“But, Felix…” Her voice petered out. She knew she’d already lost the battle and almost seemed relieved. Giving the principal a tight-lipped smile, she clutched her bag and raced out the door.
I followed quickly so as not to lose them.
“Cassie!” I called, double-timing it down the stairs and stopping her before she got in the car. Felix’s door slammed. She closed her eyes, obviously fighting tears. Letting out a slow breath, she gazed up at me, refusing to let her emotions win.
I resisted the urge to reach for her, something that seemed instinctual. She was so fragile yet controlled. The paradox fascinated me, and I wanted to draw her near, wrap my arms around her, and assure her that I’d fix it all. She didn’t have to be so afraid.
Resting my hand on the roof of her car, I went for an easy posture and tone. “I know this sucks and you’re feeling totally overwhelmed right now, but maybe it’s for the best. Felix obviously hates it here, so let’s find him a place he can fit in. I have contacts in schools all over this city. If you like, I can even aim for something closer to home. Give me a few weeks and I’ll look into it for you.”
She rubbed her forehead and closed her eyes again. “Isn’t that my job… I mean, I—”
“Cassie,” I softly interrupted. “I’m here to help you and Felix. Please let me. This is something that will be easy for me. Why don’t you take a few weeks for you and Felix just to find your way at home, and then after Christmas he can start somewhere new.”
“Christmas,” she whispered, her skin paling to a sickly white.
“What’s the matter?” I reached forward and lightly touched her elbow.
She didn’t stiffen or shy away. She was too shocked to even notice it. Her eyes were bugging out and starting to glisten. “I haven’t celebrated Christmas since I left high school. I don’t…do Christmas.” Her face crested with an agonized emotion I wanted to figure out.
I must have narrowed my eyes trying to read her, because she snapped her chin up and stared straight at me to prove she was fine.
I pushed out a smile and looked away from her. She was trying so damn hard…and doing such a bad job. I couldn’t help a pull of affection for her. There was something so broken yet determined in her stance, like she wasn’t going to let her demons beat her but the battle was almost too much.
I needed to get her talking. She’d never move past it if she didn’t. And she’d never be able to fully help Felix if she didn’t loosen up and let her emotions have a say in the relationship. He needed a mother figure who could love him. I didn’t doubt that Cassie was trying, but whatever was holding her back needed to be broken down.
“You know, if you ever need to talk about…” My voice trailed off.
She wasn’t listening. Her eyes were downcast, her shoulders slumped.
“Crystal would have,” she murmured. “I bet she had a tree and everything.”
I responded without a second thought.
“Then so will we.” I waited until she glanced up at me before winking and inviting her to my place for Christmas dinner.
Her face wrinkled with disbelief. It only made my smile grow. “Of course, if you want to pull it off on your own instead of taking the help of a veteran like me.” I puffed out my chest, putting on a show to try to get a smile out of her.
Her eyebrow arched. “A veteran?”
“You better believe it.” I nodded. “My mother was a workaholic and my father was a clueless loser, so I had to make Christmas happen for me and my kid brother. I’ve been doing it most of my life.”
Her lips parted with surprise. But then her head jolted back and her wonder changed to skepticism.
I raised my hands and laughed. “I swear it’s true. But if you want to know for sure, come to my place on Christmas Day and I’ll prove it to you.”
She scratched the side of her neck, looking dubious. “Will, uh, anyone else be there?”
“Not if you don’t want them to be.”
She chewed her lower lip. “I’m just not great with big crowds.”
“Then we’ll keep it small. You, me, and Felix…and Jovi.”
“Who’s Jovi?”
“My—”
A shrill bell rang, interrupting my answer.
“Aunt Cassie!” Felix’s head popped out the door. “Please, can we just go.”
His request was so desperate Cassie turned for the door without even saying goodbye. I stepped back so she had room to reverse, then smiled and waved when she pulled away.
