by London Casey
She kissed me back.
I parted her lips with my tongue, wanting to taste her as the first part of my breakfast. She sighed as we started to kiss. I didn’t care what anyone had to say but there was nothing like kissing the woman you love first thing in the morning. Messy hair. Sleepy eyes. Morning breath. It was perfect.
I slid my right hand up her back and into her hair, spreading my fingers wide, holding her there. My other hand touched her leg but only for a second. I touched her waist and eased up the front of her shirt. My fingertips began to move over the swell of her breast, over her shirt, and there was a thud at the bedroom door.
I jumped back and looked to see the door handle turning.
Kate’s eyes went wide when she realized just how real reality was.
I rolled to my right and off the other side of the bed as the bedroom door opened.
“Hey, good morning,” Kate said.
“Morning,” a groggy, young voice said. “I’m hungry.”
“Hungry? Well, we better get you something to eat. What are you thinking today? Pancakes? Waffles? Cereal? Boogers?”
Jason started to giggle. “That’s gross.”
“Yeah, cereal is gross, huh?” Kate asked.
I smiled.
The joke went way over Jason’s little head.
I listened as she left the bedroom, shutting the door.
That’s when I sat up and put my head back against the nightstand. I let out a long breath and started to laugh. I had quietly snuck around bedrooms many times in my life. But never to escape being seen by a kid. Usually it was some girl’s father or some girl’s boyfriend with a baseball bat looking to dent my skull.
I sighed and rubbed my forehead.
Kate… why is everything with us like this?
I stood up and walked to the door and slowly opened it just enough so I could see out and hear. I couldn’t see anything other than the hallway, but I could hear Kate with Jason in the kitchen.
“You excited for today?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” Jason said.
“You should be.”
“Why?”
“School is fun. Isn’t it?”
“Sometimes.”
“Why only sometimes?”
“I don’t like reading.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not good at it,” Jason said.
“Oh, wait a second, honey,” Kate’s soothing voice said. “You don’t have to be good at it. It’s about learning. That’s why you go to school. You don’t have to know everything, Jason.”
I opened the door some more and snuck out into the hallway. I took my chances as I slid along the wall and down to a point where I could see into the kitchen.
Kate was crouched next to a sitting Jason as he dug a spoon into a bowl of cereal.
“Do you hear me?” Kate asked.
“Yeah,” Jason said.
“Why do you think you need to know how to read?”
Jason shrugged his shoulders.
Kate was patient, calm, perfect at this. She touched Jason’s shoulder and gently shook him. “Hey. Talk to me.”
“I had a bad dream.”
“Oh, no,” Kate said. “A bad dream? About what?”
“I don’t want to tell you.”
“Why?”
“You’ll get mad.”
“I would never get mad at you.”
“Uh-huh, you do get mad at me. Remember when I spilled’ed my drink on the table on the TV remote?”
Kate laughed. “Jason, that’s different.”
“You were mad.”
“I was upset when that happened.”
“What’s the difference?”
Now I was smiling. Watching Kate dig a hole for herself. Trying to do her best to care. One thing I could tell already was that this kid didn’t miss a beat. For a few seconds there I felt my heart aching a little almost wishing he was mine.
“It doesn’t matter,” Kate said softly. “If you want to talk about your dream, I’m here. But you shouldn’t let it ruin your day.”
“I had a dream about a man telling me I was stupid.”
“Oh, now that’s silly,” Kate said. “You’re not stupid. And which man said that?”
“I don’t know,” Jason said. “It was in my dream. I wished’ed a giant snake would come and eat him.”
“Wow,” Kate said. “Now that would be a crazy dream, huh?”
“Yeah,” Jason said, a little more excited. “And then a T. rex shows up, and then he chomps down on the snake, and then he twists his head and throws the snake, and then the snake turns and jumps at the T. rex, and then they fight…”
“Okay,” Kate said. “See? That right there. That’s how I know you’re not stupid. And I don’t like the word stupid. We don’t use that word in this family. You’re smart, Jason. You’re creative. You’re artistic.”
“Huh?” Jason asked.
Kate stood up, laughing. She messed with his hair. “Nothing. Finish eating so we can leave.”
I snuck back into the bedroom and locked the door and sat there, waiting. I couldn’t stop silently laughing and shaking my head as I sat there, keeping quiet, not wanting to get busted by a pre-k kid.
Kate announced it was one minute until time to go. She tried to turn the locked door and gave a quick knock. I opened the door and she quickly slipped inside.
“Hey,” she whispered. “You okay?”
“Just great,” I whispered. “Never thought I would become this.”
“Yeah. Join the club, Sawyer. I’ll be back in a little bit. Half hour or so.”
“So I get to be alone here? I get to go through all your stuff?”
“Not funny,” she said.
“I wasn’t trying to be funny. Hey, do you still wear those thongs like you used to?”
“Shut up,” she said, her cheeks turning red.
“Mom!” Jason yelled. “Can you tie my shoes?”
