by Layla Wilde
“Hold on, just give me a chance. I’ll come over right now. Let’s work this out.”
“There’s nothing to work out! You’ve already made your decision, obviously, and once again, I’m pushed to the back of whatever it is you call a life!”
“Stephanie!” He sounded frantic. “I didn’t have sex with her! Or the two women you saw me with at the party.”
“Yeah, like I’m really going to believe you. You’re pathetic, Damian. And I see right through you. Don’t call me again. I can do this on my own!”
As I let out a growl of hurt, I threw my phone across the room and sank down to the floor. My hands covered my face, and my whole body felt as if it was under some immense pressure like I was going to explode. I cried so hard it hurt, my body shaking, wracked with sobs. I couldn’t stop. My heart pounded, and I could hear it in my ears. The tears kept coming, and they drenched my cheeks. I could feel snot running out of my nose.
My phone rang again, and I cried harder, hiding my face in my hands. I crawled back against the closest wall so I could lean against it and feel at least some security. I prayed to whatever gods would listen that the phone would stop ringing. When it was finally quiet, my sobs subsided. Slowly, I moved my hands away from my face and sniffled loudly. I panted softly like I’d just run a marathon. Catching my breath seemed like an impossible feat.
“Oh my God,” I whispered. “What am I going to do?”
It felt like hours before I finally had the strength to get up. My whole body trembled as I walked over to the phone and looked at the number. Damian had called and left a voicemail message. I didn’t have the strength to listen to it, so I turned the ringer off and slumped into my bedroom. I curled up on my bed and left the phone next to me on the bedside table. I never wanted to speak to Damian again, but deep down inside, I was desperate for him. I had no idea what to do.
“Steph? Hey, Stephanie? Sweetie, come on… wake up. Sweetie… Steph… come on, honey…”
That voice was like something out of a dream. In fact, I was dreaming. I was deep inside a castle, struggling to find my way out. There was a voice calling to me, but every time I tried to follow it, I hit a dead end.
“Hello? Is anyone there?” I called out to the voice, hoping whoever it was would hear me and come looking for me. I started to run, everything suddenly silent. It was getting darker, and I could barely see the walls. The ceiling seemed like it was part of a night sky without any moon and stars. Panic welled within me, the powerful kind that I had no control over.
As I ran around a corner, I spotted a light up ahead. Taking in deep, shuddering breaths, my hope lifted. A way out! I started to run toward that light, but as I ran, the light remained the same distance. No matter how fast I ran, I couldn’t get any closer.
“Stephanie.”
I froze. Damian’s voice.
As I swallowed, I turned around and looked behind me. There was only darkness. I squinted my eyes, but I couldn’t see anything. Even the walls were black. Fear clawed at me, and I felt my knees going weak.
“Leave me alone.” My voice sounded hoarse and shallow. There was no strength in it.
“Stephanie. You’re such a pathetic failure. The only reason I slept with you was because of your friend. I wanted her attention instead of yours. I wanted her to get jealous so she would try and seduce me.”
My eyes widened, and I shook my head. “No, you’re lying. You’re lying!”
“Not at all. Why would an accomplished, sexy, intelligent man such as myself want anything to do with a nobody like you?”
I was too shocked to speak. When I tried, all that came out was air.
“Stephanie!”
The other voice called me again. Suddenly, the world shook. It knocked me to the floor, which felt soft instead of hard.
“Stephanie! Sweetie, wake up! You’re having a nightmare!”
The nightmare world began to fade from me, and everything grew brighter. When my eyes opened, I saw my ceiling. The tears started again, and I sat up with a painful gasp, a hand moving to clench at my chest. I gripped my nightshirt and looked for Darla. When I saw her, I practically leapt into her arms, hugging her as tightly as I could. I sobbed and sobbed, completely out of control. I didn’t care.
“Sweetie… oh, sweetie. I’ve got you.” My best friend rocked me slowly as though I was a child, and her arms stayed tight around me.
