by Aceves, Gigi
“I will, if that’s the last thing I do. I love her, Jake. The same love you have for Trish, and the same love your dad has for your mom. I’ll stand by her, you know I will.”
“Even through your fears? And, you do know what fears I’m talking about.” He states as he looks me dead in the eyes.
“I’m more afraid of losing her than anything else. So, yes, my fears of trying for another child are nothing compared to the fear of not having her in my life. She’s the only one I want to have a child with, whom I’m willing to take the risk for. While having a child scares me, I know she’s gonna be right there next to me, guiding me. She freed me from the fear, Jake; and I know, she’ll help me free myself of the pain. That’s what she does to me. She’s the healer of my aches and the fighter of my fears.”
“And, who will that be for her?”
“No one, but me.”
I’m confident in my answer, because as God is my witness, it’s what I’ll do for her. If God gifts us with a child, that’s what I’ll do for both of them. Jake stands and pulls me up as we hug it out. A silent promise from me to him that I’ll stand by his sister even through the darkness.
Someone clearing their throat breaks us as we both turn toward the sound. The man I want to talk to is standing right before me. The man whose heart my precious is about to break to make mine whole. Gunny steps outside, hugs Jake without glancing my way. Before walking into the house, Jake faces me once again, and does the sign of the cross as he points to his dad.
Before I make my way toward Jack, I look at my watch. I have exactly forty minutes until Tami comes. Hopefully, our heart to heart won’t last that long, but since this is Jack, my future father-in-law, I’m thinking it’ll be longer than that. He sits directly across from me, looking straight at me.
“You need to ask me something?”
“I’m asking permission to marry your daughter.”
“Don’t you think that’s her decision?”
“Yes, sir. But out of respect as her father, and you loved her first . . .”
“That doesn’t mean you’ll be the last one to love her. Love doesn’t have an expiration date. Nor, does it worry itself about the whys, hows, and what ifs of life. All it knows, and all it feels is that double thump in your chest that speaks to your partner’s heart, or your daughter’s heart ,or your mother’s, or to anyone that’s willing to love another. So yes, I loved her first, still do until I’m six feet under but sadly, the love I have for her isn’t what she’s looking for. My love for her and hers to me is our own, but our special kind of love couldn’t over power the kind you both share. So, ask me again.”
I’m stumped. I don’t know what he wants me to say. Without looking away, I ask my brain what I should do, but really I should be asking my heart. That’s when it hits me. I don’t need to ask . . . I need to tell him I’m worthy of his daughter’s love, and with confidence, her heart will be taken care of by me, and only me from here on out.
“I’m marrying your daughter. I’m confident in my love for her and hers for me. I’ll treasure her more than anyone could or ever has. She comes first in anything, and in everything she’s my first. I won’t forget how blessed I am to have her love, neither will I take it for granted, sir. She’s safe with me, that I promise you.”
“My only request is to put each other first. If you do that, you won’t have to worry about yourself, because she’s already thinking of you as you are her. It’s a connection you both share, and don’t let the hardships of life severe that. Don’t work against each other, but rather together. When she pushes, stand firm. When she falls, pick her up. When she cries, dry her tears, and trust me when I tell you, she’ll do the same for you. Thank you for loving her. I’m giving her to you, not for you to own, but for you to love and cherish.”
“Thank you for trusting her to me.”
“Couldn’t have picked a better guy for my girl. Right here . . .” he pats his chest. “ . . . she’s my girl. And, right there . . .” he pats mine. “ . . . she’s your woman. When you’re hit with the hardships of life, go through them. . . . always through them never under, or over, or even around them. Always push through together, as a unit. Cherish her faithfully each day, fiercely each time, and eternally until the end of time.”
“Thank you again, sir.”
“Call me Dad. You’ve earned it, Son.”
He pulls me into his arms, and that’s when I know everything in my life has finally come to rest in its perfect spot. I hear people gathering in the kitchen, especially Neil. I’m trying to enjoy the peace outside before going in to meet the chaos. A few deep breaths in, and the excitement in me is beyond controllable.
I walk toward the front yard, just in time to meet her walking my way. Nothing but calmness greets me. How can I even think of trading this for anything? I’d be stupid if I did.
“Hey.”
“Hey, to you too,” she says as she smiles my way.
“Ready for our chaotic, but very tasteful dinner?”
“Thanks for organizing it.”
“It’s our coming out party.”
Giggling she answers, “Coming out? Neil is very out and about.”
“I mean us being together, again. That’s what I mean.”
“We were just on time out.”
I’m trying so hard not to kiss her, because I want to save it for later. As we make our way into the house, she hears one of the quads wailing. She runs and leaves me which is fine by me. It only solidifies my decision to try again for her, knowing my child will be loved completely and fiercely.
After dinner, I take her out on the deck while the rest stay inside, preparing our dessert. This is my go time, where the rubber meets the road; my only hope is I won’t suffer any road rash through it.
“Why are we out here?”
“This place is where everything started for us. You saw everything you probably hate about me in this place. You’ve witnessed a lot of stupid things I’ve done on this very spot. And, while this place may remind you of how I was back then, I hope you’ll see how you have changed me. How your love changed everything about me.”