Hearing the word Mom made my gut sink a little. I saw a look of guilt spread across Kate’s face. Maybe in some fucked up way, I was jealous of hearing Jason call her that. Because the plan in my head had always been for Kate to have my kid. So that if a kid was calling her Mom then I would be Dad. On top of that, hearing Jason call her Mom meant that she had been with someone else… and been with that someone else in such an intimate way that she got pregnant…
“You okay?” Kate whispered.
“Perfect,” I said.
“I’ll be back.”
She inched back and I jumped for her.
I touched her arm and pulled her toward me.
Her eyes went wide. “Sawyer…”
“You’re a great mother,” I said. “Just listening to you talk to him. He trusts you. He loves you. And you’re amazing with him. I hope you realize that.”
Kate grinned. “Thank you for saying that.”
I leaned in and stole a kiss from her.
She put a hand flat against my chest and took a deep breath.
“That’s not fair,” she said.
“What?”
“The way that makes me feel. I hate you.”
“I hate me too, darling,” I said with a grin.
Kate shut the door.
I walked back to the bed and sat down.
I thought about it for a second. The fact that I left. That Kate maybe moved on for a moment. Or maybe she just had a one night fling and that ended with her getting pregnant. Maybe the guy had been there, maybe he hadn’t. Maybe the guy was in Jason’s life, maybe he wasn’t. Either way, I was now looking at the love of my life as a single mother with a kid that wasn’t mine.
I waited for Kate to leave before I exited the bedroom.
That’s when I decided I needed to get out of there.
FIFTEEN
KATE
1.
I opened the door and called his name. I had this butterfly rush going through my body that was stupid to have. I felt innocent again. I felt wild again.
Dropping Jason off at school, having the day off from the diner, and getting to go home to Sawyer. It was like some dumb dream I would have late at night when I couldn’t fall asleep.
When I opened the bedroom door and realized Sawyer was gone, it hit me like a boulder to my gut.
I was alone. And it was just a dream.
“He left,” I whispered.
I turned and hurried through the rest of the apartment.
Sawyer was nowhere to be found.
So after telling me I was a good mother, making me feel all tingly, this is what happened? He just decided to leave again.
Of course he left.
Who the hell would want to deal with me with all I had going on. And he didn’t even know the truth yet. Being a single mom was one thing. That was an elephant in the room situation I had to deal with all the time. But to consider trusting someone enough to explain everything…
The door to the apartment opened and Sawyer walked in.
I gasped, feeling the tears in my eyes trying to escape.
“Hey,” he said. “What’s wrong?”
“You left,” I said.
“To get breakfast for us,” he said. He showed me a bag of food and in his other hand he was holding a container with two large cups of coffee. “Wasn’t sure if you would want to go out. And I think taking you to the diner you work at it is kind of lame.”
He walked to the table and put everything down.
I was still taken back a little. I blinked fast, trying to reel in my emotions.
He faced me and gently touched my face. “Shit, Kate. I wasn’t leaving. I wouldn’t leave like that. I don’t have your number or I would have texted you.”
“You could have left a fucking note, Sawyer.”
“Right. Sorry. I didn’t…”
“What? Think it mattered? This is how much it matters.”
“Shit,” he whispered.
He pulled me toward him and hugged me. To be fair, the emotional overload wasn’t just because of him not being there when I got home. I hated talking about Jason’s situation.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as I smelled his clothes, his skin.
“Sorry for what?”
“For acting like this.”
“No, darling, I’m the one who is sorry,” he said. He put me at arm’s length. “I should have written a quick note. I bolted out to get some food. That was it. I thought I’d get back before you.”
She nodded. “Thank you for doing that. Did you get me a croissant?”
“They were all out,” he said.
“Fuck this morning,” I said. “Can’t anything go right?”
I asked the question tongue-in-cheek, being a little more dramatic than needed. All things considered it was a great morning. I woke up to Sawyer holding me. He didn’t leave. He surprised me with breakfast. And I was going to cry over a croissant?
“Everything can go right, darling,” Sawyer said.
My eyes met with his and my mind thought one thing. Oh. Shit.
Sawyer kissed me and instantly started to push me back. I stumbled and thought I was going to fall. His left hand slid behind my back and kept me from falling. He pushed me back, kissing me hard, until I crashed against the fridge. I thudded against it and heard glasses clanking on top of it.
Sawyer bent his knees to become eye level with me. He took full control of the kiss, going faster, harder, officially breaking that seal of time between us.
He broke the kiss for a second and all I could do was gasp for air and move at him, wanting more.
He gave me more…
This kiss was even hotter.
His left hand gripped my waist tight, holding me against the fridge. I felt his right hand flick at the button on my pants and I groaned in his mouth. He growled back at me and wasted no time in sliding his hand down the front of my pants. As his fingers curled down and under me, over my panties, I felt a warm pressure that made my toes curl. I tried to fight back the urge to thrust my hips, but I couldn’t help it.
It had been so long… years since Sawyer kissed me and touched me. And it had been months since any other man attempted to do the same.
Sawyer broke the kiss and moved down to my neck. I tried to claw at his shirt, groaning as the tip of his tongue playfully kissed my neck. He kissed my neck loudly, pulling at me enough that I gasped, worried he was going to leave his mark on me. That was something I didn’t want to have to explain to anyone.