Watching her tiny car putter out of the parking lot, I couldn’t help yet another grin. I didn’t understand why she had me smiling so much. The woman was obviously complex…and that shouldn’t have been enticing.
But it was.
Because she needed someone to help her.
And I knew I could be the guy to do it.
Chapter Twelve
Cassie
My mind had been obsessed with who Jovi might be. As we parked outside Troy’s white apartment block, I stared up at the second floor, wondering which window was his.
Jovi was an unusual name for a girl, but I’d settled on the assumption that she was Troy’s partner. I wasn’t really in the mood to meet someone new, but Christmas Day wasn’t about me. It hadn’t been about me since my mom died and we were shoved into the system. Like some kind of curse, something bad would always happen on Christmas Day…from the moving of one home to another—yes, on Christmas Day—to the stench of the freezing cold basement.
I snapped my eyes shut against the haunting memory, but it was only pushed aside by the aching loneliness of sitting by the window at the Kellermans’ wondering if my sister was dead or alive. They were the first family to buy me gifts. They were on a mission to heal me, to help me find my voice and smile again. They forced me to celebrate Christmas…in the nicest way possible, but still, I dropped the tradition as soon as I moved to LA.
“You okay?” Felix pulled me back to the present.
“Uh, yeah. Nervous, I guess.” I didn’t usually admit when I felt vulnerable. The words just kind of popped out. I tensed at my disclosure but then noticed Felix’s weak smile.
“It’ll be all right. Troy seems like a good guy.”
He did… and I hoped Jovi was nice too.
Pushing my door open, I reached in the back for the gifts I’d managed to scrounge up. I didn’t have much money to spare. Even though Crystal had left plenty for Felix to live on, I didn’t feel right spending any of his trust fund on myself, so I used a little from my savings to buy three gifts. I hoped they were good enough.
My legs trembled as we climbed the stairs. It annoyed me. I didn’t want to be weak, nervous, or shaky. I was strong and in control. Lifting my chin, I made sure my shoulders were back as Felix knocked on door 203.
A dog barked. I flinched. Troy hadn’t mentioned a dog.
I swallowed and hoped it wasn’t a big one.
The lock clicked and two seconds later Troy appeared with a panting bulldog at his heels.
“Hey.” Felix grinned. It was a genuine smile that was nothing but beautiful.
My lips parted as I watched him crouch down and greet the dog. Its stumpy tail wagged like crazy, its tongue lolling out while Felix scratched its head.
Troy chuckled and moved aside to give Felix better access. The dog barked happily and jumped up, making Felix laugh.
My heart hitched. He sounded just like Crystal, and without my say-so, warm tendrils of affection spread through my core.
I swallowed and glanced up to find Troy’s gaze on me. It was warm, and told me he saw how sweet Felix and the dog were together. I managed a half-smile then ducked my head, taken once again by how gorgeous he was. His hair was still wet from his shower. He’d brushed it back with his fingers, making him look like a model ready for a photo shoot. Those broad shoulders and the way his T-shirt hugged each curve would make any girl sizzle on the inside.
Except me. I never sizzled.
My chest restric
ted and I forced my gaze down. Concrete was a much safer view than Troy Baker.
“Welcome to my place,” he finally said, his voice rich and comforting. “This little guy here is Jovi.” He bent down to pat the bulldog’s head, and for some reason my tight shoulders instantly relaxed.
I couldn’t understand why knowing Jovi was a dog made me so relieved, but it did.
“Come on, boy.” Troy clicked his fingers and pointed to the living room. Jovi scampered off and we followed him into an open-plan living area. The back wall was all glass. Two massive ranch sliders opened onto a small balcony that overlooked a patch of communal grass.
I placed my presents under the fake tree, slipping the chocolate bar for Jovi into my bag. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Jovi was a dog. All my worry had been for nothing.
My forehead wrinkled.
I still couldn’t work out why I’d been worried that Troy had a girlfriend. It shouldn’t make any difference to me, but just the three of us felt a million times better.
