The following days passed on the same positive note. Both Shira and Ben noticed the change, and time went by peacefully.
DAY 58
One evening, Shira said, “Look how times flies. It’s been two months. You seem to be really coming along. You feel that too, don’t you?”
Ben nodded and smiled.
“I’m really glad. If all goes smoothly, your release will be here soon.”
His grin became larger.
“Yes. I hesitate to say this, but you may even be a free man within two weeks.”
The smile left his face.
“Come on, what are two more weeks for you?” she said. “But I’m getting sidetracked from the topic I wanted to discuss with you today.” Her voice took on a more serious tone. “Because we can see the end from here…” She found it somewhat hard to continue. “…I don’t want to make it difficult… I just haven’t found any other time to talk about it. Maybe it’s better to do it now, when you’re reaching the end of your changing phase and your mind is open to listening… Do you understand?”
He shook his head. He didn’t comprehend what she was talking about.
“Yes, of course you don’t. I didn’t really start on the subject…” She chuckled for a moment but quickly regained her serious tone. “I must clear that Josephine matter, remember? Fred’s girlfriend?”
He remembered.
“I called a few people who were in on the matter at that time…and I finally spoke to Josephine herself…just a few days ago.”
Ben’s heart constricted.
“She told me a pretty gruesome story, very different than what I got from you or what you told Fred.”
He didn’t move.
“She told me you tried to come on to her after her relationship with Fred became more serious. She rejected you, and because she didn’t want to cause a conflict, she didn’t tell Fred. But she said that when Fred was sent by you out of town for work, you invited her over to your place under the pretense of preparing a surprise party for his thirtieth birthday. Is that true?”
He was frozen in place.
“She thought it was your way of mending your friendship for Fred’s sake. She told me that she had fun that night and enjoyed herself, and that you hosted her respectfully. After you parted, she went back home feeling good.
“But then a few days later, Fred received a video from you showing Josephine arriving at your place, but ending up in bed with you. You also showed him a few pictures of you kissing her in your car.
“You told him you only did it for his sake and for your friendship’s sake, to prove some point to him, right? And Fred found it hard not to believe the pictures and video his good friend supplied, even though Josephine denied the whole story. She left town humiliated.”
Ben remained motionless.
“I couldn’t get ahold of the video, but I saw the pictures. They seem too fuzzy. I saw how much effort you put into getting back at Don for what he said at the hotel… What did you use this time? A double? A digital photo editing expert? It’s nothing to you, right?” She prodded him, awaiting a response that never came.
“Could Fred have hurt you that much? I guess it was something very serious… Perhaps he grew distant from you? Perhaps he preferred to spend time with Josephine instead of you? Maybe Josephine didn’t like your attitude, and he was siding with her on the matter? Or maybe you couldn’t bear the thought that someone as special as her preferred your friend over you?” She sighed.
“I think it would be good for you to think about these things. Your treatment will be over when you understand.”
Shira got up, cleared the dishes, and went to wash them in the kitchenette, leaving Ben on his chair like a statue frozen in time. After she finished, she moved him to his spot without saying a word and sat in front of the computer. He stretched his muscles, got up, and performed a few complex, spectacular exercises. It seemed as if he had no fear in him. After a few nice levels, he jumped with both his legs in an attempt to perform a twisted kick, but his leg got caught on the chain and he fell on his face this time. Though it didn’t really hurt, his nose began to bleed. Shira ran over to him and tried to drag him back to the mattress. He resisted and attempted to shake her off.
“Come. I won’t allow you to continue today; your nose is bleeding.” She yanked him with the chain.
“No!” he suddenly blurted with uncontrolled anger.
She insisted, and he had no choice but to return to the mattress. She hooked him up to the short chain so he couldn’t stand. She left and came back with tissue paper to stop the bleeding.
“Open your mouth,” she said a few minutes later, when the bleeding had stopped.
Ben shook his head.
“I won’t ask again.”
He opened his mouth and the object he loathed was shoved in.
“I’ll remove it in two hours,” she said, and left.
When she came back, he was seated in the same spot. She took the gag out and sat down next to him.
“I know it’s very important to you to show the world you’re strong and that nothing gets to you… But I think you’re ready to let go and admit to yourself, too, that it’s hard sometimes. Not everything works out the way we want, and we’re allowed to admit our hardship sometimes.”
She watched him, but he didn’t move.
He wondered what to do next. Shira probably expected some kind of a response from him. He had to prove to her that he was ready to be released, but how? After thinking it over quickly, he concluded that he needed to have another breakdown, a real one—she had to see him cry. Ben tried to think about something sad, but nothing came to him. He searched for true sadness in his past, something that would make him tear up, so that she would buy his act.
Images came from all directions: getting accepted to work with his father and his previous jobs, Fred’s smiling face when they graduated together. He kept searching his more distant past. He finally returned to the night when his big, admired brother, Joe, left for a faraway country. He felt like his whole world crumbled. He was only ten years old then, and he and his mother went to see Joe off at the airport. His mother was a little drunk and fell asleep on one of the benches. Little Ben gave his brother one final hug.
