'She's a private person; there's nothing wrong with that.'
'She's also a very isolated one. Do you remember their wedding? She didn't have one member of her family there.'
'Not all families are like yours,' Tom teased. He'd often joked that when he married Ashling, he'd also married her three sisters as they seemed to spend as much time in his house as he did.
'Yes, but where were her friends?'
'She had friends there,' he protested. 'What about her bridesmaid and flower girl? And then there was the guy who gave her away.'
Ashling shook her head in exasperation. 'You have a lousy memory. Her bridesmaid was that girl Judy, her old schoolfriend. The flower girl was some relation of Gus's and it was her agent who gave her away.'
'Oh, yeah.'
'It was all very weird,' Ashling murmured.
'What's even more weird, Mrs Cleary, is that we're still talking about her,' Tom said, pulling her as close as her bump would allow.
Ashling smiled as she wound her arms around his neck. 'So what are you going to do about it, Mr Cleary?'
Chapter Six
Dana sat in her office, staring out into the garden. She had drunk pot after pot of coffee, finally switching to wine at two. When Iris had insisted on making her a chicken salad, her whole body bristling with disapproval, Dana had suppressed a smile. Iris had never let a drop of alcohol pass her lips and didn't begin to understand why anyone would. She saw drink as the road to ruin, and Dana knew she was finding it hard to sit back and say nothing as the empties started to build up in the bottle bin outside the back door.
Dana was past caring. She found it hard to get through the day and wine made it slightly easier. When Sylvie was here, Dana kept to her bedroom, unable to cope with the PA's nervous chatter and worried looks. The rest of the time she sat in her office with the door firmly shut and stared at her blank screen. Occasionally she had spurts of creativity and would write a page or two, but when she read it back she always felt it had no vibrancy or pace. It was as if her whole way of looking at things was skewed. She couldn't see the point in carrying on and neither, so it seemed, could her characters.
She had managed to continue dodging calls from Gretta and Wally, although it wasn't fair to Sylvie. Her PA was looking increasingly stressed and frustrated. It did make Dana feel guilty; just not guilty enough to do anything about it. She didn't worry too much about Gretta. She didn't owe the woman anything. But Wally was different. She knew he must be climbing the walls. She just couldn't deal with his disappointment right now, though. She felt apathetic and jaded and nothing — not even the fact that she was probably throwing away her chance to finally make it big in Ireland and the UK — seemed important any more.
Dana had never seen herself as the kind of woman that would fall apart over a man. In the past, she had always been the one to leave, and her romances had never lasted longer than a few months. But it was different with Gus. She had found something unique behind those twinkling eyes, and her hard shell had softened in the heat of his charm and passion.
Dana glanced at the clock. Nearly three o'clock; time for another drink.
Iris was sitting at the kitchen table polishing cutlery when she walked in.
'Mrs Johnson — sorry — I mean Dana, can I help you?'
'No thanks.' Dana went to the fridge to fetch the wine. She was on her way back to the office when she heard the buzzer announcing that there was someone at the gate.
Iris came out to answer it.
'I'm not here,' Dana said quickly.
Iris nodded briefly and took up the handset. 'Hello?'
'Hello, is Dana there? It's Ashling.'
'No, I'm afraid—'
'No!' Dana had stopped and turned around. 'You can let her in. Show her into the sitting room. I'll be there in a minute.'
'I'm sorry, Mrs Cleary, I was mistaken, she is here. I'll open the gates for you.'
Dana hurried upstairs and changed out of her pyjamas into jeans and a white shirt. Her hair was greasy so the only thing she could really do was pull it into a knot on top of her head. She sighed when she looked in the mirror at the result. Her skin was pale, and without the miracle of make-up you could see lines around her eyes and mouth. No doubt stress and alcohol had taken their toll. But she didn't really care. Still, she didn't want Ashling to pity her or, worse, tell Gus she was letting herself go. Quickly she slapped on some tinted moisturizer, rubbed some cream blusher into her cheeks and lined her eyes with kohl. She stood back and examined her handiwork. It was only marginally better but it would have to do. She couldn't keep Ashling waiting any longer.
