by Anna Kashina
She continued to stare. Illogically, his simple words brought tears to her eyes. She didn’t believe crying like this was possible for her anymore, not after years of Majat training, yet as she stood in front of him, tears poured down her cheeks, searing hot like the Reincarnate’s touch.
“When Aunt Rajmella found out who you were,” Jamal said, “I felt resentful, at first. I wasn’t ready for a family reunion, for the knowledge that the mythical sister I was supposed to have had turned up in the flesh. I wanted you gone. I am ashamed of the way I behaved. I’m happy that you are now in my life. No matter what happens, you can always count on having a loving brother.”
She wiped her eyes with both hands, but the tears just kept coming, pouring anew when he stepped forward and pulled her into his arms.
As she snuggled against him, she tried to tell herself that this new family she was finding in him could replace her old one, give her a new home instead of the one she was losing forever. The thought was comforting, but she also knew, deep in her heart, that it would never be enough.
After Jamal left, she stood still for a while, composing herself, finding the strength to move again. She nearly forgot her original purpose, to talk to Egey Bashi. By now, walking back to the base camp was beginning to sound unrealistic. She glanced at the group again, noting that Ellah and Celana had departed, and Kyth and Egey Bashi were sitting by themselves.
She was just about to approach them when Kyth lifted his head and saw her. He smiled and jumped up to his feet, walking up to her.
Once again, Kara was amazed at the change in him. After his return from the Forestlands, she didn’t have a chance to see him up close – not in a situation when they could just stand and look at each other, like now. She saw the new confidence in Kyth’s posture, the inner balance, the power he emanated. Everything that happened at Ayalla’s, and afterwards, had made him a man, and seeing him like this brought a smile to her lips.
“You were amazing,” she said. “I cannot even think of words that could express my admiration, and gratitude for what you did. But I expect, you’re hearing it from everyone, aren’t you?”
He smiled. “Yes, whether or not it’s deserved. But they also talk about you a lot. Surely you must know this too.”
She sighed. However much credit they were giving her, what she did wasn’t the same as what Kyth was able to accomplish. It wasn’t even on the same scale. But talking about it was useless. There were no possible words that could measure up to the enormity of it.
“You seem happy,” she said.
A faint color lit up Kyth’s cheeks. “I am. Celana and I…” He paused, as if unsure how she would react.
She reached forward to pat his shoulder. Just a short while ago, this kind of a touch would have been unsettling and awkward, just by the reaction it caused in him. But now, it felt natural, friendly and easygoing the way it was meant to be. “I’m so glad for you.” She grinned. “If only because now I can finally stop feeling guilty.”
Kyth grinned too. “You do tend to feel guilty a lot, don’t you?”
“Do I?” She felt genuinely surprised. She never thought of herself this way. But she supposed there was some truth to it. By anyone’s standards, her participation in the battle did have a positive effect on their victory – yet all she could think about right now was how she nearly killed everyone. She resolved to become more positive from now on.
“How’s Mai?” Kyth asked.
Kara glanced toward the place where she left the Diamonds, deep in a conversation. Mai was lying down now, with Raishan and Lance sitting next to him talking to each other. The sight made her heart quiver with worry. “He’s still very weak. In fact, I was going to ask Magister Egey Bashi if he’s even strong enough to travel back to the base camp.”
Kyth looked too. “I’m sure Mai will recover. But of course, if you are worried, it’s reason enough not to travel at all. Should I ask Aghat Seldon to set up camp here?”
She bit back her surprise, suddenly realizing that this easy solution was indeed within reach. It was just that if she was the one doing the asking, Seldon would probably break into a long chain of reasoning that would ultimately preclude her from having her way. But in Kyth’s new, mature role, she could easily believe that it would take no more than a simple request from him for Seldon to comply.
“Let’s see what Egey Bashi says.” She started to move toward the Keeper, but Kyth stopped her with a hand on her arm.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
She looked up at him. “Yes. Why?”
“You seem… unsettled.”
She blinked. Suddenly the tears she thought she had controlled welled in her eyes again. She turned away abruptly, but it was too late to hide.
“It’s Mai, isn’t it?” Kyth asked.
She slowly looked back at him. “It’s… the whole situation, I guess. Nothing important. I’m sure everything will seem much better after a good rest.”
She tried to step past him, but Kyth’s hand held her in place.
“You’re going to be able to marry him now, right?”
Her lips trembled.
Kyth frowned, peering into her face. “Don’t tell me anyone can stop you.”
She heaved a breath. “Look. I know it’s hard for an outsider to understand the Majat rules.”
Kyth looked at her in disbelief. “I thought the Guildmaster has absolute power – or at least very nearly so.”
“He does, as long as he follows the Code.”
“And?”
She shrugged. “You know how important it is for the Majat to maintain full political neutrality – at least officially. Violating this rule would sway the Guild’s standing and undermine all the trust people have in the Majat Warriors. How do you think it would look to everyone if Mai put himself above the rules and married Shayil Yaran royalty?”
“Last time I checked, he seemed pretty determined. Is there anyone at your Guild who could stop him?”