Tears rolled from his eyes. He wept faintly.
“Oh, Ben, you can let it all out. It’s okay to cry,” Shira said.
He kept sobbing. He felt bad and he wanted to show her that. He leaned on her.
“Let it all out,” she whispered. “I’m here for you.” She caressed his head.
The crying lasted a few moments and finally stopped.
Shira kissed him on his forehead. “Good night. You’ll feel much better tomorrow.” She covered him with the blanket.
He took a few breaths until he calmed down. In his mind’s eye, he saw himself getting on stage, thanking all the supporting cast, and receiving the golden statue with his charming smile.
This small victory over Shira reminded him of the last test he took in Japan.
❧
Toward the end of the first year, the sensei decided that Ben needed another lesson.
“I want you to practice with Katsuo and learn how to knock him down to the floor without hurting, hitting, or kicking him.” His decision came after a practice in which Katsuo was especially beaten.
On the day of the test, Ben tried his hardest to throw down Katsuo but failed to do so. Katsuo smiled mockingly.
“You better fall or you’ll regret it,” Ben muttered quietly so that the sensei wouldn’t hear.
“Why? What will you do to me?” Katsuo answered provocatively. “Give me one punch and you’re out of here.” Katsuo laughed at him after evading another failed attempt to knock him down. He wanted Ben to get mad, lose control, and be expelled from school, but the new Ben knew how to keep the anger inside and res
train himself.
“You didn’t make it today; try again tomorrow,” The sensei said at the end of the test.
Ben felt that the only way to pass the impossible test was to convince Katsuo to cooperate. That night, when Katsuo was on his way back to his room after showering, a stranger jumped on him, put a black sack over his head, stripped him of his clothes, and dragged him to the yard, where he tied him to a tree. After he finished fastening the ropes, the stranger removed the head covering. Katsuo was startled. Before him was a large, tall man. His face was painted black, and only his eyes shone in the dark.
“Who are you? What do you want from me?” he asked in terror.
“Don’t you recognize me?” Ben asked quietly.
“Ben? You look different… What are you doing?” Up until then, Katsuo had not been afraid of Ben, but this time, his rival was surrounded by a dark, unnerving aura.
“I told you you’d regret your actions today,” Ben said in a sly tone. He placed the bag back on the other teen’s head.
A moment later, Katsuo felt a cold, slimy animal crawling on his leg. “Ah! Take it off, take it off!” The boy went wild inside the ropes.
“Will you cooperate with me on the test tomorrow?”
“Yes, yes! Just take it away from me!” the teen yelled. A stream of warm liquid ran down his legs.
Ben laughed mockingly. He released Katsuo, and the boy ran away as fast as he could. He still had the sack over his head and bumped into another person he couldn’t recognize.
“Katsuo?” The sensei asked, surprised at the sight of the naked, terrified youth. “What is all this about?”
Katsuo felt so embarrassed in front of the sensei that he decided to run away from him too. The teacher saw Ben out of the corner of his eye.
“Ben, come here at once!” The sensei shouted. He sounded like he had lost his cool. Ben had no time to hide the ropes, and the sensei quickly understood what had happened.
Ben approached the sensei. The black makeup on his face managed to startle even his esteemed, calm teacher.
“Go wash your face this minute! Then come to my office!” The sensei demanded.
Once in the office, while standing next to Ben’s chair, the sensei asked sternly, “What have you done to Katsuo? He won’t talk to anyone.”
The teen lowered his gaze; this felt even worse than the conversations he’d had with his father.
“You felt you gained some power, so you abused it in a mean way?”
Ben remained silent.
The sensei waited for a response—perhaps the youth did have a good reason for his actions. The instructor desperately wanted a logical explanation, but his student stayed silent.
“In that case, I want you to pack up your belongings and leave the school tonight. I don’t want to see you here anymore. Don’t even try to come back, or I will call the police!”
It all happened so fast. That same night, Ben flew back home.
Luckily, his father had found a private school to accept him. To everyone’s surprise, not only did he behave properly, he also excelled in all the classes and became a diligent, goal-oriented student. The subject of the military academy was never mentioned again.
Ben continued to study aikido and martial arts, but he never told anyone what had happened in Japan or why his beloved teacher expelled him from the school.
DAY 59
The following day, after breakfast, Shira left to run errands and Ben remained alone for his introspection time.
He hoped that the topic of his release would come up again that day in light of the positive direction their relationship had taken.
He was deep in thought, when suddenly there was a strange noise.
“Oh!” He heard an embarrassed, unfamiliar female voice. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was interrupting you. I just wanted to ask Shira for a cup of sugar. I didn’t know she had company… I’m Mika the neighbor… I apologize again.”
