by Sara Daniel
Ethan’s marriages and Olivia’s marriage demonstrated that Forever was causing needless divorces and emotional nightmares. The model he thought would fix everyone’s problems was doing more harm than good. Worse, he hadn’t made a positive difference in a single child’s life. Dr. Caleb Paden was a failure.
Chapter 16
Austin sat by his suitcase next to the front door, playing with a model airplane that he and Caleb had modified with cardboard wingtips last night. He jumped to his feet when Olivia came over with Liam. “Dad’s still in the bathroom, so I have time to say goodbye to Caleb, right?”
“I don’t think Dr. Paden wants us to bother him tonight.” He likely didn’t want Olivia to bother him again in this lifetime. A smarter woman would have shut up and listened to what he was saying instead of shooting off her mouth. She apparently wasn’t too smart, because she wasn’t sorry for what she’d said. Caleb needed to know he was loved. Everyone needed that.
“I have to say goodbye,” Austin insisted. “He’s my friend, and you said he’d be gone when I get back.”
“A very quick goodbye,” she agreed. “I’ll come with you.” She didn’t expect Caleb to be friendly, but hopefully Austin was excited enough about his trip that he wouldn’t give the brush-off more than a passing notice. She tickled Liam under the chin, enjoying his drooly, affectionate smile. She couldn’t even think about saying goodbye to this baby.
Austin skipped down the hall and knocked on the door. “Can I come in?”
Caleb grunted something unintelligible. Austin took it for assent and opened the door. Caleb barely glanced at him. He was completely focused on his laptop screen. He didn’t seem to notice Olivia and Liam were in the doorway, as well.
“I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to my sledding buddy.” Austin ran across the room and hugged Caleb’s waist.
He didn’t look comfortable with the sign of affection, but he patted Austin awkwardly on the back. “The sledding was the highlight of my stay.”
“Will you sled with Mom while I’m gone?”
“I’m afraid not. It won’t be the same without you.”
He stood up straight and bounced on his toes. “Will you at least take care of her for me? I asked Ethan to, but he already left and she’s going to be all alone.”
“Austin — ” Olivia crossed the room. She didn’t mind antagonizing Caleb until he exploded, but she didn’t want him to hurt Austin’s feelings when Austin was just being a sweet, friendly kid.
“Your mom can take care of herself just fine until you get back,” Caleb said.
Austin frowned. Olivia tugged on his sleeve. “Say goodbye nicely to Dr. Paden, and then we’re going to leave.”
“Goodbye Caleb.” He lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Caleb’s neck. “It’s okay with me if you decide to live here all the time and be my stepfather. I’ll even let Liam be my little brother.”
“Did your mother put you up to this?” He finally looked at her — glared actually — over Austin’s shoulder.
“No. I said it because I mean it. I love you,” Austin said earnestly.
Olivia set Liam in Caleb’s arms, temporarily distracting him long enough that she could lift Austin into her arms and whisk him out of the room. She wouldn’t let Caleb scar Austin with the emotional freeze-out and denials she’d endured. “You said your goodbye. Let’s see if your dad’s ready to go.”
“Why are you mad?” he asked as she carried him.
Because Caleb didn’t have a clue what kind of gift he was throwing away. He didn’t deserve the trust and affection Austin so generously handed out. Mostly though, she was angry with herself because she loved him anyway. She looped her foot around the door and kicked it closed. “I’m not mad at you,” she assured her son, the true love of her life. “I just want to hug you goodbye and put kisses all over your face.”
“Yuck, not kisses.” He turned his head from side to side to avoid her.
“All right, mister. You leave me no choice but to bring out the tickle monster.”
Austin shrieked and squirmed. They fell to the hallway floor tickling and laughing. Olivia threw herself into the moment. After he left, she would give in to the tears that were stockpiling behind her eyelids. Austin was right. She wasn’t ready for everyone to leave her all alone.
