by Hart, Renee
“Thanks for coming. This is nice,” Daniel said. He was smiling at her like he knew that she had started feeling uncomfortable about herself. His eyes were full of concern and reassurance.
“The food? Or the company of me and my invisible son?” Judith laughed a little to herself.
“Both. We should do this again. With or without the invisible children,” Daniel said clearing his throat and washing his nerves down with a gulp of his beer. Judith sucked in a breath, but pretended to keep her cool. Her insides danced around and she had to pause to get her mind straight.
“I would like that very much,” she finally said. She tried her best to sound casual and it almost came off as disinterested, but she made up for it with a bright smile. It made Daniel’s eyes brighten, and he smiled even wider; his white teeth gleaming under the hanging light above them.
“I’d like that too.”
***
“Congratulations Judy.”
Judith eyed her coworker Mellisa with a look of utter bemusement.
“For?” Judith asked. Mellisa was already gone before the question came out of Judith’s mouth.
A few more of her coworkers walked over to her to congratulate her, and a few clapped. She was too confused to ask any more questions, but she smiled at them and walked as calmly as she could to her station. She was just about to sit down when Nicky appeared.
“Can I see you in my office?” Nicky asked. Judith nodded, placed her bag on the floor in front of her chair, and followed Nicky. Neither of them spoke until the door was shut behind them.
“So I’m totally confused. What’s going on with everyone?” Judith asked.
“You haven’t checked your email yet then…” Nicky said. Her mouth widened in a cringe of a frown.
“I haven’t even been able to sit at my desk. What’s going on? Am I pregnant or something? You’d think I’d be the first person to know if I was.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Everyone keeps congratulating me, and I have no idea why,” Judith hissed.
“Oh right, that,” Nicky’s eyes wandered about her office. She was sheepishly avoiding Judith’s gaze. “I’ve been meaning to tell you…”
“Am I getting promoted?” Judith asked more to herself than to Nicky. She beamed and nodded approvingly to herself.
“Close. Kind of. Ok, not at all. The truth is...” Nicky said. She was obviously trying to stall.
“The truth is,” she said again after a breath. She was still cringing, like she was about to rip off a band-aid on a very gruesome wound. “I entered you in our annual raffle and you won.”
“You did what?” Judith said. Now her full attention was on Nicky.
“I thought it could be fun. And you just happened to win. Yay Nicky. Thanks,” Nicky replied. She raised her arms and tried celebrating herself on Judith’s behalf. Judith wasn’t having any of that.
“But I hate raffles. I don’t want any of the attention. And a makeover? You think I really need one?” Judith asked. Her shoulders sank as she talked.
Nicky’s expression finally changed, and she used her eyes to point at Judith as if to let Judith know that she most certainly needed a makeover. Judith was wearing a long sleeved striped shirt that had a pink guitar on the front of it and black leggings. She had on matching black flats and headband, but she looked like she was on her way to running errands after having gone to the gym.
“I thought this was so much nicer than what I wore on Friday,” Judith said in her own defense.
“Jude, you look like a mom.”
“I am a mom,” Judith said. She frowned in a way that made her mouth look like that of a dead fish. It was for comedic effect, but she was still a little hurt.
“I know. I just meant that you look like a new mom who’s too busy taking care of a baby to dress nicely because that same baby may just puke on all your nicer clothes,” Nicky said.
“Very drole and epigrammatic actually. I’m not sure what to do with a situation like this. Like what happens now?”
“Now is the part where you thank me, and after your makeover you let me take you shopping so we can get you some clothes better suited for your age and personality,” Nicky said. She gave Judith two thumbs up and grinned.
Judith couldn’t stay mad at Nicky. Her boss clearly meant well.
“And what happens if I do agree to it?” Judith exhaled, defeated.
“Oh nothing much. Just a spread in the local newspaper and for Pure Touch magazine, among other things,” Nicky muttered and ran all of her words together, but Judith heard every word. Now was certainly the time to be mad at Nicky.
“A magazine spread? Are you out of your mind?” Judith hissed. She wasn’t going to raise her voice in case anyone outside could hear. But this wasn’t what she signed up for. In fact, she didn’t sign up for this at all.
Nicky had taken it upon herself to make a decision for Judith without her permission and was now subjecting her to be a laughing stock in a magazine for thousands of people to see. She was half expecting Nicky to say she was going to be on a morning talk show too.
Judith didn’t want this. She didn’t want any of this. The last thing she wanted was more attention on herself when she would rather focus on her work and just live her life.
Nicky sighed and looked helplessly at Judith.
“I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do. It’s supposed to happen over the weekend, so you have a couple of days to think it through and you can let me know by Thursday,” Nicky said. Judith could see the remorse in her eyes.
“I know you mean well Nick. I just don’t think that this is the thing for me, especially if my pictures are gonna be plastered everywhere,” Judith said.
“Don’t think about the pictures. Think about how you’d feel with a fresh new look. A new look that’s more fitting with who you are. Don’t think about it now, but just be sure to let me know by Thursday,” Nicky said. Now there was a slight squeak of hopefulness in her voice.
