“What are they planning to do?” I ask, ignoring her question.
“Not since we spoke. We can go there and ask,” says Diane.
We push our way through the crowd of my old neighbors, who make way when they see me. Everyone is staring, everyone is curious, everyone is nervous, everyone is confused, and everyone wants answers.
When we get to a police officer, I say, “Hi, I’m the one who called the police. It’s my daughter who’s inside. Do you know anything yet or have a plan?”
The officer looks at me, worried. “We aren’t sure if anyone is in there. We know his car is here, but it’s really quiet in the house. We’re coming up with a plan to get in without anyone getting hurt.”
“Maybe he’s already taken her.” I say. Diane and the officer look as lost as me. I want to scream.
Nicolas runs up to us, “Anything?”
“Nope, they know nothing. He took her. Nicolas, he took her! I’ll never see her again. He’s not in there, holding her hostage. I know him, he would not scare Kaylee like that. He might hate me enough to take her from me, but he’ll never do anything to scare her. I know him,” I insist, crying into his chest.
“We’re going in!” shouts an officer from the other side.
The policemen run up to the house all together, and I run with them. An officer notices me and calls, “Ma’am, you can’t come in with us! I promise to come out and update you as soon as we know anything.”
I stop, and he runs ahead to the house. I hope he isn’t lying. I continue walking toward the house, because I want to be as close as possible to hear what they find. I want them to realize that they have to start looking for my baby in the right place.
“Have the ambulance come in here right now! Hurry!” shouts a voice from inside the house.
“Why would they need the ambulance?” I ask Diane and Nicolas. I can’t take being in the dark. I turn around and run into the house.
I haven’t been inside the house for a long time. The familiarity isn’t gone however, and my past life flashes before my eyes. I feel out of breath, but once I make it down the long hallway and pass the living room to Kaylee’s playroom, I forget my fatigue. I feel only hopelessness. My daughter is unconscious, an officer leaning over her, giving her chest compressions. I try to push through all the officers, but one of them grabs me around the waist and holds me back. He carries me out of the playroom.
“Please let me in! That’s my daughter!” I cry.
“You can’t go in there, ma’am! Let the medics take care of her, let them save her. It won’t help her any to have you going in there and interrupting the medical care. You can go in the ambulance with her when they move her to the hospital,” says the officer sternly.
He is right, and I have to move away, but seeing her like this makes me want to die. I would sell my soul to have her smile at me.
The medical team runs into the playroom and immediately takes over from the officer. With the chest compressions continuing, Kaylee is placed on a stretcher in the blink of an eye. They rush Kaylee past us, Nicolas has followed me in and has pulled me into a hug. I barely notice. I pull away from his arms and run behind Kaylee. Thankfully, no one tries to stop me this time.
Kaylee is placed into the ambulance, and I jump in after her. Without a second to spare, we are on our way to the hospital.
I feel helpless, watching Kaylee lie there motionless, her little hands lifeless by her side, her beautiful curls cushioning her head. I wonder if she feels anything, or if she is lost in her dreams while all this is happening.
“Ma’am, what’s her name?” shouts the man working on Kaylee, breaking into my stupor.
“Kaylee... Kaylee Payton,” I manage to utter. “Is she going to be okay?”
The medic ignores me. “Kaylee, baby open your eyes,” he coaxes. “Your mommy is here, she wants you to wake up. C’mon Kaylee, wake up!”
As soon as I’m about to grab her still hand, the ambulance comes to a halt. The door flies open, and Kaylee is wheeled out. I’m not able to tell her to wake up for me and how much I love her.
A nurse grabs my arm and embraces me, waking me from my shock.
“She’s going to be fine. Keep your faith up. Now come with me. I’ll have to ask you quick questions about her to make sure we do everything right.”
I can’t help hugging the nurse back. “I can’t lose her, she’s my little girl,” I moan.
“You won’t. Now come with me,” she says, rushing me into the hospital.
