“What?” I looked up at him.
“I wanted to deliver the message to you myself this time. Make sure you understood.”
His dark hair lifted in the wind, the snow swirled at his feet. Somewhere in the distance, in the silence of the night, the universe shifted. Like a foundation of stone cracking, preparing to crumble.
I shook my head, tears of disbelief stinging my eyes. “Are you saying it was you? You told Gesh about the fountain? You ruined my Beijing mission?”
I held my breath, praying he’d deny it.
But he didn’t. His face fell, revealing the truth. Porter, Levi and Micki were right all along. Blue was working for Gesh.
Blue handed me over to Gesh’s Descenders on New Year’s Eve, to be abducted, manhandled, groped.
Blue made me lose the cure for Audrey, kicked it right out of my hands.
I pushed myself up to stand on shaky legs, wincing from the pain. “How did you do it? Lead those Descenders to me at Jian’s farm? How did you find the right soulmarks on such short notice? The exact ones who journeyed with us?”
Blue reached to check my shoulder, but I wouldn’t let him touch me.
He frowned and dropped his hand. “It’s a power you and I have. When Descenders connect to our soulmark in Limbo, we can pull them back in time with us wherever we go. They automatically settle into a nearby body. Hr Gesh calls it tethering.”
“I know about tethering,” I said, “but I didn’t know we could pull people back in time with us.”
Only to Limbo.
“It only works when you and I are together. Our power is stronger then; the door to the past is wide open. We can pull anyone through.”
“Why haven’t you done it before? Why now?”
“I was supposed to tether each time I saw you, but once I landed in one of my past-life bodies I could never remember to do it. In Beijing, my memories finally broke through. I remembered my Base Life and my mission. So when we were all alone at Jian’s, I pulled my team back with me. They settled into Ning’s body, Mei’s, Honqi’s.”
“And then you fed me to the wolves.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Did you bring them with you this time?”
He shook his head. “I wanted to do this on my own. Wanted to see you alone. You have to believe me, I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Says the guy who just shot me.”
“You think I wanted it to go this far? I’ve been trying to save you, rescue you, from the rogue Descenders. This whole time, every mission, that’s what I’ve been doing. Trying to remember something, anything, that might lead me to you. Do you know how torturous it is to know things and not be able to remember? I know you told me where you were from.” He tapped his temple. “I know it’s in here somewhere. I just have to access it.”
I hoped he didn’t see the glint of fear in my eyes. I did tell him where I was from, and if he remembers Annapolis, then he’ll have the key to finding me in Base Life. Alex plus Annapolis plus seventeen-year-old girl with visions she can’t explain. It’s the road map that will lead Gesh to my family’s front door. It’s how Gesh will force me to work for him, by holding my family hostage.
“Hr Gesh has been helping me,” Blue said. “We’ve had little successes. When I remembered our meeting at the fountain he was so pleased with me.”
“He isn’t helping you, Blue. He’s torturing you.”
He shook his head. “It’s not torture, it’s purification. He’s preparing me to be useful for The Cause. Each time he locks me in the chamber I remember a little more.”
“He locks you in a chamber?” Blue’s nightmares in China made more sense now. His memories weren’t from his past at AIDA. They were current memories from his Base Life. Gesh had him chained somewhere, experimenting on his brain and threatening him with a lobotomy if he didn’t remember something useful. He was forcing Blue to work against me, to lure me into trusting him and letting all my little secrets slip, just like Levi suspected. “He’s using you, Blue. He’s hurting you to get to me.”
“He doesn’t want to hurt me. He does it because it’s his only option. And he’ll keep doing it unless you tell us where you are. Tell us, and all of this will stop.”
Gesh knew I cared for Blue. He knew, and he hoped that would persuade me to come forward, waving the white flag, sacrificing myself to save Blue from his torturous existence.
But I wouldn’t trade my family’s safety for Blue’s. Not in a million years.
“He needs you,” Blue said. “He needs both of us for The Cause. He can’t do it without us. And if you won’t tell me where you are, then I go back to the chamber. I’ll remember eventually. I’m so close.”
