The Light Between The Shadows

by Tsukiko Spark

“The practice itself is the main focus, not testing the aikidoka’s level of performance in competitions or fights. The purpose of the physical practice is to better control the body. There is no emphasis on improving strength, and one mainly works with flexibility, coordination, endurance, and agility. Endurance is important to maintain a calm body even during effort. The coordination, flexibility, and agility serve to perform the technique…” She skipped to the parts that interested her.

  “The techniques mostly end with throwing or pinning; therefore, one of the first things students learn is how to fall correctly. The practice begins with a warm-up, stretching, and flexibility exercises. Then you move on to practicing moves individually. Most of the practice is done in pairs with two roles: uke and tori. The uke is the aggressor, and the tori is the one performing the technique and defending himself. After a few rounds, the students switch—the uke becomes the tori and so on. In addition to learning the technique, the tori discovers how to merge with the uke’s movement and control it without using force, whereas the uke learns how to maintain harmony with the tori and move where the other is leading him so that he is caused no bodily harm. In advanced levels, the uke can turn around the technique and perform it against the tori’s technique so that he eventually controls him.

  “That was fascinating,” she concluded. “It’s strange, but I don’t see how it fits in with your personality.”

  Ben very much disagreed with her and shook his head.

  “Hmm… Then I guess I’ll have to think about it,” she said contemplatively. “Also, I don’t recall you telling me that you practiced with other people—do you practice alone?”

  Ben nodded. He wanted to say that sometimes he did practice with a partner, but his partner’s performance was usually inferior to his. So in general, the answer was correct.

  “How does it work? You only do the individual exercises?”

  His frustration grew. He nodded again. Her questions were disturbing him.

  “That’s not really aikido then, is it?” she prodded.

  He stopped responding.

  Shira remained silent and only stared at him pensively.

  He shifted in his seat, uneasy.

  Finally, she concluded the conversation and they continued with the rest of their evening routine.

  DAY 8

  Another day arrived and with it the same routine. Ben felt utterly bored. He recalled Shira’s words about using introspection time to rest and think about why he was there. He hated that she was also trying to decide what he should think about.

  His mind gave him no rest. Why am I here? The repetitive thoughts went on as he lay on the mattress, facing the ceiling, his eyes covered tightly with the blindfolds. Who could have done such a thing to me? He was perceptive and could detect people’s intentions from afar. How could he not see that someone was plotting such a scheme against him? Only someone who was really good at pretense and could put on a show could trick him like that.

  Michelle knows how to be dramatic; she can put on a one-woman show. Also, she said something about someone having to straighten me out the night I arrived at Shira’s. Could she have done it? It’s not like her, but then again, she’s pretty zany. She also has the financial means to pay for things she wants. Her parents have an international hotel chain, and all she ever thinks about is how to spend money. She claims I hurt her feelings. It could be that sending her ex-boyfriend to be tortured and buying a dress have equal value to her. Maybe it’s her? Crazy. Gorgeous, but crazy. A feeling of frustration flooded him again. His high life in the limelight seemed so far away all of a sudden; it felt like he had been at Shira’s for months. Desperation took over him. He withdrew into his catatonic inertia once more.

  In the evening, after a quiet dinner, a fluffy creature jumped on his lap. Ben was startled.

  “It’s only Panda,” she reassured him. “He’s cute, isn’t he?”

  Though he tried to get the cat off, Panda snuggled and fell asleep in his lap.

  “He’s a purebred Birman,” she explained. “There’s a legend about this breed; would you like to hear it?”

  He nodded slightly, out of boredom.

  Shira carried the laptop to the dining table. “I’ll look for the full story online.”

  He heard a quick typing sound.

  “Oh, here… The legend tells of an ancient monastery somewhere in Burma, called Lao-Tsun. Dwelling in that monastery was the goddess Tsun-Kyan-Kse. Her eyes were deep blue like the color of the great big ocean, and her body was a radiant golden color like the sun. The goddess had the power to grant the monks the opportunity of a second life as holy creatures.

