by Meka James
“Nervous?”
She nodded. “Yeah. Um, I can’t just live in the moment because I start wondering when the bad will hit.”
I reached up to hold her face. “What do you think will go wrong?”
“I don’t know. That’s what makes the rock in the pit of my stomach so much worse. The unknown. I’ve been adrift for so long, lost on any real direction. You’ve become my anchor. I feel grounded again, and it scares me.”
“Why? Wouldn’t being grounded be a good thing?”
“I don’t want to depend on anyone else for my happiness. Because if I lose them…lose you…I’d be lost all over again. And I don’t want to be only a taker in this. I know what it’s like to be in that sort of relationship and depending on you like that, putting all my crap on your shoulders…”
She pulled away and took a seat on the bench. I leaned back against the dresser, watching as she concentrated on twirling the ring around her finger.
I went over and knelt in front of her. “You’re not a taker, but even if you were, I wouldn’t mind. You’ve earned that right. If you’re worried that I’m somehow feeling jipped in this, I’m not. Baby, I’ve told you I love you and the only thing I’ve wanted from you is you. You’re giving me that. You’ve stopped pushing me away. You’re opening up to me. I’m getting a hell of a lot out of this.”
She smiled and slid forward to wrap her arms around my neck. I returned the hug, circling my arms around her waist.
“You know how to make me feel better.”
“I’m your person.”
She pulled back and her brows pulled together. “What?”
“Something Macy said when she invited herself over last week. She opened up about when she was taken and how Mitch was the person she needed most during her recovery. He was who she felt most comfortable talking to. She said I was that for you. I didn’t believe her, but this is one time I don’t mind her being right. Put it on me, baby. I’m your person, anchor, whatever you need me to be. I’m happy to have the job.”
She leaned forward to kiss me. “It has crap pay.”
I smiled against her lips. “But excellent benefits,” I replied before kissing her again.
Chapter 47
Calida
“Evening, sister dear,” Dorian greeted when she opened the door.
“Hello, Dorian.”
Shawn wiggled to get free. I sat him down and he took off in search of his grandparents.
“He never stops.”
“Not when he’s awake,” I affirmed.
Mom was setting the table when we entered the living room. “Hey, sweetie.”
I walked over and gave her a quick hug. “Hey. Smells good.”
Dad and Shawn were on the floor playing with his cars and trucks. Dad hoisted himself up to walk over and greet me.
“Collin, get the baby in his chair, it’s time to eat.”
Dad got Shawn settled while Mom cut up pieces of food for him. I grabbed his cup out of the diaper bag and headed into the kitchen to fill it.
“So, Calida, where were you last night?” Dorian asked as we sat down.
I shot her a death glare, which she ignored. “Out.”
“All night?”
“When do you move again?”
She laughed.
“Did you have a date? We would have babysat,” Mom commented. “How is Malcolm? Is he settling into his house all right?”
“Yes, Mom, he’s settling in. I’ve been helping him decorate.”
I shot Dorian another look. She simply smiled as she cut into her steak. What the hell was her problem? Couldn’t we spend time together without her trying to put me on the spot?
“You could have invited him. I wouldn’t have grilled him too hard about his intentions for my baby girl,” Dad said, smiling as he took a drink of sweet tea.
“He is having dinner with Macy, and I’m sure he’s facing interrogation over there all the same. Oh, but news, Macy’s pregnant again.”
The news was met with happiness, as expected. Unfortunately, it also led into the discussion of them wanting more grandkids. By the end of dinner, I had the pull to have something stronger than sweet tea, but refrained. They didn’t keep alcohol in the house anyway, other than the occasional six-pack of beer for Dad.
Dorian and I were on dish duty so Mom and Dad could spend some time with Shawn.
I started loading the dishes in the dishwasher while she put away the leftovers. “What was that all about?”
“What?”
“You questioning my whereabouts?”
She shrugged. “I was worried.”
“Bullshit. For one, you only vaguely show concern for me if it’s somehow tied to something about yourself. And two, if you were truly worried, you would have called or texted, but I got nothing.”
She leaned back against the counter, crossing her arms in front of her. “Will you be having another sleepover tonight?”
Defenses on high alert, I turned to face her. “I don’t know. And if I am, what business is it of yours?”
“Don’t get your panties in a wad. It was just a question.”
I didn’t bother to say anything more. Pushing my buttons was one of Dorian’s favorite pastimes. It was a safer option to not engage. We worked in silence until she brought the remaining pots over for me to load.
“Daniel called.”
I stopped and looked at her, again seeing the stress in her well-maintained features. “What did he want?”
She smiled and flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Me back of course. He knows what he’s missing.”
Moments like these shouldn’t be awkward, but they were. This whole experiment of being roommates had held pockets of these moments, and they continued to take me by surprise.
“So...you two going to try and work things out?”
“Ha. Hell no. He got his one shot, and he blew it. Plus, I know what he’s up to. His first alimony check is due.”
She tried to be nonchalant about it, but I saw that hint of sadness and regret. It was a look I was all too familiar with.
