Ben raised his voice. “But I don’t want to be a patient!”
Shira lowered hers. “Should I go?”
“No, no.” He managed to calm down so he could pull a few more rabbits from his hat. “Listen,” he started again, taking a deep breath. “I realize that I can look like a jerk sometimes.” He tried to use a hand gesture. “Perhaps it’s time for a change.”
“Great!” She was happy. “It’s not every day you come by a patient who understands that before starting the learning process.”
“You don’t understand. What I mean is, I will carry out this change by myself. I see the problem, so I can start fixing it. Okay? Being aware of the problem is half the work, isn’t it? See, I’ve already changed. I’m halfway to the solution.”
“You’re right about being on your way to a solution, but you’re going to start the treatment here, not on your own. That was a good try though—it’s the first time someone has ever suggested it.” She laughed. “When you truly change, you and I will both feel it together.”
Ben started sweating. He didn’t have many ideas left, and he saved the less pleasant ones as a last resort.
“Okay, listen up, chick. If you don’t release me now, when I leave this place, I’m going to sue you and your mother and your entire family and make your life miserable. Why would you want to get yourself into trouble? Let me go now, and we’ll pretend like nothing ever happened. I’ll be on my way, I’ll order a new airline ticket, and I won’t even hold a grudge—end of story.” He made it sound as if he were leaning back in his office chair, his feet propped on his desk while talking to a junior assistant.
“I’m sad to hear of your wish to hurt me, but we are legally covered in case of a lawsuit—it’s included in the payment for this treatment.”
“Wait.” It suddenly dawned on him. “You mean someone is paying for this? And he or she is responsible for me being here?”
“Correct. One of your acquaintances paid for this treatment in order to turn you into a better person.”
“Who!”
“I’m afraid that’s confidential.”
Ben felt like he was about to explode due to Shira’s answer but decided to follow his former strategy. “Tell me, Shira, aren’t you afraid of going to jail?”
“And aren’t you afraid to turn to the police and tell them a woman held you in her house without harming you? I record and backup everything; would you like me to send you a copy?”
“No, no!” He was horrified by the thought that his entire reputation would shatter if the world found out that some chick held him hostage. It would seem pathetic if he tried to prove that, and he would be ridiculed by the media.
“Let me spare you this.” She stopped him from moving on to the next thing. “Everyone eventually says this, so I’ll say it first. It won’t help trying to hurt me, because you will be severely punished. And hurting me will only hurt you more, because there is no one here to take care of you. It’s only you, me, and Panda here.”
“Never in my life have I raised, nor do I intend to raise, a hand to a woman! That’s only for cowards who need to prove they’re strong.” He felt angry and insulted.
“You’ve managed to surprise me, Ben, bravo! What a pleasant revelation. I knew that deep inside you were good.”
He ignored her last words. He was desperate, having played all the cards up his sleeve. “So what now?” he asked irritably.
“Now you must consent to the treatment for the sake of protocol, and from then on, you cannot speak and all rules apply.”
“What if I refuse?”
“Then the treatment won’t begin.”
“Then I’ll never consent to it.”
“I see. But as long as treatment doesn’t commence, it means no food and no hygiene. And I know how much you love to be pampered and groomed.”
“I can live without it, and I have fasted a few times in my life.”
“As you wish, but because I can’t allow you to dehydrate, I hooked you to an IV after you fell asleep. Oh…and you’re also hooked to a catheter.”
“What? Are you out of your mind!” He closed his legs, which had been slightly spread apart. “That’s called invasion of privacy! And secondly, I feel nothing down there.”
“Yes, but dearest Ben, I’m going to take care of you in the most intimate way; you won’t have much privacy with me. And yes, sometimes we get so excited we don’t notice things.”
“I don’t want you to touch me!”
“All right. I won’t touch you again without your permission,” she said coolly.
He pondered for a moment and jolted when an alarming thought came to him. “I didn’t fall asleep. You drugged me; you put something in my wine. Right? You put a drug in my wine glass.”
“I’m going to go now,” she said, ignoring his last comment. “I’ll be back in a few hours to see if you’ve changed your mind.”
“You’re crazy! I never will!”
Shira walked out again.
Ben felt exploited and embarrassed. Was he really hooked up to a catheter? What was she doing to him? Thoughts kept rushing through his head. Questions, unsolved riddles, and heavy emotions all channeled into one very clear goal—finding a way out of this ludicrous situation.
❧
“You realize I won’t let you starve,” Shira said when she returned. “Therefore, if you continue this way, I will have to insert a feeding tube into your nose.”
Ben was horrified once more. “I won’t have it, end of story.”
“All right, as you please. I’m going to prepare myself some dinner.”
He heard her get up and walk toward the studio kitchenette. Pots were taken in and out of the cabinets. The sound of one pan clanging against the stove was heard, and very soon the aroma of cooked food spread throughout the whole place.
“Dinner is ready,” she announced. “I’ll bring over the small table, and you can keep me company.”
“I won’t keep you any company! Go away!”