  “One of the holiest, most esteemed monks in the monastery was a monk named Mun-Ha. His best friend and prophet was a white cat with long fur and golden eyes the color of the goddess’s body. The cat’s name was Sinh, and it was always at the monk’s side.

  “One day, a gang of thieves broke into the monastery to steal the goddess’s statue. During the robbery, the thieves killed the esteemed Mun-Ha as he was praying to the goddess. Sinh the cat immediately jumped on its master’s body, and suddenly, a wondrous miracle occurred. The cat’s body changed and took on the color of the goddess’s body, and its eyes changed into a deep blue, just like her kind eyes. Its face, limbs, and tail changed into a brown color, like the color of the earth on which its lifeless friend lay. Finally, the monk’s soul entered the holy cat’s body.

  “The thieves saw that and fled the monastery in terror, realizing just how potent the goddess’s power was. That same day, all the monastery cats changed colors to Sinh’s color. And seven days later, Sinh died and took its master’s soul with it up to heaven. Since then, all the cats that come from the Lao-Tsun monastery lineage are called the ‘holy cats from Burma’ or Birman. That’s it.” She finished reading from the website.

  “It’s a very friendly breed, all in all. It’s so friendly that you mustn’t let it roam around freely outdoors because it’s not aware of the possible dangers. Isn’t that so, Pandi Wandi, cutie pie?” she said in a silly tone, and patted the cat.

  Then she got up, cleared the dishes, and led Ben back to his corner. Panda followed him with a lifted tail and fell asleep beside him.

  DAY 9

  Ben didn’t show Panda any affection, but the stubborn creature continued pestering him every so often during the day, even when he tried to drive it away. It seemed odd to him that Shira didn’t mind his relationship with the cat — That a cat she loved so much should befriend a person who hated her so much.

  The intercom buzzed around midday. He sat up on the mattress. Panda remained in his lap, taking his after-morning nap.

  “It’s the doorbell—it’s wired to the studio so I can hear it here too,” she explained. “But I’m not expecting anyone today.” She got up to check on it.

  Before she walked through the studio doors, she turned to him. “So you know, the studio is soundproof to noises inside and out.”

  His heart began to pound.

  Shira was gone for a short while and then came back. “It was just Mika, my nosy neighbor from up the road.” She sat back down at her desk. “She’s such a busybody… ‘Why haven’t I seen you in a month?’” She imitated Mika’s voice. “As if it’s her business. She asked for a half a cup of milk and left.”

  Ben sank back into his frustration. He was hoping that after a while, his friends or family members would start looking for him. Why weren’t they? Didn’t any of them notice he hadn’t reached his destination? Didn’t anybody know he’d missed his flight? Did anybody try to call him? Or maybe they tried but didn’t get through? Maybe they didn’t know where to look? Wasn’t it obvious that the first place they should look was Shira’s house? Many of his friends and colleagues knew he was heading there before his flight. Why hadn’t anyone showed up? If only one of them were suspicious enough to check. Not even one? Be
n stewed in his own juice of loneliness and frustration.

  “It’s funny when you think about it…but some people would be jealous of you,” Shira said after dinner.

  He was horrified by her comment but didn’t respond.

  “Think about it—you can’t do anything. I mean, it’s a perfect opportunity for you to destress and relax. I’m cooking fresh, homemade meals for you and taking care of all your needs. You can simply rest and breathe.” She inhaled deeply, as if for him. “Sometimes people seem to be forever chasing something and can’t enjoy the moment… That’s exactly the topic of my book. It’s strange how things overlap in life. So perhaps you can try to rest and enjoy the journey you’re taking now?”

  Ben exploded. “It’s fine for you to say—you’re not the one tied here with straps and collars on your neck!” he said quietly but angrily.

