Then there’s Logan. He’s been nothing but patient towards me, even though I know it kills him I won’t let him help. I can’t help it though. The thought of him seeing me, seeing what my body looks like under my clothes. I cringe at the thought of what he will think. Will he be disgusted? Will he still want to be with someone who’s body is covered in scars?
“Whatcha thinkin’ about, babe?” Logan asks, bringing me out of my sulking thoughts. “Nothing really, I’m just tired.” By the look on his face I know he doesn’t believe me but decides not to call me out on it. “Okay, you get some rest. I’ll call the guys and get shit straight for tomorrow.” Walking over he gives me a light kiss and I close my eyes breathing in his scent, letting it comfort me.
The next day is a bit of a frenzy. I’m so over being in this damn hospital. Finally, Logan has Quinn round up one of the nurses to bring me my discharge papers so we can go. Demetri is flying us home on his plane, which I’m grateful for. I’m not in the mood to be stuck in a car for a couple of hours. Alba and Gabriel left yesterday, so they could get the house ready for us. We needed groceries and some things for Sofia. My sister was ecstatic at the mention of shopping, but poor Gabriel looked like he’d rather take a bullet. When Alba sassed off saying she would do it herself, the big guy quickly shot that idea down.
A minute later Quinn strides back into the room followed by a nurse pushing a wheelchair. I don’t want to ride in that damn thing, but it’s hospital policy. Sucking it up, I sit my ass in the chair. I’ll do anything if it means getting the hell out of here and going home.
Walking into Logan’s house...our house—I still haven’t gotten used to saying that—we’re met with silence. Logan said everyone was anxious to see me. He refused, telling them to let me get settled first. When I was ready, they could come for a short visit. I’m thankful to have him looking out for me. I’m definitely not up for company right now, with the exception of my sister. She’s the one I need. “Come on,” I say grabbing Sofia’s hand from beside me. “I’ll give you the grand tour.”
Her eyes go big as she takes in the house. After making our way from room to room, I bring her outside showing her the lake. “Oh my god,” she gasps. “Is this real? Do I really get to live here?”
“Yes, sweet girl, you get to live here.”
Standing at the edge of the water for a moment, I close my eyes embracing the wind on my face and breathe in the fresh air. Turning my head, I look at the young girl beside me to see her doing the same. I squeeze Sofia’s hand, “Come on, let’s go inside.”
“Would it be okay if I stay out here a few more minutes?” she asks.
“Sure, you come in when you’re ready.”
Back inside, I find Logan in the kitchen making tea. “Hey, babe, you get Sofia settled?”
“Yeah, she’s out by the lake. She’ll be in soon.”
He nods his head, motioning toward the table. “Come sit, I’ll fix you a cup.”
“I need to use your phone to call my sister,” I tell him as I pull a chair out and sit. “I want to ask her what time she’ll be home.”
Peering at me with a tight jaw he grinds out. “If you need help with something, I’ll do it. You’re my woman, no more pushing me away.”
I flinch slightly when he slams the spoon he’s holding down on the counter.
“Logan—” I start before he cuts me off.
“Fuck no, I’m sick of this shit. You need help changing your bandages, I’ll change them. You need help taking a shower, I’ll help.” He states with conviction.
Feeling rage bubble up in my gut, I stand up from the table. “You know what, Logan, it’s not really up to you, now is it.” I calmly challenge, not taking my eyes off his. If he thinks he’s going to take over telling me how things are going to be, he’s got another thing coming.
“Angel,” he says. His face softening.
Bracing my hands on the table, I hang my head. “I’m not ready,” I whisper.
In seconds Logan is beside me holding my head in his hands. I notice the defeated posture of his body as he uses his thumb to brush away my tears, then kisses my lips. “I’ll call your sister,” he murmurs with a sigh.
I wake up in mine and Logan’s bed a while later to see Alba lying in the bed next to me. After our little feud earlier, I told Logan I needed a nap. “How long you been here?”
“About thirty minutes,” my sister replies as we engage in a stare off.
