by B. E. Laine
I hear her yell, “Be careful!” as I close the door on my way out.
I call him one more time, straight to voicemail again. I am so scared that something horrible has happened. I have always said things can never be this good, something always has to go wrong. It’s freezing out and I forgot my jacket, but I don’t care. I am not cold anyway because the adrenalin running through me is enough to keep me warm.
I am amazed that I made it to his street in half the time without getting pulled over. I pull into the parking lot next to the center and let out a breath I did not even know I was holding. His car is here, I suck in another chilly breath … there is another car here, too. Maybe one of the guys that work out here left their car … yeah, right. I know that is not Kenny’s car, and it’s too late for anyone to be training so there is only one thing that car could be here for.
I go to put the car in reverse because I don’t want to know. I am not strong enough to handle this. Everyone has a short relationship throughout college. You have to learn to let go. Hmmm, where have I heard that before?
I sit in my car, debating whether I should leave or face the problem. All the things he taught me … to be strong; to stop letting people run over me; to take control, if not for myself then for my future. Well, looks like my future with him just went to shit. He wanted me stronger? Here I am.
I walk with confidence. Oh, who am I kidding? I am pissed. He ignores me all day, no phone call or anything, and now has somebody else at his apartment at eleven o’clock at night? Not going to fly.
I make it to his door before I realize where I am. My hands are shaking, my nerves are shot. Then I get frantic. Would he really cheat on me? Here I was worried about his safety while he is getting it on with some bimbo. This irritates me even more since he is the one that wanted to wait. Now I know why! That was enough encouragement to knock … no, beat on the door.
When the door swings open, there’s a poor, skinny woman standing there. I am taken back when I see her. She has dark circles under her eyes, and looks to be way older than she really is. She is wearing some slutty clothes, but she looks like she would be pretty if she cleaned up a bit.
My eyes finally make it back to her face, where her brows are raised, and grimy hands on her boney hip. She is much older than I thought. “Hello?!” she says, as she waves her dirty hand in front of my face.
“Who is it?” I hear his voice holler from his bedroom!
I have no idea where I got the balls to do what I did next. I push past the skanky woman and walk directly to his bedroom. When I come around the doorway, he is putting on a shirt. I freeze.
He’s pulling the shirt over his head so he can’t see who is standing there when he says, “Who was at the …” He stops when he sees me.
“What the hell, DREW?” I shriek.
A look of panic covers his face. “What are you talking about, baby?”
“Oh, do not even play those fucking games with me! You have ignored me all night! I come here to make sure you are okay, find another car in the parking lot, and then some woman answers the door!”
I want to leave; I should leave, but I want to know what the hell he has to say for himself. He exhales. “Baby, it is not what you think. She is my …”
I don’t let him finish, and throw my hands up. “I can’t do this, Drew.” I turn and walk away.
He follows into the living area and I note that the skank is nowhere in sight, but the bathroom door is shut. Hmm …
He grabs my arm to stop me and I jerk away from his hold. I cross my arms and glare at him. He is running one hand through his hair, the other hands on his hip. He extends his hand, trying to reason while he talks. “Will you give me a minute to explain?”
I look up at him through my lashes and give him a stern nod. Then I look back down, focusing on the wood grain in the floor. “Will you please come with me?” he pleads.
I gesture with my arm and he starts to walk towards the front door. I follow him down the metal stairs, and he keeps walking until he gets to the main fighting ring in the middle of the massive room. He leans back on it, crossing his legs and arms. I just stand there waiting. He should be the one talking.
He takes a deep breath. “She is my mother,” he says, somewhat embarrassed. I look at him in utter shock. “I know I should have called you. I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to have to see this. She is a drug addict and a drunk. She only comes to me when she wants money. I have been trying to call rehab places all evening and talk her into going, again. I didn’t mean to ignore you.” He goes on to explain his mom’s situations that she gets herself into and how he has to help her.
He was not cheating on me. He was trying to help his mom. I deserve all the guilt of accusing him and the hurt of thinking he was capable. “I just assumed … Oh, Drew, It is me who should be sorry!” I look down, feeling tears prick my eyes. Geez, again? I feel so lousy. I know what a good guy he is, yet I put him down.
He takes a step towards me, grasping my chin and making me look at him. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. I’m sure I would have assumed the same if things were reversed … even though you should know by now that I would never do that to you.” He kisses my forehead. “I love you.”
That is when I break into a full blown bawl bag, “I-I’m s-sorry.” I fall into his strong arms, laying my head on his chest. Twenty minutes ago, I thought I would never get to be in this spot again and that makes me cry harder. He stays quiet and just holds me.