  “Umm…” He was gagged before he could say another word.

  “You’ll have the gag in for two hours,” she said.

  Ben was silenced.

  “I’m trying to explain to you that maybe you should stop looking outside of yourself. Think about how to make the most out of the situation you’re in.”

  No response.

  Shira sighed. She got up and collected the dishes. After she finished, she led the gaged Ben back to his spot. Panda jumped in his lap. He tried to shoo him, but failed. Two hours later, she went over to him and removed the mouthpiece.

  DAY 10

  Ben woke up early, troubled by some strange dream he couldn’t remember.

  Shira was still asleep. He sat up and cleared his head. Okay, he told himself, it’s time to think of an escape plan.

  He tested the straps, trying to see if they had loosened up a bit. Perhaps he could try to wriggle his way out of them in a few days, but for now, it was too early for such a plan. Maybe he could escape while still bound? Okay, what did he need for that? The collar must be detached from the chain. Shira is supposed to release it from the floor. She always unhooks one chain and then hooks another.

  He tried to imagine a scenario in which he could make her fall while holding the free chain in her hand. Maybe she would pass out from the fall, and maybe he could feel his way outside her house and perhaps find people who would help him. He was no expert in statistics, but he knew this scenario had a poor chance of succeeding and a good chance of severe punishment. He shuddered at the thought.

  Back to plan A: Wait for the straps to loosen. He had no better idea.

  Ben found himself bored again; Shira had not woken up yet. It’s so like her to be late, he thought. He didn’t know what time it was, but he felt it was late. He shook the metal chain and it made a loud clang.

  Shira woke up.

  “Wow. What time is it?” she asked. “I slept so well and I didn’t set my alarm.” She looked at Ben. “Good morning! Did you sleep well?”

  He nodded.

  “Great! I have a surprise for you today,” she said enthusiastically.

  They began the usual morning ritual slightly late. After they finished breakfast, she said, “Now I’ll take you back to your spot, get ready, and bring the surprise.”

  She led him back to the mattress. The studio was filled with the dragging noise of a heavy object. Shira placed it in the middle of the studio and unfolded it. When she finished arranging the object to her liking, she went over to him. “I brought in a professional massage bed that’s perfect for our needs. I can give you a massage. While you stretch your hands, I’ll tend to your back. Isn’t that great?”

  He was surprised but happy. His entire body was tight and stiff.

  She led him by the chain and helped him lie down on his stomach. She pulled on a wide strap that was tied to the bed and placed it across his head so that he couldn’t move and fastened it with a lock. Then she hooked another strap across his waist and locked that one too. Finally, a binding on each leg was also secured. She then pressed a clasp with two fingers, releasing one of his hands and then the other.

  Ben groaned; his arms were stiff. She helped him place them on the bed in a comfortable position. She rubbed aromatic oil on his body and began to massage his back and arms. He felt a pleasant sensation. His entire torso was stiff, and she helped his arms and muscles relax.

  He considered trying to get up, but the straps were tight and locked, thus preventing him from doing that, so even with his hands free, he couldn’t escape.

  “It’s nice, isn’t it?” she asked, and continued massaging his muscular body. “It’s quite nice on my end too.” She giggled. “It’s not every day that I get to massage such toned muscles.” She then added, “We’ll do these relaxations once a week, and then I’ll replace your hand straps. They can wear out and they also accumulate dirt.”

  Ben didn’t respond.

  Shira finished and went over to get the new bindings. He didn’t cooperate with her and tried to prevent her from grabbing his hands.

  “Would you like me to leave you like that on the bed and walk away?” she asked.

  He stopped resisting and let her do as she pleased, disappointed and desperate. His last resort for escape was crushed. Shira took off his old straps and threw them in the trash. After ensuring they were in order, she fastened the new ones. Finally, she hooked his hands behind his back to the belt with a clicking sound of the clasp. After he was released from the massage bed, he was led back to his spot for more introspection time.