“He was there, and he told me…” I hiccuped, trying to sob, breathe, and speak at the same time. “He told me he only had sex with me because he wanted to make you jealous. And I couldn’t get out. There was a maze, and everything turned black, and I was trapped. I heard this voice and saw this light, but I couldn’t get to either of them.” I buried my face in her shoulder, my body as exhausted as my mind. “Darla, I’m so scared. What’s going to happen to me?”
“Shhh. Shhh. Hey, honey, calm down, okay? Deep breaths. Take in deep breaths. Breathe with me, okay? One breath in…” She took in a deep breath and held it. “One breath out.” She released it. “One breath in…”
As she spoke, trying to get me to breathe with her, I started to feel a little calmer. My gasping evened out, and I actually felt as though I could breathe properly for the first time in hours. I clutched her tighter and listened to the beating of my heart slow.
“There you go. Nice and easy. Breathe, Stephanie. Keep breathing.” She stroked her fingers through my hair. “What happened?”
I wanted to cry just from that question alone, but I had no tears left. “After…” I drew in a deep, broken breath. “After I saw Damian with that woman on the TV, I called him. Darla, he was with someone else. I heard all of this… heavy breathing and kissing and… and laughing. But he didn’t say anything.” Sitting back, I wiped a hand down my face and tried not to break down again. “I don’t think he realized he’d answered.”
“Oh my God, Steph. I’m going to kill him. I swear on everything that I own.” She hugged me tightly. “I’m so sorry.”
Resting my chin on her shoulder, I nodded. “That’s not even the worst part. He called me and tried to pretend like nothing had happened. He tried to tell me that he hadn’t slept with the woman on TV or the women he went to that party with. I… We got into a fight. I don’t even remember what I said to him, but after I hung up, he called again.” I lifted my head and looked at her. “I can’t do this, Darla. I can’t. Not knowing he’s out there with other people.”
Her face almost glowed with sympathy, and she hugged me again. “Well, I’m here. And the best part about me is I can’t cheat on you.”
I had to giggle, and the smile felt good. Nodding, I sighed heavily and grabbed a few pieces of tissue so I could wipe my face. “I don’t even want to think about what I would do without you.”
“Then don’t.” She placed a hand on my belly for the first time. “And don’t worry about the baby, either. I’m going to be with you every step of the way. Seriously, we’ll figure something out together. You aren’t alone in this, not even a little bit. And you sure as hell don’t need that asshole to help you.”
“Okay.” Feeling stronger, if only marginally, I placed my hand over hers on my belly. “I was thinking about giving her up for adoption. I don’t have a job or a real place to live or… anything. The only reason I thought of keeping her was because I’d hoped he would come through. And now I feel like such an idiot.” I looked away from her toward the door. “I told myself a long time ago I would never trust anyone except you, and look what happened.”
She stroked her fingers through my hair. “If you have to, do it, but don’t make any decisions right now. It’s way too soon, and you’ve had a really rough day. So how about we go watch movies on the couch? I’ll grab some snacks and all you have to do is sit there, stare at a screen, and laugh.”
“Okay.” I got up slowly. “I like that idea.” I smiled despite the fact that I felt mentally wrecked and made my way into the living room. Hopefully, Darla would pick some good movies because I
really needed to escape from my own reality.
Damian
I couldn’t stop pacing. The phone was in my hand, and I clenched it so hard it hurt. I wanted to throw it across the room and watch it shatter against the wall, but I wanted Stephanie to call me back even more. My ears still rang after listening to her scream at me. What had hurt the most, though, was the sound of her sobbing. Even more terrifying was the fact that I was actually worried about her. I wanted to go to her place and comfort her, but after that phone conversation, I doubted she wanted anything to do with me anymore, which hurt like a punch to the gut.
