by Meka James
I tried my damnedest to look above her head and not at her now naked body. I couldn’t let my thoughts go there. Not after last night. She stepped forward to reach for the soap behind me. Her breasts brushed against me as she did. My spacious shower shrunk in size.
After showering as quickly as possible, I left the bathroom, pulling the door closed more for my sake than hers. I was dressed and heading out of the room when Ginger finally walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. Her hair was still wet and matted to her head. When she looked at me, I could tell she’d been crying. She grabbed her bag then headed back into the bathroom, closing the door softly.
“Fuck!” I dropped down onto the bench at the foot of the bed and waited.
When the door opened again, I didn’t look up, but slid over so she could sit. Her fingers trailed down my forearm until they reached my hand.
She laid her head on my shoulder. “Isn’t this my thing?”
“What?”
“The not talking thing. My bad habits are rubbing off on you.”
I laughed. “Such a bad influence.” Pausing, I looked over at her. “I thought you crying after we were together was the worst that could happen. I was wrong. You thought I was attacking you or something. You started begging me not to hurt you and fought to get away from me.”
I’d spent most of last night trying to not make things sexual, and in the end it’d been one big losing battle. I’d lost control and sent her into another attack as a result. The more I’d tried to calm her, the more she’d fought. I was disgusted with myself and the enormous ways I kept managing to fuck up.
“After you passed out, I put you back in bed and slept downstairs. Figured you’d want to be alone considering—anyway, I locked the door and left.”
Ginger moved, forcing herself onto my lap. Her arms wrapped around my neck, and she rested her head on my shoulder. She didn’t say anything, so I just held her. The wetness from her hair seeped through the fabric of my T-shirt. It was cold and uncomfortable, but I didn’t complain.
“You probably think I’m completely nuts.”
I laughed. “You’re friends with Macy. I’ve known you’re nuts for a long time.”
She sat up to look at me, with a frown marring her beautiful face. “I’m starting to understand why she calls you a jerk.”
“Ouch!”
She smiled briefly before putting her hands on either side of my face. When she leaned in to kiss me, I let her. I could feel her nervousness, like she was waiting for me to do something. Pull away? Take over? Something.
I opted for pull away. “We should get going. You have to get Lil’ Man soon, right?”
Removing herself from my lap, she nodded. “Sorry about that,” she commented, wiping her hand across the wet spot on my shirt.
“No biggie, it’ll dry.” I stood. “Take your time. I’ll be downstairs waiting.”
She looked like she wanted to say something, but didn’t. I turned and exited, forcing myself not to look back. Obstacles, setbacks, road bumps, whatever name applied, we seemed to have in endless supply. I knew last night’s reaction wasn’t about me, not directly, but that didn’t make it an easier pill to swallow.
How often was she in that situation of having to beg to not be hurt? As much as I would like to pretend that asshole wasn’t a part of her history, seeing her like that reminded me he was still very much a part of her present.
“That’s that same look from last night.”
I looked up from my spot on the couch to see her standing in front of me bag in hand.
I stood and went over to take the bag from her. “Ready?”
She nodded before moving past me, and headed to the garage.
“Do you want me to take you to pick him up or take you home?”
She pulled her phone from her purse and did a quick check of her messages. “Home. Dorian is already there with him.”
That was the last we spoke for the duration of the car ride. I’d glance over at her, but she kept her attention focused on the passing city as we drove. Her leg shook the entire time and she constantly twirled the ring around her finger.
“Do you want to come in?”
“Nah, I’mma let you spend some time with Lil’ Man. You know if I come in, it’d turn into bro time, and you’d get all sad for being left out.”
She gave a sad smile. “Right, how nice of you to not want to monopolize my son’s attention.”
“What can I say, I’m a thoughtful guy like that.”
I climbed out before grabbing her bag from the back seat. She stood by the passenger side door waiting.
She took her bag from me. “Do I still get a second date?”
I reached out to brush her bangs to the side then leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
“You can have all the dates you want.”
Ginger smiled and nodded then headed inside. I waited until she was safely in the house before getting back in my truck and driving away.
Chapter 41
Malcolm
I cussed under my breath when I spotted Macy’s car parked in my driveway. Not only was this a surprise visit, but she’d parked right in the middle, blocking the garage.
“Is your phone broken?” I asked as I climbed out of my truck.
“Nope. Why?”
“Because I don’t recall getting a call or text asking to come over.”
“Oh, I thought I had the same open invitation you appear to have at my house. At least I came at a decent hour.”
“Whateva.” I stepped forward, giving her a hug. “You don’t look green today.”
“Is that your way of saying I look nice?”
“Nah, just not green,” I replied with a laugh. My comment was met with a frown and a punch to my arm. “Ouch! So violent.”
“Please, you know it didn’t even hurt. Now open the damn door. I have to pee.”
She made a beeline straight to the half-bath as soon as I unlocked the front door.
“Feel better?”
She nodded as she took a seat beside me on the couch. “Indeed. I’m peeing all the damn time already. The bigger I get, I might as well live in the bathroom.”
