by B. E. Laine
Copyright © 2013 B. E. Laine
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.
License Notice
This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be resold or given away to other people. If you wish to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Disclaimer
This is a work of adult fiction. The author does not endorse or condone any of the behavior enclosed within. The subject matter is not appropriate for minors. Please note this novel contains profanity and explicit sexual situations.
Cover-Dark Dawn Creations
http://www.darkdawncreations.com
Editor-Kim’s Editing Services
https://www.facebook.com/KimsEditingServices2013
Interior Design by Angela McLaurin, Fictional Formats
https://www.facebook.com/FictionalFormats
August 25, 2008
Four years later …
Roommate
Club
Drew’s Car
Mistake
Saturday
Café/Park
Teenage-Adult Life
New Life
Drew’s Apartment
Boyfriend
Normal?
Bad to Worse
Time Flies
End of One Journey
Firsts
Falling Apart
Breaking Hell
Drew
Acknowledgements
About the Author
To Max,
You always knew the right words to say.
I miss you terribly.
I hope I will see you again one day.
Love, B
His text surprised me. Out of the blue, he said wanted to “talk” to me. Even after everything that had happened when he graduated a couple years ago? He pleaded with me that he wanted me to drive around with him tonight, and I couldn’t tell him no. One, you just don’t tell Jeremy no and two, he would have made a scene. We had gone driving like this a million times when we dated so I didn’t think it would hurt. I knew that asking my mother wasn’t going to go well so I told him that I would sneak out later. It wasn’t like I hadn’t sneaked out of my house time and time again before for him. I won’t dare let my best friend Daisy know what I’m doing because she would flip a lid! She always told me her brother was a player and to stay away from him. I still find myself putting my lip gloss on, making sure I smell decent, and that my attire is perfect. I also know what my mother and my sister, Kennady, would say, even though they did absolutely love him. I had to admit that he was perfect, but he also knew it … so did other girls.
Why am I so nervous? Well, I’m sure the main reason was because I’m sneaking out. I sat trying to calm myself, but it was no use. I actually did love the adrenaline rush I got when I would sneak out. Yes, I was an adrenaline junky. I’m sure that was the main reason I got into most of the trouble I had. My phone went off, making me jump, and I knew I had run out of time to calm these damn nerves or find a way out of it. I grab my purse, ready for this “talk” to be over with. I still didn’t know what we have left to discuss.
I take a deep breath and step out into the moonlight which, along with poor street lighting, was my only illumination on these creepy back roads. I’m extremely grateful for my simple attire of shorts and flip flops because of the late summer heat still lingering in the air. Then I spotted his tail lights, as he sat waiting for me up the road so my mother didn’t hear his rumbling car. I don’t know how he can talk me into the stupidest things. I have a boyfriend now that is simply amazing, and I know I need to turn around and go back into the house. Instead, with shaky hands, I open the door to his mustang and sit down in the low seats. I had done it a hundred times before, but I still had a feeling that I couldn’t shake. The music is playing so loud that I can barely hear myself think.
He takes off like a bad out of hell, as usual. I sit there waiting for him to talk, as the silence takes over. He wanted to talk, right? Isn’t that whole reason I’m sitting here? As he drove further into the dark, he reached to turn the music down, and I smell the stench of alcohol on his breath for the first time. Shit!
“Well, don’t you just look pretty tonight?” he slurred, as he drove into the night.
What the hell was I thinking? Obviously, nothing has changed since we were together. “What is it you wanted to talk about?” I asked, being straight forward.
“Oh, cutting right to the chase, huh?” he said, with his smartass mouth.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him looking at me. With the way he was driving, I thanked God that he knows these back roads like the back of his hand. I have to find a way to get myself out of this situation as fast as possible.
As calmly as I could, I said, “J, you’ve been drinking. Maybe you should take me back home and we can talk tomorrow, okay?”
“I want to talk to you tonight!” I jumped at the sound of anger in his voice. It was a contrast to two seconds ago when he was sucking up. Liquor sure does have a way of producing mood swings.
Not wanting to start an argument while he is driving me around, I tried to ease the tension in the car. “Okay, J, what is it that you want to talk about?”
He smirked “You better not sleep with him. I’m the only one that can have you.”
Hoping not to piss him off, but not going to agree with him either, I said, “He’s my boyfriend now. You need to let me go.” Even though Aaron and I are not sleeping together, Jeremy was my first and only, but he doesn’t have to know that.
I could see the pain on his face. He whispers, “Kare, I can’t.”
With those three simple words, I knew that tonight was not going to end well. “J, you graduated and are in college, I’m sure there are plenty of other girls that you can be with.” I was hoping to reason with him, but I knew it was probably hopeless.
He seemed amused. “You don’t think I know that?!”
Getting nowhere and wanting to go home, I pop off without thinking. “Oh, I remember from when we were dating!”