In the past, if a woman didn’t want to see me again, I had no problem with it. It was easy to move on from someone you never intended to commit to. Stephanie, though, was different. She was so different that she actually mattered. She wasn’t just a release for me. She wasn’t just someone I could use to make me feel better. She was, instead, someone I wanted to be around.
“Dammit.” I tugged at my hair and chewed on my bottom lip. I had no idea what to do. There was no one for me to hug. There was no one there for me to screw into oblivion. The only person here, in this suddenly empty house, was me.
Weighing the phone in my hand, I stared down at it. Thoughts of Rocco drifted through my mind, but I pushed them aside as soon as they appeared. After many minutes with no solutions, I finally growled under my breath and phoned him. If he hung up, I decided, I would keep calling until he talked to me.
“Hello?” His voice sounded a little rough.
“Rocco, it’s Damian.”
Click.
“Shit.” I huffed out a breath and called him again. There was no answer. With a growl, I dialed him again, clutching the phone to my ear. “Pick up… pick up. Come on.”
Finally, he picked up again: “Damian, what the hell do you want?”
“Don’t hang up. Just… don’t hang up.” After a moment, I said, “I screwed up.”
“Ya think?”
“I know. I messed up. And I don’t know how to fix it. I know I’m the last person you want to talk to, but you need to give me a hand here. Please.”
“Wow. The great Damian Masters knows when to admit when he’s wrong, and he can say please.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and started to pace again. Bile tickled at the back of my throat, leaving a horrible taste in my mouth. “Yes, I get it. I’m a horrible person, and I deserve what’s coming to me.”
“Yep! You are. And even better, you’re just like your dad. I think I told you that before I quit. Yeah. Now that I think about it, I did.”
I ground my teeth together, and my nostrils flared with each angry breath. “You also told me I could call you.”
“Yeah, when you got some sense back.”
I felt like banging my head against a wall. “Rocco, what do I have to do for you to take me seriously?” Saying those words was harder than hearing him talk to me as though I was some incompetent child about to get spanked.
“You have to call her and sort things out.” After a pause, he added, “And give me my job back.”
“Fine. Fine, you can have your job back. No one is as good as you, anyway.”
“Really? Flattery and avoidance? No, you aren’t like you father at all.”
I felt a deep, angry pang in my chest, but I managed to hold it at bay. Barely. “I don’t know what I’d say to her if I did call her. And besides, I’ve tried.” I sighed and actually did bang my head against the wall, letting it rest there afterwards. “She heard me over the phone with another woman. When she called me, I answered it by accident.”
There was a long pause. “Dude, what the hell?”
“I know. I know, just stop… Look, I know the problem. I get it. What I need is a solution.”
“Damian, there isn’t a quick fix to this. You’re going to have to work your ass off if you want this to work.” He paused. “You do want this to work, right?”
“Yes… maybe… I don’t know.” I leaned away from the wall and shrugged as I looked toward the door. “Yes, I do. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I really… I do want it to work. I just have no idea how.”
“Alright. I’m coming over. I’ll be there in half an hour.”
“Rocco, you’re a life saver. Thank you.”
As soon as I hung up, a text message popped across my screen. It was, of all people, from Stephanie: Meet me at the Riverman Café tomorrow at 9am. Don’t be late.
I stared at the text message for a few moments and responded with, You must have the wrong number. This is Damian Masters.
A few seconds later: I know.
I stared a little harder at the screen. I was in disbelief. I’ll be there.
After several minutes of continuous screen staring, I realized she probably wasn’t going to text me back. It was almost too bizarre to believe—unless, of course, she was planning on murdering me.
There were so many questions running through my mind, and none of them had answers. A heavy sigh left my lips, and I slid the phone into the back pocket of my pants. Heading into the kitchen, I started making some coffee and pulled out a few bottles of alcohol. I was fairly certain that either me, Rocco, or both of us would be taking a number of shots tonight.
