Once we were finished with our shower, I dried off and began brushing my teeth but when Seth made a move to leave to get his own toothbrush, I grabbed his hand and pulled him back to me. I handed him my toothbrush and was glad when he took it without hesitation. I knew my neediness was off the charts because even the idea of being apart from him for the few seconds it would take for him to get his toothbrush was too much for me to handle right then. We didn’t bother getting dressed since it was still early and after Seth rewrapped my hand, we went back to bed and Seth instantly snuggled up against me.
“Where’s Bullet?” I asked.
“Cole texted a little while ago. He heard Bullet whining at the door so he took him outside.”
It was humiliating to know that Cole had witnessed my meltdown, but there was nothing I could do about it. All I cared about was figuring out where I stood with Seth. Because he still didn’t know what I’d become after Trace’s death.
“Seth, last night…the thing with Jonas-”
Seth cut me off with a kiss. “Just sleep, Ronan,” he said gently as he trailed his thumb over my cheek. “We have plenty of time to talk about everything.” He kissed me again. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said firmly. “I’m not going anywhere,” he repeated, more softly this time.
I felt tears threatening as hope began to bloom in my chest. Did I really have a chance of getting everything I wanted?
“Sleep,” Seth whispered against my lips. I nodded and closed my eyes. Instead of moving back to my chest, I felt Seth’s mouth settle against the spot where my neck met my shoulder. For all the times I’d worried about how his touch would shatter me, I hadn’t even once considered that his touch could actually start putting me back together again.
But that was exactly what he was doing…what he’d been doing all along.
* * *
It was almost noon before I woke up again. And when I didn’t feel Seth’s weight on me or his body pressed against mine, I jolted awake and sat up.
“Hey, I’m right here,” Seth quickly said, his hand settling on my arm. I tried to catch my breath as I realized he was sitting cross-legged near my hip facing me. Seth kept soothing me with his touch. “I ordered us some room service,” he said as he motioned to the food cart near the door. “I got you a BLT. You like those, right?” I nodded. Of course Seth would have noticed what I ate for lunch nearly every day while we’d been at his office.
“Did you eat?”
Seth nodded. “Do you want me to get yours?”
“No,” I said. I noticed Seth was wearing his sweats, presumably to answer the door for the food. “Is Mace here?”
“Yeah, he’s by the door.”
“Good. Where’s Bullet?”
“Cole took him home so we wouldn’t have to worry about taking him out. He’ll bring him back tonight when he switches shifts with Mace.”
“I need to tell you how I know them,” I said quietly. “I know you said it doesn’t matter but I need there to not be any more secrets between us.”
“Okay,” Seth said.
“After I realized the army had lied to me about getting justice for Trace, I lost it. I started taking pills and drinking, not caring what happened to me after that. And then I met someone who offered me a chance to get for Trace what the army wouldn’t.”
“Was it Hawke?” Seth asked.
I nodded. “How did you know?”
“He came to talk to me after I made you leave the house…after I locked you both out. He said you saved his wife. I asked him if he was helping you keep an eye on me because he owed you. He said something about not owing you anymore.”
I dropped my eyes. My intent had been to keep Hawke’s name out of it. We’d been careful about covering up the punishment we’d inflicted upon Trace’s murderers, but I didn’t want to put him at risk.
“Your secrets are safe with me, Ronan. His too.”
It was then that I realized Seth had likely already figured out what I’d done. But he didn’t know that I’d gone beyond just seeking vengeance for his brother. “The man who raped Trace was the first to die,” I finally said, carefully watching Seth’s reaction.
“What about the one who hurt you?”
The question caught me off guard. “He was the last. They’re all gone. No one will ever find them.”
Seth nodded.
“They weren’t the only ones,” I said. “I used the money you gave me to set up an underground organization that would let me go after men just like them.”
Seth was quiet for a moment. “How many?”
“How many men have I killed?”
“How many lives have you saved?” Seth asked.