“Just say it,” I huff.
“He loves you. You have to let him in. I know you’re afraid.”
I shake my head, “You don’t understand.”
“I may not understand what you went through, but I understand being afraid.”
My eyes soften at her declaration. Alba, thankfully came out of this whole nightmare unharmed, but she does indeed understand my feelings on some level. “I need more time, that’s all I’m asking.”
Climbing off the bed she walks over to my side. Taking a hold of her hands, she helps me stand. My stitches don’t feel as tight, just sore. The doctor said I have another week before they can be removed and I no longer have to keep them bandaged either. Walking into the bathroom with my sister I refuse to look in the mirror as she starts the water for my shower. I’ll be glad when I can take a real shower, five minutes just isn’t cutting it, and my legs needed a razor like four days ago. Alba catching the horrified look aimed towards my legs and giggles.
“Sit,” she commands, pointing to the closed lid of the toilet. “I’m going to shave those hairy beasts you call legs.” I hear her snicker when she catches me flipping her the bird.
It feels so odd having the sister roles reversed. My whole life I’ve been the one taking care of Alba, so much so it sometimes felt as if she were my own child. Now the table has turned, and my baby sister is taking care of me. The first time she saw my cuts, it seemed as though it was harder for her than me. She tried to hide her sadness, but Alba has never been able to mask her feelings very well, especially not from me. Still, she took a deep breath, held the tears back, and became the strong one. In that moment she did me proud, she knew that’s exactly what I needed from her.
Walking downstairs, feeling somewhat human again, I’m hit with the smell of Chinese food, causing my stomach to rumble. “Hey, you two hungry?” Logan questions, when Alba and I walk into the kitchen.
“Yes,” we both spill in unison. I smile when I walk into the kitchen and find Sofia helping him set the table. Sitting down, I immediately dig in while Logan grabs us a couple of beers, and the girls a coke. Conversation flows freely, mostly about the guys and how things are at the shop. Alba tells me how she talked to Mom the other day, but didn’t tell her anything that had happened. No one has mentioned Lee, or what’s happened to him. The only thing Logan said was it was taken care of. That’s good enough for me. The bastard is an afterthought at this point. I hope he’s rotting in hell, although even that would be too good for him. When we finish eating, Alba and Sofia excuse themselves to go upstairs. I insist on washing the dishes. I told Logan I need some sort of normalcy.
Once I’m finished I let him lead me upstairs to our room. “I’m taking a shower, then we’re going to talk.” Logan insists leaving no room for argument.
Not in the mood for being forced into doing something I’ve voiced I wasn’t ready for, I decide to ignore him. If that man thinks I’m going to roll over at his demands, then he’s sorely mistaken.
Hours later I’m woken by someone shaking me and calling out my name. When I open my eyes, it takes me a moment to register where I am and who is holding me. My heart is racing, my body aching, and I’m drenched with sweat. I then notice Logan is holding on to me. He has several bloody scratches on his face and chest. I gasp at the realization. I did that. Oh my god. A sobbing noise has me cutting my eyes over to the bedroom door. My sister is standing there, with a tear-streaked face and her hand covering her mouth.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Logan
B
eing woken by Bella screaming in her sleep gutted me. I reached out to pull her into my side, in the hopes she would calm down and rest. Instead, it has the complete opposite effect. She starts kicking, screaming, and flailing her hands everywhere.
“No-No-No!” She screeches.
She’s putting all she’s got into the struggle as I try to wake her up. “Babe. Wake up. It’s me. It’s Logan,” I plead with her. I grab at her wrists to keep her from scratching at my face anymore.
“Angel, it okay. You’re home. Come on, beautiful,” I whisper into her ear.
Her actions slow and her breathing calms. It’s not too dark in the room. The moon’s reflection off the waters has cast a blue-gray gleam over most of the bedroom. I start to see the subtle changes in her expression as she comes around. Hearing her gasp, I look down and see tears pooling in her eyes.
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry,” she cries.
She has nothing to be sorry for. I understand all too well about having nightmares. I go to say something but don’t get the chance to respond.