“TMI, Mace, TMI.”
“Stop being such a wuss.”
“Why are you here? Just to annoy me?”
She started smiling. “Isn’t that what little sisters do?” She moved over, throwing her arms around my neck. “You know you like seeing me. Not like you were going to do anything important other than play video games like some twelve-year-old.”
She got up, and headed to the kitchen. “Whatcha got to eat?”
“Ramen noodles and cereal.”
“You’re joking right?”
I shrugged as I picked up the TV remote. “Hadn’t made it to the store. Might be some sandwich meat, can’t promise the bread ain’t molded.”
She made a gagging sound that made me laugh.
“I’m kidding. About the bread. But I really haven’t restocked.”
After some unnecessary loud opening and closing of my cabinets and drawers, she finally fixed herself a bowl of cereal and took a seat at the bar. I channel surfed before settling on ESPN.
“Ginger’s fine. I just got back from taking her home. And no, I didn’t really take her to the strip club.” I spoke without even looking in her direction. I wasn’t a fool; there could only be one reason she showed up today unannounced.
“I didn’t even ask.”
This time I did turn to look at her. “You ain’t slick, Mace. I know you didn’t pop up here today, out of the blue, just because you missed my ass.”
She picked up the bowl to drink the remaining milk before rinsing it out and leaving it in the sink.
“Fine.” She plopped down on the couch next to me. “But I’m not here because of the date. I can talk to Lee about that. You’re turning my husband against me.”
I raised an eyebrow when I looked ove
r at her. “And how am I doing that?”
“Because he somehow thinks I’m being too hard on you where she’s concerned. And...Lee asked me to stop giving you a hard time.”
I folded my arms, giving her my full attention. “So, this visit is a ceasefire of sorts?”
“Something like that. Look, I worry about her. And while I think you’re a major pain in the ass...I know you aren’t out to hurt her.”
“Holy shit. Hell must be freezing over.”
Macy rolled her eyes as she shoved me over. “What on earth does she see in you?”
“I ask her the same thing about you.”
She scowled at me and stuck out her tongue. I laughed and turned my attention back to the TV. My hand absentmindedly went to where Ginger had scratched me last night. My intent wasn’t to hurt her, but unintentionally I was doing just that. She’d said I made her feel safe. Hearing those words helped ease my guilt, but didn’t alleviate it completely.
“She told me she has panic attacks.”
I’d drifted off into my own thoughts, and had almost forgotten Macy was here.
“Yeah.”
I looked over when I heard the sniffle. I could count on one hand how many times I’d seen my sister cry. Growing up with brothers, she got tough real fast. When she would get upset, being pissed was her normal reaction.
I put my arm around her and kissed the top of her head. “Your face is leaking.”
She rested her head on my shoulder. “You’re an asshole.”
“But you love me.”
“Only because Mom and Dad say I have to.”
“Whateva, cupcake.”
She wiped at the tears. “I used to have nightmares. Wake up in the middle of the night scared shitless and bawling my eyes out. Mitch would hold me, reminding me I was home and safe.”
She paused, taking a shaky breath. Macy didn’t talk to me a lot about her ordeal. We knew the basics; that bastard had shown up looking for Ginger after she’d ran. Three weeks that bastard held Macy. She had a broken nose, arm, and jaw, plus three fractured ribs when she’d been found. Not to mention she was dehydrated and malnourished from lack of proper food and water because he only gave her enough to keep her alive.
That motherfucker had beaten my sister to get information about Ginger. He’d beaten my sister. In high school, I’d been ready to kick some boy’s ass for calling her a bitch, and that piece of shit had laid hands on her.
We’d all rallied around her, but she’d clung to Mitch more than anyone. He’d stayed by her side almost constantly, because she’d get upset if he wasn’t in her line of sight. I’d never seen my sister so vulnerable, and I despised that waste of space for what he’d done to her.
“I only had to endure him directly for two days. Two days, Malcolm, and I had nightmares for months.” She sat up and wiped her face.
I got up to get her some tissue. Macy thanked me quietly as she took it from me. “You endured more than two days, Mace. He had you for three weeks. Three very long weeks of you being locked in that hellhole.”
Mitch had said the cellar was something straight out of a horror film. My thoughts turned to Ginger and the night I learned about her rape. I looked at my sister; rage and fear and unease coiled up inside me. Had that bastard violated my sister in the same way?
I stalked over to the kitchen, and yanked open the freezer door, and stuck my head inside. I needed to cool down and get those thoughts out of my head.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
I closed the freezer door. My hand gripped the cool metal door, squeezing it. “Nothing. Want some water?” I opened the other side to pull out two bottles from the fridge without caring about Macy’s reply.
No. Ginger didn’t want to be touched. She’d shut people out. Macy hadn’t done that. She’d clung to Mitch, wanted him around. That didn’t happen to her. But I couldn’t be sure, not without asking. On top of that being an awkward as hell conversation, she’d want to know why I asked. That was Ginger’s story to tell, not mine.