“Fine,” Judith grumbled.
“Fine you’ll do it?” Nicky’s voice raised another octave.
“Fine I’ll think about it. But I’m pissed off, and I don’t think that’s gonna change by Thursday,” Judith said as she wagged her finger at Nicky. Her eyes narrowed but she refrained from saying anything else. Nicky was cool, but she was also Judith’s boss, and Judith didn’t want to get fired for saying something stupid.
She let out an audible exhale and slowly walked out of Nicky’s office, trying her best to avoid anybody who may have felt the need to congratulate her for a prize she wasn’t even sure she wanted to accept.
Chapter Four
Judith and Anton were in the kitchen that night when she decided to let him know about her prize. She wasn’t sure why she felt embarrassed even mentioning it, but for some reason she either wanted his approval, or she wanted him to say it was a bad idea, so she wouldn’t seem like a coward for turning it down. He took it better [or worse] than she thought.
“I think that would be awesome, mom,” Anton said. He was setting plates on the small table near the kitchen. Their dining space was for “unmessy and important guests” so the two of them sat in the kitchen to eat.
“You do?” That wasn’t what Judith expected to hear. If he approved of it then she couldn’t let him down. If she told Nicky that she wasn’t going to accept the prize, then her son would be disappointed, and that would mean she’d be disappointed in herself too. She would have to explain that it was because she was too afraid to be seen as anything other than who she already was.
“Yeah. I mean you’ve looked the same since...well since forever. I don’t even remember what your real hair looks like.”
“Just grow your hair out for a year, you’ll figure it out.”
“Hah see?” Anton said. He pointed at her and raised his eyebrows.
“See what?”
“You do anything to avoid talking about yourself. If it’s your physical
appearance or if someone challenges your wit, you derail and resort to humor,” he said.
“You’ve been talking to your father lately huh?” Judith asked. She caught herself and realized she was doing just what her son said she did. She went to humor and talking about her ex in order to bring the attention off of herself.
Anton was right. To take the conversation away from her, she needed to make other people laugh. She never talked about her personal life with anyone. She also didn’t like when anyone talked about the way she looked, whether it was her hair, makeup, or the way that she dressed.
“I talk to dad once a week and he actually hasn’t mentioned you. It’s just something I notice about you,” he said. He looked at her with an interesting expression, like he was searching his mind for the right words to say next. He was a lot more philosophical and wise than he let on. Judith couldn’t believe he spent so much of his time on video games when he actually had great grades and a deep mind.
“Like...what would make you happy?”
Judith was about to answer with a hilarious rejoinder but thought better of it. She was just going to continue to prove his point that way.
“You already make me happy,” Judith said sweetly.
“Don’t joke mom.”
“I’m not joking. You make me happy and you make me proud,” she ruffled his hair and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He smirked briefly before putting the utensils on the small kitchen table.
“But that can’t be enough for you mom. Don’t you want to try something new? Maybe fall in love again? It’s hard to fall in love at your age with that shade of blonde and those leggings. At least not the kind of love you deserve.”
“I’m gonna start telling your dad to communicate with you via carrier pigeon,” Judith grumbled. She saw the angry look on Anton’s face and retreated. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make everything a joke, but to be completely honest, I’m scared.”
“Of a little makeup and some dresses?...” Anton said. He chortled. It was foreign to him to believe that his mother could be afraid of anything so harmless.
“Of being different than what I, or anyone around me, is used to. Of feeling exposed. My clothes are big because they hide a lot of me. My hair is this color because I didn’t think who I was was enough,” Judith bit her lip to keep her voice from cracking.
Anton’s face softened when he saw his mother. He had no idea that she was so insecure. He had thought for most of his life that his mother dressed the way she did in order to hang onto some aspect of her youth.
Anton wrapped his long, thin arms around his mother and she sank into his embrace. She didn’t cry. Instead she took several deep breaths and then returned the hug.
“I think this makeover thing could make you a little happier with who you are,” Anton said softly, and added, “You’ve always been beautiful to me mom.”
Judith smiled and hugged her son tighter.
“Sidenote, when are you going back over to Max’s?” Anton asked.
“That was a total switch in mood and conversation. Don’t you go there all the time?”
“Right, but I wasn’t talking about me, I was specifically talking about you.”
Judith pulled away from the hug and looked up at her son. He had a wide smile on his face, one where his mouth was closed but his lips were curled up really high on his cheeks. It was a smile of smugness and Judith was going to get to the bottom of it.
“Why would I go over to Max’s?” Judith asked. She tilted her head and squinted her eyes at him.
“To spend some time with Daniel,” Anton said. He shrugged like it was no big deal and started spooning some food onto his plate.
“What are you talki…?” Judith started to ask. Her voice trailed off when she saw the look that Anton gave her.
“Please. Everybody knows that you have a thing for Daniel. You’re the only one who doesn’t seem to notice that he’s got a thing for you too.”