I shook my head. “Don’t you get it, Seth? I’m a murderer. At least in the eyes of the law.”
“How many?”
“I don’t know,” I said in exasperation.
“I do,” Seth said. “Countless ones. Future victims, their families, the families of the victims. What I wouldn’t have given to have someone like you stop the men who took my parents from me,” Seth whispered. “You’re saving much more than just lives, Ronan. Trace would have been proud.”
“Jesus, Seth. You can’t just be okay with this.”
“Why not?” Seth asked. “You see me as some naïve, innocent kid. But I have to spend the rest of my life wondering if the men who brutalized me and my parents are out there doing it to someone else. Yes, I’d love to see them rotting in prison, but justice can only do so much. If it’s something you need to keep doing, it won’t change anything between us. You save lives, Ronan. I don’t care if you do it with a scalpel or a gun or both…as long as you keep doing it because that’s who you are. That’s who you’ve always been.”
I was too overwhelmed to speak so I didn’t. I just reached for Seth and pulled him forward. He straddled my lap as he closed his mouth over mine. I let him kiss me for several seconds before I gently pushed him back. “After what happened to Trace, I didn’t like to be touched…not by anyone. Not sexually, not in passing, not in comfort. I wanted it with you…all of it. But I was also afraid of what it would do to me.”
Seth’s hands were holding the side of my head, his fingers rubbing the sensitive skin behind my ears. “What do you mean?”
“I can’t explain it. I just…I was wrapped up so tight inside that I felt like I would just snap if you showed me any kind of comfort…like you would be forgiving me for something you hadn’t known I’d done. I didn’t deserve it…least of all from you.”
“What happened to Trace-”
“I know,” I said with a nod. “I know in my head that it wasn’t my fault but my heart needs some time to catch up.”
Seth nodded and kissed me. “I don’t ever want to hurt you, Ronan.”
“Not possible,” I whispered. “You’ve been touching me from the moment I showed up at your house. Every word, every look, every kiss, smile…all of it. You were putting me back together long before I even realized it.”
Seth’s smile had something inside of me splitting open and flooding warmth to all my limbs. “I love you, Seth. You’re my everything.”
I saw Seth’s eyes go bright with unshed tears and then he was wrapping his arms around my neck.
“I love you, Ronan.”
Even though he’d said it before, I still felt a rush go through me. I suspected that would be the case every time he said the words to me. And if I had my way, I would have a whole lifetime to prove my theory.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Seth
My heart felt like it was going to pound right out of my chest as Ronan kissed me. Ronan loved me. I couldn’t believe it was real and I was certain I would wake up at any moment and find myself back in my own bed trying to envision a future without him.
But if it was a dream, it was the best kind because I could finally feel Ronan’s skin beneath my hands. I was still sitting on his lap and though I was wearing sweats, Ronan was deliciously naked and I took advantage of my n
ewfound freedom and skimmed my hands across his shoulders and down his back. His muscles flexed and rippled beneath my seeking fingers and his skin felt almost unbearably hot. Ronan’s own hands were busy stroking all over me, and I couldn’t contain my moan of pleasure when his hands slipped inside my pants and curved around my ass. I could feel his erection pressing against me as his tongue relentlessly explored my mouth.
Ronan used his grip on my ass to begin dragging me over his rigid cock and I stopped my own caressing of his body to absorb the shock of pleasure that coursed through me as our dicks rubbed against each other. And then in one swift move, Ronan lifted me and turned us so I was on my back beneath him. I let my hands trail down his sides as he tore his mouth from mine and began kissing his way down my body. But as much as I was enjoying what he was doing to me, it wasn’t enough and I gently tugged Ronan’s mouth back up to mine and gave him a quick kiss before saying, “I need to touch you.”
