I am not strong enough to be who they want me to be. I am not a fearless warrior.
I’m the girl who drops bottles at the bar and prays they don’t smash. I’m the girl just about to start a career helping people, to take an oath to do no harm. That girl is not the same girl who would hunt and kill monsters. It just isn’t.
Is it?
A knock sounds on my door, and I ignore it, just as I have the last two weeks. I’ve not left my apartment, calling in sick to my job, telling Jack how I’m sick and he needs to stay away. Not needing an excuse for my family. They know why I don’t answer.
I wrap the blanket tighter around me and stare out of the window again. Trying to put my world back together. Yes, I’m being a little dramatic, but fuck me, give me a minute.
I hear a key turn in the lock and turn to see who the hell as my spare key when Colt and Creek waltz into my sitting room like they belong here.
“Get out,” I tell them and turn my back to them, looking back out of the window.
“Remy, come on. You can’t ignore us forever,” Colt says and comes to stand in front of me, his arms crossed. “We couldn’t tell you before now, it would’ve fucking killed you. Stop being such a brat.”
I stay silent, not willing to be reasonable about this yet. What hurts the most, more than the Hunter thing, is my mom. Knowing that it wasn’t my fault she died. The guilt that I’ve carried with me since she died has been crippling, has affected everything I’ve done. Every choice I’ve made. And it was for nothing.
And they knew. Colt and Creek. My two closest confidants. Thick as thieves. They knew how much what happened to Mom fucked with me, and still, they said nothing.
“Is this why you came back? Just for the big reveal? To take part in the downfall of my sanity?” I snarl and Colt throws his hands up in the air, walking away from me.
I close my eyes against the sunlight that batters them once he moves out of the line of the window, then the darkness gets more intense. I open them to find Creek sat on my coffee table in front of me.
“Remy, we came home for you. Just like we left for you.”
“Left for me. That’s a new one.” I laugh.
“Believe it or not, but it’s the truth,” he says softly as he folds his arms. His hair falls into his eyes, but he pays it no attention, his soft and steady gaze kept solely on me.
“We were a danger to you once we knew. New Hunters need training while their memories return. They can be dangerous to younger Hunters who don’t know, because we’re not as used to keeping our damn mouths shut. Why do you think I didn’t speak to you while I was gone? It killed me to shut you out like that. But it was shut you out, or risk killing you,” he says, and I can hear his hurt and his frustration.
“All sounds like a good excuse to me.” I shrug.
“Fucking hell, Remy. Stop being such a fucking brat. Neither of us wanted to leave everything we knew, but we did. To keep you safe. To make sure you didn’t end up dead. We didn’t have to worry about Nirvana, she’s away at school. You are the whole reason we left everything behind and went to train with Hunters on the other side of the god damn world, rather than stay with our family and learn from those that know us best.” Colt throws his hands up in the air and shakes his head at me.
I bite the inside of my cheek to stop the words I want to say falling from my mouth. I know what they’re saying is reasonable. Its more than that, its everything, but I’m not ready to be reasonable yet. I’m fucking terrified of what all of this means.
“I need you guys to go. Please,” I whisper the words, scared that my voice will give away the tears I feel threatening. Creek looks over my shoulder to where I know Colt is standing in my kitchen.
“We’ll go, we’ll give you more space, but time is running out Remy. You’re not safe if you don’t make a decision. The memories will keep trying to come, and without the ritual, that alone could kill you,” Creek says softly. “I know it’s a lot, and I know how terrified you are, I can see it, but we’ll go. Just know that we’ll be here when you’re ready.”
I nod, not daring to say another word and he stands, squeezing my shoulder before he walks away.
“I don’t get why we’re giving up,” I hear Colt snarl as they leave.
“We’re not,” Creek says softly. “We’re just doing what we must for her, just like we always have.”
The door shuts softly and the floodgates open. I cry until I can’t breathe, grieving for the life I can’t have. Whichever choice I make, I lose.
