I took a tentative step back towards the stairs and door. “And my mother,” I said. My mother had been in love with him too.
He move over to the couch, by that time my feet were backing into the wall next to the staircase. The faint bump of my feet made such a small noise, yet it reverberated in the room. His face went soft. I had to wonder if he was reliving the nostalgia of their relationship in his mind. “I met Julie at the hospital. I was stuck at first by her beauty then by her kindness,” he said.
“And,” I said, adjusting to a compassion I heard in his tone. I fisted my hands together looking first down then away. I almost felt like I was intruding on a kiss in the way he looked out into space past me like I wasn’t standing there.
“And she was my Juliette, my muse. She was going to round out the set, but I fell for her. I didn’t believe it at first, but I fell in love.” I could almost believe him human in the wistful look he had.
His eyes had gone glassy. “You look like her you know,” he said. Feeling his stare, I met his gaze dead on. Moving like a man with purpose, he’d stepped around the couch. Feeling trapped, I turned to trying to make a decision for the door or the stairs.
“Like you mother,” I asked, tearing my attention between him and the door.
“Her too, you are a combination of your mother and mine, the two women I hate most in the world.”
Before I didn’t think he would hurt me, but he wasn’t looking at me anymore even though his eye stared into mine while moving towards me.
“Dad,” I said softly. The word shocked me so I thought it might shock him. He stopped moving. Caught in a web of trying to understand each other, we fell into a standoff.
He was quicker on the draw than I was. “Kayla, my stay in hell showed me the truth. Your mother’s act of innocence was just that. You can’t fool me with soft words. The torment I had to suffer through as punishment for my sins deadened any humanity you may think I have. Thankfully, someone saw my potential and offered me a deal or rather a pardon for a price of course. And I need your gifts to help me achieve those ends.”
Now I was sure I was in trouble. “And what’s the price?” I asked fearful it was me. But I held my head up. Sebastian hinted that my father may have bargained for his soul for revenge.
“Souls,” he said. His word was chilly, ringing out like icicles in the wind. He held his hand out. I thought he was beckoning me to him. I was ready with a rebuff when someone walked into my line of vision from the hallway leading to the kitchen.
Feeling like I swallowed a balloon filled of helium, I struggled to stay steady on my feet. How could this be? He looked just like he had two years ago all full of innocence. His signature baseball cap was on his head, yet he shuffled towards my father like a zombie would.
“Paul,” I cried out. How had he gotten here?
Paul came to a shuffling stop in beside my father. Its hand lifted towards me to stop me from coming any closer. I paused in my forward progress afraid of how he might hurt Paul if I didn’t obey. “What do you want?” I asked.
My father moved fluidly, contrasting Paul’s stiff steps with a stride like his glided just above the floor. His movements were graceful and I couldn’t help but to watch. He took my arm with the barest of pressure. I was jolted away like the blast that had lifted Luke in the air. No longer was I in control. My scream echoed off the inner layers of my skin never reaching anyone’s ears but my own. “Kayla,” he said, using Sebastian’s name for me, taking my hand. “You have such lovely eyes.”
Guiding me, I knew what was going to happen and had no way to stop it. “I need your potential reached.”
It only took a few steps to reach Paul who stood so still I wondered what trance he was under. Confused however by everything, I also notices my movements weren’t awkward. I moved with a fluidity that reviled my father.
My father clapped the Paul on the back. The boy didn’t move under the force of it. “I need you to be a sport and take one for the team,” he said.
Having no choice, I watched from the rafters of my mind. She moved my hand and took Paul’s hat from his head tipping it off to fall to the ground in a swift movement. Oddly, I felt the touch of his hair but from a distance that wasn’t quite right. She gripped his head tight pulling his head down to meet mine.
I could feel through her his slight resistance. He like me had no choice in the matter. She pressed my lips to his while I silently cried, feeling helpless. A wave of energy cascaded through me. The golden hue of it filled the spaces that the inky blackness of my succubus didn’t occupy. Very faintly, I thought I heard him speak. I swore he said he loved me. But his mouth was busy with mine.