“Fine, I’ll eat in the living room then. I’ll check in on you before I go to sleep.”
He didn’t feel hungry. He was traumatized by the situation, and his body was in a state of shock and defense.
Before she went to sleep, Shira entered the studio. “I’m going to change your bag, and then I’m off to bed. I’ll stay in the living room tonight. Usually I sleep here, but I have a feeling you will interrupt my slumber.”
He didn’t answer.
“The first week is tough for all patients, especially the first two days. A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved,” she said quietly as she changed bags.
Ben didn’t respond.
“It’s funny that you choose not to talk… You’ll spend enough time in silence. Good night.” She finished and left.
He wanted to answer, but she had already gone.
DAY 2
It was an awful night for Ben. Being strapped to the wall with his legs cuffed to the floor left him no space to sleep comfortably. He managed to get ten minutes of solid slumber at the most. The studio became chilly, and he curled up in an attempt to keep warm.
The next morning, Shira returned. She took a pillow and sat down on it in front of him.
“Good morning.”
“Leave me alone.” Ben was too tired to elaborate.
“Okay, I’m going.” She got up.
“Wait,” he mumbled.
“Yes?” she asked once on her feet.
“Can I drink some water?”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t give you water; you have an IV for that.”
“Just to wet my throat.” His mouth was dry and he sounded hoarse and tired.
“Okay, as a sign of goodwill,” she said after a brief consideration.
She went to the kitchenette, took out a glass, and poured wate
r into it. Ben marveled at the sound; he was extremely thirsty.
“Here.” She held up the glass for Ben to drink from. “By the way, once you agree to the treatment, I will release you from the wall and maybe even release your leg cuffs so you can snuggle up in a blanket at night. You’re not supposed to physically suffer here.”
He finished drinking from the glass. “I won’t agree! I won’t put up with this madness!”
“Meanwhile, you’re already strapped, and rather uncomfortably.”
No response.
“All right, I guess you need to take your time and prepare yourself emotionally for the treatment.”
“I’ll never be ready!” he yelled, and then he coughed, his throat still dry. At this point, he didn’t care much that Shira got up and left.
She returned to the studio around noon. She asked him how he was, but he didn’t respond. “I’ll be here for some time; after all, this is my workspace too,” she said.
She sat down in front of her computer, which was in a far corner, away from Ben. The sound of clicking on the keyboard was heard.
“I thought I was your ‘work,’” he said after some time.
“Excuse me? Did you say something?” Shira was engrossed in her tasks on the computer and couldn’t hear his low mumbling.
“You’re getting paid to take care of me and not work on other things. And it looks like you’re getting a fat check for me.” He seemed to have mustered some new strength for another wrangling match.
Shira got up from her chair, walked over to him, and sat down in front of him. “Let me understand,” she began. “Do you want me to take care of you?”
“Never, but you’re getting paid for it, right? You’re not supposed to ‘work’ on anything else—you’re supposed to devote your time to me, right? I’m sure your supervisor wouldn’t like it if he found out about this.” He smiled contemptuously.
“Ben, I’d like to explain something I may not have emphasized yesterday,” she said quietly. “I’m not obligated to take care of you. I can simply throw you a bowl of food and water every morning and walk away. I choose to treat you, whenever you agree to it, so that you’ll have an easier time going through this period and experience real change. What I do with my time is none of your business or, for that matter, my supervisor’s. And just so you know, my supervisor, as you like to call him, is really a very good friend of mine, and the entire organization is run by close friends. So there’s great trust among the people working here.”
Ben looked like a deflated balloon all of a sudden.
“Okay, okay. If you’re so sensible…” He changed subjects. “…why am I shirtless? That makes no sense. Why do I have to freeze from the morning cold? Is that part of treatment?” He demanded an answer.
“I don’t think it’s that cold in here. Maybe a little chilly. Besides, look on the bright side and be grateful you’re not completely naked. You have boxers on and long pants. It’s no secret you’re a handsome man, and since I’m a woman, why not add some pleasure to my work…” She laughed.
He was livid. “I’m not some pet you can dress as you please!” he said, enraged. “And why my aikido pants? What’s that all about?”
“They were in your suitcase and they seemed very comfortable, so I chose them.”
“Do you have any idea how much a pair like this costs?” he fumed.
“Not enough to burn a hole in your pocket,” she sneered.
“True, but they’re very hard to come by!”
“Okay, I understand. I will try to safeguard them as best as I can and wash them delicately. You have ten pairs, which is enough to fill one delicate load a week.”
“No! I want you to return them to the suitcase, right now!” He was furious. “And how did you know the code to my lock?”
“I didn’t,” she answered aloofly. “Let’s just say you’ll need to buy a new suitcase.”
Ben was at his wit’s end by now; he was ready to explode. “What! Who gave you permission to break into my suitcase, destroy it, and use my personal belongings? You’re asking me not to meddle in your personal matters, to go by the rules. But you do exactly the opposite! I demand that you return everything to the suitcase and don’t touch it anymore.” He felt justice was on his side this time.