“Your face,” she sobs, bringing her soft hand to my cheek, then running the tip of her finger over my eyebrow. “You’re bleeding.”
Still holding her, I kiss her forehead and I calmly ask, “Are you okay?”
I look over towards the door when I hear crying. I see Alba standing in the doorway. She brings her hand to her mouth. No doubt shocked by the commotion that was coming from the room. I hold onto Bella a few minutes longer to soothe her. I want to kill that motherfucker all over again, for what he put her through. I motion to her sister who has already taken a few more steps into the room. I catch a glimpse of Sofia peering around the door frame and tell her to come in as well.
“Would the two of you mind sitting with Bella, so I can go clean my face?” I ask them.
“Sure,” her sister says in a hushed tone. Sofia doesn’t speak, only nodding her head, yes. Both wearing concerned looks on their faces.
I slip my arms from around her waist and stand, making my way to the master bathroom, and close the door behind me. I’m exhausted. Between the plane ride home, helping the club and my father deal with some loose ends here in town, and now this. She had one while she was still in the hospital, but it wasn’t anywhere near the intensity.
I stand in front of the mirror. The scratches on my face aren’t that bad. I turn the water on, giving my face a good splash and collect myself before going back out there. I’m trying my best to understand and let her go at her own pace, but fuck if it isn’t frustrating as hell at the same time. Every little advance I’ve made towards her to help has gone ignored. If it involves talking about what happened or even helping her change her bandages she completely shuts me out.
I’m trying to help the woman I love.
I’m torn.
Do I watch her spiral down that rabbit hole or should I force her to let me in?
Walking back into the room I watch as Bella sips on some tea. It seems to calm her nerves, so I’ve made sure we have plenty of the herbal stuff in the house. Personally, I don’t like the shit. She likes it and that’s what matters.
Alba and Sofia hug her, telling her goodnight, before turning to me. “Logan, if you need anything, please come get me. I’ll do what I can to help,” her sister says.
I know she means well. I give her a nod and a look that I hope conveys I appreciate her, but this is my job.
They leave the room, closing the door behind them. I walk over turning the bedside lamp on and flip the overhead switch, turning those light off.
Bella reaches over, setting her tea down as I climb back into bed. She looks a little unsure and starts twisting the sheets in her hands. I reach over and pull her into my side. I feel her body tense for just a moment before melting into me, laying her head on my chest.
“I’m so sorry I scratched you,” she whispers softly.
I can feel the tears silently falling onto my skin and her warm breaths as they caress my flesh. I will my body not to react in the way it naturally does when I’m around her. The smell of her hair, the softness of her skin against my rough calloused hands...
Fuck.
Taking a cleansing breath, I gain some self-control over other parts of my body. “I’m okay, babe. Nothing to worry yourself with. Do you want to talk about it? The nightmare?”
“No. I’m tired. Could you just hold me awhile?” she asks in a soft, shaky voice.
“Yeah, beautiful. I can do that,” I declare, pulling her in tighter.
I lay there for the next couple hours, holding on to the best thing to ever walk into my life. Eventually I’m lulled to sleep, listening to her soft, easy breaths.
“Yo, Quinn,” I holler from across the shop.
I’m stripping down an old Harley that a customer salvaged from the boneyard. He came in last week wanting to convert it to a bobber style. It’ll be a nice-looking ride when I’m done with it. The guy is a Navy SEAL vet. He’s not looking for anything over-the-top, just a classic lookin’ smooth ride.
“What ya need, man?” Quinn fires back at me as he continues to work on a big twin that was brought in yesterday.
“I need you to close up shop this evening. I got some shit I need to do.”
“Not a problem, brother. Listen. The guys are throwing a party tonight. You comin’?”
Relaxing and having a few drinks sounds like a pretty good idea. The last few weeks have been stressful as hell. I’ve been bustin’ my ass here at work. Mainly because I don’t feel needed anywhere else. So, I come to work, staying late most nights, before heading home to shower and sleep. “Yeah, man, I’ll be there.”
