by Zoë Marshall
“Yeah … I’m a bit nervous though.”
“Oh, shush, you’ll be amazing, as always. Can you believe we’ll be in high school in a few months?”
“It’s pretty crazy.”
“There will be so many new boys,” Sarah said excitedly.
Sutton laughed. “Yes, there will be,” she replied, finding her cap and gown. She also got to wear a yellow sash, to signify her Honor Roll status. She was proud of herself, even if her parents weren’t.
“Are you ready to go line up?” Sarah asked, brimming with excitement.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” They walked over to the line as the gym teacher, Coach Rhodes, showed them to their spots, which were close together since Sarah’s last name was McAdams.
Sutton put on her cap and gown, and draped the sash across her chest. Not too many people in the class were wearing them, so she felt a huge sense of pride and accomplishment. She knew her parents couldn’t always be proud of her. They most certainly didn’t support her extracurricular activities, which was ironic seeing as her father’s mom was a very successful writer. Sutton didn’t understand why he wouldn’t want the same for her, or why he at least couldn’t just believe in her.
The students in the line grew quiet as the Dean approached the podium. The audience clapped, then there was silence once again.
“Welcome, friends and family. We are honored to have you all here today to celebrate the graduation of these amazing students. It has been an absolute pleasure watching these kids grow over the last three years. We appreciate all the love and support you have provided during their time here. They will be sorely missed, though I am very proud to see them begin a new chapter in their lives. Without further ado, I present to you the class of 2010!”
The graduation song began, and Sutton’s stomach was in nervous knots. She was excited for her parents to hear her speech. Though it was short, she had spent a ridiculous amount of time on it because she had wanted it to be perfect.
Sutton marched along as the names were called and the students grabbed their diplomas. She beamed with excitement as they announced her name. She held her diploma up high as she smiled widely.
Sutton sat down amongst the other graduates and awaited her name being called. After the last graduate took their seat, the crowd ceased the applause. The dean then said, “It is my pleasure to bring a very special girl up to the stage. I have witnessed her passion over the years and I couldn’t be more proud to announce your 2010 valedictorian, Sutton Meyers!”
Sutton stood up and walked to the podium as the audience clapped and cheered. She pulled out her speech and took a deep breath.
“Hello everyone. I am honored to address you all today. This has been an amazing journey. I have learned many valuable lessons and met many great people. I can’t wait to see where this journey takes us. Sure, a chapter is closing. And that’s always sad, but we’ll take this experience with us as we depart. e. e. cummings once said ‘It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.’ As we go forth from here, we will begin the true discovery of who we are. And who we hope to become. We’ll learn and love and lose things we hold dear along the way, but just remember: every person who floats in and out of our lives is there to teach us a lesson. We must be open to those lessons. We must embrace them with open arms, and we must never let someone else write our own story. You alone hold the pen. Dare to write a story worth reading, the kind of story you would want to read over and over again, the kind of book you never want to put down. Let’s never forget what we’ve learned here and the people who taught us well. We will carry them with us as we march on, toward the unknown. And let us never forget that as long as we always remember, we will never be alone. Thank you.”
Sutton soaked in the applause as she searched the audience for her parents. Her heart sank as she saw the two empty seats they had been sitting in. Had they really left? Had they not heard the words she’d so carefully chose? Could they really care so little?
Sutton nodded and feigned a smile as she headed back to her seat. She choked back the tears as she attempted to mask the sadness behind her eyes. She always thought her parents viewed her as a disappointment. And now she knew they did.
Sutton shuddered at the memory. She knew she had to let it go. She needed to let go of the resentment and the sadness. She had to be proud of herself, even if her parents couldn’t be.
COLE HAD NEVER really cared for goodbyes, especially difficult ones. As he drove away from the hotel, he didn’t turn back around to look at Sutton one last time, though a part of him wanted to. He was glad he had gotten to spend one last night with her. He wondered if he would make friends at school. He never really had a problem making friends, but it was going to be a whole new world for Cole. Then he found himself wondering where his mom was, and what she was doing. He hated that he no longer knew her, even though a part of him didn’t want to because he could never forgive her for what she’d done to him and his dad. He would never forget the day she left….
Cole sat at the dinner table as he observed his parents. They appeared to have been growing apart for a while. His mom was never home anymore. She was always working. Cole felt like she didn’t even want to be around them at all. Maybe it was just a phase…. It wasn’t like they fought. There was silence more than anything. But sometimes silence was worse than the fighting. His mother’s indifference appeared to be growing stronger every day and Cole knew there was nothing he could do about it.
“How was work today, mom?” Cole asked, breaking the silence.
“Stressful. I need to go in after dinner for a meeting,” Cole’s mother replied.
“Another one?” Ralph asked, seemingly dejected.
“Yes. This is an intense time,” she replied coldly.
“It’s always an intense time,” Ralph added.
“My work is what keeps this roof over our heads. You seem to have forgotten that.”
“Believe me, you never let me forget it. You throw it in my face as often as possible.”
“Cole, go to your room.”
“Why?”