A tremor of self-doubt went through me as he studied me and a terrible fear that I’d pushed him too hard assailed me. But before I could take back the words, he was rolling us so I was sprawled across his chest. His hands were on my upper arms, pressing little circles into my skin as his hungry eyes settled on mine. There was no fear or revulsion there, no need to escape or hide. All I saw was proof of the words he’d said to me.
I love you, Seth. You’re my everything.
I leaned down to kiss him and this time it was slow and sweet. I took my time tasting him before placing soft kisses all over his face and jaw. I reveled in his musky flavor as I licked the corded muscles of his neck before making my way lower. My hands explored every part of him and when I got to his chest, I smiled at the feel of his chest hair beneath my fingers.
“What?” Ronan asked with a smile.
“It’s been driving me crazy for weeks,” I said as I nuzzled the spot between his nipples before looking up at him.
“What has?”
“Wondering if it would be as soft as it looked.” I ran my fingers through the hair and said, “I’m not as well-endowed as you.”
Ronan smiled and tugged me up for another kiss. “I think you’re perfectly endowed.”
I laughed and sat up so I was straddling him once again. I let my hands roam down his arms, beneath his armpits and down his sides before sliding them back up his chest. I ignored the rigid scars that met my seeking fingers. I would have plenty of time later to start to deal with the terrible things that had been done to Ronan and my brother.
“Shit,” Ronan moaned when I tweaked one of his nipples. I did it again and then leaned down to taste it with my tongue. The man was undeniably sensitive there because as soon as I latched onto the turgid flesh with my teeth, he bucked up beneath me and put his hand on the back of my head. I gave his other nipple the same attention before scooting down his body so I could take in the rest of him. I’d felt his six-pack against me on more than one occasion, but there was nothing better than testing the firm, curved muscles with my fingers and then my hands. But I didn’t linger because there’d been another part of him that I’d been wanting to explore for a very long time. I glanced up to see Ronan watching me intently. His hands had maintained some kind of connection with me the whole time I’d been exploring him. Right now, they were resting on my thighs.
I knew what to expect when I touched Ronan’s stiff flesh, but I hadn’t had a chance to watch him when I’d touched him there before, so that’s what I did as I tightened my grip on him and began dragging up and down his length. Ronan kept up the eye contact, but his lips parted and I could feel his muscular thighs twitching beneath me. I used my thumb to trace the flared head and gently pressed into his slit. I was rewarded with a sharp, indrawn breath and then a bead of fluid welled up the second I removed my finger. I grabbed it with my thumb and more instantly appeared. The more I stroked Ronan’s dick, the more fluid began to leak from the head and I used it to lubricate my up and down motions. I increased the tempo as my other hand skimmed over his lightly furred balls. They were heavy in my hand as I rolled them back and forth. Ronan’s breath had continued to tick up as I touched him, but when my finger brushed the soft patch of skin behind his balls, he let out a ragged moan. I did it again just to hear the proof of his pleasure and then I moved my hand to rest on his abdomen as I finally did what I’d been aching to do for so long.
I leaned down and tasted him.
His reaction was instantaneous. I’d only given him a single lick from base to tip, but Ronan thrust against me so hard that I was sure I’d lose my grip on him. Instinct had me wrapping my hand around his base before lowering my mouth to his crown and letting my tongue explore the taste of the fluid that was now glistening all over his flushed skin. I chanced a look up and saw that Ronan had levered up on his elbows so he could watch me. His eyes met mine and a fierce rush of power went through me. I’d put that look of pure need in his dusky gray eyes. I held his gaze as I closed my mouth around just the top of him. The lust in his eyes became almost feral, but he didn’t reach for me and he didn’t try to jam his dick down my throat like I thought he might. He just held there and watched me with open hunger as I worked more of him into my mouth.