Caleb tried to block the laughter outside his door. In the last hour, he’d scorned the love both Olivia and Austin had thrown at him. They hadn’t scratched his eyes out or acted like the world was coming to an end. No, they were laughing. In the most rebellious recess of his soul, he wanted to cling to their words and damn the consequences.
He beat back the rebel inside. How many times had he listened to his mother despair that she still loved Ralph? Love was not the answer. It didn’t generate a happy ending.
Liam started fussing in his arms.
Caleb sighed. “Not now. I don’t feel like cheering you up.” As soon as he said it, he realized Olivia probably hadn’t felt like cheering Austin either. But she was putting her child first. He looked at Liam. “How about a rousing game of peek-a-boo?”
Liam waved his arms and kicked his legs, as if he understood the idea and loved it.
Caleb set him on the bed, using the sheet for a giant game of peek-a-boo. Soon Liam’s giggles drowned out Austin’s and Olivia’s.
Eventually, Liam grew tired of the game. Caleb picked him up and sat with him on the bed. While they cuddled, he stared out the window. Austin got into a car with his father. Olivia smiled and waved. Caleb stood and walked closer to the window.
Olivia’s lips moved as she focused on her son. I love you. The car began to creep down the driveway and she blew a kiss. She continued to smile and wave. Then her face crumpled and she bit her knuckle. Her shoulders began shaking. Even from a distance with a thick panel of glass separating them, Caleb could see the tears in her eyes. He glanced down the driveway for the car, but it was gone. Olivia rubbed her hands up and down her arms and turned back inside.
The urge to comfort her propelled Caleb toward the door. He quickly backtracked to his desk and seated himself. He had nothing to offer her.
She misses her kid. She’s hardly ever separated from him. She could use a hug, his inner rebel cajoled.
Instead, he shifted Liam in his arms, so he had a free hand to pick up his phone. He’d give the media anecdotal evidence first, so they’d have a story to weave their reports around. Those stories would prove love was the enemy, not the answer, in a marriage. Tomorrow morning, he’d commission his research firm to produce the hard statistics that backed up the stories, and he’d devote a book to laying out the evidence for the public.
He and Beth had lived through the hell of “the wrong way to conduct a marriage.” They knew what was wrong, and love was dead wrong. The problem was he had no experience with the right way. He needed a Forever partner at his side as soon as possible. He needed to get out of Olivia’s house and track down his potential partner, whom his brother was likely corrupting at this very minute.
Olivia sat on Austin’s bed with her arms wrapped around her chest. She hadn’t been prepared for the possibility that Bryce would come earlier than he’d said or want to keep Austin longer. Considering how rarely her son saw his father, she couldn’t deprive him just because her heart felt like it was being ripped out.
Liam’s cries from downstairs eventually roused her, and she walk down to check on him. Caleb was pacing the foyer again. His shirt was hanging lopsided, half-untucked and open at the collar. Even when they’d been sledding, he hadn’t looked this disheveled. “Can you hold him? He won’t settle down for me.”
She reached out and took the baby. She’d savor the time she had with this child and not grieve the future she wouldn’t have with him or his father. As soon as Liam came into her arms, he relaxed and snuggled contently.
“When you read the Forever material, what did you think my position was on love?” Caleb demanded.
She hadn’t expect
ed him to want to talk about love. He’d been so horrified by her confession. “The underlying assumption was the reader loved the person she was with. What’s the point of contemplating marriage or trying to save a troubled marriage if you don’t love your partner?”
“So you loved Bryce?” he accused.
“Yes.”
“Do you still love him?” This time his question was without emotion.
“You’re going to rip me to shreds, regardless of my answer.” She smoothed her hand over Liam’s fuzzy head. She was bruised enough without laying more of herself on the line. “If I still love him and I love you, then I’m throwing my affection at everyone. If I loved him before and I don’t now, then you can blame my fickle, volatile emotions for the demise of my marriage. So take your pick. Believe whatever makes you feel better.”