Suddenly, he slammed on his brakes. My hands flew up to keep me from flying face first into the dash, as he grabs my ponytail and pulls me to him. He was so close to my face that I tried to turn my head to escape the alcohol coming from his rapid breaths.
“You have obviously forgotten how to speak to me!” he said in a low growl.
“I’m s-sorry.” It was all I could think of to say.
With a grunt, he threw me back to my side of the car like a rag doll. I just sat there in a daze trying to think of what was wrong with him, besides being drunk. He had never really been physical with me before, just controlling. I sat there quietly, hoping he would calm himself.
“So you think since you have your pathetic little high school boyfriend that you can say what you want to me?”
I just sit here, wringing my shaking hands, hoping he can’t see how scared I am. I refuse to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me. I don’t dare to answer the question, either. I peek over to see his knuckles turn white, as he grips the steering wheel and tries to calm down. However, with the alcohol running through his veins, there was no way of that happening and I knew it.
“Answer me
!” he yelled, making me jump again.
“No, I’m sorry,” I said, hoping that would calm him down a little.
“That’s what I thought!” He glared at me.
“What did you want to talk about, J?”
“I want you.” His tone softened so much that I almost did a double take to see whom I was talking to.
Oh, my god. Not this again! “You broke up with me, remember?”
“So? I want you back now.” He can’t seriously be thinking that he can just drop me and pick me back up when it’s convenient for him.
I’m sure I had a dumbfounded look on my face when I looked at him. “I would love to be friends. I still care about you, but I don’t want to be with you. I’m sorry, J.”
He sat there, still gripping the steering wheel and staring out the front window. I can tell he’s not going to let it go this time so I try to contemplate a way of getting home.
I break the silence. “I’m sorry about what happened between us, but I’m happy now and I want you to be, too. I can walk home from here, okay?”
He sat quietly, looking deep in thought. As I go to move my hand towards the door handle, he grabs my arm. Before I could protest, he pulled me across the center console, opened his door, hauled me out, and slamming me up against the side of the car. He held my hands captive while pushing his hips into mine, making it hard to move. He leans down, almost touching noses. When I turned my head away, he released one of my hands to grab my jaw, forcing me to look at him. “Look at me!” Oh, god, it hurt!
I seized that opportunity to take my free hand and land a punch to the side of his face. It didn’t do much, but he backed away. He was more in shock than hurt, I believe. As soon as he let go, I try escaping. However, I didn’t get more than a step before I was jerked back by the hair, making me lose my balance. I stumbled to stand, the grip he had on my hair was almost unbearable. It felt like he was going to rip the flesh clean off of my scalp. Before I could say anything, he threw me back up against his mustang.
I look up to meet his cold blue eyes piercing back down at me. “So, you want it rough, huh?”
Oh, no! What is he thinking? That I really sneaked out of my house just to screw him? I have to try and talk him down from the dark place he’s in right now. I have seen him drunk, but not so out of it that he wasn’t acting like himself.
“Jeremy, look at me. I know you don’t want to hurt me so let me go. I’ll go home and you can go home, get some rest and sober up, then we can talk tomorrow, okay?”
He just stares down at me like he doesn’t know me. He finally says, “You’re not going anywhere. I don’t want to sober up, and I want you … NOW!” He said the last word through his gritted teeth. He puts both my wrists in his one hand, and tries to take my shorts off with the other.
Realizing that he was serious and determined to keep to his word, I start trying to struggle out of death grip he had on my hands, but it was pointless. He’s stronger than me, but I was not going to just stand there and let him do what he wanted. I try to knee him in the groin but, even in his drunken state, he registered what I was doing and dodged the blow. With his free hand, he backhanded me across my right cheek, making my head snap to the left. I probably would have fallen to the ground with as much force as he used, but his hands still had a death grip on my wrist. I have never been hit before and, holy shit, it hurt! First there was excruciating pain, then came the burn. He grabbed my jaw, holding it so tight that if I didn’t already have a bruise from the blow, I was definitely going to have one now.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but that was not a very smart move, sweetheart.” He sounded confident that he had the upper hand in the situation. Who was I kidding? He did, but I wasn’t giving up that easily. He should know that about me, especially after how determined I was to work on our relationship after the second time he cheated on me. Love … more like lust … is blind.
I refuse to give up, refuse to think he’s won.
I feel his hands loosen. He’s so sure of himself, thinking I was just going to give in and have sex with him, that I take advantage. I pull my hands from his and take off toward the road. I make to the front of his car, where the headlights still glare into the darkness, when I feel his hands on my back, shoving me to the ground. I land on the rocky gravel and I feel his body holding me down. He goes to get up, but only enough to turn me on my back. The sharp pointed stones are digging into my back as he leans his weight on me, ignoring my wails.
“I want to see you while I make love to you!”