He was right. It was only a matter of time. And I couldn’t let him take Annapolis back to Gesh. I had to stop him from remembering, and there was only one way I knew how.
If Gesh wanted me dead, he would’ve had his men kill me at the fountain. He would’ve gone back in time and made sure Ivy was never created. No, he needed both of us, me and Blue, alive and together, to tether a whole host of Descenders and pull them back in time. Why, I wasn’t sure. But I wouldn’t let him reach out and take whatever he wanted anymore. Just like Robbie Duncan, I was going to cut his hand off once and for all.
It was my turn to deliver a message to Gesh: YOU CAN’T HAVE ME.
Blue reached out and took my hand in his. “I just want you to be safe. I just want you to come home.”
I looked down at our hands, at our cold fingers entwined like at Buckingham Fountain. “I used to trust you,” I whispered.
He tucked a finger under my chin and lifted my eyes to his. “You trusted me because our souls are linked. We’re partners. You can feel how much I care for you. How true it is.”
Tears welled in my eyes, blurring his face, the snow falling around us.
“You feel it, don’t you? That I’m in love with you. I’ve loved you ever since I saw you in those red, white, and blue rag curlers. Since you climbed out of that dumpster and fought those gangsters and saved my life. Since we ran through the streets of Chicago, through the city lights, just you and me.”
My heart should have swelled when he told me he loved me, but it didn’t. Not one bit. “Oh, Blue,” I said, pulling my hand away. “You don’t even know who I am.”
It wasn’t a relationship, what we had. It was a sickness. Both of us wanted to save the other, but the truth was, we were fighting on opposite teams, and neither of us was willing to switch sides.
Damn.
I could have loved him.
I could have.
He was the first to take notice. The first to have trouble taking his eyes off me. God, I felt so special when he looked at me. Talked to me. Teased me. Held my hand. Everything was easy when he was my Blue. I could be myself, and he’d be interested. Genuinely interested.
But my Blue was a fantasy. A version of him I built in my mind. I’d wanted it to be real because I’d needed it. Needed someone to whisk me away from all my issues.
A distraction.
And I was ashamed of myself.
Damn.
Maybe falling for someone had nothing to do with the certain way they looked, or the certain crook of their smile, or the certain color of their eyes, or the certain words they spoke, but everything to do with how their looks, their smiles, their eyes, and their words made you feel. Maybe it had to do with how much you enjoyed being next to them, no matter what you were doing. How much you pondered what might make them smile or sigh or swear. And whatever that feeling was, you couldn’t help but want more, because it was what you needed at that exact moment.
And maybe, when that person was gone, maybe it wasn’t the person you missed, but the way they made you feel. Because no one could ever make you feel that way again, so you mourn the way your chest swelled with summer sunshine and warm breeze, you mourn the contented sigh in your belly. And the only feeling that’s left is your heart folding in on itself, mourning what was, what will never be again.
<
br /> “We need to end this,” I said, sniffing, wiping tears from my cheeks.
“Tell me where you are and all of this will be over. We’ll be partners again. We’ll be together.”
I shook my head, because he didn’t understand. “No. I’m going to put an end to it right now.” I knew what I had to do to salvage the mission without a touchdown. To save the files, save the cure.
I had to create a Variant.
I didn’t care about the ramifications. The mass destruction. The lives that would be lost. I only cared about the lives that would be saved. Not just my family’s, but countless others. I could put a stop to Gesh’s Cause, whatever it was, once and for all. I could do it in one fell swoop. And Gesh would never see it coming.
I closed my eyes as a wave of dizziness swept through me. Janet had lost too much blood, and I couldn’t stand any longer. I swayed, then dropped to the ground.
“Sousa,” Blue said, diving to my side. “We don’t have much time. We have to ascend now, before you die.”
I felt both of our souls lift as Blue pulled me to Limbo, but we didn’t reach the Black. Our souls snapped back down as though attached to our bodies with rubber bands.
Blue’s brow knitted in confusion. “What are you doing?” He tried to ascend again, but couldn’t.