Pulling up in front of my dad’s house, I shut off the car and just stare at the front door. The last time I was here my entire world got tipped on its axis. But I need some more answers, and while my dad might be gruff, I know he won’t sugar coat his answers. He’ll give me the truth, even if it’s not what I want to hear. His mantra has always been that the two most important things in life are family and truth.
The irony of it doesn’t miss me, but I guess his truth is the Hunter truth.
I take off my seat belt and climb out of the car, still trying to convince myself that this is the right thing to do. I’ve never run from hard things before, I face them, head on. It’s how I was raised. I’m not about to change all of that because of this, even if it is the most craptastic thing I’ve ever heard.
As I climb the steps, the front door opens and my dad meets me on the porch, two mugs of coffee in his hands. He passes one to me and nods towards the swing out here. “It’s good to see you, Remy, girl.”
His voice is gruff as ever, but it has a softness, a wariness, and I hate that I’m the cause of that.
“Hey Dad. Sorry, I just needed some space. It’s a lot to process, all things considered.” I smile and take a sip of the coffee, strong and sweet, just how I always have it, and he nods.
“I get that, and we never wanted to lie to you or mislead you, but I need you to know that we had no choice.” I shrug at his words and he sighs.
“So, what brings you here?”
“I need more information. I can’t just make this decision on a whim. I’ve got a lot to lose, no matter what I choose.” I pull my knees to my chest and he sighs again.
“Ask away, you know I’ll never lie to you again. I won’t tell you what you want to hear either though.”
“I know, that’s why I’m here. Truth and family remember. So, first, I need to know. Why twenty-one? It makes no sense to me. I’ve had so much time to start my life already, why bring that all crashing down now?”
He runs a hand down his face, stroking his beard as he tries to put the words together in his head. I recognize the look so I sit, patiently as I can for him to formulate what he wants to say. “The honest truth of it is, I don’t know one hundred percent. The elders can probably answer that question better for you, or an Angel should you ever come across one, but the simplicity of it is genetics. The margining of human and Angel DNA takes longer to mature. There is something of a chemical imbalance in us until then, which is why our forms can’t take the flood of chemical and hormone release during the ritual to gain your memories again. Plus, your strengths are not unlocked until this age. There is no point in ruining the innocence of growth with the knowledge of all that is wrong in the world. Once upon a time, we tried to do it earlier, but the results, they were catastrophic. Any who discovered what they were before this age, started recalling their memories without the ritual, and they died. Each and every single one of them. Our bodies just cannot cope with the influx before then.”
“Okay, well that was a lot? But I’ve got to ask, Elders?”
“Yes, they’re the leaders of the Hunters, our government of sorts I guess, but also our police, our lawmakers. Our judge and jury. There are seven of them, one from each original bloodline, your grandfather is an elder, I am his proxy, so when he dies, I take his place until he is reborn. Once he takes his memories back, I step down. Each elder rules a territory, and we call the Hunters within the territory a guild.”
“Ok
ay. wow. Erm. Okay,” I say, trying to let it all sink in.
It sounds unbelievable. All of it. “So, we can’t die?”
“Well, yes and no. We all die, but Hunters, nephilim, whatever you want to call us, are reborn. It is a gift of the Angel blood that runs through us. But we can ask for true death, should we wish it. Some do not wish to continue the cycles, for some it becomes too much. It is not easy, but it is possible. Though, if a child dies before they reach maturity and unlock their powers, they meet the true death. It is why we protect our young so fiercely.”
I blink, unable to find the words I want to say. I’ve seen my dad worked up, but it’s like his entire being glows as he is speaking. I’ve never seen him believe in something so much.
“And you don’t regret your decision, even with Mom?” I ask softly.
