by Anna Kashina
“You had a lantern on, so I knew you were not asleep,” she said. “I hope I haven’t disturbed you.”
“Not at all.” Kyth tried to rise up to his feet to greet her, but in the cramped space of the tent standing straight wasn’t possible at all. She smiled at his efforts, then lowered to the floor and crept inside.
Her long silky dress looked so light, more like a night shift than an outer garment. Her loose hair falling down her shoulders framed her slim body like flames, its fiery-red tongues licking the skin of her bare arms.
“I couldn’t sleep,” she said. “It’s overwhelming to think that we are departing in a few days.”
Kyth felt overwhelmed too. Under Ayalla’s tutelage, his power had grown so much that at times he was finding it hard to contain. His previous experiences at handling his magic seemed feeble, a pale shadow of everything he was truly capable of. Still, even with this power at his command, the task he was facing seemed enormous. He hoped he was up to it.
“Do you feel you’ll be ready by then?” Celana said.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Ayalla believes so. But whether I can actually do what she expects of me…” He spread his hands.
She smiled. “Only one way to find out.”
“Yes.”
She edged forward and lay down by his side, leaning on one elbow. He lowered too, so that their faces were level. This position seemed natural, the most comfortable one in the low tent. But it also made him aware that she was now sharing his bedroll, a thought that made his cheeks warm.
She blushed too, but her eyes gleamed with mischief. “If you forgive me saying this, I find you so adorable when you blush like this.”
His blush deepened. “Adorable?”
“Yes. It’s as if you worry about my virtue even more than I do.”
Her virtue. He swallowed. The thought did worry him, especially when they lay so close to each other. “As your traveling companion, I feel it is my duty to protect you.”
She grinned. “It’s very sweet of you, if somewhat old-fashioned. I hope, though, you don’t doubt at all that I have no need of your protection. I can protect myself just fine.”
He nodded. Celana was an adept archer. She was also far more fit than could be guessed by her slender build and delicate upbringing. He knew she could defend herself in a tight spot. Yet, he just couldn’t stop feeling responsible.
“Besides,” she said, “I hardly need any protection from you.”
His blush was instantly back as he peered into her face. “Perhaps you are giving me too much credit? I’ve already taken advantage of you, once.”
Her eyelids trembled. “Yes, you did. And I gave you my permission to do it again, remember?”
He opened his mouth to turn this into a joke, but her expression stopped him, a mix of shyness and expectation in her gaze freezing him to the spot.
“I… I want you to,” she said quietly.
“Is this why you came to my tent?”
“Yes.”
He peered closer, feeling the heat rise into his face.
It came to his mind that during their entire stay at Ayalla’s he hadn’t thought of Kara even once – not romantically, at least. At the same time, the kiss he and Celana had shared back at the Majat camp before their parties separated came to his mind often, even if with his intense training schedule he never had a chance to pursue this train of thought very far. He missed her scent, the feeling of her smooth skin under his hands, the boldness with which she had given herself to him, inexperienced but eager. He kept telling himself he had no right to her, not with the way he had given his heart to another. But now that they were so close, lying together in a tent, he found himself wondering if he was taking his restraint around her a bit too far. He didn’t want to lead her on or give her false hopes. But it was different if the hopes felt real, wasn’t it?
Their faces were so close that he didn’t even need to reach forward to cup her cheek. She briefly closed her eyes as she turned her face into his caress. He brushed her lips, tentative at first, until she responded, opening her mouth to invite him inside.
His hand slid into her hair, then down her back as he pulled her into an embrace. Her scent enfolded him, a fresh Lakeland wind that carried his mind out of bounds, beyond the smothering walls of the forest around them.
Her dress was thin and silky, and as he ran his hands over it he detected no garments underneath. The thought of her naked body so close, separated from him by no more than a thin layer of cloth, made him sweat. Her virtue. No matter how eager she seemed, he couldn’t allow his desire to overcome his senses and take this encounter too far. He had to stop himself before it was too late.
He gasped as he drew away from her, holding her at arm’s length as he tried to quiet his racing heart.
“We shouldn’t,” he said.
She peered into his eyes. “Why?”
“You… You are a virgin, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” She looked at him curiously, as if puzzled.
He kept her gaze, caught in a conflict he didn’t know how to deal with. His body urged him on, wanting nothing but to ravage her and claim every bit of her. His mind pulled him back, telling him this wasn’t the right way.
“If I went on right now,” he said, “I would be taking advantage of you in more ways than I believe I should.”
“Didn’t I already give you permission to do it?”
He heaved a breath. “With your inexperience, you don’t even know what you are asking me to do.”
Her lips curved into a quick grin. “However naïve you consider me to be, I think I have an idea.”
He looked down at her helplessly, summoning all his strength to will his body into stillness. “It could hurt. I heard it does, the first time.”
“Are you suggesting I remain a virgin for the rest of my life for fear of a brief pain?”
He shook his head. Put like this, it did seem ridiculous.
“What if I get you with child?” he asked.
She laughed. “Haven’t you ever heard of warding spells?”