I pull her toward the tree she loves to sit under when she reads. Hanging on the branches are mason jars with water and tea lights floating inside them. Then, I hand her one of the tree slices she’ll get throughout this journey.
“Read it when I leave. I want you to pick a path for yourself without me hovering over you. I want you to finish our story the way you want it to unfold. I hope we see each other at that fork in the road, because there’s no one . . . no one I’d walk this road with but you.”
I leave her alone with my heart in her hands.
TAMI
I FLIP OVER THE TREE slice as soon as he walks into the house. What’s etched on it is a question my heart already know the answer to.
If you truly accept my fears, would you still be with me even if I didn’t want to try again? If it’s a yes, go find my mom; if not, send her to me because I’ll need her to comfort me.
This is a no brainer for me. When you truly love someone, you love their faults and their issues come what may. As long as my faith is intact in the One Being who controls my destiny, everything will work out for good. Then, I ask myself, if it were reversed and I couldn’t give him a child, would he still be with me? I would like to think his answer will be the same as mine, and I know without a shadow of a doubt, it would be. So, I go in search of his mom.
I start laughing when I find her sitting next to the score board we used back in the day for the boys’ hook-up Barbies, then she says, “The choice you make now defines your future. When we lost our first, it took us a while to try again. At times, I thought we wouldn’t ever get the one thing we craved the most, but life has a weird way of telling you when. Allow it to happen with you together.” Then, she hands me the next tree slice.
I flip it over, nervous to find out what question waits me.
When is it time to stop for you? When i
t hurts too much for me, or for us? If it’s for me, go find my dad; if it’s for us, go find yours.
Another no brainer. I go in search of my dad, because in a relationship, there’s never an I, or a me, or a him, or you; but there’s always an us, just as how my dad taught us. I find him sitting in Brian’s spot in the living room—his favorite recliner. I kneel in front of him as he reaches for my hand.
“I want you to remember that in life, there are no guarantees. It can change on a dime, in the blink of an eye, but one thing holds true, you and Brian will always be an ‘us.’ When you fall, he’ll pick you up; and when he does, you’ll do the same. It’s a partnership of two, not one. Two halves make a whole, sweetheart. Now, go find your other half.”
He then hands me another tree slice, and of course, another question.
Do you want to meet me at the fork in the road? If yes, come find me.
Without telling me where to find him, I know where he’ll be waiting. I just have to go back to where we started. True enough, I find him standing on the deck, his back facing me waiting patiently.
BRIAN
“Is this the fork in the road?”
Even before she speaks, I feel her presence. I weave my fingers with hers, I turn to face her. “That’s right. I want you to be my wife, but first, let me finish the story of us. Life has a way of forcing acceptance in the most painful of ways, and the day we lost our baby, the pain tore me up worse than the first time. Not because I love my first baby any less, but because the life we lost, I made with you. I wanted that with you so badly, not because it’s what you’ve been wanting, but because I wanted it for us. I wanted to be the father of your children, but I was blinded by fear; I couldn’t see what was in front of me.” I gently cradle her face while my eyes are swimming in worry and pain.
She lays her palm against my chest, rubbing it gently, giving me comfort. “I understand, babe.”
Willing myself to talk through the pain, I force my own tears back. “I’ve witnessed so many deaths, yet losing two of my own is the worst ache I could ever imagine; but losing you is something I couldn’t survive, please don’t make me. I see our love story ending with you walking to me wearing a white dress, the smile on your face that lights up my world. I see us making love under the night sky; with me loving you and you holding me. I see us having kids, and I see you holding my hand through it all. I see a home filled with love because of you. Everything that spins in my world is because of you. I see all of this in my mind, and I need your help. . . . I desperately need your help to make it all come true. You’re my world, Tami. Make my world spin again, because it stopped the moment you let me go.”
“I’m yours, you know that.”
Swiftly, I kneel before her, not on one knee, but on both. My left hand is anchored securely on her hip as I look up at her with love radiating from her eyes, and her whole being enclosing the entirety of me.
“Marry me. Make it real for me—for us. Let’s put the ‘happily ever after’ on our story.”
“Are you sure?” Looking down at me, she asks a simple question; the answer also carries a lot of weight.
“As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, Tami. I know you’re thinking about my fears or my doubts, but they’ve got nothing compared to the fear of losing you. The thought alone puts me in a wicked tailspin that I couldn’t—wouldn’t survive. So, yes, I’m sure.”
She clasps my face with shaky hands while I allow her eyes to find comfort and strength in mine. “Then, yes. I’ll choose you every time over anything. Yes, I love you even with your fears. I’m not afraid of them, so you don’t need to be.”
I dig the ring in my pocket, and as soon as she says the magic word, I slip that sucker on her finger. Immediately, I stand and kiss her as though my life depends on it. All too soon, she ends it, but we have a lot of time later . . . much later.
“Why your mom and my dad? Why’d you pick them?”
“Because she’s the one I’m leaving for you, and your dad is the one you’re leaving for me. Also, my mom knows my fears, and your dad knows your strengths. Thank you for meeting me here.”