“I’m past hanging on to what makes me feel better.” He slumped against the wall. “I want to know the truth.”
She wished she could touch him and soothe him. She had no doubt if she tried he would push her away and hurt her more. So she allowed her answer to touch him instead. “The truth is my love started dying when skiing became more important to Bryce than I was. The last of my love died when he chose to spend the night with his latest bimbo instead of coming to the hospital for the birth of his son.”
“I’m sorry.”
She hugged Liam tighter. “He eventually bonded with Austin. That’s what’s important.”
“Austin bonds too easily.”
His complaint teased a smile from her, lightening her melancholy mood even as Liam squirmed in her arms. She forced herself to relax her hold. “When he tied your shoes together, you accused him of the opposite problem. Austin took a while to warm up to you.”
“He’s a great kid.” Caleb sounded defeated and confused as he admitted it. His stuffy, polished image was nowhere to be seen in his sloppy, wrinkled clothes and uncombed hair.
“You have a great kid of your own,” Olivia pointed out, kissing Liam’s forehead. “What are you so bummed about?”
“I just made fifty phone calls to couples who participated in past Forever surveys. Of the people who didn’t hang up on the assumption I was a crank caller, only two couples admitted to not loving each other, and they’re both in the middle of divorce proceedings.”
“Ouch.” He needed to chuck the misguided notions of Forever and channel his need to fix his childhood in a more healthy direction. “I’d like you to look at my plans for renovating the guest rooms and see if there’s any way I can make it more welcoming and easier for kids to adjust. I want them to feel like it’s their home for as long as they stay here.”
His gaze narrowed. “A floor plan doesn’t provide that. People do.”
“Yes, I know. But you’ve had experience being shuffled around and what physical arrangements work best and what makes the situation worse.”
Instead of being pleased that she was seeking his advice, he looked annoyed. “Why don’t you ask Austin what he prefers? He’s the one who has to live with whatever you decide. I’m not qualified to give you advice. You make your own decisions. You’re the one who has to live with them.”
He stormed away, leaving her to stare after him. Liam gurgled, and she looked down at the baby in her arms. The three of them might be alone in the inn together, but Caleb was completely alone.
When he’d first arrived, she wanted him to leave here broken and defeated, but now she couldn’t bear the thought. Caleb wanted to give children normal childhoods even when the parents weren’t capable of offering that normalcy. Olivia wanted to do whatever she could to help him achieve his dream and give him the peace to finally put his own childhood to rest.
“You’re the key,” she told Liam. “Love between a parent and child is the only love that lasts. You’re going to get through to him and heal him.”
She could only hope that her love died quickly and completely. Because if she was wrong about which love lasted, her heart was going to live out its existence in unrequited misery.
Chapter 17
In one day, Penelope’s business had gone from one that couldn’t produce enough income for her to buy dinner to one with enough financial backing to wipe out global hunger. The venture capitalist Ethan had taken her to see had dumped an obscene amount into her company. Then the wife of a Fortune 500 executive had placed custom perfume orders for herself and her husband and promised to spread the word to her friends if she liked the finished product.
Penelope and Ethan were now seated in a Manhattan restaurant where the prices matched the tasteful elegance around them. If she gave in and drank the glass of wine Ethan had ordered for her, she might feel drunk enough to believe she belonged here. Drinking ice water, coupled with her first blush of success, had already made her tipsy.
The waiter set a folder with the check in front of Ethan. She wasn’t going let him pay her half. This wasn’t a date. Ambience, crystal glasses, and breathtakingly handsome men didn’t fit with the kinds of dates Penelope MacDermont went on. She could probably afford the bill without maxing out her credit card, if she didn’t buy anything else for the rest of the month.
Her purse wasn’t on the back of the chair. She twisted to see if it had fallen on the floor. Nope. She was definitely drunk on success. It was the only explanation for why she was all but on her hands and knees looking for it. She hadn’t brought a purse. She only used one when she was trying to blend in at the department store perfume counter, and Ethan had assured her they wouldn’t be doing any of that.