Finally, I started to understand the succubus. The entity that shared my body stood empty able to make its own decisions. All I needed to do was to slip the skin of it like a costume and take control. It couldn’t have been that simple. But I jumped down from my perch at eye level. As I fell from my high vantage point, my soul seemed to expand to fill all of me. I pulled the black mist over me like perfume. It took more time than I imagine it should but when it was done, it felt like a snug fit.
My eyes opened anew for the first time. Through them I saw Paul’s life slipping away and into me. I stepped back jerky with my first step. Paul swayed on his feet before he crumpled to the floor. I wanted to reach out to break his fall, but I wouldn’t have given myself away.
Knowledge in the form of images races over me like an insane slide show. I understood it all with the force of comprehension hitting me. I knew what I had to do. My dad was only a few steps away watching the show like an inspector.
I closed my eyes knowing he might understand what I’d done if he saw my eyes and not hers. But we were one now. Like Flynn, I was in control of all of me.
“Good, Kayla,” he said closing the distance between us. “McKayla, I know you can hear me. This was all for the best. He was only human. There is so much we can do together.”
Yes there was. I truly understood what Luke was now. I knew just what his angel light could do. Keeping my eyes tightly shut, I remembered our final kiss. Luke had somehow known and tried to protect me. He’d given me some of his power. I wanted to cry thinking that what I must do may mean I wouldn’t see him again.
But there wasn’t time for goodbyes or to even check on Paul. I had to hope he’d be ok. I couldn’t allow my father to go and collect souls for the devil. People had to make their own choices. He couldn’t be allowed to walk the earth. I understood what my mother had done and how hard it must have been for her. My father was right. She had decided to end his life, just I was going to do now.
Luke’s angel light could vanquish a demon back to its origins. Sebastian’s power could take me there with a destination. I would use those powers in tandem to bind me to my dad so I could make sure he met his end and maybe my own.
With him standing before me, I opened my eyes. His met mine. I raised my hand and a spark of blue flame lit my finger just in case. He looked at my hand then at me. His eyes darted to the back of the house. I was sure he’d figured it out. His hand raised and I felt a force around my neck. I’d waited a second too long. I threw my other hand up and tossed a ball of flame on him. The flame lit around him like a torch. But it wasn’t fire because nothing in the room that touched him ignited.
“McKayla,” a deep guttural voice emitted from his mouth that wasn’t human at all. He still had a solid hold on my throat and my oxygen depleted brain waned. I thought about the angel power and a light began to emit from my body but it was too late. The light began to dim.
The door behind us burst open and angel light filled the room. I felt his hold drop and I bent forward to gasp in air. Time didn’t stop and my father wasn’t yet defeated. He was fighting the blue demon fire that held him encased in the angel light. I knew then what needed to be done. I stood and took in a deep breath. Stumbling forward I clasped the fire encased monster and focused. Calling upon Luke’s and Sebastian power, I used the angel
light as a destination and the other as my one way ticket there. It wasn’t like falling this time.
We landed in a heap. The fire cocoon of my dad stood writhing looking much like a flame encased Academy Award statue. The flame was no longer blue but a deep orange tilting towards a rose red. Even with the glow of the flame, the darkness was absolute here. The cool stone that lay beneath me oddly enough sent a chill through my body. With goose bumps creeping up my arm, I lay looking up at my father. His cries and moans of suffering were immense. I nearly covered my ears to hide from his agony that I’d inflicted on him by bringing him back.
I finally looked around. What I saw chilled me more. More than thousands of blazing cocoons stood in an endless field of orange. Although each glowed bright, none pierce the complete darkness. I could see nothing but the individual flames and blackness. I couldn’t even see my own hand in front of me.