Then his eyes widened.
He knew. He could feel it, the soulblock I spun around us, sealing us into the past.
I felt him scramble to break through, but I held it firm. I knew what it felt like now, how strong it had to be. I’d struggled against the strongest soulblock in China, six Descenders’ worth. The difference was, I could concentrate now. I only had one Descender to contend with, and I had surprise on my side.
“What the hell are you doing?” he said again, louder, panicked.
“I’m dying, Blue,” I said. “It’s what we do, remember?”
“You can’t. If you die under a soulblock, you won’t go back to Base Life. You’ll go straight to Afterlife. You’ll never be reincarnated again.”
“And if everything goes according to plan, I’ll pull you along with me.”
His expression darkened. “You can’t take a life. It’s against the rules. You’ll create a Variant. You’ll destroy history.”
“I guess you should’ve thought of that before you shot me.”
His eyes were fiery like they had been in China. “You’ll ruin everything. Everything I’ve worked for, sacrificed for.”
Didn’t he know? I was awesome at ruining everything. It’s what I did best.
“Then Gesh really shouldn’t have put both of us on the front lines.” I took in a deep, shuddering breath as the cold seeped into my bones. My whole body was shivering now. My clothes were soaked through with blood and snow.
Blue glanced at the gun resting on the ground.
“Go ahead,” I said. “Shoot me again. I’ll just die faster.”
His nostrils flared, then he jumped to his feet and darted for his car. He was going to get as far away from me as he could to break the soulblock.
But I was ready for him.
Lo Jie was ready for him.
With the last ounce of energy I had left, I sprang up, as light as a cat, and swept my leg at his ankle, tripping him. His chest slammed into the road and he slid, snow shoved in his face.
I grabbed the gun. Aimed it at him as he pushed himself up. “I don’t want to shoot you,” I said, panting. I was so dizzy and my knees were shaking. “But I will if I have to. You know I will.”
He knew.
“Get in the trunk.” I waved the gun at the Gran Torino.
He popped it open and climbed in. I shut him inside, dark and deep, and pocketed the keys. Then I slumped onto the ground, gun still in my hand, and waited for the last breath to seep from my lungs.
I wasn’t afraid.
It would all be worth it in the end.
As Death pulled at me, tugged at me to take a walk with him, I thought of my family. Eating dumplings after midnight with Mom in DC. The ride home with Dad in the Mustang, after he had my back with Mrs. Gafferty. When we fist-bumped. All the movie nights with Gran and Pops and Claire. Rolling out homemade pizza dough with Gran, passing the popcorn, throwing a pillow at Pops when he’d start snoring during the good parts. Claire and her perpetually ice-cold feet burrowing under my legs, seeking warmth. Afton curled up at the foot of my bed, his purrs so loud they carried all the way down the stairwell. Hitting Robbie in the face. Tabitha sticking up for me.
Kissing Jensen.
It was all worth it. Every single moment. And I could’ve died happy right then, knowing I’d lived. Maybe it wasn’t the ending I had planned. Maybe I never got the chance to be a normal kid. But it didn’t matter.
Being Wayspaz the Fix-It Freak was more important.
All of this was more important.
I wished Levi, Micki, and Porter were there with me. I wished I could see them one last time, tell them I was sorry for not trusting them, for thinking I knew better.
They were my true partners. Always had been.
I wondered what would happen after Gesh found out his two greatest assets were destroyed. Would he pick up where he left off? Continuing his Cause by searching for some new way to ferry hordes of Descenders back in time? Or would he be consumed with rage and retaliate against my team instead?
Was I leaving them to fend for themselves?
What if it didn’t work? What if it all backfired?
My breaths were so shallow. I felt my soul lifting, taking Death’s hand and following him onto the dance floor. A bright light washed over me, and I leaned into it, ready for the light to take me this time, not the Black.
But the light didn’t take me. It made me squint and shield my eyes. I heard two car doors open and close. Saw two silhouettes approach, heard their footfalls on snow.
“Alex,” one of them said.
But I couldn’t hold on.