I closed the dishwasher. “I still have plenty of bottles of wine. Too bad you don’t have any of his stuff. Burning things is very therapeutic.”
She cocked her head to the side, frowning at me before breaking out in laughter. Before long, I joined in, and we were both lost in uncontrollable giggles.
“Never knew doing the dishes could be so much fun,” Mom said as she walked into the kitchen.
I wiped tears away as I composed myself. “Gotta find fun in the mundane right?”
“I guess living together has done you two some good.”
“Don’t go getting carried away, Mom,” Dorian said. Before walking out she gave a slight nod in my direction.
As strange as it seemed, living with her had done us some good. Either that or I was back to being my same old naive self, but I felt as if I was getting to know my sister for the first time.
After having to convince my parents it was okay for me to take home a sleeping Shawn, I climbed into my car. I thought about my brief conversation with Dorian; her asking about where I would be tonight. She was lonely, possibly, especially if Daniel called her last night. I’d probably regret this, but I decided to head home instead of back to Malcolm’s.
“Red or white?” Dorian asked when we walked into the house together.
I shifted Shawn in my arms. “You pick. I’m gonna go put him down.”
Once Shawn was in bed, I headed to my room to kick off my shoes and drop off my purse. I grabbed my phone, firing off a text to Mal to see how his dinner went and to let him know I wasn’t coming over. We’d not made any plans either way, but I still wanted to let him know.
Dorian handed me a glass when I got back down stairs. She’d picked one of the Merlots. I’d just taken a drink when my phone went off. I started coughing, choking on the wine, as I stared at my phone wide-eyed.
“You okay over there?”
I nodded, still trying to catch my breath as I continued to stare at my phone in shock.
Sure you won’t change your mind?
And below that message, a picture of his very large, very erect penis.
“Do I even want to know what you’re looking at over there?”
“Um, it’s just Mal. I’d, um, I’d told him I wasn’t coming over.” I took another drink, still staring at the picture on my phone trying to think of a response. Does one respond when you receive a dick pic?
“Uh huh. And that’s why you look like a tomato by the face and grinning like the Cheshire Cat?”
I took a gulp of wine and pressed the button to make my screen go black. “It was nothing. Just Mal being...flirty.”
“Right.”
I sat my glass down and picked up my phone. I started to unlock it but froze, unsure of how to even respond to that. I couldn’t believe he’d sent it. My first ever dick pic. Why was I thinking of it like some milestone to scratch off my bucket list?
“Calida, are you listening?”
“Huh? Oh, sorry.”
“Just respond to whatever inappropriate thing he said already. Although, you both are a little old to be sexting.”
I laughed. “Did you just say ‘sexting?’”
“What? You think I’m too old to know all the lingo? The rat bastard and his whore did it all the time. It’s how I caught him.”
“Oh. Well, I don’t sext. Or at least I haven’t.”
I fired off a quick reply: Tempting. So very tempting, but Shawn’s already in bed.
Not quite fun or flirty, but I couldn’t encourage him. Not with Dorian sitting on the other couch watching me. Encouraging him could easily lead me further down the rabbit hole.
My phone went off again: Got it. Just say the word and I’ll head over there. Remember I’m your DoD. Followed with a wink emoji.
DoD? What the hell did that mean. Oh...right. Dick on Demand.
I laughed quietly to myself as I fired off another text: How about I just call you later and talk dirty or something? With the blowing kiss emoji.
His comeback was instant: Holding you to it.
“You done yet, or am I supposed to sit here and watch you sext all night?”
I rolled my eyes at her. There’s the self-centered sister I knew all too well.
“You told me to respond.”
She waved me off before refilling her glass. I got up to get a bottle of water.
“Since I’m moving out soon, I suppose I should thank you.”
I curled back up on the couch. “For?”
“Letting me stay here, why else?”
“What else was I supposed to do when you so graciously invited yourself to live here?”
“A simple ‘you’re welcome’ would do. Admit it, you’re going to miss me when I move. You can’t really enjoy being in this big, empty house all by yourself.”
“I managed just fine before you moved in. I think I’ll be okay.”
I looked around the room, shivering as a chill passed over me. My beautiful prison. My beautiful, self-imposed prison. This place wasn’t the same, but I wasn’t about to tell her that. I’m sure she’d make it all about her when that couldn’t be farthest from the truth. The veil of denial had been removed. No longer could I lie to myself about anything. Including this place. These walls held more bad than good.
It was close to midnight before Dorian headed off to bed. I checked in on Shawn before heading to my room. I debated on calling Mal, but since I’d already bailed on him once, I didn’t want to do it again. As the phone started to ring, I worried he’d be sleep.
“‘ello?”
The groggy sound to his voice let me know he had been. My thoughts immediately pictured his chiseled body lying in his king-sized bed—naked. I smiled at the image.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.”
He let out a low groan. “Hell, I don’t even remember nodding off. I was watching TV. This couch, man, told you it’s too comfy.”
Not naked but probably still shirtless. That picture worked just as well as the other.
“I’ll let you go. I just wanted to call because I said I would.”