When the guilt crept up on me, I was sure it was a normal reaction to the choice I made. Had I done the right thing to bring my dad back? Did he deserve to die at my mother’s hand? I felt the pain of sadness descend on me like the darkness all around me. The cloud of iniquity was heavy on my chest. I was sin and I would damn Luke. I’d kissed Sebastian. I was such a bad person. I was mean to my mother. I didn’t deserve love. Everything I done and worried about crossed through my brain like a lightning rod. I heard the cries and realized they were mine. I couldn’t stop the guilt from coming. I’d hurt Paul my best friend. I hadn’t trusted Maggie. I’d been jealous.
Startled by the contrast of the warmth on my legs from the cool place I laid, I looked down in the direction where my legs were. The red ribbon of flame wrapped first around my foot. A searing the pain radiated up my leg. I had a just one moment of clarity. I needed to get out of here. This was a place of suffering.
I tried to focus for a brief moment letting my intended destination settle in my mind. But as the flame rose up my calf mummifying me, I knew it wasn’t working. Sebastian probably didn’t gift me enough power for a round trip. Of course I doubted he thought I would have had hell as my intended destination.
Movement across the vast endless area caught the corner of my eye. I felt more than saw the darkness coming forward. It blotted out the orange figures as it seemed to move towards me.
My sin, weighted like a boulder, pressed on my chest. While my mind drifted to Luke and escape, flame began to cover all of my legs. I screamed not sure what I was more afraid of the flame or the looming darkness. My body went ridged stretching me straight flat against the ground. My lips were forced closed. My cries were still loud ringing in my head. Would I spend eternity here? The darkness would be here soon.
A rush of gratefulness quieted my internal screams when I felt a hand under my head. Then another moved under my waist. I felt myself being lifted up. I could neither see nor speak but I heard the voice.
“We got to get out of here.”
I should have relaxed, but the voice only reminded me of my various sins I committed. I moaned, wanted nothing more than to beg for forgiveness but my mouth didn’t move.
Chapter Forty
culmination (n.) the climax toward which something progresses
Air, was the first thing I thought when I sat up gasping in my room. If anyone were in the room they might have thought I’d risen from the dead the way my body lean up with my legs still stretched in front of me. A thick beam of sunlight streamed in through the window. I sat in glory of the light, thankful I’d survived.
I looked around but I knew I was alone. Quickly, I pulled my feet out from under the covers and inspected them. There were no burn marks or any sign of my stint in hell on them or my legs. Standing, I wiggled my extremities to make sure everything was in working order.
Grateful again, I felt like I needed to pray to thank God for saving me. It hadn’t been him directly, but somehow I knew it wasn’t the other who saved me from my sins. I pressed my hand to my heart because it was pounding with the memory of what I’d gone through. The sorrow I felt was gone but not forgotten. I had to make amends.
My decision had been made. I wouldn’t condemn Luke to that fate I suffered. He didn’t deserve to be damned. I wasn’t sure anyone should endure that much anguish. Stepping to the window resolved with what needed to be done, I looked out my window onto the vast back yard. I saw Flynn sitting on a patio chair.
Maybe I was avoiding what was to come, but I found myself in the bathroom freshened up first. Somehow I doubted anyone would care, but I needed to look myself in the eye. The vision in the mirror wasn’t as bad as I’d expected, but it wasn’t good either. I spent a few minutes brushing my teeth and combing my hair. I still had no idea what day it was or how long I’d been gone. So when I stepped out of the bathroom, I was comfortable that at least I wouldn’t offend anyone with halitosis. I nearly stopped and turned on the television to the weather channel to see the date and time. But that wouldn’t accomplish anything but possibly distressing me. So I walked passed.
Silently, I moved through the quiet house expecting someone to greet me along the way, but no one did. Had I been out so long that everyone moved on with their daily lives waiting for me to wake? I guess it was just as plausible that I hadn’t been out that long and they’d expected me to be out longer.
As warm as it looked from my closed window it was brisk outside. The air snaked through the sweater I’d pulled on before coming out here. I wanted to turn back for a coat. It was too late. I saw Flynn stand.
“Mercy,” he said. His eyes lit up like Christmas upon seeing me. Had I been that close to death? They way he looked at me, you’d think he’d expected the worse. I walked over to him and let him take me in his warm hug.