She took a deep breath before pushing open the door of the sitting room and going to greet her guest. 'Ashling, how lovely to see you.' They hugged briefly and then Dana stepped back to look at the other girl. She was hugely pregnant and it suited her. Ashling's eyes were bright and clear, her hair shone in the afternoon sunlight and she oozed happiness. She was only two years younger than Dana but she could easily pass for thirty. 'My goodness, look at you!'
'I know, I look like an elephant,' Ashling said but her smile was radiant.
'You look absolutely wonderful.' Dana gestured to the sofa and looked up to see Iris standing in the doorway. 'Tea?' she asked Ashling.
'That would be lovely.'
'And coffee for me, thanks, Iris.' Dana turned back to Ashling. 'How have you been?'
'Fine, absolutely fine. And you?'
'I'm fine too.' Dana smiled brightly. She was full of questions: where is he, what's he doing, is he seeing anyone? But she was damned if she was going to ask. 'How's Tom?' she asked instead.
'Fine, though I think he's a bit nervous about becoming a parent.'
'He'll be great at it, you both will,' Dana said and she meant it. Tom and Ashling were a lovely couple and she missed them.
'Thanks.'
There was an awkward silence, then they both started talking at once.
'I'm sorry about—'
'I hope you don't mind—'
They laughed.
'You first,' Dana said.
'I was just going to say I'm so sorry about you and Gus.'
Dana looked down at her hands. 'Me too.'
'It came as a complete shock to us,' Ashling told her. 'We had no idea that you were having any problems.'
'We weren't. Did Gus say we were?' she asked sharply.
'He hasn't told us anything.' Ashling stopped as Iris entered with a tray. 'Thanks so much, you're very kind,' she said to the housekeeper.
Iris nodded. 'You're very welcome, Mrs Cleary.'
'She's so old-fashioned, isn't she?' Ashling said when they were alone again.
'I couldn't handle being called Mrs Johnson any more and I told her to call me Dana. She almost chokes every time she tries to say it.'
'You're still Mrs Johnson,' Ashling said softly. 'Don't write him off just yet.'
Dana couldn't keep quiet any longer. 'Has he said anything to you or Tom?' she asked anxiously.
Ashling shook her head. 'Not a word. It's been driving me mad, to be honest. I've always been a nosy cow.'
Dana was torn between relief that Gus wasn't discussing their marriage with everyone and frustration because it meant she was still none the wiser.
'We've hardly seen him,' Ashling continued, 'socially, that is. When we have he clams up if we even mention your name.'
Dana flinched. 'Where's he staying?'
'Some hotel in town — I don't remember the name. But that in itself is a good sign, don't you think? If it was definitely over he'd have bought a house or flat by now. Has he asked you for an official separation?'
'I haven't heard from him since the night he walked out,' Dana said, feeling close to tears. 'It's so unfair, Ashling. It's bad enough that he's gone but why can't he tell me why?'
Ashling frowned. 'Didn't he give you any reasons at all?'
Dana looked away. 'He went on about our marriage not turning out the way he'd expected, but he wasn't
making a lot of sense. I thought it must be a midlife crisis or -' Dana met the other woman's eyes — 'he'd found someone else. Be honest with me, Ashling. Has he?'
'Definitely not. He is not at all happy, Dana. I have no idea why he's left you, but it's obviously tearing him apart.'
'If only I could get him to talk to me. How can we resolve anything if we don't at least meet?'
Ashling looked at her thoughtfully. 'We could arrange for you to meet, accidentally on purpose, at our place.'
Dana shook her head. 'He'd probably just walk out. He'd feel that he was being press-ganged into a situation and he'd resent you and Tom for interfering.'
'You're right. It was a dumb idea.'
'No, it wasn't. You're just being a good friend and I really appreciate it. But I don't think there's anything you or I can do. Gus will come back if and when he's ready. I'm just not sure I'm prepared to wait.' Lies, all lies, but Dana had her pride. Let Ashling go back and tell him that.
She felt the tears welling up inside and decided to bring this meeting to a close before she made a show of herself. She glanced at her watch and shot the other girl an apologetic smile. 'Oh, Lord, I'd no idea it was that time! I'm so sorry but I'm expecting an important call from my editor any minute.'
