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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Must I say that this book was by no means a solitary endeavor?
Thanks go first to the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and to the staff at the RWJF Investigator Awards in Health Policy program, which not only funded the research but also patiently withstood various interruptions along the way. A year at the Stanford Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences provided ideal conditions for conceiving and developing the book, and New York University gave me time and space to finish it.
The project could not have happened without the extraordinary team of graduate students who, at various stages of the project, did fieldwork, conducted interviews, crunched numbers, designed graphics, coded transcripts, scoured archives, and let me know what we had failed to learn. Jenna Appelbaum, Heather Barry, Jill Conte, Max Holleran, Jane Jones, Sarah Kaufman, Isadora Levy, Allison McKim, Laura Noren, Nerea Puzole, Elena Portacolone, Jason Stanley, and Abigail Weitzman: Thanks to each of you for collaborating. I’m also grateful to Erin Cornwell, who helped me analyze data from the General Social Survey that shows what is and is not distinctive about living alone.
Gentle, generous, yet unabashedly critical readers made this book much better than it would have been had I done it independently. Eric Bates, Max Besbris, Deborah Carr, Chelsea Clinton, Claude Fischer, Edward Klinenberg, Andrew Lakoff, Jeff Manza, Sharon Marcus, Vanessa Mobley, Bob Shrum, Anna Skarpalis, Rona Talcott, Fred Turner, Matt Wray, and Caitlin Zaloom reviewed drafts, pointed out the most glaring weak spots, and stayed on my case until I made them stronger. They didn’t always tell me what I wanted to hear, but they were consistently helpful, not to mention right.
I’m lucky to have the support of superagent Tina Bennett and her ace assistant Svetlana Katz. I’m also grateful that they ushered this book to The Penguin Press, where Eamon Dolan always understood when to let me go solo and when I needed an editor’s hand, and Scott Moyers, Emily Graff, and Ann Godoff provided crucial support on the last and most difficult steps.
Above all, I’m fortunate to be part of a family that values companionship as well as personal time; for me, at least, a good life—not to mention the capacity to write!—requires both. My greatest thanks go to Kate, Cyrus, and Lila: I treasure each day and night we share together at home.
INDEX
The page numbers in this index refer to the printed version of this book. To find the corresponding locations in the text of this digital version, please use the “search” function on your e-reader. Note that not all terms may be searchable.
Abba Moses, 32
adolescence, second, 14, 29–30
African American middle class, 141–42
Against Love (Kipnis), 60–61
aging, 16–17, 105, 113, 157–84
gender differences in, 163
isolation and, 107, 159–62, 169, 174–79, 183, 184, 185
loneliness and, 160, 161, 169, 174
longevity revolution and, 13, 16–17, 158, 213
see also elderly
“Aging in the Shadows,” 181
Alcott, Bronson, 8
Alternatives to Marriage Project (AtMP), 139–41, 142, 145, 146
American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), 89, 91, 92–93, 96
American Time Use Survey, 159
Amsterdam Nursing Home, 188
Anderson, Herbert, 103
animals:
pets, 79–81, 194
social living among, 1–2
Annual Review of Public Health, 81
apartments, 16, 36, 39, 40, 43, 47, 146–47, 186, 207, 208, 216, 224, 228, 231
cooperative, 74–75
in Stockholm, 218
apes, 2
Aristotle, 1
art, 34–35
asceticism, 32–33
assisted living facilities, 197–203, 224, 227, 229
Australia, 10, 159, 208
Banks, Marian, 193
Banks, William, 193
Beck, Alan, 81