As soon as we walk in, the guy who was working on Kaylee shouts, “Ask her if Kaylee has any medical conditions or is allergic to anything. She didn’t answer me in the truck when I asked her.”
“She’s not allergic to anything and doesn’t have any medical conditions,” I tell him, wondering when he asked me anything.
The nurse walks me to a few seats not far from the room Kaylee was taken into and starts asking me questions. I can see she is asking something, but I can’t seem to understand anything coming out her mouth.
All I want to do is go in there with Kaylee. She needs me.
“Brook we’re here,” calls Diane from the entrance, as she and Nicolas run up to me.
“She’s asking me so many things, I can’t understand anything she says. I want to go with Kaylee,” I say, unable to hold back the tears.
Diane turns to the nurse and guides her away from me. Nicolas comes close, and I’m happy he’s just hugging me quietly, not asking me anything.
“She’s going to be fine,” he murmurs soothingly.
As my world continues crashing around me, a doctor comes out of the room Kaylee is in, and I rush up to him.
“Is she fine? What’s going on? Can I see her?”
“Ma’am, we’re still working on her. I came out to update you that your daughter has been poisoned. We’re doing all we can to save her, but she’s in a very delicate state. We’ve no idea what she’s been poisoned with, so we have to go through steps to find out what’s in her system. But we’re doing all we possibly can. I’ll come back out when I have more information. Is there anything you can tell us to help?”
“No, I have no idea.”
“That’s okay. We’ll figure it out,” replies the doctor and disappears once again.
“Poisoned? Why would Hunter do this? Where the hell is Hunter? He couldn’t have done this. Why would he do this to her?” I am now getting hysterical.
The officer who had promised an update is standing nearby and has an expression on his face that scares the hell out of me.
“Is Hunter Payton related to you?” he asks.
“Yes.” I can’t bear any more surprises, but it seems the night is not yet done with me.
“He was pronounced dead at the scene. We found a suicide note by his body. I’m sorry,” he says.
I stare into his eyes. “Good, because if he wasn’t dead, I would kill him myself. With all due respect, find someone else who cares about his death. He can rot in hell for all I care.”
If he was not a police officer, I know he would agree with me, but his professionalism restrains him, and he nods and walks away.
“Wait!” I say running up to him, “Did the letter mention what he used to poison my daughter? The doctors need to know that to save her.”
“It didn’t say. The detectives have the letter, if you need to see it. It was collected as evidence.”
“Evidence?”
“The house is a crime scene, your daughter is the victim of a crime. I don’t have much information to give you, but when the detectives reach out to you, they will give you better updates. I just thought I should keep my promise to you. I pray your daughter gets better soon,” he says. It dawns on me only now that Kaylee is another victim of Hunter’s abuse.
As a mother, I thought I had to protect her from the world. But it turned out that it was her father who I should have protected her from.
After all these years, after all we built together, after all the fake
tears about loving his family and our daughter, he tries to kill my daughter. If that isn’t the Devil himself, I don’t know what is. Clearly, he loved no one other than himself.
“Brook,” calls Nicolas.
I turn to him in the hopes he can save me, but he is only human.
“Do you want me to get you clothes from the car? It can be a long wait, and you should be comfortable.”
“Please, if you don’t mind,” I say, running my hands over my dress.
It never occurred to me that Hunter’s would commit suicide or poison our daughter. I just don’t understand what is going on anymore. I wish I would have noticed the signs, but how could I, when we barely even spoke?
Nicolas kisses me on the forehead and goes out to the car as I walk back to the waiting area. Diane is still talking to the nurse, who is filling out all the paperwork related to Kaylee.
Just as I’m about to take a seat, the doctor walks out the room, removing his scrub cap.
“I’m so sorry,” the doctor says. There are tears in his eyes.
Saying six years out loud might sound like a long time when said with no backstory, but living through six years happens at the speed of lightning, and it is not enough.