She reached into the back pocket of her jeans — the only pair she owned without a hole in the butt. Empty. She tried the other pocket and came up with a scrap of paper with the words “more jasmine” in an ink-smeared scrawl. With trembling fingers, she lifted her wine glass. She downed the liquid in three gulps as she tried to remember where she’d left her wallet.
She’d set it on her lab table in the basement while she packed the perfumes into her bag. And then, nothing.
Moron. What kind of person traveled across the country with two dozen bottles of perfume and no wallet? No wonder Olivia didn’t think she could take care of herself. To make matters worse, she’d flown in an airplane with no money and no identification. Wasn’t security supposed to flag her as a terrorist or something? Instead, Ethan had introduced her to the pilot and she’d walked right on board.
She looked up. Ethan was watching her. She lifted her chin, refusing to show her mortification. “You’re in charge of my business. You better open an expense account and put dinner on it.” And her hotel room and gas and breakfast and…Oh God, she would go bankrupt before she filled a single perfume order.
He reached across the table for her hand. “Let me do my job of worrying about whether we can afford the expenses of this trip.”
His penchant for always knowing what she was thinking was becoming annoying. She had too many personal feelings she needed to keep from him. “Am I that transparent?”
“Only because I watch you so closely.”
That was hardly comforting. She pulled her hand free. “Why? No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”
“I’ll wait until you’re ready. However long that takes.”
No, he wouldn’t. He’d jet off to Paris with a Victoria’s Secret model or someone equally sophisticated and sexy. And she — well, maybe she wouldn’t go back to Olivia’s basement. She had enough money to build a new lab where she’d make dazzling perfumes for Fortune 500 executives and their spouses. But she’d still be geeky Penelope underneath. Anyone as worldly and handsome and well spoken as Ethan would see through her. And discard her.
Caleb looked up from his desk as Olivia tiptoed in his room. Liam appeared to be sleeping in her arms. She bent over the crib to lay him down. The baby’s fingers curled reflexively around the fabric of her shirt, unwilling to let her go, even in sleep. Regardless of biology, to Liam, she was his mother.
Caleb had become the very person he’d vilified for h
is entire adulthood. He’d let his child get attached to someone who would only be in his life for a short time. In a few hours he would uproot his son and Liam would start over, searching for a mother figure, continually disappointed. Ultimately, Liam would blame Caleb, just as Caleb blamed his mother.
Olivia gently disentangled herself and covered the baby with a blanket. She started to move for the door without looking at him. Caleb couldn’t let her go. He had to do what he’d originally planned when he first stumbled in from the snowstorm — win her over as a convert for Forever. To do that, he had to destroy her faith in love.
“I need to talk to you,” he whispered. He opened the door to the second bedroom of his suite.
She raised an eyebrow but willingly followed him into the adjoining room. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything.”
She gave him a reproachful look. “Everything’s wrong and you want me to fix it? That’s a bit childish.”
He thought it was completely reasonable. Why shouldn’t she fix it? She’d messed with his head by telling him she loved him. She had convinced Liam that she was his mother. “Dedicating my life to correcting the institution of marriage to the betterment of the world’s children is high-minded, not childish.”
“I stand corrected. Now you’re acting like you have a stick up your butt.” She’d shattered his entire purpose in life and then had the nerve to mock him.
“My actions haven’t changed in the last two minutes,” he pointed out. “Your emotions and your interpretation are rolling from one end of the spectrum to the other with no justification.”
She stood very still. “Just like your mother.”
Exactly. “You said you love me. Prove it. Forget the existence of your kid for a couple hours and sleep with me.”
“Are you cashing in on your kiss now?”
That kiss he never should have bet on had nothing to do with this. “I’m suggesting since you love me so much, we have sex.”