by Kit Tunstall
“As of now, you are confined to this room. There will be no more shopping trips or volunteer work. You won’t be joining me for functions or enjoying any of your previous privileges.”
“How I shall miss them,” she said sardonically.
His mouth tightened, but he didn’t respond to her taunt. “Your sole job now is to ensure the healthy development of my child.”
Maybe she wasn’t as apathetic as she’d believed, because that rankled. “My child too.”
He scoffed. “You have no rights to that child, Madison. You’ll be lucky to have any part in this beyond incubator. If you want to have a role in his or her life, you’re going to have to earn it with trustworthy behavior.”
“Which I have done since you ripped me from my family.” She had to resist the urge to throw one of the bottles behind her in his direction. “You are the one who doesn’t trust and has no faith. I can’t ever win with you, because you don’t want me to. I’m under no illusion exactly what will happen to me after the baby’s born.”
He glowered. “I trusted you, and you have betrayed me twice now.”
“How do you figure?”
He held up a finger. “First, you ran away.”
Madison rolled her eyes. “Only after you were an obstinate ass who wouldn’t listen to me.”
Tiernan pressed on, lifting a second finger. “Then you joined the rebels, tried to kill me, and helped kill three other people in the process. I don’t care if you didn’t make the dynamite or plant the bomb yourself. You’re just as culpable for Cleo’s death as the rest of the rebels.”
Madison compressed her lips. “Yes, I know. I have been convicted by the court of Tiernan. Am I to serve a life sentence?”
He regarded her impassively. “That depends on your behavior. If you can be a good mother, you’ll be allowed to stay in Seattle-Archer until my child no longer needs you.”
She had to take a deep breath to breathe through the pain his words caused. At what point would he consider her unnecessary? At age two, when the baby was ready to wean? Perhaps when he or she started school, around age seven? Surely, no later. He wouldn’t want to risk her tainting the future commander’s upbringing with compassion or anything contrary to his views. “When I’m no longer needed?”
He shrugged. “Perhaps I’ll let you go home, if the rebels have been disbanded.” His nostrils flared. “If I ever catch you plotting against me again, you will go in front of the tribunal to face the consequences of your actions.”
Sadness filled her, and she blinked back tears that pride wouldn’t let fall. “I can promise you I’ll do nothing to you, Tiernan. If I never see you again, I’ll be just as happy as you will be, no doubt.” Her limbs seemed to weigh a hundred pounds each, but she forced herself to walk proudly to the bed, turning her back on him as she climbed in. She no longer had the urge to ask him to join her. “Turn the light off when you leave.”
A second later, she heard his boots clicking on the wooden floor, followed by the light extinguishing. She strained to hear him walk down the stairs, and the heavy door slammed shut a few seconds later. “Don’t come back,” she whispered, though her heart broke at the thought of never seeing him again. Her mind took a different turn, and in her anger, she wished she had never met him. Failing that, she hoped he would leave her to wallow in the tower, forget her existence, and allow her at least a little time with her baby before he sent her away.
The urge to cry remained, but she couldn’t summon the energy to let the tears fall. The events of the day had left her drained, and she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep within minutes of closing her eyes. Even the aching loneliness of having the bed to herself, and of knowing how much Tiernan hated and distrusted her, couldn’t keep her from slumber.
*****
Madison appeared to have gotten her wish. She spent endless days in the cupola without seeing Tiernan, or much of anyone else, for that matter. A rotating cabal of maids brought her meals and restocked toiletries and towels as needed. Dr. Oritz came to see her once per week, and she quickly grew to hate the sight of him. He wasn’t a mean man, but he was just another reminder of Tiernan’s cruelty and lack of trust.
Other than when she saw the doctor, which always stirred her ire, she tried to dwell in an emotionless state. Madison focused on nothing, finding it easier to lie in bed and let a void of no thoughts fill her mind as the days progressed. She ate mechanically, but only for the baby, and often couldn’t finish the trays brought to her.
What did it matter? What did anything matter? For a time, she was hopeless and depressed, but as the days passed, she became numb. Even losing Tiernan didn’t hurt that much now. Nothing hurt, and she preferred it that way. It was better to be distant and separated from messy emotions. No one noticed or cared anyway.
When she wasn’t lying on the bed, she would sit in front of the windows in a rocking chair for hours, staring through the bars as she looked through the bustle of people on the streets below, not really seeing anything. Sometimes, she slipped into memories of her life before Tiernan. Occasionally, she let herself remember the better times she’d had with him, like the tender way he’d held her after lovemaking, or the night he’d given her the pink sapphire necklace.
After that memory came to her, she stirred herself from her ceaseless rocking to tear through the items he had permitted to be transferred to the closet in her new cell. Tears welled when she accepted the jewelry box wasn’t there, and definitely not the pink sapphire pendant. For some reason, that hurt almost as much as his easy acceptance of her supposed betrayal, and she sank to the floor of the closet, crying silent tears.