  DAY 11

  “Wow, Ben, it’s been a week and a half since you started treatment, and look how far you’ve come!” Shira said encouragingly during lunch. “Some of the caretakers thought you were untreatable, but we showed them, didn’t we!”

  Ben wondered how to respond and finally nodded slightly.

  “Today I won’t keep you company at dinner. I’ll prepare something light for you. I must go to the gym and work out a bit.”

  His face sank.

  Though he preferred not to admit it, he waited for those evening conversations to listen to another voice, not just the voice in his head. He felt bored and depressed the rest of the day.

  “I’m sorry. Up until now, I’ve kept my schedule open for you as you go through the initial adjustment, but now I want to get out of the house for a change of scenery.”

  Ben felt anger choking him. A change of scenery? I’m the one who’s tied here and cannot go anywhere for a change of scenery.

  “Don’t worry,” she continued. “There are microphones wired in every corner of the studio, so if something happens, I’ll hear it on my headphones in real time. Which also means you can’t speak even if I’m not around… I can hear everything!” She laughed.

  He snorted angrily.

  Evening came. Shira prepared Ben a deluxe sandwich made of rye bread she had baked that morning, stuffed with cold chicken breast, creamy avocado, and fresh vegetables. She fed him and gave him water from a bottle. She rushed to get dinner over with so she could get ready to leave.

  “All right, I’m off… Kissy!” She left her house for the first time since Ben “moved in” with her.

  He waited for some time to pass.

  “One, two, three—can you hear me?” he said in a hoarse voice. He cleared his throat. “Testing, one, two, three—that’s better.” He sounded less hoarse. “I hope you can hear me, Shira, and that I’m not just talking to an empty space.”

  She could hear him.

  “I waited for you to go away so I could speak freely without being interrupted.” He thought himself very sophisticated. “Now, listen up, you insolent chick! You think you’ve managed to overpower Ben Brattler… Well, you’re not playing in your league! You belong with the simpletons: people who live their boring lives day in and day out and are grateful when they receive their monthly paycheck. In my league, the elite league, the world is far brighter, and you want some of that; you want some of that luxury I exud
e, which I’ve worked for every day. Well, I won’t let you taste even a sliver of it!

  “Aww, the world is so rosy and beautiful and charming, and I’m a happy little bee.” He mocked her tone of voice. “None of the other caretakers could manage you, but I can.” He went on mocking her. “You’re so pleased with yourself, aren’t you? Well, let me tell you—no one overpowers me!” he said furiously. “No one!

  “You think you’re threatening me? You think I’m intimidated by you? A few days ago, you said I wouldn’t last three days without food, but that’s boloney; it doesn’t bother me one bit. I traveled all the way to a remote village in Japan when I was sixteen, in the cold and rain of a foreign country, to study aikido under strict rules! The only reason I cooperated with you is because you didn’t give me much choice…like a stupid little girl who tied me up and now I’m at her mercy.

  “Yes, yes, you can hear me all right,” he went on perversely. “I can also read people, even better than you. I got you. You’re just a little girl trapped in an older woman’s body. It’s time you grew up and behaved according to your age. You think you’re all-powerful…that you’re actually ‘treating’ someone like me…and what is this all about? There’s no treatment here, is there? You’re just abusing people until you break their souls! And then you probably say, ‘Wow, what a change.’ I’ll tell you what the change is! The poor bastard has no soul left! You’re deranged. Insane! You’re all insane! You hear that?”

  Shira stormed into the studio. He heard her and shut his mouth. She went over to him. Metal cuffs clicked onto his legs. He was dragged on the floor by his legs, attempting to resist but failing to do so. The leg cuffs were hooked to a metal loop on the floor.

  She pulled the collar chain until his head was also glued to the floor, where she hooked the collar to another loop. The distance between his legs and head was relatively small, so his body was folded in an uncomfortable position on the floor.