“Because I said so,” she replied sternly.
“Fine.” Cole threw his napkin on the table and headed to his room. Once he was around the corner, he stood and listened to the conversation between his parents.
“Ralph, I have something to tell you.”
“I know.”
“You know what?”
“I know there’s someone else,” Ralph replied, in a low voice.
Cole felt sick. There was no way his mother would do that. She loved his father … right?
“How do you know?”
“I saw an email. I didn’t mean to snoop. When I went to check mine, you were already logged in. I only needed to see a couple words to realize what was going on. How long?”
“It doesn’t really matter, does it?”
“How long?” Ralph repeated, raising his voice in a way Cole had never observed. Ralph was typically very timid and quiet, the opposite of his mother.
“Four months.”
“Four months?” Ralph asked, his voice becoming even louder.
“You asked,” she replied flatly.
“What does this mean?” Ralph asked, lowering his voice once more.
“I’m leaving.”
“You can’t be serious. What about Cole?”
“I can’t stay for him,” his mother replied, colder by the minute.
Cole’s hands were shaking and his heart was racing. Was this actually happening? It felt like he was living a nightmare.
“Can you stay for me?” Ralph paused for a moment. “For us?”
“There hasn’t been an ‘us’ for a long time. I think you know that.”
“We can fix this. We can talk to somebody.” Ralph’s voice was desperate.
“No, we can’t.”
Then there was silence. Cole rushed off to his room and slammed the door. He sat on the floor, leaning against his bed, fighting the t
ears. His family had been torn apart.
And he never saw his mother again.
Cole wondered if he would ever see or talk to her someday. A part of him knew he probably wouldn’t, that she was gone forever, but the small child in him had to hold onto the idea that she’d come back someday and hold him in her arms once more. How could she have cared so little? The scars of her leaving were ones he would carry with him forever. He wasn’t sure he could ever truly trust anyone again.
Well, obviously he trusted Sutton, but that was different. She had the purest heart of anyone he’d ever known. She would never leave him like that. She wasn’t cold, as his mother had been.
Cole wanted to let go of the anger. He wanted to forget his mother had ever existed at all. He had his dad and he had Sutton.
And that was all he needed.
SUTTON PULLED INTO a loading zone in front of her dorm hall at around 6:30pm. As expected, she and Cole had indeed stayed up virtually all night at the hotel the night before, so she was exhausted. The moment she exited the car, she was accosted by an all-too-energetic guy in a bright yellow shirt that read Welcome to the First Day of the Rest of your Life.
“Hi there, newbie! How was the drive? Where did you come from? I’m Johnny, by the way. I’m your new Resident Advisor.”
He was far too loud and was speaking far too quickly for Sutton to compute right away, in her tired state. After a moment, she was able to piece it together. “Um … the drive was long. I was coming from California, San Francisco specifically. And my name is Sutton. Sutton Meyers.”
“Wow! That is far! Let me help you unload this car and move into your new room. Do you know which one you’re in?”
Sutton reached into her car and removed a crumpled piece of paper from the center console. She searched for the room number. “I’m in 304.”
“Ooh, third floor. We don’t have any elevators, but at least you don’t have any furniture.”
“Yeah, it shouldn’t be too bad. I mean, I have a lot of clothes. And probably far too many toiletries,” Sutton said, slightly embarrassed.
“In other words, you’re a girl,” Johnny replied. They both laughed as he opened the back of the car, then begin to pile boxes on top of each other.
They small-talked as they made a few trips from the car to the room and back. Finally, they had put the last of it in the room.
“Oh, your roommate is at the welcoming mixer by the way,” Johnny said. “You showed up a little late for that, but there are many more events to come.”
“Cool,” Sutton said, with a nervous smile. She hoped she would get along with her roommate, but there wasn’t really anyone Sutton didn’t get along with, aside from her parents of course.
“Well, last thing is to move your car to the student lot. Then you can begin to settle in. I’ll show you where it is.”
“Johnny?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for your help.”
“No problem, Sutton. That’s what I’m here for.” And, with a very genuine smile, he directed her to the student lot and wished her good luck.
I’m going to need it, Sutton thought.
Once she returned to her new home, she sat down on the edge of the bare bed and looked around at her many boxes and suitcases, mildly overwhelmed at the concept of unpacking. Maybe she should have listened to her father and packed lighter, but she wasn’t a huge fan of ever listening to her father. She’d probably packed even more stuff just to defy him. She smiled a bit at the thought of not having to live with her parents anymore. It wasn’t like she didn’t love them; she just wanted them to understand her. She’d have thought they would want her to be happy.
She wasn’t an argumentative person. She was an introvert. She was the opposite of a lawyer. The fact that her parents couldn’t see that was beyond Sutton’s comprehension. It was like they didn’t know her at all. They seemed to have had their minds made up about her before she was even born. If she didn’t fit into the cookie-cutter mold they created for her, she was merely a huge disappointment in their eyes.