Throwing myself into work is the only way I can deal with my stress and the pent-up tension. That, or drink and I’ve been doing my damnedest not to chase the bottom of a bottle lately.
I finish up my day, leaving Quinn to wrap things up at the shop. I step outside and mount my bike. I make my way out to my father’s estate. Nikolai, my brother, called me a couple days ago asking if I could ride out sometime. He wanted to discuss a few things with me but didn’t want to do it over the phone. I pull up to the gate and I’m immediately let through. I still can’t get used to the wealth my dad has. He made it quite clear on the plane ride to save my woman that ‘what is his, is now mine.’ The thought of having disposable money and endless resources at my fingertips is overwhelming. I’ve always worked hard to have what I’ve got. Nothing has ever been handed to me. For now, I’m happy with the way things are.
Nikolai comes walking out as I’m getting off my bike. “Logan, glad you came. I have lunch ready out back.”
I follow him through the house and out the back-patio door. It smells fuckin’ good out here. I span over to my left and he has the lid of a BBQ grill open, taking off some big ass ribeyes.
“Fuck, brother. I wasn’t hungry before, but now...”
Laughing he points over to a cooler sitting on the ground by the patio table and chairs. “Grabs us a beer. I’ll bring these over in a minute. I like grilling. It relaxes me. Makes me feel normal.”
After slapping the steaks onto some plates, he carries them over and sits one in front of me with a big ass bowl of seasoned fries. Damn. I’m not going to complain. Meat and potatoes. I can handle that.
“By normal, you mean pretending you’re not the son of Russian Mafia?” I pick at him, handing him a beer.
“Exactly. I was born into this life. I didn’t choose it. It can be very unsatisfying. Sometimes I want to be alone. Left to do as I wish. Not what’s expected of me, which brings me to what I wanted to discuss today.” He pauses, taking a bite of his food.
After taking a few bites of the steak, that would give Reid and Quinn a run for their money, I take a sip of beer. Nikolai continues with his conversation as I stuff some fries in my mouth. “I want to stay here in Polson, and I would like you to help me convince my—our father that it would be a good idea.”
Little brother feels like rebelling. I smile. It could be a ver
y good idea or go very badly. Either way, everyone should get to experience life out from under someone’s thumb.
“You wanna stick around, huh? You got a plan on what you want to do while you’re here?”
“I was planning on staying here at the estate, but I was hoping to maybe look for some normal work. Something I could be proud of. Learn and feel accomplished at,” he boasts, with a look of determination and eagerness.
“Hell Yeah! I can get behind that. You wanna be your own man. I get it. I’ll do what I can to help you out.”
Raising his bottle of beer to me, with a big fuckin’ smile, he tells me. “Thank you, brother.”
We finish lunch with general conversation. Getting to know each other a little better before I head out. The sun is starting to set, so I pull out my phone, giving Bella a call. She answers on the first ring. I let her know I’ll be late again tonight. Mostly, I just wanted to hear her sweet voice say ‘I love you.’
It’s almost dark when I get to the clubhouse and park my bike. The party has just started as I walk through the doors, making my way to the bar. Gabriel is sitting in his usual spot, nursing a beer, as I pull up a stool and ask for one of my own, along with a shot of whiskey.
“Hey, brother, you doin’ okay?” Gabriel’s inquires in a low murmur while staring at me.
“Yeah, man. Just wanted to swing by and unwind for a bit.”
Nodding his head, Gabriel doesn’t say anymore. He gets up, making his way upstairs.
As I’m nursing my second beer and my third shot, Reid sits down beside me. “Logan, haven’t seen you hang out around here for awhile. You doing okay?”
If there is one person I can really talk to about some deep shit, it’s Reid. I’ve known him longer than any of my brothers. Hell, he practically is my brother. We grew up together. I take all this into consideration before opening my mouth. “Reid, man, I just don’t know what to do. She won’t open up to me. She’s pushing me away.”
Undaunted: The Kings of Retribution MC Page 22