Ashling stood up immediately. 'No, that's fine. I have to go anyway. How's the book going?'
'Really well.' Dana smiled widely. 'I'm almost finished.'
Ashling shook her head in wonder. 'I don't know how you do it, you're amazing.'
Dana walked her to the door. 'Thanks for coming, Ashling, it was kind of you.'
'No problem. Call me any time if you want to talk.'
Dana laughed. 'I think you're going to have enough on your plate, don't you?'
'Yes,' she agreed, 'but the offer is still there.'
Dana's eyes filled up as they hugged. 'Thanks, Ashling, I appreciate it.'
As she closed the door, Iris emerged from the kitchen.
'She's a nice girl, isn't she?' the woman commented, going into the sitting room to collect the tray.
Dana trailed after her. 'Yes.'
'You need your friends at times like this,' Iris continued.
'Yes,' Dana said again, thinking maybe it was time she called Judy.
'Dana, I'd almost given up on you!'
'Sorry, Judy.'
'That's okay, I'm just happy you called. I've been so worried about you.'
Dana smiled. How could this woman — who never saw her from one end of the year to the other — care so much? 'How are things with you?'
'Too unbelievably boring to talk about,' Judy said breezily. 'Now, tell me about you.'
'Nothing to tell.'
'If there was nothing to tell you wouldn't be calling me,' Judy retorted.
Dana smiled although she felt close to tears. 'Okay, then, I'm falling apart. Will that do?'
'Oh, Dana! Would you like me to come up?'
'No, of course not, silly! You've got the kids to look after.'
'Phil could manage for a few days.'
'No, really, it's okay. I just need to pull myself together and get back to work.'
'You're not writing?'
Dana sighed. 'No. I've tried but I just can't seem to produce anything other than gibberish.'
'Wow. That's a first,' Judy breathed.
Dana closed her eyes and gripped the phone tightly. 'Yes, it is.'
'You know what I think? I think you need to go and see Gus and find out exactly where you stand.'
'I'm not going crawling after him.'
'I'm not suggesting you do anything of the sort. Just ask him to clarify things. If it's definitely over then you need to know. You need to make it official.'
'But I don't want to,' Dana wailed. 'I just want him to come home.'
'And you really don't know why he left?'
Dana stiffened at the incredulity in Judy's voice. 'Not really.'
'Talk to me, Dana,' Judy said firmly.
Dana sighed. 'He said I didn't confide in him. He asked if I'd trusted him with my deepest, darkest secrets.'
'Which of course you hadn't.'
'Judy!'
'Well, it's true.' Her friend was unabashed. 'Did you ever even take him down to Wexford?'
'Of course I haven't. You know that.'
'It's your home!'
'Was,' Dana corrected. 'But that was a very long time ago.'
'Have you really told him nothing?' Judy's voice was barely a whisper.
'Nothing.'
For a moment there was a stunned silence at the other end of the phone. 'But you love him and he loved you.'
Dana closed her eyes briefly at Judy's use of the past tense. 'Judy, you know what it was like at home; can't you understand why I wouldn't want to talk about it?'
'You know I do, but Gus is your husband! He loves you, Dana. Can you imagine how hurt he would be if he heard the truth from anyone else?'
Dana shivered. 'That could never happen.'
'You don't know that.' When Dana didn't reply, Judy continued more gently. 'Go and see him, Dana. Make him talk to you. Even if your marriage is over, you won't be able to move on until you do.'
Dana relented, realizing the truth of Judy's words. 'I suppose that's true.'
'Call him,' Judy instructed.
'Maybe in a few days—'
'No, right now,' Judy insisted. 'Before you get cold feet.'
Dana swallowed hard and nodded even though her friend couldn't see her. 'Okay, then, I will.'
'And let me know what happens, won't you?'
'Promise. And Judy? Sorry I didn't call sooner.'
'Hey, you never have to say sorry to me.'
'Johnson and Cleary, can I help you?'
'Hi, Ann, it's Dana here. Is Gus in?'
'Oh, hi, Dana,' the receptionist said brightly. 'No, I'm sorry, he isn't here today.'