When I am able to talk, I tell him, “It has been a very emotional day. Lauren and I moved into an apartment downtown and I wanted you to be the first one to know, but you wouldn’t answer your phone. Then I was scared that something had happened to you …,” I say, as I wipe the last of the tears.
“You don’t have to explain yourself, and I know about the apartment already. Lauren told me yesterday. I am happy for the both of you, even though my bed is always available.”
“It still is?”
“Always, baby, always,” he mumbles, as he pulls me back to him.
There comes a time when you have to say goodbye to one life and hello to another. I did that not three-and-a-half years ago. I will be doing it again tonight. “Ouch …” I give Lauren dirty looks in the mirror, as she finishes up my hair for graduation tonight.
She’s done a damn good job at making my hair look … well, just do anything, for that matter. I don’t understand why I have to get all dolled up for tonight. I still have not achieved my goal … yet. Is a dress really necessary? I don’t think so, especially when it is forty degrees out. She insisted that I needed to be dressed up, but I do love the pea coat she loaned me to wear over my dress.
It is off-white with back buttons going down the front across from each other. I am hoping the shawl collar will help keep me warm tonight. The skirted bottom looks like it is going to cover the bottom of my short black dress. I do have to say that I feel a little sexy, though. The ruffles flowing down the front accentuate my breasts, and they connect with the opposing ruffles coming around my sides, which makes me look thinner than I am. I like it.
As I step into my black heels, which are coated with red on the underside, I realize that this dress is really short. I’m worried about Drew’s reaction. Maybe I can hide it for a little while with my pea coat, then my graduation gown.
I slip the crisp white pea coat on. There is no telling how much she paid for this. It is so soft and, just as I suspected, it covers the dress.
I look in the mirror. I don’t recognize the girl looking back at me … the expensive clothes, the overdone make-up, the perfectly curled hair hitting right above my breast. Any other time I would say this is not me, but maybe this could be a new me. The past is the past; I have a future to look forward to. I will be damned if I’ll let what has happened to me in the past affect my future.
“Kara! You are going to be late!” Lauren bellows from the foyer.
“I’m coming, I’m coming! Hold your horses!” I grabbed the
loaned purse that she said “totally matched,” making sure I have my necessities, and walked towards the living room.
“What horses?” she asks, looking confused.
I giggle. “Never mind. Let’s go.”
The graduation ceremony was angelic; blue and white flowers along with sheer white tool decorated the massive stadium that I had yet to see until tonight. Three-and-a-half years and I have never stepped foot in here.
Not surprisingly, my mother called to inform me that they could not make it. Even though I knew better, I thought that because her first born was going to be graduating college, maybe she might show some interest. She didn’t even say anything about it not even taking four years, not an “I’m so proud” or “Congratulations” … nothing.
I am so thankful for my “celebration dinner”, as they are calling it. I could not ask for a better friend than Lauren, and I don’t know where to begin to explain what Drew has made me feel these past few months. Even though I wish my only other friend I have in the city would show his face tonight, I guess I can’t have it all. I already made sure that Lauren invited him to dinner when she talked to him last week. Guess we will see if he shows.
The restaurant is posh, that is for sure. It’s not normally my kind of place, but tonight I feel like I fit in. Lauren blends in like she has done this her whole life, which she has, and Drew just has this sophisticated look to him. He fits in anywhere and no one would dare tell him otherwise.
This is the first time that Drew will see me without my coat on and see the short black dress! He arrived late to the ceremony so he didn’t get a chance to see me before I had my graduation gown on. The coat guy takes my coat off my shoulder. I don’t see Drew’s glare burning through me, but I sure can feel it.
I look up to see his eyes burning. I try to put on a smile as I slip my arm through his, gesturing towards our table where Lauren is waiting on us. He is taken back for a second, then composes himself. He leans down as we are walking and rumbles in my ear, “That’s too short for public, but I will enjoy taking it off of you later.” There is so much promise with that statement.
He pulls my chair out, then sits himself. I sit quietly, wondering why he is acting different. I brush it off, as Lauren pulls me into conversation about graduation and my plans now. I tell her about the application I put in for graduate school and that I’m waiting to hear back, even though I don’t know how I will afford it. Student loans, here I come.
That makes Drew speak for the first time. He starts on the same speech I have heard for the last three weeks about how I don’t need to worry about the money; and if I want to go, then I should go. I refuse to let him pay for my schooling, but I say nothing when he gets done. The waiter arrives to take our drink orders. When I look up, a familiar face catches my eye.