Chapter 28
Ye of Little Faith
Death is a tricky thing for someone like me. I never seem to finish what I started.
When I open my eyes, I’m lying in a hospital room, an IV stuck in my arm, a heart rate monitor beeping above me. Micki sits at my bedside, smiling her tiger smile.
“Good morning, Number Four.”
“You’re back,” I say, trying to sit up, but she takes my hand in hers, easing me back down, taking care not to tug at the IV.
“I never left. I only went to follow up on a lead on your past life, that’s all. I came back as soon as I was done, but you had already descended.”
“A lead for the 1978 mission?”
She nods. “I was trying to find out exactly how Janet McKenzie died so we wouldn’t cause a Variant.”
“You were still helping me, even after I was so horrible to you?”
“It’s my job.” Her eyes are warm and sincere, and I feel like I don’t deserve her kindness. Not yet. Not until I apologize.
“Micki, I’m sorry about—”
She waves a hand at me. “You’re forgiven. It’s forgotten. Case closed.”
I squeeze her hand, thankful she doesn’t make me grovel.
One by one, my memories flood back. Blue shooting me. The look in his eyes. The soulblock. The two silhouettes approaching me. That’s the last thing I remember. “How did I get back? What happened?”
She crosses her legs and settles in her chair. “That lead on Janet brought me to a mental facility in Ypsilanti. According to their documents, a stranger found Janet wandering in the snow near the state line, shot and bleeding. They checked her in as Jane Doe. She had no memories, no possessions. That’s how she disappeared from history. They treated her at their facility for a few months, then she died a few weeks later. None of her family members ever knew what became of her. Her father believed Frankie shot her. Frankie believed it himself, that he left her for dead.”
“So they did try to kill her. For stealing the heist money.”
Micki nods. �
��Weird thing is, the money she stole was never seen again. Over a hundred grand is still unaccounted for.”
“Jimmy must’ve taken it when he left Frankie to do his dirty work.”
“Maybe,” she says, biting her thumbnail. “I just wish I’d gotten there sooner. I could’ve swiped it.”
I sit up, thinking I misheard her. “What do you mean? You were there?”
“After the China mission we knew for certain Tre was working for Gesh. Porter suspected Tre might be using tethering to pull Descenders back in time with him. He thought if Tre could do it, then you could too. Porter pulled Levi and me to Limbo, then we connected to your soulmark and watched and waited. When you thought about us, wished for us to be by your side, it was enough to pull us through to you. We descended into two nearby bodies just a few miles down the road.”
I shift against my pillow, my back stiff from lying down so long. “So it was you and Levi who drove up as I was dying.”
“We got you to safety. Levi patched you up, saved your life. We kept Tre with us the whole time, under your soulblock, so he couldn’t do a touchdown and erase the mission. After that, we took you to Ypsilanti State Hospital and checked you in, sealing Janet’s circle, her fate. All bodies were returned to where they came from. No life-altering impact was made.”
“Thank you,” I say, “for saving my butt.”
She flashes a grin. “Anytime.”
She’s quiet for a while, so I say, “You can tell me, you know. Just hit me with it.”
“Hit you with what?”
“We lost the files, didn’t we? Since I didn’t create a Variant. Once Blue ascended, I’m sure Gesh had him do a touchdown and erase everything.”
“Oh, ye of little faith.”
I lean forward, holding my breath, daring to let myself hope.
Micki laughs at my wide eyes. “Once you got back to Base Life, Porter put you under immediate soulblock. Tre can only ascend to Limbo for a touchdown if he can pull you with him. If he can’t pull you with him…”
“Then he can’t undo the mission.”
“That’s why you’ve been admitted here for the last few weeks. Porter’s soulblock was so strong it completely knocked you out. Your family thinks you passed out here at the hospital while you were visiting Audrey. The doctors have been totally baffled, by the way, trying to figure out why you were unconscious. The longer you aged in Base Life, the longer Tre aged. By now he’s missed his gap. He can’t go back to that precise age in 1978 until his next reincarnation.”
The Untimely Deaths of Alex Wayfare Page 22