I heard a car pull into my driveway twenty minutes later. It rumbled for a few seconds before shutting off. After a sigh, I walked to the door and opened it. I knew it was Rocco. The sound of his car had always been familiar. I highly doubted Marcel was back.
Looking outside, I spotted my old clothing director striding up the path. He glared at me as he pushed past me and into the house. I didn’t ask him to remove his shoes. I simply closed the door and turned to look at him.
When he punched me in the face, I was so shocked I didn’t even have time to steady myself. I staggered backward, thankful that a wall was there to stop me from falling on my ass. My body slumped awkwardly against the wall and I gasped, a hand automatically coming up to touch my jaw.
“What the fuck, Rocco?” As much as I wanted to lunge at him, I stayed where I was.
“That’s for being an asshole.” He shook his hand, his knuckles already turning red.
“Jesus. Noted.” I worked my jaw back and forth before my hand slid away. “Are you going hit me again, or are you going to help me?”
“Hitting you was a part of helping you. Hopefully, I knocked some sense into you.” He grumbled under his breath and moved closer to me. “Now, just so we’re on the same page, I have my job back, right?”
“Yes.” I held my hands up. I really didn’t want him to hit me again. “You have your job back. I can get the paperwork sorted out when I get to my office tomorrow morning.” I eyed him, my mind working on escape routes. If he wanted to hit me again, I was sure I could outrun him.
He noticed me staring at him. “Relax, I won’t hit you again… as long as you listen to me.”
“Okay, whatever. I’m listening.”
“Come with me.” He gestured to me and walked up the stairs until he got to the top floor. I followed him at a short distance, not quite sure what to expect. Rocco opened the door to my balcony and stepped out onto it. He leaned against the railing and looked down, quiet for a long time.
“I think you should propose to Stephanie.”
I stepped out onto the balcony with him but almost tripped on my own feet when I heard him say that. “I’m sorry, what? What did you say?”
“I said,” he turned to look at me, “I think you should propose to Stephanie. Marriage is the biggest commitment of them all, and if she’s ever going to take you seriously, you need to show her that you’re willing to take that leap.”
I was sure my face was paler than a sheet of paper. My throat felt dry, and I shook my head as I paced to the far end of the balcony. “No, Rocco, I can’t. I promised myself a long time ago that I wasn’t going to be like my father.”
“Dude, you’re exactly like your father! Look at you! You’re avoiding Stephanie and running around with a
ll these other women! It doesn’t matter if you fucked them or not. Get with the program, man! Just a few minutes ago, you were all for figuring things out, now you’re in denial again?”
I gripped my hair and leaned against the wall, my eyes closing. “Shit. I know. I know.” My stomach was in knots, and I felt sick.
“Go out and buy a ring. Figure out how to meet with her so you can sort things out. If you want it, you fight for it. Own up to what you did and move on, dude. Walk away from the man your father made and become your own man.” He shrugged. “I’ve known you for a lot of years, and if I didn’t think you could do those things, I wouldn’t be wasting my time here.”
I opened my eyes and nodded. I pushed off the wall and leaned my forearms on the railing, a little laugh drifting from my lips. “You know, my mother’s always saying how much she hates her life. I never see her. She wants nothing to do with me because she says I remind her too much of my dad. I know she’s only staying with him for the money, but I feel like it’s different with Stephanie. I think, maybe, she sees me for… me. Yeah, she probably cares about the money, but I don’t think it’s as important to her as my real support. Not just my financial support. And that…” I blew air through my mouth, glancing up toward the sky. “That is pretty fucking scary.”
“No, Damian. That is pretty freaking awesome.” He paused, a little smile on his face.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Because you love her.”
“I do not.” I spat the words out before I really knew what I was saying, then gripped the railing and looked down toward the ground. Was Rocco right? Did I love Stephanie?
He moved closer to me and bumped my shoulder with his own. “Yes, you do.”
I sighed heavily, exasperated and flustered. “So what if I do? I just walk over, apologize, and propose?”