by London Casey
Sawyer wrapped his arm around Tate and pulled him away.
I watched as Tate turned and rubbed his jaw.
“Is he dead?” Tate asked.
“No,” Sawyer said. “Just seeing a lot of stars right now.”
“I’ll get you for this,” Jed said in a weak voice.
“Get out of here, asshole,” Sawyer said. “The police will be looking for you.” Sawyer looked at me. “I’ll call Jonesy and have him figure out what to do next. This piece of shit is going back to jail.”
“I’m never going to stop fighting for my son,” Jed said.
My heart twisted some more.
“He’s not your son,” Tate said.
“What?” I asked.
Tate had his back to all of us, shaking his head. “He’s not your son, Jed.”
“Fuck you,” Jed said. “I know what’s mine.”
Tate slowly turned and looked at Sawyer, Jed, and finally at me. “Jason is my son.”
3.
Sawyer backed away from Jed. Danielle decided to pick the worst time to let us know that the cops were on their way. I stood there, shocked, frozen, hurt, confused, you name it, I felt it.
Jed pulled himself up to a seated position on the floor with his back against the front window of the tattoo shop.
“Don’t you fucking get up,” Sawyer warned. “Cops are coming and you’re done.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Tate said. “None of it does. He can’t do anything to anyone.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“I was trying to tell you before. Both of you.” Tate looked at Sawyer. “Jason is my son.”
“Bullshit,” Jed said.
Tate stepped forward and Jed put his hands up.
“Listen up, loser. You didn’t know how to take care of Kira. I did. I tried. But you kept bringing that shit into her life. I had her away from it. But you were like a cockroach. Always showing up. Bringing your fucking disease with you. Spreading it into her.”
“What the hell is happening right now?” Sawyer asked.
“Tate, are you saying you and Kira…,” I started to ask.
“Do you not know how babies are made?” Tate asked me.
“Wait,” I said, shaking my head. “You and Kira…”
“You slept with my girlfriend?” Jed asked.
“She was never yours,” Tate said. “I took care of her. Who the hell do you think kept her on her feet when you would disappear? Or when you drained her bank account? Or when you took off on a few drug debts and left her to pay for them?”
“Hold on,” Sawyer said. “You got Kira pregnant?”
Tate nodded. “Yeah.”
“Jason is your son.”
“Yeah.”
“No way,” Jed said. “I don’t believe it.”
“There’s a way to figure that out pretty easily,” Tate said. “But I know what I know.”
“So you fucking knew this all along,” Sawyer said. “And you let Kate struggle all these years…”
A cop car pulled up and Jonesy climbed out and raced toward the front door. Now there was too much going on at once.
“What the hell is going on here?” Jonesy asked his deep, cop voice.
I started to point at Jed when Sawyer jumped at Tate, shoving him toward the counter. He threw the first punch, hitting Tate in the face. The two quickly were tangled up, throwing big and hard fists, wanting to hurt each other.
“Fucking Christ,” Jonesy called out as he went for them.
As Jonesy tried to break them up, Jed started to stand and moved for the door. I hurried to the door and grabbed it.
“Move,” Jed ordered me.
“No,” I said.
“Fucking move, Kate.”
“No.”
“If the kid isn’t mine, what the fuck do I care?”
“You’re giving up?”
“Shit, maybe I just won the lottery. I’m out of jail. The kid isn’t mine. And your fuck up of a sister isn’t trying to suck my-”
I punched him.
I punched him right in the nose, stealing whatever else he had to say.
A pain shot through my hand and I winced.
But I punched Jed. And he was bleeding.
“What the…,” Jonesy called out. “I’ll arrest all of you.”
I looked back and saw Jonesy had Sawyer and Tate separated.
“Arrest him,” I said, nodding to Jed. “He violated parole. Came here and threatened us. We have the footage to prove it.”
“Then why are these two morons fighting?” Jonesy asked me.