Beck, Ulrich, 13
Beck-Gernsheim, Elisabeth, 13
Bellah, Robert, 7
Berkman, Lisa, 163
black middle class, 141–42
Bloom, Harold, 7
Bloomberg, Michael, 182–83
boardinghouses, 35–37, 39, 40
boomerang generation, 30–31
Bowling Alone (Putnam), 9, 15, 109
Brazil, 10
Brooklyn Kickball Invitational Tournament, 29–30
Brooks, David, 151
Brown, Helen Gurley, 41–44, 58
Brown, Peter, 32–33
Brückner, Hannah, 142
Bullock, Sandra, 151
Bush, George W., 144, 185, 228
Cacioppo, John, 231
Cagen, Sasha, 132–34, 147–48, 153–56, 157
Calvert, Kim, 135–39, 150
Canada, 10, 49
capitalism, 11–12
Capitalism, Socialism, and Democracy (Schumpeter), 11–12
caregivers, 178, 181, 192, 195, 228
Carr, Deborah, 162, 163
C
ase for Marriage, The (Waite and Gallagher), 20–21, 67
Catholic Charities, 204
Chapin, Anna Alice, 39
Chauncey, George, 39–40
Cherlin, Andrew, 13, 88
Chicago, Ill., 5, 16, 38, 41, 47, 48
games in, 30
heat wave in, 23, 174
Chicago Tribune, 189
children, 48–52, 57–58, 94, 99
having, 59, 67, 78–79, 221–22
sleep and, 51–52
chimpanzees, 2
China, 10, 158
ancient, 32, 33
Christakis, Nicholas, 3, 232
Chudacoff, Howard, 16
cities, 5, 6, 21–22, 32, 33–34, 89, 98, 133, 186, 207–8, 213, 230–31
art in, 34–35
environmental sustainabilty and, 207, 231
housing in, see housing
mass urbanization, 13, 15–16
subcultures in, 16, 32, 34
Clarke, Averil, 142
Clinton, Hillary, 144
collective housing, 214–15, 217–20, 226
collectivism, 213
colleges and universities, 61
housing at, 53–54
Coming Home, 202–3
Common Ground, 205–6, 224–25
Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, The (Spock), 51–52
communications technologies, 13, 15, 190–91, 213
community life, 9, 13, 19, 25, 59, 99, 116, 230, 231
Companion Species Manifesto, The (Haraway), 80–81
Conley, Dalton, 110, 111
Connected (Christakis and Fowler), 232
Consumer Reports, 188, 189
consumers, 146–50
cooking, 71, 94, 147, 148
Cornwell, Benjamin, 161
Covenant House, 203, 204, 205
Coveney, Lucinda, 53
Crawford, Matthew, 62
dating, 30, 66, 68, 78, 82, 91, 95, 103, 148, 149
older people and, 163, 165–67
death, 17, 96, 113, 118–19, 123–30, 230
defensive individualism, 112
Denmark, 10, 49, 60
DePaulo, Bella, 21, 57, 150–53
Deresiewicz, William, 110, 111
discrimination, 135, 139–43
in housing, 58, 73, 74–75, 135, 140, 145
in workplace, 58, 73–74, 135, 140
divorce, 4, 13, 14, 46, 47, 69, 83–84, 85–93, 96–100, 102, 152, 161, 185, 213
Divorce Culture, The (Whitehead), 46
Duchamp, Marcel, 39
Durkheim, Émile, 11, 13, 231, 232
economic individualism, 11
economic prosperity, 10–11
Ehrenreich, Barbara, 44
elderly, 5, 6, 16–17, 157–84, 221, 223
assisted living facilities for, 197–203, 224, 227, 229
caregivers for, 178, 181, 192, 195, 228
family and, 160, 162, 167–69, 170, 179, 185–86
friends and, 161, 163, 165, 168, 169, 179
health care for, 192, 196–97
Meals on Wheels and, 176, 181, 182–83
neighborhood quality and, 179–81
in New York City, 175–79, 188
nursing homes for, 160, 169, 172–74, 186–90, 228
robotic care for, 191–96, 197
widows and widowers, 158, 160–63
see also aging
Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 7, 8, 9, 232
England, 49, 158, 161
entrepreneurs, 147–48
Equal Credit Opportunity Act, 75
Europe, 60, 157, 158, 160, 208
exile, 2
Fair Housing Act, 145
Fall of Public Man, The (Sennett), 40–41
family(ies), 3, 5, 11, 12, 32, 34, 46, 59, 61, 65–66, 231
children in, see children
elderly and, 160, 162, 167–69, 170, 179, 185–86
friends as, 98, 153
home size and, 48–50, 57–58
household size and, 49
independence from, 31
moving back in with, 30–31
as support system, 106
Family and Medical Leave Act, 153
Färdknäppen, 219–20, 226
Feminine Mystique, The (Friedan), 42
feminism, 42
Ferber, Richard, 52
Finland, 10
Fischer, Claude, 19–20
Florida, Richard, 208
Fogel, Robert William, 158