“Where’s my mom?” I asked. Although I appreciated Flynn’s support, what I ached for was my mother. Funny how in trying times one needs more than anything the warmth of home. My mom was home to me.
“She and David just left to pick up Chinese. We had to force her to leave the house. She’s been at you side nonstop,” he said. Gently he rubbed my back. I sank deeper into his arms. He’d been a good friend. More than I had expected. I shook the thoughts my father planted in my head about Flynn’s intentions. It wasn’t true.
I pulled back to ask him where everyone else was. But when I looked into his gorgeous face, something in his eyes warned me. Maybe I still didn’t believe what I saw, because I stood there searching his eyes. His head descended to mine in the unmistakable movement that led to his yielding mouth pressed to mine. I stiffened but didn’t move. My brain just didn’t want to accept what was happening. Frozen in place, I let him press his lips to mine firm and sure. I hadn’t yet accepted his kiss nor had I kissed him back.
Out of the corner of my eye, I discerned movement to my right. It made me jerk away from Flynn. If Luke caught this, I would punch Flynn or maybe even knee him in the groin. But when I turned, I saw Paul’s grim face. He back away much in the same fashion I did with my dad, cautious and angry.
I turned back to Flynn. My rage filled my hand in an open hand slap across his cheek that caused his head to turn from the impact of it. I pushed away from him and began to move in the direction Paul retreated. He was heading towards the front of the house. In the time it took me to slap Flynn, Paul had disappeared around the corner.
“Paul, please wait,” I yelled. I was so glad he was ok. I wanted to apology for nearly taking his life again. I was nearly at a run chasing him around the corner. He’d moved fast in his distaste for what he saw and misinterpreted. When I caught sight of him, he had his car door open.
“But Paul, I love you,” I said crying out. I wasn’t sure why those were my words, but nothing was going as planned. I was trying to straighten all this mess out. I wanted things to go back to the way they were. But I would rationalize later that Paul must have been too far away to hear me. This was because he didn’t turn or make any gesture acknowledging me. He just hopped into his Mustang and drove off before I could reach him.
I was
furious with Flynn and spun on my heels to go give him a piece of my mind. If the slap I’d given him before hadn’t done the trick maybe additional words would. Instead, I found myself face to face with Luke. My heart sank. I wasn’t yet ready to face him. My seeing him for the first time since my brush with death caught my breath. What I felt for him was magnified. I wish things could be different. But hell was a wakeup call. So I gripped onto my only defense with my need for him weakening my resolve. Luke had lied to me. Well, omission of truths was just as bad as lying. Something in his eyes gave me pause. I realized he’d heard that last bit that I’d said. Back pedaling in my head, I needed to explain because I was sure he misunderstood my words.
“Luke, I,” I said, when his hand touch my cheek in a gentle caress.
“Shh,” he said. “Let me speak.” His voice was gentle yet stern and I found myself mute. “I always knew you love him, but I’d hoped that maybe I was wrong,” he said.
I wanted to tell him that he misunderstood when I remembered that in the end, I had to break up with him for safety of his mortal soul. So instead of calming words of explanation I uttered heated words that bubbled from my mouth. “Were you ever going to tell me what you were?” I said with malice.
He looked away quickly almost as if I slapped him. Starring at something beyond me he spoke, but not really to me but at me. “I’m sorry about that. Flynn seemed to think it was better you didn’t know,” he said.
Irate couldn’t describe what I felt now. “You let Flynn determine our relationship. You trusted him more than me,” I said so loudly he winced.
He recovered quickly and still calmly he said, “It doesn’t really matter now. I won’t be second to anyone else.” He looked in the sky for a moment. “I love you, Mercy,” he said looking in my eyes again.
It was the first time he said it. My heart broke knowing we couldn’t be together. He drew me in and kissed me. And like all the other times we truly kissed it was like magic. I felt like I was floating away until he pulled back. “But I won’t share your heart with Paul,” he said dryly and all the magic was just as suddenly pulled out of the air.
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