I stood, smoothing down my skirt and asking Troy if I could help with anything.
“No. It’s all under control. The turkey should be ready in about twenty minutes.”
I nodded and took a seat. Felix was kneeling on the floor with Jovi, tickling the dog’s stomach and looking the happiest I’d ever seen him.
Until he looked up and spotted the massive CD collection in Troy’s bookshelf.
“No way.” He scrambled off the floor and headed for the discs, tipping his head to scan titles. Every shelf was lined with music. I couldn’t read the words from where I was, and I wondered what types of tunes kept Troy entertained.
Felix ran his finger over the CDs, his smile lighting up the room.
“Dude, you a Bon Jovi fan or what?” Felix glanced over his shoulder.
Troy laughed from the kitchen as he poured soda into champagne glasses. Cute.
“I know it’s considered old school, but I just can’t resist a little rock ’n’ roll.” He grinned. “Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Poison, Twisted Sister.” He caught my eye. “The list goes on.”
I smiled, then found a spot on the floor to focus on. His eyes made me think of cloudless skies—those days where you looked up and it was so clear you could almost believe that anything was possible.
“Wait a second.” Felix pointed at the bulldog who had parked it next to his feet. “Did you name your dog after Jon Bon Jovi?”
“You better believe it, man.” Troy’s smile took over his whole face as he walked into the living room and handed out drinks.
“Thank you,” I murmured, taking the glass and feeling far more sophisticated than I should have. I sipped the sparkling lemonade, then licked the sweetness off my bottom lip.
“Put something on if you want.” Troy took a seat beside me and rested his elbows on his long legs. They looked strong…capable. Everything about him did.
That should have scared me.
Hard muscles could hurt and bruise.
But something about Troy’s eyes told me they wouldn’t.
I looked away from his face and out the ranch slider. Eyes could lie. It would be unwise to trust them, even if my heart was telling me I could.
The CD player clicked and whirred. Suddenly the room was filled with a blasting anthem.
“Yeah!” Troy laughed and made the rock ’n’ roll sign as the band started yelling a bunch of na-na-nas. “‘Born To Be My Baby’!”
Felix took Troy’s enthusiasm as permission to crank up the volume, and I was soon drowning in a sea of shouted lyrics and a drumbeat that pulsed right through me.
I hadn’t listened to music that loud in a really long time. It stirred up memories long forgotten…good ones that didn’t hurt so bad—my mother dancing around the kitchen and laughing, turning the spatula into a microphone while Crystal twirled beside her. I’d always been too self-conscious to get up there and make a fool of myself, but I’d sit in my chair, swinging my legs and singing.
Felix continued scanning CDs, pulling out the hard plastic covers and smiling at the artwork before putting them back on the shelf. He did that until lunch was served twenty minutes later.
It smelled delicious.
I pulled my chair in, surveyed the array of Christmas food, and had to resist the urge to cry. Last Christmas I sat by myself in my cute little bungalow and ate a pepperoni pizza while watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy…the extended versions.
It wasn’t a bad thing to do…it was just really un-Christmas-y.
“So, shall we pray?”
I didn’t really do that kind of thing but didn’t want to be rude, so I bowed my head while Troy said a short and simple prayer, thanking God for the food and for letting him share Christmas with a couple of very cool people.
I couldn’t help a grin. He really was a sweet guy.
Felix ate like he hadn’t touched food in months, wolfing down turkey and potatoes like a glutton. At one point I murmured for him to slow down. He blushed and grinned but kept chomping.
At my place he’d only nibbled. We’d sat together in painful silence, both picking at our food and wondering what to say to each other.
But Troy’s place was different. There was a relaxed friendliness about him that brought out Felix’s words.
Or maybe it was the music.
Whatever the reason, Troy managed to coax a whole conversation…out of both of us. He even had us laughing over a few Christmas stories about his brother and the mischief he got up to as a kid.