“No.” He frowned. Looking at her, he was beginning to feel as if he was the naïve one.
“In wealthy families, every girl receives one at birth, to be removed by a priest on her wedding day. This was introduced as part of the Church’s breeding law, after the Holy Wars.”
Breeding law. The law imposed strict rules on everyone, giving the Church power to approve marriages and prevent the birth of illegitimate children with magic. Of course, it made sense that wealthy families found a way around it to allow their girls more freedom. Kyth’s own inborn magic led his father to hide him among commoners when he was growing up, which was likely why he had no idea at all about such things as warding spells.
“We are headed to a war,” Celana said. “No one knows if you or I will even survive. Before the worst happens, I want to make sure that I have a chance, at least once, to be with the man I love.”
Kyth went very still, looking at her. She wasn’t smiling, not even blushing as she looked at him with a mix of openness and vulnerability that sent his heart racing. Love. She can’t possibly mean it, can she?
“I am not asking you for anything more,” she said. “Not until you are ready. Not ever, if this is not meant to be. Just for this.” She glanced down her outstretched body, then back up to his face. “Assuming, of course, that you find me desirable enough to consider it.”
Kyth felt his head spin as he leaned forward and kissed her again. This time he let his hands go all the way down, caressing her, lifting her dress, pulling it off to expose her naked beauty. He stripped off his clothes too, so that he could feel her with every bit of his skin as he stretched beside her, submerged in her silky smoothness and warmth.
She was so responsive, each of her shivers echoing through him too, each of her movements forcing down another restraint in his mind. He held back, taking it as slowly as she needed, giving her time to adjust, waiting for her body to sig
nal him each time she was ready for more.
His fingers stroked her stomach, then slid between her legs to trace the sensitive skin on the inside of her thighs, tentative as he sensed her hesitation. She briefly clenched her knees, then relaxed and let them fall open, letting him inside. Her wetness beckoned as he stroked her there, lightly at first, then more steadily as she turned into his touch, pressing into his hand to show him that she wanted more. She trembled as he built up the tension, her moans echoing through him with an arousal so intense that he could barely contain it. When she gasped and fell back, convulsing, he felt her release echo through him too, as if he was a part of her.
He hesitated, still unsure if he should go any further despite his raging need, but she gave him no time to think. Clinging to him, she shifted in his embrace, pulling him over her parting legs until he was poised for entry. Her hips turned up into his thrust, a movement that took him by surprise, forcing him to push deeper inside her than he intended to go.
He froze as he felt her stiffen, cursing himself for not being able to exercise more control. He had planned to take it much slower, if at all. And now that he was inside her, holding back seemed even more impossible than before, even if he knew this was what he must do. He felt so conflicted again, his body screaming for him to go on, his mind telling him to wait until another time. He clung to the reasonable part, stifling his need, holding still with every last bit of resolve. He had just taken her virginity, he was sure of it. He should leave her alone and give her time to cope with this change before he took it any further.
Just as he thought he had gotten a grip on himself, she shifted under him again, her legs wrapping around him to push him deeper inside her. His body reacted before he meant it to, his next thrust followed by another, and another, answered by her moans urging him on. As he picked up speed, her head rolled back, her inner muscles clenching around him in a building release that forced away the last bits of restraint. He spiraled out of control, only vaguely aware of her gasps, of her fingers raking his chest. Her body erupted in convulsions that took him too, shaking him all the way to the core and into oblivion.
He held her close as they rode through the aftershocks, finally finding the strength to ease out of her and lie down by her side. The lantern had gone out and he couldn’t see her face, but he could sense her smile against his neck as she curled into his hold. He wanted to ask her if she was all right, if he had caused her pain, but he knew this was a wrong time to say anything at all. She kissed him lightly, nuzzling him as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.
He hoped that, barring the pain he was sure she felt at that first moment of entry, he had made her first time with a man as enjoyable as she hoped it to be. But even that didn’t seem to matter right now. If there would be a next time, and ones to follow, he would make sure that every single time he would learn more and more about her, finding new ways to make her feel as special as she deserved to be. He took so much enjoyment from seeing her pleasure. Next to her, his own pleasure, however exquisite it was, didn’t even matter that much.
He knew if they were destined to die in their war with the Kaddim, he would die with no regrets. Just a short while ago, he wasn’t sure he could ever love again. And now, for the first time, he found a very real hope.
31
A Coup
“It’s taking too bloody long,” Mai said.
Ellah leaned back into her chair, watching him tiredly. Mai had been restless the whole evening. For the past hour he had been up from his seat, pacing their common room despite Egey Bashi’s attempts to distract him with a conversation. It was indeed getting late, even though Ellah was sure the Queen’s invitation did not specify the time of Kara’s return. For all she knew, Kara may be expected to share someone’s bed, an obvious thought that none in their party dared venture into the conversation. Mai seemed near enough to the edge without discussing that possibility.
“Why don’t we all have some sleep, Aghat Mai?” Egey Bashi said soothingly. “I’m sure, with her combat skill, Kara couldn’t possibly be in any danger.”