This is not making love, I thought, but I didn’t dare to speak.
He grabs my wrists in his hand again. I try to use my legs to push him off of me, but it is useless under his body weight. For the first time, I think that he’s going to get by with it. No! I can’t give up, can’t let him win. I have to keep telling myself that. As he shifts his weight to pull my shorts down, I try to escape again. He slams me down, making me cry out in pain. Before I realize it, he had ripped my panties free and was unzipping his jeans. He leans up to open my legs and I try to push away from him, screaming and pleading, “JEREMY! No! Please! Stop!”
His fist connects with my face, knocking me back down. ”SHUT UP...stupid bitch!”
I open my eyes and see a blurry outline of his car and the bright lights glaring in my face. I can barely see the outline of a person I don’t know anymore. I cry out in pain, as he forces himself into me. I don’t know if the pain was the rocks cutting into my back, my face pulsing from when he hit me, or him slamming into me. I just lay here, knowing that no one could hear my screams and he was not going to stop. I stay mute because I will not giving him the satisfaction of hearing me cry out. Every time, he slammed into me more forceful than before, grinding my raw back against the rough gravel.
It seemed like a lifetime that I lay here, praying that he was going to stop soon, but it really only lasted about five minutes. All I can do is think about all he had just taken from me. He got done, stood up, and said, “It wasn’t even worth the fight.” His words don’t even faze me. I feel like I’m broken, no words could compare to the pain I feel after what he had done.
I try to slowly sit up, knowing I just had to get as far away from him as I could right now. While he was putting himself back together, and not knowing if my legs would cooperate for me to stand, I try to move any way I could to just get away. All I can see is darkness beyond the tree-lined back road.
Suddenly, he grabs my upper arm, hauling me up so fast that I get dizzy. I thought he was done! Oh no! Why … what is he going to do with me now? “I’m taking you home.”
He hands me my shorts, talking like he would talk to me every day, like nothing had just happened. Is he kidding me? I do not have the energy to fight anymore. I stand and try to put on my shorts, but the muggy heat of the summer night makes it more difficult than it should be. They cling to my legs in my attempts to drag them up my tattered legs.
He leads me to the passenger side of his car. I surrender, not knowing if I could resist him anymore. He opens the door and blandly puts me in the seat. How can he act like this after what he had done to me?
I sit with a numb feeling, while I watch him walk around the car to get into the driver’s seat. That’s when I notice that the car is still running. He climbs in, puts it into drive, and punches the throttle so hard that it throws me back into the seat. I want to cry out, but I make no sound. I don’t have anything left in me; he has taken it away. I am broken pieces now, and they are scattered on the side of some back road.
When I get home, I absentmindedly crawl into my bed. My comforter hugs me, as though it knows what I need. I don’t know if I’m trying to process what just happened, or try to pretend it didn’t happen. I have heard of having an out-of-body experience before, but I honestly never believed that it was as true as it sounded. I know I’m lying on my bed, but it seems as if I’m not here anymore. The pain on my face and back reminds me that I’m still alive. I would take t
his pain over the pain inside that he has made me feel any day. I don’t know how I will ever be able to move on or be whole again.
My pesky roommate will be the death of me. For some reason, after we have lived together this whole school year, she now wants to coax me into going out with her. Really? We don’t even communicate unless it deals with our room. However, here she is going out of her way to make … what? Amends? It’s Friday night and I haven’t been out with other people, besides classes and work, since high school. There is no way that this will go well. What the hell am I thinking?
I sit on the edge on my decrepitude dorm bed sweeping my feet across the icy floor, staring at my roommate’s perfect figure, perfect hair, and listening to her outgoing personality. I start to rethink my decision. “Lauren, I really think you should just go and have fun tonight. I don’t want to be a burden,” I say, hoping she falls for it.
Crazy how you can go to school for three years and not know anyone, except the person you had to share a room with or people you worked with. It was easier that way, not letting anyone break down the walls that I had built up. At school and work, it was easy to act like the person I wanted to be, no one ever thought twice about it, but I stayed away from the friendship or personal level. Knowing that, if anyone found out about my past, the only thing that would come out of it would be pity. That was the last thing I wanted. That’s why I opted to keep to myself after that night.
Everyone around me knew something had changed, but I guess they knew better than to ask so they all just backed away from me. The fact that it was that really easy for them to walk away told me all I needed to know. Sometimes I wish they would have pushed me to tell them, but they didn’t. I’m sure no one wanted to deal with the drama, or maybe it was the way I turned into a zombie my last year of high school that made no one want to deal with me. Even my boyfriend at the time, who I thought would have been there for me through thick and thin, turned away and wouldn’t let me finish telling him the story after I said I went to talk to Jeremy. He threw his hands up and said he was done with me, and that was all because of the rumors he had heard when we first got together. After that distinct rejection, I didn’t try to tell anyone else.