Shira sighed deeply. “Ben, there’s something you need to understand that you’re not getting. Yes, you are here to undergo a therapeutic process, but it’s also, indirectly, how shall I put it...” She searched for the right word. “…punishment.”
Ben felt as if a huge stone had landed in his stomach.
“And in punishment, you accept the terms rather than dictate them.” She waited for a response.
He kept silent. He didn’t see eye to eye with her at all, but he felt nausea creeping up from his stomach and desperately wanted to stop this conversation.
By the end of that day, Ben was completely defeated. The adrenaline he had felt the day before was gone, and the hunger and sleep mechanisms of his body took charge. Perhaps he should consent? What was the point of fighting against it? As it was, he wasn’t talking to her, and she might force feed him with a feeding tube. Dreadful. It was best he slept and ate decently until he found a solution. He wouldn’t be able to set himself free if he were too weak.
“If I agree to be treated, will I get something to eat now?” he asked grudgingly when Shira returned to check on him. He was angry with her, but then again, she was his caretaker.
“Yes, of course,” she said happily, ignoring his weakness.
“Okay, then I agree, simply because I have no other choice.”
“You do have a choice.” She was hard on him. “You can choose to disagree.”
“No! I don’t!” He was angry, but weak.
“If you wish to agree you must say, ‘I consent to the treatment,’ and then be quiet, or else your consent won’t be accepted.”
“Are you deaf or what? I just told you I agree.”
“Sorry, there’s a protocol.”
He sighed in pain and frustration. “All right, all right. I don’t agree with this method and I never will. I’m stating that for the protocol! And…I consent to the treatment.”
“Wonderful!” she cheered. She felt relieved. “I don’t like the part of the process before the patient consents. It’s like I’m the caretaker but I’m not, I’m here to treat the patient but I can’t, so I’m neither here nor there.” She chatted up a storm without stopping. “Now, be careful not to speak, because you tend to forget at first, which means I’ll have to gag you. Please nod so I know you understand.” She finally stopped for some air.
Ben nodded and exhaled in frustration. He rolled his eyes, but the action wasn’t noticeable underneath his blindfold.
“Okay, I’m going to disconnect you from the IV and catheter. We’ll have a wash, and then I’ll prepare us some food.”
He was mad that the meal was postponed, but he couldn’t protest. He was weak and tired. He didn’t want to speak for fear he would be gagged.
She released him from the wall and the floor. His hands were still tied behind his back to the belt and he had leg cuffs on, but at least he could stand and take small steps toward the shower. He tried to manage by himself, but he was too weak and had to lean on Shira for support. She put a collar on his neck and hooked a metal chain to it, grabbing hold of the other end of the chain. He tried to resist.
“This is so you won’t escape when you’re not harnessed to any wall,” she explained. His body language indicated discontentment, but he was tired and unable to resist. Trying to ignore the added confinement around his neck, he began inching his way toward the bathroom with her help. The world around him seemed to spin—he couldn’t see, nonetheless walk, and he nearly fell.
A gentle lavender scent filled the warm bathroom. The floor was smooth and clean under his bare feet.
“I’ll help you to the toilet,” she said authoritatively.
It wasn’t as bad as he had imagined. He felt relieved.
It was time for him to take a shower. She removed his leg cuffs so she could take off his pants. Aside from the straps, he was completely naked and exposed, but she conducted herself in a way that saved him any embarrassment.
“Oh! You managed to hurt your legs with all that struggling from the leg cuffs,” she said, concerned. “After the shower, we’ll bandage the area and put on thick socks before replacing the cuffs.”
He wanted all of it to be over so he could sit down and eat. He didn’t feel the wounds, nor did he care about them.
Shira lifted another chain from the shower floor. It was fastened with a lock to a metal loop that was fixed to the ground. She hooked the additional chain to Ben’s collar. Then she disconnected the chain in her hand.
He stood inside the shower, grabbing a handle behind his back, tied and blindfolded under the pouring water, while Shira washed his body and hair. The warm water comforted him, and the smell of soap reminded him of his home. The fatigue, water, and soap washed away any inhibitions, and he let her do with him as she pleased.
After the shower, she dried him with a large, soft towel and dressed him in his boxers and a clean pair of black aikido pants. She reconnected the chain in her hand to the collar and released the one that was hooked to the shower floor. She pulled him toward the sink and sat him on a chair opposite it.
She lifted a metal chain fastened with a lock to another loop in the floor next to the sink. She hooked the free side of the chain to the collar on Ben’s neck and once again detached the chain she held in her hand from the collar.
He tried to sit up straight. His breathing was deep and he felt tired. The shower and the darkness that engulfed him lured his body into a state of sleep.
Shira bent down to examine his leg wounds, tending to them as she promised. The cuffs made a metallic noise when she lifted them from the floor. He didn’t want them and resisted by moving his free legs.
“The treatment is also meant to build trust between us,” she said. “Do you understand?”
The Light Between The Shadows Page 7