Mai looked at him for a moment, as if considering the suggestion, then resumed his pacing.
“I assume, Aghat Mai,” Seldon said, “you are not similarly concerned about Aghat Lance, or any of our other men, not showing up by now?”
Mai paused again. Ellah flinched at his expression. It felt as if the weight everyone had been waiting for dropped, leaving only a brief pause before an explosion.
“Are you trying to make a bloody point, Aghat Seldon?” Mai said.
Seldon’s guarded look told Ellah that he was fully aware of the reaction he was causing, even though he clearly wasn’t going to back down. His jaw knotted with resolve as he spoke.
“I am making a point, Aghat Mai. Kara is a grownup, and given her rank and her exceptional skill, she is more than capable of taking care of herself – just like our men, who willingly ventured out for the evening. You shouldn’t exhaust yourself with worry about her well-being. The best we can all do right now is get some sleep, so that we are all ready for the negotiations tomorrow.”
Mai froze, his face briefly contorting into a mask that made him nearly unrecognizable. Ellah braced for the fight she was sure was about to erupt, but, to her surprise, Mai merely turned around and left the room.
After a long moment they all heard a distant thud of a door slamming in the depth of the suite, followed by a silence that hung heavily in the air.
“Perhaps I should go talk to him?” Egey Bashi offered, without much enthusiasm.
Seldon shook his head. “Aghat Mai is a reasonable man. Just give him some time to cool off.”
“But what if he is right and we do have reasons for concern, Aghat?”
Seldon smirked. “Kara is probably enjoying a version of every woman’s paradise right now. Do you really want to pull her out of it?”
Every woman’s paradise. Ellah looked at him thoughtfully. Clearly, Seldon knew very little about women. Perhaps that was not too surprising, given his advanced Majat rank that probably afforded him very little opportunity to interact with women at all.
Ellah thought back to the conversation she had with Kara at Gard’hal outpost, and Kara’s surprising confession about her fear of men. From her own experience, Ellah knew that fears like this never disappeared without a trace. While Kara had clearly found her balance with men – and was enjoying a very close relationship with one – Ellah was sure Kara would be terrified at facing all those scantily clad consorts, apparently with only one thing on their mind, throwing themselves at her, as she was sure they would try to do in the Queen’s quarters.
Ellah still remembered Kara’s expression when she first encountered this kind of attention from Hamala’s consorts on their way to the throne room. Besides, Kara was deeply devoted to Mai. Ellah was certain Kara was anxious to return to him as soon as possible. She had been gone more than four hours. Perhaps Mai was right and it was indeed time to worry?
She rose to her feet. “I think I’ll, um, go and talk to Mai myself.”
Egey Bashi regarded her for a moment. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” She understood the Magister’s hesitation. None of them knew what Mai was capable of in his current volatile mood. Yet, she was sure that even on the brink of losing control Mai would never harm someone like her, a person with no weapon training at all. Well, at least reasonably sure. In any case, this was what friends were for, wasn’t it?
It looked as if Egey Bashi was about to say something else by the way he raised his head, but he receded back into his seat under her questioning gaze. “Make sure to stay out of his weapons’ range – if you can help it, of course.”
Ellah nodded. “I’ll do my best, Magister.”
Egey Bashi rose too. “Good luck. As for myself, I feel this may be a good time to pay a visit to the palace library. Nothing like the late hours of the night to search around for hidden volumes and scrolls, is it?”
Ella
h straightened out her dress as she stepped to the door, hearing the echo of the Magister’s steps down the hallway. She knew visiting the library was a good idea, yet his departure left her alone in the company of the Majat, with Mai being the only person she felt even remotely familiar with. She hurried to the door, but Seldon’s words stopped her.
“You really think you can calm him down?”
She turned and looked at him. “Why do you ask?”
“Because I noticed the way you look at him. You like him, don’t you?”
Ellah heaved a long breath. “Is everything always so… so perverted in your world, Aghat Seldon?”
“Perverted?” He seemed genuinely surprised.
“Yes,” Ellah said. “It seems that your opinion of people is dictated entirely by what you believe you know about the urges of their bodies. I hate to break it to you, especially given the difference in our ages, but people are really far more complicated than this.”
She didn’t wait for him to respond as she left the room, but she could feel the silence behind her, palpable like a thick pile of sand.
When she knocked on Mai’s door she didn’t hear any answer. After a long pause she dared to push it tentatively. The door swung inward, letting her inside.
Mai was sitting on the low bed in the corner, staring into space. Her heart quivered as she saw his sagging shoulders, the way his face looked pale and drawn, exhausted. She tried to tread lightly as she crossed the room and sat on the bed by his side.
“I think you may be right,” she said.
He lifted his head, looking at her as if she had spoken a foreign language. “Right?”
“Yes. I know that Kara is hating every minute of her stay in the Queen’s chambers. And knowing that, it does seem strange that she has been gone so long.”
His lips twitched. “How could you possibly know that?”
She frowned. “You are not doubting her loyalty to you, are you? Not over some men who think that oiling their skin and showing off their chest muscles makes them look irresistible?”