Kara swallowed, ignoring the sinking feeling in her chest as she thought through the possibilities. “No one in the Majat Guild is above the Code – not even the Guildmaster. If Mai as much as steps the wrong way, the senior Diamonds will remove him from command. Or worse.”
“Just like that?”
“You do remember what happened to the previous Guildmaster, do you?”
Kyth hesitated. “Actually, I never learned what happened to him in the end, not really.”
“Exactly.”
“But–”
She shook her head. “I know it seems unfair to you, Kyth, but that’s the way it is, unfortunately. Besides, now’s not the time to talk about it. Mai still needs to recover. Nothing is nearly as important for me as knowing that he is alive and well.”
“He’ll never be well without you, and you know it.”
She heaved a sigh. Somehow, the sight of Kyth’s anger made it easier to bear her own grief over this situation. She knew she would probably feel differently later on, but for now she was willing to take it.
“It’s useless to dwell on something that cannot happen,” she said.
Kyth held her gaze. “Perhaps. But I am finding it hard to believe that after everything you both did, your Guild would hold you to a bloody technicality.”
She raised her eyes to him. The change in him was striking. Just a short time ago, she would never consider discussing something like this with him. And now, everything they said came naturally, with no effort at all. “It’s not a technicality, Kyth. If he was allowed to marry a queen, all the Majat values would go to hell.”
Kyth shook his head. “It doesn’t have to be this way. Rules are made to be broken. Personally, I would be very disappointed if things didn’t work out the way you want.”
The way I want. She tried not think about it too much as she stepped forward and hugged Kyth, planting a quick kiss on his cheek.
“I am so proud of the way you’ve become,” she said quietly. “And, thank you. For everythin
g.”
43
Change of Rule
The crowds lining the streets of Tahr Abad chanted Kara’s name, throwing flowers into her path as she rode through the city at the head of the Golden Lions, with Jamal by her side. At any other time she would have taken pride in the fact that her people were greeting her return so fervently, but after everything that happened she couldn’t find it in herself to rejoice. She felt like a cave dweller, her biggest desire right now to crawl into a deep dark hole and never come out again. This state of mind was so unusual for her. Was this prolonged battle fatigue? Or did the Kaddim link damage her mind beyond repair?
Rajmella and Nelimah waited for them on the palace doorsteps, radiant in their royal robes, surrounded by a select few of their favorite consorts. Kara was surprised at the relief she felt when she saw their welcoming smiles. Like it or not, these women and Jamal were her only family now, and they had previously gotten off to a very bad start. She welcomed the opportunity to put the past behind them and get to know their better sides.
Rajmella enfolded her in a strong embrace, perhaps a bit showy but also seemingly heartfelt. Kara returned it, trying to tell herself that this was what she wanted, that she was content with being accepted as their Queen. Nelimah hugged her too, far more tentative as the Princess kept eyeing the array of blades adorning Kara’s formal outfit. But when Mai and the Diamonds of his suite dismounted and strode up to the steps to greet the royal family, Kara saw Nelimah’s cheeks light up with color as she spotted Lance among them. Kara felt a little bit better. At least the impression the Majat left in this palace wasn’t all bad.
“I need to talk to you,” Kara said to Rajmella, watching Jamal and Nelimah exchange hugs and greetings.
The former Queen’s shoulders tensed instantly. “What about?”
Kara let out a sigh. There seemed to be no need to drag it out. “This.” She knelt in front of Rajmella, then slipped off her bracelets of station and handed them to the older woman. “I am convinced, now more than ever, that these belong to you. You make a far better Queen.”
Rajmella’s mouth fell open. Around them, all sounds on the plaza died out, all the warriors, citizens, and inhabitants of the palace watching them dumbfounded. For one frightening moment, Kara feared that Rajmella would refuse, that her response would make this change of command impossible to enforce. She held her aunt’s gaze, summoning all her strength to appear confident and easy, as if she was giving away a mere trinket for the older woman to adorn herself with.
“Are you sure?” Rajmella said quietly.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I may have been born for this,” Kara said, “but I wasn’t raised the right way. I am a warrior. My calling is for battle, not for ruling a peaceful kingdom. Besides,” she added, “from everything I’ve heard, you’ve been doing a great job as the Queen.”
The plaza was deadly quiet now, all the warriors and citizens standing still, staring at the royal group. Just a short while ago, they had all been chanting Kara’s name, and now they had no idea what to do as they watched the two women up on the palace steps having a quiet conversation.
“The story of Aljahara,” Kara said, “is a beautiful legend that has been alive for nearly two decades. I don’t think, with my Majat training, I could possibly do it justice. Sometimes keeping the legend alive is more important than the truth.”
Rajmella smiled. “You may be wrong, niece. For certain, you are not giving yourself enough credit as a politician.”
A politician. Kara had learned politics all right. All Diamonds were groomed for command, for potential situations when they might be asked to overthrow kings and change the course of history. It just wasn’t the right politics she learned, not the kind that could maintain peace and prosperity in the land where people had known so little trouble up to now.