She brushes her nose against mine, then says, “Thank you for showing me how to get here.”
When she said yes, it was as though a load had been lifted off my chest. I never thought a single word could mean and do so much. A word that most times I ignore the meaning of, but now—now that she said yes, my life is complete. It’s close to perfection—however, perfection is in this world.
TAMI
I LOVE THIS MAN MORE than anyone I’ve ever loved before. My everything is him and in that everything—the more he gives me, I’ve learned to be less. Less of myself to be more for us. I have to surrender my heart to Him to help overcome and understand Brian’s fears. I have to conform to His will, to survive the fear of what the future holds for us. I have to allow Him to transform my mind to accept Brian’s faults and shortcomings.
“You make me so happy. I want to take you to our room and forget about everyone here. Who cares if they hear how I can make you scream? We’ve been apart for far too long.”
I’m almost tempted to say yes and let him whisk me away, instead I hug him a little tighter and allow myself to get intoxicated with his smell a little longer. I’m not as open as Roxy or as flamboyant as Neil, so our exit needs to be on the subtle side.
He continues to nibble on my neck as he whispers, “Come on. Can’t wait. Need to sink inside you.”
Oh, sweet baby Jesus, this boy is making me wetter than a tourist on board the Maid of the Mist Tour at Niagara Falls. I quickly look at the sliding glass door where everyone is plastered watching us. I look at Trish for help, with one simple look from me and a nod from her, she starts the herding of our crew, including our parents. Once Roxy and Neil get wind of what Trish is trying to do, they weren’t that subtle.
Neil stands on the coffee table as he talks like a tour guide. “That concludes our tour of ‘How to Propose to a Cougar.’ Exits are straight ahead, please follow the lady with the cute baby bump and the hot mama who birthed four cutie pies. Hup, two, three, and march. Onward my man candies and parentals, we need to leave this joint and allow the lovers to get reacquainted with each other.”
Thankfully, our parents are so used to Neil, they just laugh it off. I mouth ‘thank yous’ to my girls, and that includes Neil, before my overly impatient fiancée carries me to our room. I already know this will be a combination of sweet and slow; rough and fast. While my mind is just barely trying to get use to that thought, I feel my back hitting the wall as my body slowly slithers against his. My feet barely touch the floor when his husky voice awakens my sleeping core.
“Wider, angel.”
Toeing my BCBG Conrad Heels off, I try my hardest to keep my legs apart, but seriously, how can I when I’m wearing my black pencil skirt. Tired of waiting, he pushes my skirt up as he moves my panties to the side, then he starts to torturously play with my clit. A sensual, throaty moan escapes my lips, which excites him enough to plunge his middle finger deep inside of me followed by another as I continue to grind shamelessly against his hand.
As I continue to writhe and wantonly cry out in pleasure, he satisfies his mouth by devouring mine. My body is about to skyrocket to the heavens, needing that release I’ve been holding for far too long.
“Oh . . .”
“Let it go, angel. You owe me a whole lot of those. I can’t wait to run my tongue all over your body, make you ask for it while I take you hard and fast. How do you want it, angel?”
His voice, his words, his fingers sliding deeper, moving faster drives me closer and closer to the edge, teetering precariously. I want to reach the peak of release in the sweetest and most enjoyable of falls. He takes me there hard and fast as another breathy moan escapes me, my whole body sags in satisfaction. He pulls out of me after flicking my sensitive bud one last time, making my body spasm again earning a satisfied groan from my future husband.
“I can’t wait to
be inside you.”
I can’t really say much, my body is still floating in the air. Instead, I just nod in agreement. He slowly undresses me while I watch his fingers glide down my hips as he pulls my skirt and my panties, both landing on the floor where he wants them. His fingers move mercilessly slow from the outside of my thigh then inward, as his middle finger teasingly grazes the folds of my vagina travelling north. Without releasing his transfixed hold on my eyes, he works his way up my blouse one button at a time until he unclasps the last one, leaving me in nothing but my bra.
I say a quick thank you that I picked this bra since it has a front clasp which makes thing so much easier. Pinching it with his thumb and pointer finger, he slides his thumb upward and magically my breasts are on full display.
“We need to take this to the bed, angel, or I’ll take you here against the wall,” he says between kisses.
“Move.”
Kiss.
“Now.”
Kiss.
“Can’t wait.”
Kiss.
“Need to be inside you.”
Kiss.
Nip.
Pull.
Bite.
Swipe of his tongue.
Oh, so soothing.
My mind is all over the place much like my hands, fingers, lips, tongue. They’re all in a frenzied state because of lust, longing, and desire for him. Weeks of being without his tender touch and soft kisses have turned me into a needy sexually deprived woman searching for my man’s heat.
He lifts me up and carries me to our bed without releasing my lips. My hold on him is as equally solid as the strokes of his tongue against mine. His kisses aren’t meant to own me, but rather to complete me; the completion is made perfect because of our love for each other.
Gently, he lays me down on our bed as he proceeds to bestow kisses and nips on my breasts. Sucking gently then hard, licking to soothe and biting to entice, over and over he gives both his undivided attention. I squirm underneath him expressing vocally how his lips are driving me insane.