I loved both the taste and feel of his smooth skin, but when my eagerness got the best of me and I took him too far down my throat, my gag reflex kicked in to remind me I had a lot to learn. But from the ragged grunts spilling from Ronan’s lips, I knew my inexperience didn’t bother him in the least. I switched over from exploration to pleasuring and began sucking on Ronan as hard as I could. I heard a muffled curse and I nearly smiled as Ronan finally began thrusting into my mouth. I had a tight enough hold on his base to keep him from ramming down my throat which was a good thing because I could tell Ronan was becoming more and more desperate as he fucked into me. My hope was to make him come in my mouth, but Ronan clearly had other ideas because his fingers wrapped around my arms and he jerked me up to his mouth for a scorching kiss.
“Now,” was all he said as he wrapped an arm around my waist and sat up. I expected him to roll me beneath him, but he didn’t. He just reached for the nightstand drawer and pulled out a small bottle of lube. I kissed and sucked every part of Ronan I could reach as he opened the bottle and slicked up his finger, but when he reached around me and sought out my hole, I nearly came on the spot. I knew I’d done a more than adequate job of turning Ronan on with my first blowjob because his finger pressed into me without any kind of finesse. It left my body only briefly for more lube and then it was plunging all the way inside of me.
“Yes,” I whispered raggedly as Ronan massaged my prostate. But it was over too soon and within seconds, Ronan’s thick cock was breaching me. The new position meant I had to bear down on him and I nearly bit into my lip as his crown held me open. The burn bordered on painful, but I loved it. I leaned down to slash my lips over Ronan’s.
“Someday I want to see it,” I said with a groan as another inch filled me.
“See what?” Ronan asked, his voice tight.
“The moment you take me,” I said against his mouth. “It’ll be just like this but there will be a mirror behind me that I can look into while I watch you fill me.”
“Jesus Christ,” Ronan snarled.
“Do you like that idea?” I managed to say. “Watching your hands holding me open while your cock pushes into me?”
The dirty talk was a clear turn on for Ronan because he began pressing into me without any kind of hesitation. “Fuck, yeah!” he snarled.
Ronan did exactly what I’d suggested and grabbed my ass with his hands and opened me. I didn’t have a perfect view as I looked down over my shoulder, but it was enough. Just the sight of his big hands on me, his fingers biting into my skin had me jamming my hips down as hard as I could. Ronan and I both moaned as he sank all the way inside of me, but he pulled out just as quickly and rammed into me again. It would definitely be another fast and furious fucking but I was perfectly fine with that.
But to my surpris
e, Ronan only gave me a few more brutal thrusts before stilling inside of me. He moved his hands to my hips and then lay back down on the bed. His glassy eyes stroked over mine. “Ride me, Seth.”
I understood what he meant, but it took me several tries to understand the mechanics as I awkwardly lifted myself before dropping back down. Ronan’s hands on my hips steadied me, but didn’t set the rhythm so I had to find it on my own. And then I realized why he hadn’t. Because my body needed to decide what it wanted…or rather, it already knew but my mind needed to let go of the fear of doing something wrong. I settled on rocking back and forth over Ronan, adding a twist here and there that made something deep inside my ass spiral with sensation each time I did it. I found the rhythm I needed that kept the tingling sensation building and after a while, I began to pant as my body sought to drive the now spiking sensation even higher.
“Open your eyes,” I heard Ronan order and it wasn’t until he gave the command that I realized I’d closed them at some point. One of his hands was pressed against the middle of my chest and I was covering it with one of mine. His other hand was digging into my hip as I worked myself on him. I was desperate to come, but it wasn’t until Ronan slammed his cock up into me that the building coil of need inside of me tightened unbearably. I kept up my own rhythm of twisting and rocking and somehow Ronan surged into me at the perfect time, every time. I lost the ability to speak as I rode the edge of my orgasm and I knew Ronan was in the same position. He suddenly surged upright again and wrapped an arm around my waist and then grabbed my legs, urging them behind him. I instinctively wrapped them around him as best I could and then Ronan crushed our mouths together. It took us just a few seconds to get back the same, perfect rhythm.
Salvation (The Protectors, Book 2) Page 21