'Oh, okay, I'll try his mobile.'
'You may not get him,' the girl warned. 'He's in meetings all day at a customer's offices and he said he would probably have his mobile switched off. If you like I can put you through to his office and you can leave a message.'
'No, that's okay, I'll get him again.' Dana put down the phone, disappointed. She decided against phoning his mobile; it wouldn't be possible to talk if he was with a customer. It could wait, she decided. In fact, she'd leave it until Monday and spend the weekend making herself look reasonably presentable. If he did agree to meet she didn't want to look like some washed-out mess. Picking up the phone again she called her beauty salon. 'This is Dana De Lacey. Could I make an appointment, please?'
Chapter Seven
'Wow, are we the only normal people here?' Ashling murmured as she looked around enviously at the tall, willowy beauties who filled the room. Every year this fashion show seemed to get more glamorous. 'I feel enormous among all these double zeros.'
Tom squeezed her hand. 'You look fabulous.'
Ashling had thought she looked quite well too, in her sleeveless silver dress — until she'd walked into the ball-room of the Shelbourne hotel. Everyone here seemed to be famous, rich, gorgeous or, in some cases, all three. 'Where are we sitting?' she asked. Standing for more than fifteen minutes at a time was proving a challenge these days.
'The top table, of course,' Tom said, putting a hand in the small of her back and steering her through the crowds. 'Can you see Gus anywhere?'
Ashling scanned the room. Gus was head and shoulders above most people and usually easy to spot, but he was nowhere in sight. 'No.'
Tom sighed as he pulled out a chair for his wife. 'I'll go and look for him.'
'Don't argue,' Ashling warned.
Tom held up his hands. 'I won't.'
He made slow progress back across the room, stopping to shake hands, exchange hugs and kisses and give the occasional instruction to one of the hotel staff. As he neared the door he spotted Carla in the corridor and made a beeline for her. 'Have you seen Gus?' he asked, without preamble.
Carla s
hook her head. 'Do you want me to go and look for him?'
'No, I think I can guess where he is,' Tom said grimly. 'If you do see him, though, tell him to get his butt in there.'
As he'd suspected, Gus was sitting at the bar with a whiskey in front of him. With his wife's words ringing in his ears, he made his way to his partner's side and caught the barman's eye. 'Jameson, please.'
Gus looked up at him and grinned. 'Yo, partner, how the hell are ya?'
Tom's eyes widened as he took in Gus's red eyes, his undone tie, and the distinct smell of alcohol on his breath. The barman returned with his drink. 'And a pot of black coffee,' Tom said stiffly. 'Make it strong.' He steered his partner to a quiet table in a far corner of the room and glared at him. 'What the fuck do you think you're playing at?'
'Relax, Tom. I'm just having a quick drink.'
'You've had several by the look of it. How could you, Gus? This place is crawling with our clients, not to mention the press.'
'I'm fine,' Gus told him.
The coffee arrived and Tom poured some, tugged the glass from his partner's hand and replaced it with the cup. 'Drink,' he instructed.
With a sigh Gus obediently raised the cup to his lips. 'I'm fine,' he repeated.
'You look like shit.' Tom looked around nervously. 'The show starts in ten minutes so keep drinking that coffee. And don't even dream of touching another drop of alcohol tonight.'
When Gus didn't reply, Tom shook his head in frustration. 'Why are you behaving like this, Gus? Is it Dana?'
Gus stared sullenly into his coffee.
Tom was about to press the matter when Carla appeared at his side.
'Oh, good, you found him. It's time to take our seats.'
'Damn.' Tom stood up. 'Carla, you stay here and get at least two more cups of coffee into him before you bring him inside.'
Carla's eyes widened as Gus gave her a drunken grin. 'Sure, yeah, you go on.'
'Not another drop tonight,' Tom repeated, before disappearing into the crowd.
'Are you okay?' Carla asked, taking Tom's seat.
'My esteemed partner says not. What do you think?'
Carla smiled apologetically. "You do look a little the worse for wear. Here, let me fix your tie.' Stretching across the table the girl bit her lip in concentration, then sat back to appraise her handiwork. 'There, you're gorgeous!'
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