Mika hurried out. Ben heard her footsteps as she rushed to the next room. Thoughts were racing through his mind—should he do it? Was he being tested again? Was this another trick? Should he try, in case it was real, so that he wouldn’t miss out on a chance of escaping? Shira was so unpredictable. He had to seize any opportunity that came his way!
“Wait a minute,” he said in a loud but hoarse voice.
“No, no; I’m sorry I interrupted you. Good-bye.”
Ben thought quickly. “Help me!”
The footsteps stopped and a moment later made their way back slowly.
“Do you need help?” Mika hesitated.
“Yes, I’m held here against my will.”
She approached him and sat in front of him. “Okay… Let me just take these off…” She removed his blindfold. She was surprised to see another bandage on each eye.
“Don’t move,” she said so she could remove the bandages slowly and gently without inflicting any pain.
“Ah,” Ben muttered, trying to open his eyes without getting blinded by the sunlight that entered the studio.
“What is this? What’s going on here? Do you want me to call the police?” the neighbor asked in concern.
“I don’t want to talk here, and definitely don’t call the police. I want to get out of here as quickly as possible.”
Mika nodded in agreement and rushed to remove the collar and then the arm straps.
He was free.
“Okay, let’s go over to my place, and we’ll call your family to come and pick you up from there.”
He agreed, but he couldn’t open his eyes. Mika offered him her sunglasses. He was also barefoot. He grabbed the first slippers he could find, which belonged to Shira, and left her house quickly.
He was out.
He couldn’t believe he was finally free, all of a sudden and with such ease. He squinted, his eyes still blinded by the bright sunlight, and followed the woman’s fuzzy image. He looked ridiculous, wearing female shades and pink, fluffy slippers. But he didn’t notice that. He only cared about not losing Mika.
Mika was a petite woman, well-dressed, with short, curly hair. Her clothing stood out against the blinding background of the daylight, and he managed to follow her. Walking under the beating sun was hard for Ben, and he began to sweat. The short path to her house seemed to him like a long journey, whereas for Mika, it was just a short walk. After about ten minutes, they reached her cool, pleasant home.
“You’re welcome to sit down,” she said.
Ben sat on the couch in the well-designed living room.
“Would you like something cold to drink?” she offered.
“Yes.”
Mika gave him a glass of cold lemonade and sat down opposite him.
“So what happened? Is my neighbor dangerous? Should I be afraid?”
“No… No, that’s hardly the case,” he said distractedly, sipping the lemonade, which was cold and tasty, just as he imagined it. He recalled Shira saying that this woman was quite the gossiper, and after giving it a brief thought, he continued. “The truth is, I decided I don’t want to talk about it, and I ask that you forget what you saw. Just give me a phone or cell phone so I can call someone to pick me up from here.”
She was in no hurry to get up. “But it’s my neighbor down the hill. I’d like to know if I should protect myself.”
“You don’t have to worry. I know people who will take care of her, and she will regret the moment she met me.” He felt the revenge he so longed for was close to materializing. But something in him wasn’t as enthusiastic about it as he had expected.
“What are you going to do to her?” Mika asked bluntly.
Ben finished the entire glass of lemonade. He was very thirsty and it quenched his thirst. “I won’t harm her physically,” he said. “Shira gave me a long time to think about it. I’ll just make sure she’ll want to hide
in some hole and never leave it again.”
He didn’t want to talk about his plans for revenge, but he relished the very thought—or at least remembered he had enjoyed it. He noticed something bothering him—something in his voice no longer registered the excitement of revenge that had previously fueled him.
“But she took care of you and treated you. Why would you want to hurt her?”
“You call that treatment?” he raged. “She held me against my will and used me as she pleased… Wait, it sounds like you’re more concerned about her than about me… And how do you even know she treated me?”
“Oh, I just assumed so, since she used to be a registered nurse for a long time.”
Ben thought for a moment and then leaped off the couch and tried to run away. But when he got up, his head spun, and he fell back to a sitting position. He recalled experiencing that vague feeling before and looked at the innocent lemonade glass, which set him up—just like that wine glass that had started this whole process.
How did he fall into that same trap? Frustration overtook him as he fell asleep.
❧
He woke up slowly. His head was foggy, but a moment later he realized he had been drugged again as well as bound and blindfolded. He also realized he wasn’t in his usual spot at the studio. The voices became clearer, and he was able to listen to Shira’s conversation with another man.
“I really don’t know what to do. I was certain we had reached the target and were going to start the process of ending the treatment—he even patted Panda. I didn’t realize he was still so mean and insincere. I guess he put on a show for me—a really good one,” Shira said. She felt cheated. “What do I do with him now? None of my previous patients were stuck in the process like this.” She sounded desperate.
“Maybe you should give up. I won’t change,” Ben said in a hoarse voice.
“There’s no such thing as not changing. You have already changed! Perhaps not enough,” she quickly answered.
Someone shoved the gag into his mouth aggressively. This time, it wasn’t Shira.
The Light Between The Shadows Page 16