My stomach quivered with an unfamiliar feeling. It was warm and bubbly, something so unchecked and natural. I actually had to rub my tummy and remind myself I’d been drinking soda, not wine.
Felix sat back in his chair, looking ready to pop, and let out a loud belch. My eyes bulged and I frowned at him just the way my mother used to frown at Crystal. I remembered it really clearly because it always made me giggle, and then Crystal would belch again, which would get her giggling too.
It’d been well over a decade since the car crash that killed her. I tried really hard never to think about her, but sometimes it blindsided me and I was struck by how much I still missed that beautiful woman.
“Excuse me,” Felix mumbled, and I couldn’t help a little snicker.
I clamped my lips together and dipped my head.
Troy chuckled and rose from the table, dumping his napkin next to his plate. I followed suit, gathering dishes, set on cleaning up.
“Let me do that.” Troy touched my arm and I instinctively shied away, nearly dropping the plate. “Whoa,” he murmured, steadying it and mercifully stepping back.
I closed my eyes. I hate the way I did that. It wasn’t intentional. I just…didn’t like being touched.
Damn Davis McCoy—his fists, his threats, his dark warnings. He’d ruined me for life.
“Let’s clean up later.” Troy’s bright voice made me open my eyes. “I’m kind of keen for presents right now.”
“You got us presents?” Felix stood from the table.
“Of course I did.” Troy laughed.
I set the plates down. It was a major effort to walk away from the table. I was used to cleaning up and setting things straight right after eating. I couldn’t relax otherwise. But Felix was already sitting on the floor beside the tree, and I didn’t want to keep that eager face waiting.
Being here seemed to bring out a whole new side of Felix. He was smiling, relaxed, enthusiastic. I really liked it and was already worried that the second we left, he’d return to his quiet, morose self. I wasn’t enough to bring out his happiness. Maybe Crystal was wrong to leave him with me. She should have found a kind family in the system to take him in.
I gripped the back of the chair, reminding myself that kind families in the system didn’t last forever, and the risk of him ending up with someone like Davis McCoy… I shook my head. I’d take morose and safe. It was the only way.
Tucking my skirt beneath my legs, I took a seat on the couch and nervously
bobbed my knee as Troy handed Felix his first present. “This looks like it’s from your aunt Cassie.”
Felix’s smile was broad and infectious, but I couldn’t return the gesture. He was ripping the wrapping off my gift, his excitement quickly petering out as he gazed down at the books in his hands.
“Percy Jackson,” he murmured, his forehead wrinkling.
I swallowed. “They’re really great books.”
He nodded and forced a polite smile. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” I pursed my lips. “You like to read, right?”
“Yeah, it’s okay.” Felix shrugged and set the books aside.
I sank back into the couch, feeling so useless I nearly shouted for Troy not to open my gift. But I was too late. He was already ripping open the envelope and pulling out the Amazon gift card.
“I didn’t know what to get you, so…”
“No, this is great.” He beamed. “I love gift cards. I can get whatever I want.” His wink made my stomach curl. I smoothed a hand down my ponytail and mouthed my thanks. He was being very sweet over my totally lame gift.
Clearing his throat, he rubbed his hands together. “Right, my turn.”
His wiggling eyebrows made Felix snicker.
“Ladies first.” He pulled out a small box and passed it over.
The paper was blue and covered with pictures of white snowflakes. There was a silvery sparkle, which I ran my finger over before carefully peeling off the tape. I took my time. I hadn’t opened a gift in…years, and I wanted to cherish the moment.
Inside was a long, rectangular box. I smoothed my thumb over the velvet finish before lifting the lid to discover a necklace.
My lips parted and I glanced at Troy before lifting the jewelry out like it was made of pure gold. It wasn’t gold. It was a leather-bound necklace with three small pendants—an open book, a quill, and a bird.
“I figured since you worked in a library…” Troy smiled. “I just saw it and thought of you.”
“It’s beautiful.” I swallowed, my throat thick with emotion.
Hole Hearted (A Songbird Novel) Page 6