But I quickly forgot about that as his hand slid back up my body. His fingertips flirted with the top of my panties, sliding from hip to hip, leaving me wiggling my body, half feeling tickled and half feeling tortured that he wasn’t touching me somewhere else.
That came a moment later when his fingers eased into my panties. Sliding down the front of my body, smooth skin leading to my wetness. A wetness that he caused just by looking at me. It wasn’t fair what he did to me, but it felt so good. His middle finger touched me first, curling and sliding enough to touch my clit. I was so sensitive there, I cried out louder than I expected.
Sawyer let out this cocky laugh, knowing damn well what he was doing to me.
He pulled away from my neck and put his forehead to mine. I desperately wanted to kiss him but he stopped me from doing so. Instead, he wanted to look at me as he pleasured me.
He was so big, strong, commanding, just like before.
I couldn’t contain myself either.
I thrust forward at him, feeling his fingers joining the fun. Sliding between my legs, curling and gently entering me. But only a little bit. Enough to steal my breath but nothing more. His fingers eased back up and began to circle around my clit. He applied pressure, so much that I lost my breath for a second.
My hands let go of his shirt and I slapped them hard against the fridge. My body tensed up and I pressed my hips forward, moving to my toes, feeling my lower half beginning to quiver already.
“Oh, fuck, darling,” Sawyer whispered. “You’ve always been beautiful and perfect. And I haven’t forgotten what makes you come.”
My jaw dropped at the comment.
Sawyer kissed me again and his fingers slid down and thrust deep inside me.
He held there forcefully, grunting as he did so, slowly curling his fingers, making my hips dance to his perfect touch.
My nails scratched against the fridge and I managed to pull them away and take hold of his shirt.
I pulled and Sawyer pressed his body tight against mine.
His fingers began to move, and as he said… he knew how to make me come.
It was maybe a little unfair because within minutes he had me standing on the edge ready to jump. But I couldn’t stop it and I didn’t want to stop it. I had waited so long for this exact moment to happen and here it was.
He slowed the kisses so they were long and passionate. It made my heart race as his fingers worked in the opposite way between my legs. Thrusting faster and faster, taking me over the edge of climax. I had no choice but to break the kiss as I put my head back and lost myself. I gasped. I groaned. I sucked in a breath and held it. Everything mounted and the giant wave finally came crashing down.
My knees buckled as I climaxed, but Sawyer pushed himself against me tighter, keeping me in place. His fingers moved up to my sensitive nub one more time, just the way I liked it. Two fingers rubbing left to right, over and over, going at the same speed as I rocked my hips, feeling a wild sense of relief soar through my body.
Sawyer put his nose to my neck and gently ran it up until he moved over my mouth and kissed me again.
We kept kissing, even as he slowed his touch between my legs. He slid his hand up and out of my panties. He kept his hand against my belly though, a move that was just so sexy to me.
I could have stayed there and kissed him for hours and hours.
But Sawyer stopped the kiss. He stole a few quick pecks and stared me in the eyes as he buttoned my pants. I was still on fire. He had unleashed something hidden inside me that I wasn’
t so sure if it was a good thing or not.
“I needed that,” he whispered and kissed my cheek.
I reached forward to touch the bulge in his jeans that I had felt pressed against me.
Sawyer touched my wrist and grinned. “Not yet, darling. I’m here for you. Not me.”
“Who said this is for you?” I asked, trying to match his cockiness.
“Be careful what you wish for.”
“Not a wish, Sawyer. It’s a need.”
He laughed and kissed me one more time. “Soon, Kate.”
He broke away from me and walked to the table like nothing had happened.
He took the food out of the bags and took one of the coffee’s out of the carrier and took the plastic lid off. I watched him make me my coffee, only moving when he needed to open the fridge to get the creamer. My legs were still warm and tingling, my knees had no feeling, and my toes hurt from curling them and standing on them.
All from his touch.
What was going to happen to me when we finally got together again?
I swallowed hard at the thought and the feel of him having me.
Sawyer put my coffee and breakfast sandwich in front of a chair and pulled it out.
“Sit, darling. Have a bite to eat.”
I took one step and paused. “Sawyer, I have to tell you something.”
“Anything.”
“Jason isn’t my son.”
2.
He stood there, eyes wide, as surprised as I figured anyone could be when they heard that statement. Rightfully so, I guess. Anyone who saw me with Jason just assumed he was my son. Thanks to Tate, we had managed to keep everyone from asking questions that weren’t their business.
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
I approached the table and slowly sat down. “You should sit and eat too.”
“I’ll get there,” Sawyer said. He took a seat right next to me and grabbed his coffee. “You should keep talking though.”
“Look, this isn’t something I like to talk about,” I said. “I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you or whatever. And for Jason’s sake, he doesn’t know anything. At least yet. He will though, someday.”
“Meaning what?”
“Meaning I’m not his mother,” I said. “But he thinks I am. And I can’t take that away from him. And I’m going to raise him for the rest of my life. He is in all the ways that matter my son.”