“Because it’s Sawyer and Tate,” I said.
“You two touch each other again and I will take you both in,” Jonesy warned.
“Fuck this,” Sawyer said.
He turned and walked away.
I knew where he was going.
To check on Jason.
Jonesy slapped a set of cuffs to Jed as he cried out about Tate punching him. And me punching him. I didn’t care though. If I got into trouble for punching him it was still worth it.
“You better keep those two apart,” Jonesy said to me as he opened the door to wrestle Jed outside. “They’re going to kill each other someday. Maybe it’s time for Sawyer to leave again.”
I swallowed hard. “I’ll take care of it. Get Jed out of here. You know everything he did to my sister. And he just got out of jail and is already here causing problems.”
“I’m serious, Kate,” Jonesy said. “Those two shouldn’t be in the same state together.”
Jonesy left and I turned around, still unable to comprehend what just happened.
Standing in the middle of St. Skin. People were getting tattoos. Music floating through the air with the offset buzzing of the needles. Sawyer was nowhere to be found.
And Tate just stood there, staring at me.
“I think you should start talking,” I said, swallowing down a boulder sized lump of emotion.
Tate rubbed his jaw. “Yeah, I guess I should tell you everything.”
3.
When I opened the door, Sawyer was crouched in front of Jason. Jason stood at a stool with a piece of paper, drawing. Sawyer, being patient and loving, taking his time as he explained to Jason how to draw. Chances were Jason didn’t understand a thing Sawyer was saying.
I hated the situation. Everything about it. I wanted Jason to be Sawyer’s son. I wanted to be Jason’s birth mother. That’s how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be me and Sawyer together forever. It was supposed be me and Sawyer having a family. Not this mess.
Jason looked up at me. “Hey, Mommy.”
Sawyer turned his head.
“Hey, Jason,” I said. “I need to talk to Sawyer for a few minutes.”
“Okay,” Jason said.
“We’ll finish this together,” Sawyer said. “Okay?”
“Yeah,” Jason said. “I’m getting hungry.”
“You can have a snack,” I said. “We’ll go home in a little bit.”
“Everything okay out there?” Prick asked me.
I shook my head.
As Sawyer walked toward me, Prick reached for his arm. “Hey, brother. I know the feeling. The darkness. The hate. Everything that makes you want to explode. You did a lot for me since you came back. Just breathe, man. No matter what, just breathe. Remember what you have to lose and there’s nothing to gain by losing it.”
Sawyer didn’t respond. He just kept walking.
I shut the door and said, “Let’s go outside.”
“For what?” he asked.
“Sawyer, I didn’t do anything to hurt you. And if you are hurt…”
“Hurt?” he asked. “I’m not hurt. I’m pissed.”
“Just come outside and talk,” I said. “Please. For me. Jason doesn’t need to hear anything that’s happening. Or see it.”
“Right,” Sawyer said.
I walked to the back door of St. Skin and opened it. The second Sawyer stepped outsi
de and saw Tate, he looked back at me. Now he was mad at me.
“This has to stop,” I said. “The two of you. Either it fixes itself or you two break this business apart.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong,” Sawyer said. “He’s the one who abandoned his son.”
“Fuck you,” Tate said without hesitation. “I didn’t realize until I saw him today. How much he looks like me.”
“That’s your excuse? Knowing that you slept with Kira?”
Tate rubbed his jaw for the hundredth time in ten minutes. “I’m not making excuses. Do I get a chance here to talk or what?”
“No,” Sawyer said. “I’m not done kicking your ass.”
“Sawyer, stop it,” I said. “I want to hear what he has to say.”
