternoon suggested them.” He turned away from her. More to hide his own shame, than anything else. The twenty-ish saleswoman had actually suggested more than that. As per his old, predictable self, he’d taken her up on it. He’d given himself a royal verbal reaming afterwards. Too late, of course to do anything about it but have regrets. It disturbed him to think he was addicted to anything, whether mentally or physically, even if it was one-night-stand-pick-up-sex.
“I bet you spent a pretty penny on these. You didn’t have to do that, you know. An outfit from K-Mart would have sufficed.”
He frowned. “K-Mart sucks.”
“Okay, Rain Man…” she said.
He reached out his finger so that Danni grabbed hold of it, swinging it back and forth. She brought it to her mouth and began gumming it in earnest. He smiled at the minor pinch of her sharp stump of tooth as she bit down hard. “I wanted to do this.” And that was the truth.
Something about these girls, all three of them, tugged at his heart strings. He lowered his head, filled with shame at the memory of what he’d done the night before with a complete stranger, all the while thinking of the woman beside him. He was overcome by the sudden urge to go. To get away from the pureness, the innocence of these two children and their mother before he contaminated them.
In an instant, his entire upbringing became open for review. All his life, his parents had tried to raise him to believe he was somehow superior, better than anyone else, and that others should consider themselves fortunate to be in his presence.
Five minutes with these three precious human beings and he suddenly knew better.
“I need to go.” He placed Danni in her crib and turned away from Sarah, toward the door. He didn’t want her to see him for what he was—a fraud—an asshole trying to act like a decent person. “I’ve got things to do.” Changes to make.
“Oh, okay.” Her voice registered genuine disappointment. “I understand. You’re a brain surgeon, for gosh sakes. Of course you have more important things to do.”
He stopped, halfway to the door, something telling him this would be the first truly important step toward a new life. He turned slowly back to face her.
“Just things that need to be done, Sarah. Nothing more important than you and your girls.” Never that. He wanted to tell her how they’d touched him. Wanted her to know how special they were. Could hear himself screaming that he wasn’t worthy to be in their presence. Not yet. He turned away from her.
“Tanner.”
The sound of his name from her lips halted him at the door. One hand on the doorjamb, he answered without facing her. “Yes, Sarah?”
“You’re welcome to visit us here anytime.”
He tensed, fighting the urge to tell her he wanted that more than anything. He swallowed and braced himself. “Thanks. It-It might be awhile.” He walked out. Left like the coward he was, before he spilled more than he wanted to.
CHAPTER 26
“Come in, dammit,” Mike growled at whoever the hell was knocking on his door.
Angelique breezed inside. “I come bearing baked goods from my mom. How’s that shoulder today?”
“It hurts like hell.” Wincing, he tugged on the sling supporting the shoulder he’d had surgery on two days ago. “Not only can I not see a damn thing, I can’t even wipe my own ass anymore. Just shoot me and get it the hell over with.”
“Oh, babe, come on. You know none of this is permanent.”
“How the fuck can you say that to me?” he barked.
“Look, most people have to go straight home after a surgery like this. At least you get to stay here in the hospital to recuperate.”
“Most people have their eyesight to rely on when they go home. Or have you forgotten?”
“Of course I haven’t forgotten.”
“Well, it sure as hell sounds as if you have.”
“How could I possibly forget? How could anyone forget with your insufferable attitude and you treating us all to a bitch, moan, and groan fest every time we visit? Not to mention your foul mouth? You need to quit feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t you know how close you came to dying?”
“I wish I had,” he said, barely above a whisper. He heard her heels hitting the floor in staccato rhythm as she approached.
“What did you say?”
He lifted his gaze, did his best to aim for the general area of her eyes. “I said I wish I had died,” he bellowed. “Is that loud enough for you?” He heard her exhausted sigh. He’d hurt her yet again. Hurt them, and any chance they had of making a future together.
“Mike, calm down,” she pleaded, the sound of her voice low, level with renewed patience.
“Just go, Angel. I don’t want you here. I don’t want anyone here.”
“Michael—”
“Leave. Now.”
“I’ll leave when you’re not being so ridiculous.”
“I don’t want you here!” He waited for her comeback, trying to come up with something new. Something more convincing. By the time she spoke again, he knew he’d hurt her good.
“All right, I’ll go” Her voice quavered with tears. “I’ll be back tomorrow. I bet you’ll feel better by then.”