At some point, the tears dried, and she got to her feet, making her way back to the bed, where she stayed for the rest of the night and the next two days, staring at the ceiling, her food trays ignored. Maids whisked away full ones from the previous meal at the next serving time, replaced by other trays at which she never even glanced. The pleasant numbness seemed to permeate her bones, and she embraced it, seeking escape from the horrible state of her life. This time when Dr. Oritz came to see her, she didn’t even manage a shred of anger for him or Tiernan. What did it matter?
*****
Tiernan was starting to feel like a shell of himself. He was going through the motions, but everything seemed to have lost its meaning. The only way he got through was working from the time he rose until long after dark, so he could fall into bed exhausted each night. Even then, he often required a cognac, or two, to ease him into slumber. He tried to ignore her missing presence in his bed, to pretend it didn’t leave a gaping hole in his insides. Having spent thirty-two years sleeping alone, except for his one-night companions and Madison, it should have been simple to sleep without another presence in the bed.
Last night had been another night dominated by insomnia, and he was on his third cup of coffee, made from the beans grown in the government greenhouse a few miles away. Since it was a scarce resource, he usually confined himself to one or two cups per month, but he had surely exhausted most of the year’s supply in the past three weeks.
He looked up as his door opened so Aidan could stick his head inside. “The doctor would like to speak with you. Should I send him in?”
Tiernan frowned. “I didn’t send for a doctor.”
His friend cleared his throat, flushing a bit. “Um, he was here to see…her.”
Ah, “her.” Tiernan nodded abruptly, mouth tight. He didn’t require clarification as to “her” was. Everyone seemed to tiptoe around him these days, and he hadn’t heard “her” name in days. He could have told Aidan that it didn’t matter if he said her name or not. She rarely left his thoughts. Not a day passed where he didn’t spend a large chunk of it analyzing her actions, questioning if there had been a way to stop her from reaching that point—other than the obvious of not forcing her to become his personal companion in the first place. Pushing aside the familiar thoughts, he asked, “What does the doctor want?” At Aidan’s shrug, he sighed.
“Show him in.”
Dr. Oritz shuffled in a moment later, standing awkwardly before Tiernan, who didn’t invite him to sit. After a hesitation, the doctor cleared his throat. “I’m worried about Miss Cole, Commander Archer.”
“Why?”
“She hasn’t eaten at all for three days, according to the maids, and wasn’t eating much before that either. Miss Cole has lost too much weight, and her mental state seems fragile.” Oritz twisted his hands as he rattled off his concerns.
When the man fell silent, Tiernan leaned forward. “She’ll get over it when she realizes I won’t change my mind.” The doctor looked like he wanted to argue, but he waved him away without providing the opportunity.
After Oritz departed, Tiernan briefly considered his concerns before dismissing them. She must be trying to manipulate him to gain some kind of favor. As long as he didn’t yield, she would soon give up. After all, Madison wouldn’t risk losing the child. She wasn’t the woman he’d thought, but he believed she would care for the baby, including before birth.
*****
Madison remembered to eat a little breakfast before losing herself in comforting numbness. She stayed in that state until sometime after dusk, when pain shot through her pelvis. It pulled her out of the thick fog she had been using to hide from reality. Another pain hit, and she moaned again. Curling into a ball, she cried out repeatedly as the pain intensified.
At some point, someone must have heard her distress. She was aware of a soldier entering, but remained too focused on what was happening in her body to acknowledge his inquiries. More time passed, and Tiernan entered the room. It hurt to see him, reminding her of what she had endured the past few weeks. Desperately, she tried to immerse herself in the familiar haze.
Lost in physical pain and mental anguish, she only surfaced again when she saw Oritz hovering above her. He was a symbol for all her rage, and she flinched from his hand. “Don’t touch me. You’ve taken everything else, but you can’t have my baby.” When he persisted, she fought and screamed until she had pressed herself against the headboard as hard as she could, kicking at anyone who came near her. Her baby must have died, but she was keeping it with her as long as possible.
*****
Out of desperation, Tiernan sent his soldiers to bring back Susan Ward, hoping Madison would accept that woman’s help. He watched Madison with genuine concern as she settled into a quiet state, rocking back and forth as she cradled her stomach, occasionally grimacing with obvious pain.
He grimaced too, squirming with shame that he had dismissed Oritz’s concerns. If he had bothered to check on her, one glance would have confirmed her weight loss and general fragility. It had been so easy to believe she was trying to manipulate him. He hadn’t accepted the alternative because he couldn’t. The idea of losing the baby cut through him, but even that agony paled in comparison to losing Madison. After everything she’d done, he still lov—wanted her.
Susan arrived within twenty minutes, and to his relief, Madison fell against her in a sobbing heap, crying about her dead baby. Feeling like a coward, he slipped from the room, immediately sending for a maid to transfer her belongings back to his suite as soon as Susan cleared her to move down three flights of stairs. It was time he returned her where she belonged. It didn’t matter what she had done, or that she wasn’t trustworthy. He’d rather sleep with one eye open than continue sleeping without her.