“I miss your mother every damn day. But I’ll never regret my decision, and neither would your mom. What we do, it’s in our blood, it’s a part of us. If you get your memories back, you’ll see that. You’ll see that we work towards a bigger goal than personal wants and needs. It is about protecting those around us who have no idea how to protect themselves. To rid the earth of the plague of monsters. The filth that see fit to ruin our world. Once you remember, you will see. You will know what it is to belong to something greater than yourself. To work towards the greater good. To never waiver in that belief. Just as you always have.”
“Will I remember everything?”
“Maybe, each person is different each time they are reborn. Some remember everything, though its rare, mainly we remember snippets, strong memories, the ones that matter. Our bodies, somehow, seem to remember better than our minds. If you move forward, you’ll start your training, and we’ll arrange your ritual, but it will come to you quicker than you can imagine. You’ve always been a quick study, putting your brothers to shame. The rivalry sometimes has been the cause of the biggest headaches of my existence, but no matter what, we always follow the rules of the Hunters. Rule one, don’t reveal what you are to the humans. Rule two, don’t kill humans. Rule three, never fraternize with the enemy. Some soft-hearted fools in history have dared to love the filth. Defile our purity with the animals. We stick to our kind. The only grey area is the Witches, but that’s for another day. “
“I feel like I know so much more, but nothing new all at the same time here, Dad. I don’t know what to do. I am not strong enough for the path you want me to choose. Maybe I was before, but who I am right now… I’m not who you want me to be.” I sigh and put the mug down on the floor. Standing, I wrap my arms around myself.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him as he stares out into the tree line. “Don’t make your decision yet, you have no idea… If you choose not to go through the awakening ritual to officially become one of us, you have to leave us. You cannot be around us if that is the path you choose, Remy. It is not fair, but it is our way. And if you don’t leave, we will, and you will not find us.”
My heart feels like it’s been pulled from my chest at his words, and I feel breathless.
“How? How could you leave me like that?”
“You would have made your choice, Remy. It is our way.”
I fall onto my sofa and close my eyes. This day, I literally can’t even. I don’t want to think about it. So much has happened, when I already had enough to contemplate as it was.
No. I will not wallow. What I need, is a bubble bath!
I head to my bathroom and turn on the taps, pouring in a generous amount of bubbles. Lavender and Lily. Smells so pretty. I head to the fridge and pour a glass of whiskey and pick the paperback up from the coffee table where I left it weeks ago. Back before my life went to shit and reading about Fae royalty was an escape from my mundane world.
A knock at the door halts my steps and I let out a breath. This had better not be someone coming to talk to me about all of this crazy.
I unlock and open the door, coming face to face with some poor guy buckling under the weight of the box he’s carrying.
“Miss Bennett?” he asks, sweat rolling down his face. “That’s me, please, pop it on the counter,” I say to him,
waving him in.
“Thank you,” he groans as he steps forward, struggling to lift the box, so I help him and place it on the counter. “Can you sign here?”
He passes me the little tablet when I notice his shirt.
Luna’s Flowers.
“This is flowers?” I ask, and he nods.
“Only the best, as requested.” I sign on his tablet and see him out before staring at the box. I open it quickly. No-one has ever sent me flowers.
I open the tall box, and find the biggest vase I have ever seen, absolutely stuffed with light purple peonies. My favorites!
“Oh my,” I gasp. They’re so beautiful. I lift the vase from the cardboard, thankful for my limited but extra strength from this ridiculous Hunter business and discard the box before placing the vase back on the counter. The shade of the flowers just one lighter than my eyes.
I notice the note tucked in the violet ribbon on the vase and reach for it eagerly.
Happy Belated Birthday, Remy.
Sorry they’re late.
I’ll see you soon.
I wonder who they could be from. I check the back of the note and find no name. How bizarre, maybe the shop left it off. I grab my phone from the bathroom, shutting off the cold tap to let the water grow hotter as I like it, and dial Creek.
“You okay, Remy?” he says when he answers. “Did you send me flowers?”
“Flowers?” he sounds puzzled and my curiosity grows because it obviously wasn’t him.