>
“Don’t come back.” He bit the inside of his mouth to keep from taking it back. It was time to let her go. Without another word she left the room.
Mike let his head fall back on the pillow and rubbed his face with his left hand. Then rubbed his eyes, hard, willing them to see. Just to see anything at all.
“What in the hell is your major malfunction, Chief?”
Mike jumped at the sound of Liam Nash’s voice. “Shit, man! You ever heard of knocking?”
“Didn’t have to, the damn door was wide open. I could hear you bellowing like a pissed off bull halfway down the hall.”
“You by yourself or is American Express with you?”
“I’m alone. Melanie relieved me today. It was either come visit you or see someone pleasant. Guess who she picked? You know, everybody at the nurse’s station is talking about what a pain in the ass you are now. You’ve got them all dreading coming in here for a damn thing.”
“Yeah? Well, Fuck ‘em. Fuck ‘em all!”
Liam snorted. “Yeah, you keep that up. That’s a good way to make damn sure you never get chocolate pudding again in this place. Or, hmm—what do we have here?”
Mike heard the crinkling of a plastic bag at the foot of his bed then the sound of some kind of storage container being opened. It wasn’t long before the aroma of baked sweet dough and fruit flooded his senses.
“Or fig tarts from Ms. Marceline, either.” Nash made no secret of taking a bite and groaning with unconcealed delight. “Damn, that woman can bake, can’t she?” he said, his mouth half full.
“You son of a bitch. She brought those for me.” Mike reached out for them.
“Oh, hell no. I know Angel’s mom well enough to know she wouldn’t want you rewarded for upsetting her daughter the way you did. These babies are coming home with me.”
Mike threw the covers off of his legs, and got another good whiff of his favorite pastry in the world. “Fine. Just take ‘em with you when you get the fuck out of my room. And close the goddam door on your way out.”
Liam’s tone revealed his disappointment. “Are you really stupid enough to risk losing Angelique for something that may remedy itself any day now?”
“It’s been nearly two weeks, Nash. If I was ever gonna see again, it would have happened by now.”
“You don’t know that, and besides, even if you don’t see again, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a normal life.”
“Normal?” He wished he could hit something. Hit it hard. Hell, he wanted to beat the shit out of it. “Not being able to earn a living is normal?”
“Who the hell said you can’t do that?”
“How am I going to be a cop when I’m blind?”
“Big boo hoo…”
Mike jerked a fist back at the sound of Nash’s voice right next to his ear. “Would you stop that? Make some fucking noise when you move around this room.”
“You get trained to do something else. It’s called occupational therapy, you dumb shit. And you need to need to watch that foul mouth of yours. You know how bad Angel hates it.”
“Fu…”
Nash cut him off with a low growl. “You even think about saying that, I will kick your ass. I’ll wait until you’re more of a challenge, of course—blind, bum shoulder, and feeling sorry for yourself and all—I’d prefer some competition when I knock you flat.”
Mike clenched his jaw and stood, felt for his surroundings. The bed, the table next to him, and concentrated on the exact location of his former friend. “Even like this I could kick your ass,” he said, sniffing the air like a hound dog. “That shit you bathed in last night makes for a hell of a stench, and I’m ambidextrous as all hell when it comes to fighting a pussy like you.”
“Oh, so you can fight with one hand, but you can’t wipe your own ass?” Nash burst into laughter.
“Just how long were you eavesdropping on our conversation?” He grew more pissed by the second.
“I heard enough. Like I said, everyone could hear up and down the hall with that bull horn voice of yours.”
“Get the hell out of my room.”
“Make me, asshole.”
Mike swung so hard with his left hand he heard the whoosh as it reached nothing but air.
“Not even close. I think when I leave here I’ll go pick up the pieces of Angel’s broken heart. She’s probably home, crying her eyes out by now—”
He talked just long enough for Mike to get a good read on him. He swung again and connected this time, taking Nash by surprise, as well as himself. He waited for some response, his one fist up in front of his face, his stance ready for a fight.
Nash burst into laughter and slapped Mike’s good shoulder. “You see, asshole? I knew you still had some fight left in you. Anybody with enough guts to swing at a man like me when he’s in your condition can make it through any damn adversity life throws at him. Do you see that now, Harper?”
Mike rubbed his stinging knuckles on his shirt. “I’m not bleeding, am I?”
“Uh, nooo, but I am, jerk off. Thanks for the concern.”