Chapter Five
Against her better judgment, Judith had agreed to take her Friday off to go shopping with Nicky. Nicky had done most of the talking, and walking, and definitely most of the shopping. Judith mostly gawked or scrunched up her face. Nicky was positive that the clothes would look amazing on Judith, and they were only getting started. Nicky looked like she was shopping for herself with the way she pulled things off the racks and started explaining [to an obviously bemused Judith] what each outfit was good for, and how it would make her body look, and what colors looked just right on her.
Nicky had picked out three outfits for Judith but wanted to wait until after the actual makeover before taking her out shopping again. She had picked out stylish black pants that fit Judith’s curves amazingly and a top that had unusual and intricate patterns on it. It looked ugly to Judith, but when she tried it on everything went well together. It matched her shape and she almost felt like a different person.
There was also a maxi dress that was an ombre purple with a few patterns on it. It was a bit more casual, but even that made Judith look more mature than how she did in her son’s button up shirts and her Vans slip ons.
Lastly, and something that Nicky said was crucial in every woman’s wardrobe was the little black dress. The one she picked out for Judith was actually perfect. It had a little white collar and there was a nicely shaped hole in the back where you could see the natural curvature of her spine. It hugged her hips but got a bit loose before ending just above Judith’s knees. Along the sides, the fabric changed. It had a slight tinge of sparkle to it, but it was all the same shade of black.
“This,” Nicky had said when they went to pay for it, “this is the one you should wear when you do your spread for Pure Touch magazine.”
Her words still echoed in Judith’s ears and the echo matched the rhythm of Judith’s pounding heart. It was Saturday, and she was sitting in a salon chair and waiting for a famous hair stylist to butcher her entire look and turn her into something she wasn’t. That’s what her mind told her anyway. She expected them to have her hair changed back to its original color and just made bone straight and boring. Her makeup artist wasn’t going to show up until the next day.
Her interview and photoshoot with Pure Touch magazine was scheduled for late Sunday afternoon. She was anxious, but it was coupled with excitement. As much as she worried about and dreaded the experience, she was secretly excited to see what she would look like.
“Are you Judith Dawkins?” a short excited looking man practically fluttered into the room. His shirt was purple and over it was a dark gray vest. He had the thinnest line of eyeliner on his eyes and his hair was combed over an obviously balding patch. He had an extremely friendly face and Judith felt less nervous just because of the way he smiled at her.
“You’re so cute. Can I call you Judy D?”
“You can call me anything but ma’am,” Judith smiled up at him. She reached her hand from under the plastic salon bib she had tied around her neck and shook his hand.
“I’m Gary Barrington. So nice to meet you. Gosh you have such a pretty face,” Gary said. He sounded so chirpy.
“Hah! You’re being paid to say that.”
“No sugar, I’m getting paid to do your hair. But I am paying you..” he paused and then poked the tip of her nose when he said: “a compliment.”
That was completely corny, but it still managed to make Judith smile. He had a slight tinge of a Southern accent in his tone of chipperness, and that somehow made him sound even friendlier.
“Now do you have any style in mind, or do you mind if I work my magic?”
“Oh wow. I have no idea. I guess anything but blonde,” Judith said. She was looking at herself in the mirror.
“Perfect. I know just what I want to do,” Gary smiled. That was what caught Judith’s attention then. Gary had just begun to turn the chair around.
***
It was 11:18 that night when the phone rang. Judith’s screen lit up. She was going to ignore it until she saw that it was Anto
n.
“How did phase one go?” he sounded very awake. Judith had been asleep for what felt like half a second when the phone rang. She was spending the night at Nicky’s house because she didn’t want Anton or anyone to see her and ruin the surprise. She had to get her makeup done and be interviewed for the magazine the following day. Then she could go home to her son and have him admire her new look.
She was excited about that, but wasn’t looking forward to the future shopping days with Nicky. It was like a cat being forced to take a warm bath. She knew she needed it, but she would avoid it for as long as she could until someone lifted her by the skin of her back and forced her to dive headfirst into her future.
“It went pretty well. I like the way my hair looks,” Judith said. She made sure not to give anything away. It was sweet that he was so curious. She wasn’t even going to get mad at the fact that he had called and woken her up.
“What does it look like?” Anton asked.
“Not blonde,” Judith laughed.
“Not even a little hint, huh?”
“Nope.”
Anton sighed over the phone. Judith loved her new look so much that she had had it covered up since it got cut and dyed. Not even Nicky had seen the final result.
Gary was a miracle worker. He cut Judith’s hair into an adorable style. She had bangs and it was long in the front but grew shorter and shaggier as the two sides met at the back. You wouldn’t call her new color red, and you wouldn’t call it brown either. It was a luxurious mix of the two colors; transforming her hair from something artificial into a natural rust.
Since it wasn’t as dark as her natural hair color, her eyes didn’t know what to do with such a change. They appeared washed out and almost glassy when she was a blonde. Then they were bright and almost scary with her natural black hair. With the rust her eyes popped and danced. Every turn of her head or blink of her eyes made her seem younger and more curious. She couldn’t believe that something as simple as a haircut could transform her entire essence.