“Yeah, purple peonies.”
“That mother fucker,” he growls and my eyebrows shoot up.
“I’m sorry, what?” I ask, since he obviously knows something.
“Nothing. No, I didn’t send them,” he says sharply.
“No need to be so pissy, it was just a question. They’re probably from Jack, he probably just forgot about them. I’ll see you later.”
“Sure,” he says and the line cuts off. Wonder who pissed in his cornflakes.
Fuck it. I’m going to have my bath, and relax because I am done with today, despite my beautiful flowers.
I grab my drink and my book again and head into my bathroom, ready to forget about the world.
Seven
I lean down and undo my ballet slippers, dance class tonight was abysmal, but you try focusing on a plié when you’ve got thoughts of monsters running through your head. I’d hoped ballet would distract me from the weird new world I live in, give me a reprieve from the insanity that has become my new reality. How wrong was I!
Instead I nearly broke my ankle when I landed wrong, and then almost took out four other dancers when I barreled into them. I guess some of that newfound strength Dad was on about came out to play. I shove the slippers in my bag and slip on my hoodie and sneakers before heading out into the darkness.
I never thought about being scared of the darkness before. Our little town is so ordinary, and so unremarkable. Nothing bad ever really seems to happen here. Except now I know that’s because two families of Hunters live here. Also because of my awesome DNA, and having not done the awakening or the binding rituals yet, I’m a prime target to everything that goes bump in the night.
I put in an ear bud and play PVRIS loud enough to keep me from freaking out, and hold my bag tighter as I head through the streets on edge on my way home. The streets are empty, but I swear I jump at my own shadow.
I stop and shake myself.
Get a fucking grip Remy.
There’s no-one out here, and you’re over reacting. This is ridiculous. I get a grip of myself and stride towards the park, to cut through to get home. I’ve always loved the park at night, how there’s so little light, and so the stars shine brighter. More than once I’ve laid in the middle of the field for a while, just looking at the stars, pondering the workings of the universe.
I take a de
ep breath and slow my pace, enjoying the quiet time and the cool air hinting that fall is on its way. I refuse to be afraid of something that isn’t even here.
I hear a noise behind me and turn to see a group of joggers working their way through the park and release the breath I held. So much for not being afraid. Ha!
I turn back to the path, and move aside when the joggers reach me, enjoying the peace and the music playing in my earbuds. Looking up at the stars I meander down the empty path and try to spot constellations like I used to do with Mom. It used to hurt to do it without her, but I realized a few years ago that she’d love that I still do it, so now it just makes me smile.
I’m so distracted, I don’t see the person walking towards me until I’m literally crashing into them. I fall back on my ass and drop my bag. That shit is going to leave a bruise. I look up to find the stranger looking down at me.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t even see you,” I say, dusting off my hands. I climb to my feet and grab my bag, but the man is still just staring at me. I notice his eyes first, they’re so dark it’s like I’m looking into pools of shadows.
My heart races, and I clutch my bag tighter before trying to maneuver around him, but he steps in my path. “I said I was sorry, now if you don’t mind, I need to get home. My boyfriend is cooking dinner.”
“I don’t think so, Hunter.” His voice is more like a hiss, guttural and sends a shiver down my spine. This is not happening to me right now. I feel sick, like I’m going to cry, but I don’t let it show.
“I think you’ve got me confused with someone else,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady but failing.
“Just a baby Hunter, out here all alone. Foolish mistake. What a treat you will be.” He licks his lips, and that’s when I notice his teeth. Two fangs longer than the others, so long they give him a lisp. I feel my skin crawl, goosebumps covering me, when I make the decision. I turn around and sprint as fast as I can away from him. His laugh rings out across the park, and I realize the mistake I made. Now it’s a game, but I have no other choice. I am not cut out for this life.
A Crown of Blood and Bone: Paranormal Romance (The Shadow Walkers Saga Book 1) Page 5