COLE FELT A SUDDEN burst of energy as he pulled up to the dorms. Though he had only gotten a couple hours of sleep the night before, he was ready. He was ready for whatever awaited him. It was a fresh start, a clean slate. Nobody here knew who he was. He could be the coolest guy in the world, for all they knew.
Cole found himself wondering what his roommate would be like as he headed to his new home. He’d brought so little stuff that he only needed to make one trip, which was good since the parking lot was fairly far from the building he was going to be living in.
He walked up to the door to his new room, beaming with excitement. He opened the door to find a guy feverishly typing on his laptop. The guy looked up, saw Cole, and stopped what he was doing for a moment. “Hey, you must be Cole.” He extended his hand without standing up, then added, “I’m Hunter Williams.”
Cole shook Hunter’s hand eagerly and took a look around. His roommate appeared to be all moved in already. Hunter’s side of the room was covered with Star Wars memorabilia, all the way down to the Darth Vader sheets on his extra-long twin bed. Hunter had a head of wild, curly blonde hair and tired-looking hazel eyes, and looked somewhat disheveled with his unkempt facial hair. He was perhaps the pastiest human being Cole had ever seen and was virtually speckled with freckles. Cole found himself wondering if Hunter’s skin had ever actually seen the light of day. His goofy smile was warm and welcoming, and Cole had a good feeling about him, since he believed one could tell a lot about a person from the first interaction.
“Did you need help with your stuff?” Hunter asked, turning back to his laptop.
“Nope, this is it.”
“Man, you pack light.”
“Yeah. So … what are you working on?” Cole asked curiously.
“A bio chem prep test,” Hunter replied, in a mildly stressed tone.
“Am I missing something? Prep test, already?”
“I like to be prepared.”
It was obvious to Cole that Hunter was one of those intelligent, overachiever types. He would probably be a good influence on Cole, making sure he didn’t wrap himself up too much in football. Cole nodded a bit as he heard his phone beeping. He put his bags down on the bed and pulled the phone out of his pocket. It was Sutton.
Hey C- Did you get there yet? My roommate still isn’t back from this mixer thingy.
Just got here. My roommate is a Star Wars fanatic who’s already prepping for bio chem.
Eek. Well, is he nice at least?
Yeah, he seems cool.
That’s good. I hope mine is too.
I’ll be crossing my fingers for you.
Oh hey, my roommate just walked in.
Let me know how it goes.
Wish me luck.
Good luck, Sutton.
SUTTON STOOD UP and walked over to her new roommate, who flashed a wide smile. She was tall and slender, with a model-type figure. She had bleached-blonde hair pulled back into bows with little sparkly pink clips. Her eyes were crystal blue and she wore a fitted black dress with tall red heels. “You must be Sutton! It’s so fantastic to meet you! I’m Ava.”
Ava was brimming with excitement and it was infectious. Sutton smiled back at her. “Hi, nice to meet you. How was the mixer?”
The petite blonde girl took a seat on the edge of her bed. “It was awesome! Everybody is so nice.”
“I’m sorry I missed it. It was a really long day of driving.”
“Where did you come from?”
Sutton walked over to her bed and took a seat, facing Ava. “San Francisco. So, pretty far. How about you?”
“I probably had about an hour longer drive than you. I’m from Portland. What made you decide to go to school so far from home?”
Sutton took a deep breath, contemplating how much of her story she felt like divulging to her new roommate. She decided it was too early to talk about her need to get as far away from her parents as possible. “T
here’s a really good writing program here. I got a scholarship.”
“That’s awesome! Oh, hey, there’s a fair thingy tomorrow with all of the school clubs and stuff. Want to go with me?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
Ava stood up quickly and bounced over to her closet, which was already completely organized, even down to the color-coding. She began to flip through her various dresses, finally settling on a backless cream baby doll dress. Sutton noticed a tattoo on Ava’s side. “What does your tattoo say?”
“Oh, it’s that poem ‘i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)’ by e. e. cummings. Do you know it?”
“I love e. e. cummings. He’s one of my biggest writing influences. That’s really cool.”
“Thanks. Hey, I’m headed over to a party thing at the dorm next door. You should come!”
“I’m pretty beat from the drive. I’m probably just going to do some unpacking and some reading, then pass out early.”
“Aw, okay. Well, get some rest because we have a big day tomorrow!” Ava exclaimed excitedly.
Sutton smiled warmly and walked over to her massive pile of stuff. This was quite the undertaking. She contemplated throwing away everything she owned. But she figured going to class naked might be frowned upon, at least by the teachers.
Ava began to change right in front of Sutton and Sutton felt herself getting a little red in the cheeks, then she turned to the box containing her large collection of books. Sutton was a big fan of the classics: Wuthering Heights, The Great Gatsby, Sense and Sensibility. She liked the classic romance novels. For a person who had given up on love after being left by her ex out of nowhere, she still believed in a happy ending. She believed in the love of fictional characters, but not so much in the love in real life. She liked to escape into a world of someone else’s creation.
Ava grabbed her purse and keys and headed toward the door. She turned around before leaving. “Enjoy your night. I’ll be back in a few hours. Don’t worry—I’ll be quiet.”