The look in his eyes is eloquent. It pierces my heart and travels down to my womb, evoking a time when my pain welcomed a life. To a time when I fell in love with a stranger who grew inside of me and created her own little nook in my heart.
Six years later, here I stand, witnessing the end of our love story.
Maybe if I don’t move, life will not change, and Kaylee will come back to me. But every passing second brings reality closer.
“But you told me she would be fine? Why are you saying you’re sorry?” I stutter.
Diane is next to me in a flash, pressing my head against her shoulder. She brushes her hands through my hair, trying to calm me down, “What happened?” she asks.
“She’s gone, he took her from me, she’s gone...”
I trail off and hiss at the terrible pain in my stomach. I bend down and clutch myself. “Something is wrong, I need to sit down,” I mutter.
Diane bends down to me, “What’s wrong?”
I feel a warm sensation between my legs. It doesn’t feel as if my water has broken. “Diane, I think I’m bleeding.”
I lift my dress, and sure enough there are rivulets of blood running down my legs.
“I think she’s in labor,” shouts Diane at the doctor.
“Get me a wheel chair,” he calls into the air.
Diane’s face is red, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. I wish we could hold each other and run to see Kaylee, but I can’t bear the pain much longer.
“I need you to stay strong for me, please,” cries Diane.
“Why did he do this?” I cry.
I wish I could tell Diane I will be strong, but all I want is to close my eyes and never wake up again. But contrary to death, a cramp shoots agonizing life into my body, reminding me that I’m not going anywhere. I have to give birth to a baby I don’t want to have.
A baby Kaylee will never meet or be a big sister to.
“Don’t leave Kaylee alone, she can’t be alone,” I beg through my tears.
Diane has a blank look in her eyes. We seem like strangers, unable to communicate anymore. “Promise me you won’t leave Kaylee alone,” I repeat, digging my nails into her arm.
I know she is gone and nothing will bring her back to me, but I have failed Kaylee long enough.
“I’m right here, and I’m not leaving either one of you,” she replies, softly placing her hand over the fingers cutting into her skin.
Chapter 26
I thought hell was for the dead; boy was I wrong. The Devil hangs out with whoever he wants, and now he’s dancing with me.
Everything is a blur while I am rushed to another part of the hospital, and it’s difficult to focus on my surroundings. A piece of my heart seems to have been cut out. But as much as I hate being alive, I am alive for two.
The doctors run around, debating what has to be done to prevent the baby from being born prematurely.
“Let’s start her on an I.V. and magnesium sulfate. Her blood pressure is extremely high, and it might be the cause of the premature labor,” says the doctor, wheeling me into a private room as the nurse rushes behind us.
“How many weeks is she?” asks the nurse.
“Nowhere near the amount of time the infant will survive outside the womb without major health complications. If it survives, that is. Fingers crossed the magnesium sulfate will work it’s magic.”
The pain is unbearable, but I try to relax. If I give birth now, there is no way they will allow me back downstairs to see Kaylee.
I wish I knew what happens after death. Not knowing is the worst part. A six-year-old can’t cope with death by herself. It’s not fair that I can’t look after Kaylee in the afterlife. Maybe the afterlife is something we all made up to console the broken-hearted.
The nurse immediately rushes back into my room and starts prepping me for the I.V. I keep silent, knowing it will help her move along with me, but the pain is a bit much, and I can’t help wincing.
“Mrs. Brady, I’m going to get you started on medicine to help stop you from having your baby before time. Let’s slip your dress down and use a hospital gown instead. I need you to stay as calm as you can to try and help the medicine. Okay?”
I nod in agreement, and within seconds I’m hooked up to machines and bags of liquid that are trying to save my baby.
“Where’s your husband?” inquires the nurse.
My husband. Not long ago I was just Ms. York. Now suddenly I have a husband who needs to be found.
“I don’t know, he ran out to get me clothes. He must be downstairs looking for me.” I start crying.
“Don’t cry. I’ll make sure we go find him as soon as I get you settled,” she reassures me.