She rose and turned to the crowd, holding up her hand to signal that she was about to speak – an unnecessary gesture since everyone within earshot was already so quiet that even the gusts of the gentle breeze rattled like a thunderstorm.
“People of Shayil Yara,” she said. “I ask you to hear me out. For a while, we all believed that I am the rightful Queen of your country, but I was able to determine that it was a mistake. Princess Aljahara never existed. I am not her. Today, I am glad to have this chance to restore your rightful Queen to you, the woman who ruled your country justly and wisely for the last two decades. Hail, Queen Rajmella!”
She turned and bowed, low and elaborate, folding her hands in proper Shayil Yaran fashion.
At Jamal’s signal the Golden Lions saluted with their swords.
The roar that rose over the plaza this time seemed much more chaotic, no longer a chant, but a disorderly choir that swept through like a storm, swallowing everything in sight. Kara waited it out until the words floating over the crowd took shape, folded into a chant that seemed more recognizable. Rajmella, Rajmella, Rajmella… It wasn’t as uniform as the chanting of her name had been, but she was sure it would get there in time.
She slipped into the back of the royal group until she was certain she could no longer be seen from the plaza, and rushed up the palace steps.
It was over. The battle was finished, all her duties were done. All she wanted now was to find a quiet place and lie down, so that she wouldn’t have to talk to anyone at all.
Kara didn’t make it very far when she heard a rustle of swift steps over the marble. She considered speeding up, but quickly decided against it. However little she felt like company right now, she knew she would have to face questions. Perhaps it was best to get this over with.
Her resolve weakened when she saw Mai rushing toward her. He came from a run to a perfect standstill in an instant move that could be achieved only with the top Majat training, his blue-gray eyes peering into her face.
“What did you just do?” he asked.
She briefly lowered her gaze. “I thought it was pretty self-evident, wasn’t it?”
“Yes. But why?”
She sighed. “Because I think Rajmella would do a far better job at it.”
He shook his head. “This is by far not a certainty.”
“I don’t want to be the Queen.”
“You haven’t really tried.”
“I tried enough.” She met his eyes, trying to recall the resolve she felt just a short time ago. It was much easier to tell herself that she could live without him when she didn’t face him like this, when he didn’t stand so close.
He reached forward and took her hand.
Great. Now he will see me cry. She averted her eyes. “Don’t.”
“Why?” he asked quietly.
She heaved another sigh, trying to control her twitching lips. “Isn’t it bloody obvious?”
“Not really, no.”
“There is no way for us to be together. The Majat would never allow it.”
He stepped closer. “I love you. Now that the war is over, we can finally be together without the fear of the Kaddim looking over our shoulders. We are finally safe. Do you think I care about rules?”
“But the Guild…”
Mai shrugged. “What could they possibly do to us?”
She hesitated. She could think of so many things the Guild could do to them. In the very least, if Mai disobeyed the Code, he would become an outcast. The Guild likely wouldn’t stop until they were both dead. They would have to run forever.
“You can’t give up your life,” she said. “Not for this.”
“Why not?”
She hesitated. It was so hard to think straight when he was standing so close. “We were all trained to put our duty first.”
“I’ve done my duty,” Mai said. “We have defeated our archenemy, the one who threatened to destroy us for centuries. All that’s left now is dealing with mundane politics and day-to-day operations. The Guild has plenty of capable men to manage a job like this.”
She shook her head. She didn’t want to cling to this ho
pe, but at least for now she also didn’t have the energy to continue this argument.
“Do you still want to marry me?” Mai said.
She frowned. “Is this a trick question?”
“No.”
“Yes, I do.” She was surprised to see his shoulders sag briefly, as if her answer relieved a serious concern. It seemed odd, but she didn’t have the strength to wonder. It was useless to dwell on the possibility too long. Sooner or later, she was going to have to give him up, even if for the moment the Majat Guild may be willing to look the other way.
“If you mean it,” Mai said, “perhaps you can agree not to push me away, at least for now?”
“To what end?”
“In the very least, we are yet to hear the Guild’s formal decision on the possibility of our marriage.”
Kara’s lips trembled. “Isn’t it obvious what the decision would be? I am a crown princess, for Shal Addim’s sake. I wish I could renounce my bloodlines, but I cannot possibly do that, can I?”
“Would you have wanted to if you could?”
Again, his question struck her as odd. Suddenly she felt so tired that even standing up straight seemed like too much of an effort.
“Can’t you just let me go?” she asked.
“Not unless you want me to.”
Her eyes filled with tears. Why was he making it so hard?
He kept his eyes on her as he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. She shivered. How could he touch only her hand, yet make her entire body feel so affected?
“Perhaps,” he said, “we can at least postpone the rest of this conversation? You can always send me away later, if you really want to. Right now, though, I’m dying for a bath, aren’t you?”
A bath. There couldn’t be any harm in taking a bath just now, even if she knew exactly what would happen if they found themselves together without any clothes. Thinking of it made her insides clench, a sweet weakness spreading over her body.
“All right,” she said.