“Oh no. You said you’d call and talk dirty. Not getting out of that.”
“I said no such thing.”
“I have proof, woman. In writing. Now, lay it on me, baby.”
“I can’t just start talking dirty. I don’t even know how,” I said with a nervous laugh. “And I can’t believe you sent me that picture.”
“There’s a first time for everything.”
“Well, thanks. Now, I can cross receive dick pic off my to-do list.”
“Damn, what kind of to-do list do you have going?”
“With you, I’m making it up as I go.”
We laughed.
“Let’s cross phone sex off your kinky to-do list.”
“You aren’t letting that go, are you?”
“Nope,” he replied, putting an extra pop on the P.
I flopped back on my bed. “Seriously, Mal. I just want to get undressed and go to bed.”
“Now you’re talking. Take it off, baby, and tell me all about it. I’m in my bed, the scent of you still on my sheets. Dick hard in my hands and ready for a bedtime story.”
“Malcolm!”
“Well, you just skipped ahead to the end; screaming my name.”
My face heated up at that comment. The man had a knack for doing that to me. Malcolm cleared his throat, and I could hear him moving around on his bed. I thought about last night and how I’d had the courage then to slip naked beneath those same covers. Could it really be so bad? With a sigh, I looked down at my pale blue jeans and rosy, cotton T-shirt. I couldn’t believe I was actually considering going through with this.
“Fine.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I said…you win.” I nibbled on my pinky as I thought about what to say. I got up to turn off the light. No way could I do this with the lights on. Thank goodness Dorian slept two floors down. I put the phone on speaker.
“I’m slipping my shirt off for you.” I smiled and covered my face with my hand.
“What color is your bra?”
“Black.”
“A sexy lace one?”
I gave a quick glance down at my plain white cotton bra. “Yes. I know how much you like sexy black lingerie.”
“Keep going, baby.” The husky sound in his voice made me shiver.
“I’m sliding my jeans off, over my hips, to reveal my matching, lace black thong.”
I slid them down my thighs, trying to walk at the same time. My foot caught in the left leg of my jeans, and I face-planted onto the bed. I bit my lip to stifle a laugh. At the same time, I heard Malcolm make the most provocative sound. Instantly, my mind flashed to the feel of his hands on me. I swallowed back a moan.
I repositioned myself on the bed, putting the phone on the pillow beside me. His heavy breaths erased any lingering doubts of my ability to perform for him.
My hand slipped inside the cup of my bra. “I’m tracing circles around my nipple.”
I closed my eyes as I continued to touch myself, feeling phantom tingles of Malcolm’s beard tickling over me. My mouth opened slightly as I remembered the way he feathered kisses everywhere. I swallowed hard, hearing him groan again.
“It’s hard. They both are. Begging to be sucked.”
“Fuck, baby. Yes, I’ll happily give them the attention they need.”
I pinched my nipple, moaning at the sensation.
“That sound. So fucking sexy.”
I did it again. My own breathing increasing. I licked my lips. “I’m sliding my hands into my panties. I’m wet for you already.”
I stroked myself slowly. My arousal increasing. I moaned again. “Touching my clit and thinking about your skillful fingers. Making
the circles…it feels so good. Mmm, baby…your mouth…I wish your mouth was on me right now.”
He didn’t say anything. The sound of his ragged breathing let me know he was still there and waiting for more. My hand ventured lower, remembering the look in his eyes when he’d made love to me last night. Slow and unrushed. Loving every inch of me. Cherishing every inch of me.
I arched my back and let out a sound—half moan, half gasp—when I slipped two fingers inside. I rocked my hips in rhythm with my fingers, keeping pressure on my clit with my thumb.
“Mal…” My breathing rapid. “I...I’m fingering myself, wishing...wishing it was you instead. Ah!”
I heard him grunt. I knew he was close. I couldn’t talk any more. Our moans of pleasure intermingled in the air. I grabbed at my covers, lifted my hips, needing more contact, deeper contact with my hand. My fingers were slick, moving faster in and out of my body. I slipped a third in, my thumb kept working the stiff nub. The pressure mounted.
“Yes. Oh...yes,” I let out in a breathy moan.
Another groan and a loud “fuck” coming over the speaker sent me over the edge. The orgasm rocketed shock waves of pleasure through my body. I laid in the dark, enjoying the aftershocks and trying to catch my breath.
“Damn, baby, that was good.”
The biggest smile spread across my face. “Yeah. I kinda enjoyed that myself.”
I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle my laughter. I’d just had phone sex. I couldn’t believe I’d done that. I’d had phone sex and managed to get him off by talking. Well, talking and moaning. But still, I did that.
The memory of the first and only other time I’d masturbated came barreling out of nowhere. I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a soft whimper. When would this stop?
“You starting up for round two already?”
“No. Can you talk to me for a little while?”
I shook my head, trying to clear the thought away. It wasn’t a bad memory. I just didn’t want to have it. I didn’t want to remember Seth. I wanted to enjoy this moment without my thoughts ruining things.
“Yeah, baby, anything you want. We can discuss all the things on your kinky to-do list.”