He paced restlessly as he waited, barely reining in the impulse to grab Susan and demand answers when she eventually emerged from the cupola room nearly an hour later. “How is she?”
Susan eyed him with barely concealed contempt. “Malnourished, exhausted, and on the edge of emotional collapse, but she’s still pregnant—which is all you care about, I’m sure.”
He sagged with relief. “What about her? Can she safely carry a baby to term?”
The woman’s expression thawed marginally. “Yes, if she starts eating again and chooses to get better.” Susan shook her head. “I can’t believe you would think so little of her as to accept she was plotting against you.”
He stiffened. “That isn’t your business.”
“Maybe not, but it’s yours if you want that baby born. Right now, it’s all she has, and since you’re planning to take it from her sometime after its birth, she’s having a hard time finding enough strength to carry on.”
Tiernan swallowed, finding it difficult to meet the healer’s recriminatory gaze. “I don’t plan to take the baby from her unless she continues betraying me.”
“Having her live in fear won’t get your heir here safely, Commander.” Susan shook her head. “I don’t understand how this happened. She was so excited to tell you that day.”
Tiernan flinched. “She found out the day she disappeared?” His mouth tightened. “No wonder she requested extraction before I found out. She must have known she would be too heavily guarded to escape once I knew about the baby.”
Susan snorted. “I saw a woman nervous about her lover’s reaction and concerned you wouldn’t be happy with her meddling in the cold way you plan to raise your heir, not someone desperate to escape.”
He frowned. “We see what we want to see.” Hadn’t he seen a woman who professed her love and appeared to be sincere, when she had been plotting against him for who knew how long?
Susan just shook her head. “Clearly, but I want to tell you one more thing, to enhance your view. She didn’t hesitate to refuse a termination when I offered it, after she expressed her apprehension that you wouldn’t want her to be that baby’s mother. If she was so desperate to get away, and hated you so much, I think she’d have jumped at the chance to be rid of your heir.” With a click of her tongue, she said, “I’ll come by tomorrow. Maybe you would consider moving her to a cell closer to the main living area, so someone can hear her if she has more cramps or starts bleeding.” Without another word, she turned her back on the commander of the Federation and walked away, leaving little doubt that she considered him lower than the sole of her shoe.
He wanted to tell her not to come back if she couldn’t show some respect, but she was the only one Madison would accept. And he had a niggling suspicion he might deserve her contempt and disrespect. Had he made a huge error in judgment by accepting the journal and her presence with the rebels as proof of her complicity? He didn’t know, but he needed to find out.
Chapter Eighteen
Madison had taken an herbal drink Susan gave her, which knocked her out for several hours. When she woke, dismay spread through her to find herself back in Tiernan’s suite, in his bed. Well, dismay and a tiny surge of pleasure that emanated from a traitorous part of her that still hadn’t accepted he was the enemy, not someone she should love and miss.
Cautiously, she sat up as her pelvis twinged, and nausea surged up her throat. A deep breath helped her keep from vomiting, but the bile crept higher when she saw Tiernan sitting at the dining table with enough food to feed an army spread before him. Last night was a bit of a haze, but she remembered the pain and Susan’s visit. Gingerly, she touched her stomach, amazed she was still pregnant after the pain she’d had yesterday.
“Susan will be by later to see you,” said Tiernan, his expression neutral and his tone polite.
Madison nodded, sliding from the bed carefully. Her head spun, and she had to remain still for a moment as she got to her feet. Clutching the bedpost, she waited for the vertigo to pass.
“Do you need help?”
She shook her head, not looking in his direction. The sight of him made her nausea worse, and he filled her with so many conflicting emotions that she couldn’t begin to sort them out this early in the morning, still half-drugged, and in her current state. With careful steps, she shuffled into the bathroom to take care of morning needs, wash her face, and stare at her hideous countenance in the mirror. Her pale skin enhanced the purple bruises under her eyes. Her hair crackled with static electricity around her head and was a flyaway mess. How long had it been since she had wa
shed or combed it? Time had lost all meaning, and she couldn’t recall.
With a half-shrug, she turned away from the mirror without bothering to try to smooth the strands. It didn’t matter what she looked like. Just because she had “earned” a reprieve from the cupola because of her threatened miscarriage didn’t mean Tiernan gave a damn about her, or what she looked like. He only cared about the child, and that had to be her sole focus too.
Regret shot through her as she remembered the fear last night, when she had been so certain she’d lost the baby. Her own actions had precipitated the scare, and she knew she would have to do better. In future, she would have to focus on the present instead of trying to lose herself in the comfort of numbness.
Feeling a tiny bit of renewed resolve, Madison left the bathroom to return to the table, hoping Tiernan would already be gone. No such luck. She grimaced as she took a seat, eyeing the food on the table without interest. As she continued staring at it, Tiernan swore and picked up a plate, heaping it with a variety of offerings. She leaned back as he put it in front of her with a thunk of china against wood. The smell hit her, and she had to clamp a hand over her mouth to keep from throwing up. “Take it away,” she said behind her hand.