As the nurse squeezes the bag of medicine, helping it travel through the I.V. into my arm, I wonder how long it will take for me to be out of danger.
I think I have heard all the bad news I can take in one day, so I won’t bother asking.
The nurse’s hands drop to her side as she stares at her finished work. She then silently waits to see results. I might as well use this time to chime into her thoughts. “I need a favor,” I begin, “my daughter is downstairs, and I need to get to her. Can you take me to her please?”
“Mrs. Brady, it’s not smart to move you in your condition. But I can have someone one bring her upstairs to you.”
Her words suddenly trigger the realization that this is my new identity. I am now the woman who allowed her ex-husband to kill her daughter.
“You can’t call for her. She’s dead.”
She looks up at me startled, “What do you mean your daughter is dead?”
“My ex-husband poisoned her. She was brought here but the doctors couldn’t save her.” I place my hands over my mouth, unable to hold in my tears. Never in a billion years would I have thought I would have to say that my little girl was dead.
“Oh honey I’m so sorry.” Her motherly instincts kick in, and she comes over and embraces me. I crumble into her arms, needing to be held.
“Let this medicine settle in while I have something arranged. If I have to, I’ll have you transported on a bed to where your little girl is. Let me run downstairs to the emergency section and see what I can do. I promise to have you by her side soon. Also let me find your husband.”
I’m afraid to let her go, but I release her. Her face is wet with tears, and I run my fingers down her cheeks. “Thank you.”
“What’s your husband’s name?” she asks.
“Nicolas Brady.”
Within seconds she is gone.
I hate how my life has been divided into a before and after. Tomorrow will never hold any promise for me, knowing Kaylee will only live in my yesterdays. How will I live without her? Without her smile, her kisses, her hugs, her playfulness? Ho
w will I survive her loss?
“Brook!” Nicolas hurries into the room. “I’m sorry I went to the car.” He sits beside on the bed, and I see a tear rolling down the side of his face.
I push him hard. He gets up, confused, and I grab a plastic container from the bedside table and throw it at him. “He fucking killed her!” I scream. “I fucking said something was going to happen, but you and everyone else assured me that everything would be alright. I put my guard down because I trusted you all! And now Kaylee is dead. You all killed her, so what the fuck are you crying about? Stop crying! Stop!” My anger burst forth in every direction. I hate Nicolas right now, but I also wish Hunter was here so I could kill him with my bare hands.
Nicolas is a blur through the tears, but so has been my life for some years now. The anger continues to consume me, and I think it’s best to let it burn. That’s all that’s keeping me alive. I want to tear and burn and destroy everything around me, especially the people who made these false promises. But I feel light headed, and I lean over the bed, vomiting out everything inside me.
In a flash Nicolas is by my side, helping me wipe my mouth, and I’m humiliated. Is this who I am now? The woman who blames everyone else for her ill fate?
Nicolas kneels by my side, bringing his face to my level, and he kisses my forehead. I don’t push him away. What’s the point?
“I’m sorry for what Hunter did to you and Kaylee. I never in a lifetime could have thought that he was capable of hurting his own child. I never thought such horrors happened in real life."
I grab his hands from my face and pull them away. “I can’t do this! I can’t do this!’ I sob. “I can’t have this baby now.”
I feel sorry for Nicolas, but his pain is nothing compared to mine.
“I’m always going be here, Brook. You don’t have to do this alone. We’ll learn to mourn and keep Kaylee’s memory alive in a healthy way. With the little I knew Kaylee, I know that is what she would want. Plus we’re having a baby. I think Kaylee will stick around to watch over her little brother or sister and over her mommy. I know right now, you might not think this way, but Kaylee is an angel, and God is protecting her. Hunter took advantage of the free will God had given him, and Kaylee was a victim of his wrong choices, but God is with her now. She’s safe from any suffering. We’ll all one day be with her when it’s time.” His words are full of faith in us and in God.
My Two Husbands Page 18