“Here.” I thrust the bottle of water at her and retook my place on the couch.
“Thanks. I know we’ve not talked about any of this. And I don’t know why I brought it up today. It’s just last night, thinking about what Lee said, it reminded me of everything.” She stopped and took a drink of water. “I’m worried about her, Mal. I know she went through more, but she seemed—she’s having fucking panic attacks. Do you know I encouraged her to go out with him?”
“Mace, you couldn’t have known.”
“But still, I was always trying to push her out of her comfort zone. Trying to get her to be more outgoing. If I’d let her be herself—typical shy, quiet Lee—then…”
“Macy, you can’t blame yourself. No one could have seen that coming.”
“I know, I know. I tell myself that. Lee and I have talked. And Lee being Lee said basically the same thing you did. You know what scares me the most?”
I shook my head. “What?”
“She might have never left him. She only left because she got pregnant. I thought about that a lot last night. She would have sacrificed herself to keep us safe. He used us against her, the same way he used Mitch and the rest of you guys against me.”
I sat up and looked at her. “What are you talking about?”
“Seth, he threatened to kill us, all of us, if she ever tried to leave him. He told me himself, and he did the same thing to me. He said he’d start with Mitch and work his way down, so I had a choice, one life or many.”
“What the fuck? Why? Why am I just now learning about this?”
She shrugged. “Not my proudest moment. I know you were mad at me for not talking to her. I mean, you never came right out and said anything, but I could tell.”
I wasn’t going to deny it. I’d thought they would have been there for each other more during that time than any other, but Macy’d cut off contact. I’d never understood it, but now I could see it was guilt that kept her from facing her friend.
“So, Macy, why are we taking this trip down nightmare lane? This topic pisses me off. Thinking about what he did to you. What he did to her…” Thinking about what I’m currently doing to her. This whole conversation was piss-poor timing considering last night’s events.
“I know. I’m sorry. I hadn’t thought about it in a really long time. Not all of it. Once I started feeling like my old self again, I moved forward. It was one day at a time, but I did it. But I had someone there. I had Mom and Dad and I had all my annoying brothers, but it was different with Mitch. I love her, Malcolm, and I’m worried about her a lot more than I was before. She needs a Mitch. But...in a pinch you’ll do.” She cut her eyes over at me and grinned.
“Gee, thanks.”
“No problem. All joking aside, there’s a lot going on under the surface with her, but I’m not going to pry.”
“Oh, now I know hell is a solid block of ice.”
She rolled her eyes at me. “Anyway. What I was trying to say before you so rudely interrupted me was there were times when I didn’t want to talk, but when I did, it was to Mitch. I could tell him things about my ordeal that I wouldn’t want to tell anyone else. He was my person, and as much as it pains me to say, I think you’re hers.”
Macy got up, fussing about having to pee again and getting Mitch fixed before letting him touch her again. It was my turn to make gagging sounds, and she laughed as she exited the room.
I sat back against the cushions thinking about what Macy’d said. This visit was a hell of a lot more than a ceasefire. I’d gotten more insight into my sister and everything she’d gone through.
“Okay, jerk, I should head out. I can’t leave Mitch alone with London for too long or he might buy her a pony or some shit.”
I laughed, getting up to give her a hug. I grabbed my keys off the counter before following her out of the house.
“Next time, have better food options.”
&n
bsp; “Next time, don’t park in the middle of my driveway.”
“How was I supposed to know you weren’t home?”
“It’s called a telephone. Try using it.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
Chapter 42
Calida
I wasn’t sure who was making more noise, Malcolm or Shawn. I finished plating the food, and watched as they played in the living room with Shawn’s toy cars. They both made loud driving sounds while they crawled around on the floor, followed by the occasional crash and boom when one of them wrecked.
“Dinner’s ready.”
“Come on, buddy.” Mal picked Shawn up, flying him through the air.
His chubby little hands eagerly reached out for his plate as I approached his high chair. Once Malcolm got him buckled in, I sat the plate down on the plastic tray. His little fingers picked up fistfuls of the bite-sized peas and carrots and shoved them into his mouth.
I sat Malcolm’s plate on the table, and then I grabbed my plate and wine glass off the counter before joining the boys.
“It looks good.”
“Thanks. And I’m happy you decided to come.”
He flashed me his signature smile. “Couldn’t pass up a home cooked meal.”
“They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
He cut into the baked chicken. “You had mine long before you cooked a single thing.” He paused to chew the piece he’d put in his mouth. “But don’t let that stop you from continuing. This tastes as good as it looks.”
The clatter of Shawn’s plate hitting the floor got our attention. He wore a proud smile at having dumped his food onto his tray before he dropped the plate.
I leaned down to pick it up. “You’re such a little caveman.”
I ran my fingers through his soft hair. He did the same, only he had carrots in his hand that ended up mushed in his hair. Malcolm laughed as I picked out what I could, but gave up when Shawn deliberately put more in.