“A long time ago me and Kira… whatever. We had a thing. It didn’t last long. She was off doing her own thing in life and I was here at the shop. When she tied up with Jed, she used to come to me. I wasn’t lying when I said I helped her. There were things that guy did nobody knows about. Except me, Kira, and him. I saved her ass so many times. I fell in love with her. But she loved Jed. Better yet, she loved what Jed gave to her. The stuff I refused to give. There was a time when Jed was gone and she got clean. We had our thing again. I thought for a little bit that it was going to be something serious. There were a couple nights when we… when we were together without any protection. The moment got the best of us, I guess. She got tied up with Jed again. And the garbage. She told me that she would only mess up my life and that I needed to go and stay away. Truthfully, I was crushed. The shop was growing, I was busy, and I was hurt. She broke my heart.”
“You got her pregnant,” Sawyer said. “And you took off.”
“I didn’t know she was pregnant. And I didn’t know it was mine.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” I asked.
Tate shook his head. “I don’t know. I fucked up. Everything just happened so fast. She was pregnant. You were involved. And then she was gone. Talk about having your heart ripped apart again. Losing her. I blamed myself.”
“No pity party,” Sawyer said.
“You know what, brother? You can go fuck yourself. You’re the one who took off when everyone needed you the most. You left Kate brokenhearted and accused me of being with her.”
Sawyer gritted his teeth and looked at me.
“He’s right,” I said. “Do you think we can let him finish his side of this story?”
“I’m sorry, Kate, but you made it really clear you wanted nothing to do with St. Skin,” Tate said. “I should have maybe pushed more at you, but you were doing your thing. I wasn’t even sure how to approach it. Just show up and tell you that Jason might be my kid.”
“Might be?” Sawyer asked. “You just said…”
“I had to get Jed out of here,” Tate said. “I know what I did with Kira. I know what I looked like at Jason’s age. But Kira had a type.”
“Don’t compare yourself to Jed,” I said.
“What? Tall, muscles, tattoos, and a bad attitude?” Tate asked.
“Christ,” Sawyer said. “I can’t hear any more of this. I’m out of here. You’re an asshole, Tate.”
“You’re an asshole for leaving,” Tate said. “I’m an asshole for not speaking up.”
“I’m an asshole too,” I said. “For hiding Jason from the world. Living in a world of panic and fear.”
“Great,” Sawyer said. “Everyone is a big fuck up and Jason is stuck in the middle of it all. I’m out of here.”
“That’s right,” Tate said. “Leave again when things get rough.”
I hurried to get to Sawyer before he and Tate started to fight again. My hands curled tight around his shirt.
“Go,” I said. “Back to my place. Please, Sawyer.”
“Yeah. You and Tate do your thing. The way it’s always been.”
Sawyer broke away and walked to his motorcycle.
I stood there and had to endure him starting it, the thundering engine roaring and roaring louder as he sped away.
Now it was just down to just me and Tate.
“I’m sorry,” Tate said.
“I guess we all are, Tate,” I said. “You need to figure this out. Get a paternity test. Because if Jed really is Jason’s father, it’s going to be a nightmare. But if you’re his father, it’s going to crush Sawyer even more.”
“I know that,” Tate said. “Look, I loved your sister. I fought hard for her but she couldn’t fight when Jed came around. The second I saw Jason today, it clicked. It should have clicked earlier. But you were invisible, Kate. We talked to each other through the guys passing messages to you at the diner. Or we talked on the phone for a minute here and there.”
I swallowed hard. “I know what I did was wrong. I get it. All we can do now is move forward.”
“I’m going to call my lawyer right now. I’m going to get this figured out.”
“Yeah. Let me know what I need to do. I’m going to get Jason and take him home.”
“Why don’t you leave him here and go find Sawyer? He needs you, Kate. Jason will be fine here with us.”
“Okay. I can do that.”
I didn’t like it, but if Tate was Jason’s father, I would need to embrace everything I feared.
Tate ripped open the back door to the shop and looked back at me. “I’m sorry this all happened like this.”
“Me too,” I said.
I stood there alone with one question…
Was Sawyer actually going to be waiting for me when I got home?
TWENTY-SIX
SAWYER
1.