Fowler, James, 3, 232
France, 10, 49, 158
Franklin, Benjamin, 7
Free Agent Nation (Pink), 62
freedom, 17–18, 33, 34, 89, 100, 104–5, 232
Friedan, Betty, 42
Friedman, Milton, 11
friends, 97–98, 100, 103, 232
seniors and, 161, 163, 165, 168, 169, 179
as support system, 106, 108, 153, 154–55
Fuller, Margaret, 9
Furstenberg, Frank, Jr., 31
Fussell, Elizabeth, 31
Gallagher, Maggie, 20–21, 67
games, 29–30
Gardner, Freda, 103
Gardner, Page, 143–45
gay men, 39–40, 154
General Social Survey (GSS), 97, 100
Genesis, 211
Germany, 10, 49
Ghetto, The (Wirth), 37
Giddens, Anthony, 46–47
Gilligan, Carol, 106
God, 1, 102–3, 211
Goffman, Erving, 66
Gold Coast and the Slum, The (Zorbaugh), 36–37
GOOH!, 147
Gottlieb, Lori, 59, 82
Greenberg, Stanley, 143
Grier, Katherine, 79
Grist, Nicky, 138–41, 142–43, 145
Gross, Jane, 198
Groth, Paul, 36
Habits of the Heart (Bellah et al.), 7
Haggerty, Rosanne, 203–7, 224–25
Haraway, Donna, 80–81
Health Affairs, 153
health care, 135, 139, 145, 192, 196–97, 223
Hearts of Men, The (Ehrenreich), 44
Heat Wave (Klinenberg), 23
Hefner, Hugh, 44, 45
hermit crabs, 2
hermits, 32
Hesse, Hermann, 33
home care, 178, 181, 192, 195, 228
robotics and, 191–96, 197
homeless, 203–7, 225–26
household size, 49
household tasks, 91, 94, 97
housing, 186, 207–8, 224–29
apartments, see apartments
assisted living facilities, 197–203, 224, 227, 229
buying a home, 75–78
collective, 214–15, 217–20, 226
college, 53–54
condominium developments, 224
discrimination in, 58, 73, 74–75, 135, 140, 145
family home size, 48–50, 57–58
in New York City, 203–7, 224–25, 226
nursing homes, 160, 169, 172–74, 186–90, 228
poor and, 186–87, 203–7, 218–19, 224–26
retirement communities, 164–67, 198, 227
rooming houses, 35–37, 39, 40
roommates and, 31, 43, 53–56, 221
single-room occupancy hotels, 111–12, 115–22, 186–87, 190, 203–6, 218, 224–25
in Stockholm, 214–15, 217–21, 226
in suburbs, 49, 186, 207, 208–10, 223, 2
31
supportive, 225–26
identity, 134–35, 141
illness and injury, 17, 105–6, 118, 153–56, 157, 160, 161, 165, 166, 171–72, 179, 230
India, 10, 157–58
independence, 170–73, 232
independent living (assisted living) facilities, 197–203, 224, 227, 229
individualism, 7–10, 32, 110–11, 171, 213
cult of, 11–13, 32, 33, 83, 170, 221, 231
defensive, 112
economic, 11
International Quirkyalone Day, 133, 134
Internet, 15, 58, 64, 98, 110, 191
seniors and, 196
isolation, 2, 9, 18, 19, 26, 36, 56, 64, 97, 100, 118, 160–61, 190, 211–12, 213, 221, 230, 233
aging and, 107, 159–62, 169, 174–79, 183, 184, 185
gender differences in, 174
withdrawal, 111–12, 117–30
Issa, Emily, 123–29
Italy, 49
JAMA: The Journal of the American Medical Association, 225
Japan, 10, 49, 147, 157, 158, 159, 208
Jefferson, Thomas, 7
Journal of Design History, 44
Kabuki Cinema, 131–32
Kerry, John, 144, 145
kickball clubs, 29–30
Kipnis, Laura, 60–61
Kompaï, 195–96
Langburt, Sherri, 73–75, 148–50
Lareau, Annette, 50
Leaves of Grass (Whitman), 7
life expectancy, 13, 16–17, 158, 213
Lifespan Respite Care Act, 228
Lindh, Ingela, 217–21
Lindh, Siv, 219, 220
Ljung, Björn, 217, 218
London, 38, 208
loneliness, 8, 18, 20, 26, 56, 58, 64–65, 69, 77, 82, 83, 84, 98–101, 230, 231, 233
aging and, 160, 161, 169, 174
marriage and, 84, 102
pets and, 79, 81
see also isolation
Lonely American, The (Olds and Schwartz), 19–20
longevity, 13, 16–17, 158, 213
Luhrmann, Tanya, 102
Marcus, Sharon, 43
Marcus Aurelius, 1
Markelius, Sven, 215
marriage, 4, 18, 20–21, 30, 47, 59–61, 65–70, 85–97, 99–100, 104, 136, 160, 213, 230, 231
attitudes about, 12
benefits of, 20–21, 69–70, 89–93, 96, 139, 143, 150–52
campaigns promoting, 142–43, 152, 185
divorce, 4, 13, 14, 46, 47, 69, 83–84, 85–93, 96–100, 102, 152, 161, 185, 213
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