“Oh, man. Rreally? I didn’t hit you that hard. Must be that glass jaw of yours.”
“S’just a busted lip. Only a scratch, lucky for you. Humph, lucky for me, ‘cause the ladies love my lips.”
“Oh, please,” Mike snorted, holding his stomach. “I think I’m gonna puke.”
“That’s what Angel tells me all the time.”
“That she’s gonna puke?”
“No, jerk. That she loves my lips.”
“Whatever…” Mike waved him off. “No shit, man. Are you all right? You don’t need stitches or anything, do you?”
“No, I’m fine, but what about you? No more stupid talk. Deal? Life’s too damn wonderful, and short, to walk away from it without a fight.”
Hearing the honest to God concern in his friend’s voice, Mike realized he’d crossed a line he had no right to cross with Nash. This man had lived through real loss. True adversity. Overcome by a feeling of pettiness and shame at his behavior, he extended his hand. “Deal. And I’m sorry. About a lot of things.”
“It’s all good, Harper. Just don’t let me down again.”
“I won’t.” Mike succumbed to a huge yawn. He came out of it flinching at the sudden headache. “Ow…fu … I mean shit!” He rubbed at his head.
He heard Nash’s guffaw from the doorway. “Good effort, but you better work a little harder if you want Angel’s approval, Chief. Later!”
Mike settled himself back in his bed, thinking about the conversation with Angel, and wishing he could take everything back. What a royal ass he’d been. What was it Nash had said?
Life’s too wonderful, and short, to walk away from it without putting up a fight. The guy could be a major pain in his ass, but sometimes he spoke with pure genius.
Angel opened her door on the first try, thank God. She didn’t quite know how she was going to handle it if Sonny had decided to play hard to please with her today. She plodded to her bedroom, exhausted and depressed at the disastrous visit with Mike.
Determined to cry herself to sleep and stay that way until morning, she dropped her purse on the mattress and threw herself facedown beside it. She’d barely had time to clear her mind when the shrill ringing of the landline sliced through the silence of the room.
She reached over to pick it up and brought it to her ear, keeping her eyes closed. “Hello…” After a short connection pause, Nan’s cheerful voice carried through the earpiece.
“Angelique, are you all right dear? I got this sudden urge to call you.”
“Really? Why?”
“I have no idea, but when I get this feeling that Sonny’s trying to tell me something, I’ve learned not to ignore it. It’s been proven too many times over the years.”
“Ah…Well, the truth is, I’m not okay, Nan. Our boy’s in trouble.”
“Michael? What’s wrong? Is it a complication from his shoulder surgery?”
“His shoulder is fine
, Nan. It’s been thirteen days since the accident and he still doesn’t have his eyesight back. He’s determined it won’t come back and told me he doesn’t want me back over there. He’s angry at the world right now.”
“Oh phooey, that’s his male bravado talking. It’s easier for a man to show anger than fear. They think it makes them weak. Foolish pups. You’ll have to do what you can to get through to him.”
Angel sniffed loudly. “You didn’t see him, Nan. He’s given up.”
“When you live as long as I have, you realize that life is a series of storms. This one will blow over just as many others already have. Next time you see him you grab those BVDs by the waistband and give those balls of his a good, solid jerk. That’ll get his attention. Then tell him Nan said to get his ass in line.”
Angelique burst into laughter at the mental image of that. “God, I’m glad you called.”
“Me too, if I could make you laugh. Now how are coming along with that decision of yours?”
“I’m not. I still love them both.”
“Well of course you do, but it’s not fair to either of them. If you’re going to do this thing then do it!”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Sure it is, and if you’ll be honest with yourself just once, you could see it. You have a choice to make. Don’t drag it out any longer that you have to. Think about which man you can’t see living without and tell the other one, so he can begin putting his life back together without you in it as anything more than a friend.”
Angel sighed. “I’ll try, Nan. I really will. Now I need something to take my mind off of all this. How’s Paris treating you? Met anyone interesting?”
“Oh, yes, dear! Paris is full of men. Young, old, of all shapes and sizes. Loads of promise here. I did have an encounter of the sexual kind yesterday. Want to hear about it?”
“Uh…sure. Why not?” Angel figured she could use a good laugh.
“This little man approached me at a sidewalk café, within sight of the Louvre. We talked for a bit then he showed me what he was hiding in his pocket.”
“Nan! Ew. Is it too late to change my mind?”