I looked at the table and imagined myself flipping it over. I imagined trashing the entire place, letting out all the anger and jealousy. That’s what it really was. Fucking jealousy. The fact that Kate did so much for so long and all I wanted to do was take care of her. But someone else was going to be involved. And of all people…
“Tate,” I growled.
I put my hand to the table but didn’t flip it.
I wasn’t going to bring the hell I lived into this place.
I walked to Jason’s room and stood there, staring at all the toys. The dinosaur blankets. A basketball hoop attached to his closet door with a hamper attached to it. I playfully pretended to take an air shot.
My throat squeezed tight for a few seconds.
I couldn’t believe this shit. How attached I was to Jason. How much I really did love Kate. The sense of being a family and finally being able to prove to Kate that I was here to stay.
I stood there until Kate arrived.
She called my name a few times, each time getting louder and more nervous. Of course she would think I took off. That I got on my ride and disappeared into the horizon. Gone for years again to live in regret.
But that wasn’t me.
I was standing there, in the fire, not caring about getting burned.
“Sawyer,” Kate said in a sighing voice when she saw me. “Sawyer…”
I turned my head.
She was blurry because my eyes were glossed over.
“Sawyer,” she said again as she approached me.
She slipped her arms around me and hugged me.
I put my chin to her head.
“Talk to me,” she whispered. “Please talk to me.”
I choked back the emotion. “I don’t want to lose you. Both of you.”
“How are you going to lose us?” she asked.
“No matter what I do right now everyone just assumes I’m going to leave,” I said. “I’m not leaving you, Kate. Somewhere inside my head and heart I wanted to protect you and Jason from Jed. I wanted to show you who I can be and take care of you both. For the rest of my life. But that’s not going to happen now.”
“Sawyer…”
“No,” I said. I broke away and put her at arm’s length. “Kate, listen to me. Tate is a good person. He’s honest. He’s loyal. He works hard. He was my best friend all of my life. And I think
in some fucked up way I’m hurting for him. That he loved your sister and it didn’t work out. At the same time, I’m jealous that he gets to be Jason’s father.”
Kate shook her head. “Sawyer, this mess is on my shoulders too. I hid Jason from everyone. Maybe Tate should have said something but he never saw Jason before. And there’s no need to be jealous. Do you think Tate’s going to take Jason away from me?”
“I don’t know what I think right now.”
“Jason is the luckiest kid I know. Look at what he has now. Because of you.”
“What?”
“You, Sawyer,” Kate said. “You came back and fixed everything. You stole my heart. You showed Jason what it’s like to have a father figure in his life. And Jason is at St. Skin right now. With his family. The family you dreamed of. The shop you and Tate started together. Look at what you gave that kid. Nobody else can ever say that. He’s got a support system now that’s going to carry him for the rest of his life. When I have to tell him about his mother… he’s going to have you to turn to. You. Tate. Cass. Maddox. River. Zayne. Prick. Axel. Do I need to keep going?”
“I get it,” I said. “Okay? I get it. I’m just sorry you keep getting let down. I let you down. Your sister let you down. You lived in fear of Jed all those years. Now Tate let you down.”
Kate pushed my arms out of the way and touched my face. “Shut up, Sawyer. Nobody let me down. If anything, I let myself down. Just keep your promise and don’t leave. Ever.”
“I’m not going anywhere, darling,” I said. “Not a chance in hell.”
“Then we have nothing to worry about,” she whispered. “This will play out the way everything else has done in our life. I’m sorry it hurts you that Tate is Jason’s father.”
“He’s going to step up and be the best fucking father in the world,” I said. “I guess I’ll be the fun uncle.”
“How about you just be Saint?”
“No. That guy is gone. He’s dead. Saint left years ago, darling. Sawyer is here and staying.”
“How about Sawyer realizes that we are alone in the apartment and have time to spend together?”
Kate inched toward me and moved to her toes. She clawed at me, pulling me down to kiss me.