I automatically stand up and start striding towards him. He looks more stunning since last time I saw him. My eyes are drawn to his black skinny jeans with subtle rips throughout them. He fills the jeans out well. The studded belt is resting low on his hips, connecting with his fitted black shirt. He finishes the rocker look with a black leather jacket.
His jet black hair has grown a bit, but he has it styled up. His tattoos are poking out of his shirt onto his muscled neck. Wait, he has bulked up since I last saw him. However, Kace has a lean look to his muscles, compared to Drew’s stocky build. He still has those piercings, which I’d call ugly on anyone else, but they could never be that on Kace.
When my eyes finally lock on his, he is standing in front of me with his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. “Like what you see?” he says, cocky.
That breaks my trance. Shit, was I just checking Kace out? I smirk, shaking my head and go to him and engulf him in a hug. With my arms wrapped around his neck, I mummer, “I missed you.” He squeezes harder.
I eventually break away when Lauren comes over to give him a hug, too. I try to make it look like we normally do that. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I pretty much attacked him with a hug. Oh, shit! I casually turn back to Drew and take my seat. Even though we both made it clear at the beginning of our relationship that there wouldn’t be anyone else, I have never known him to actually be jealous. Right now, I would be wrong in that assumption.
It is written all over his face. I just keep looking down to avoid eye contact because I can feel the anger radiating off of him. He keeps quiet, but I see him nod at Kace. I hope my foolish actions haven’t ruined the night. While Kace and Lauren take their seats, I chance a look at Drew. He has a deadly look on his face. I follow his gaze to find him burning holes in Kace’s head. This is not going to be a good night. Maybe I can calm him down if I get him to look at me.
I place my hand on his thigh to advert his attention to me, but all I get is an ugly side glance. I decide that I am not going to let his attitude ruin the whole night. I have two other friends that are here to celebrate with me. “So, Kace, where have you been hiding?” I say, putting up my best façade.
He turns and smiles. “Oh, ya’ know, here and there. Been busy with gigs and stuff.”
“Oh so the band is doing well then?”
“Yeah, we go on tour this summer,” he says proudly.
Lauren chirps up then. “Oh, you better tell us where and when. I wanna go!”
“Yeah, don’t leave your friends hanging!” I say.
Lauren and Kace continue the conversation about his tour. I take that opportunity to see if I can get Drew to lighten up a bit. “Hey, is something wrong?” I say in a low voice.
His reply is cold as steel. “Don’t act stupid, Kara.”
I give him a look of confusion, and he narrows his eyes at me like I should know. I know something else is bothering him because he was acting weird before Kace showed up. I know that is one of the problems, but I can tell he’s off tonight. I shut up and listen to my two friend’s conversation, and then we get our food. That takes some of the heat off of the situation.
I try to make small talk with Lauren and Kace, considering Drew is not talking at all. I know Lauren has picked up on his mood because she gave me a questioning look, but I just discreetly shrug my shoulders.
In the midst of the small talk, Drew placed his hand on my thigh. It feels possessive, and I do not like it. He needs to know I am his but that he doesn’t own me.
“So, Kace, where did you say your tour will be going?”
Drew squeezes my thigh; not enough to hurt, but enough for me to know that he knows what I am doing. Soon after that, he starts ordering drinks.
“Denver, Nashville, Houston. Oh, and your favorite Kar … LA!” Kace answers.
“Oh, really! Well, I will have to come to that one!” I say enthusiastically.
As soon as I finish, Drew’s hand squeezes my thigh harder. Without thinking, I make a face from the pain and try to slyly look at him. Kace catches my face and he glares at Drew. I try to put on a happy face, but I totally lost my appetite. I am assuming Drew also has since he stopped eating and starting drinking a half-hour ago.
I try to be good the rest of the night, and either shut up or talk to Lauren. Although, Kace has different plans because he keeps asking questions about my internship and my application. I answer his questions because it would be rude not to. I think that Kace knows it is pissing Drew off every time he talks to me, but he just doesn’t know that my leg is in excruciating pain. Every time I answer Kace’s question, Drew squeeze’s a little harder. I know he is just trying to get his point across and, believe me, I got it. The alcohol is making it ten times worse, though.
Finally, the night is coming to an end. With some encouragement from Drew, Kace is going to take Lauren back to our apartment. Maybe I can get him to talk but, seeing how drunk he already is, that is probably wishful thinking.
We all hug and say our goodbyes. Except, when I’m hugging Kace, Drew grabs my arm, pulling me away and telling me we have to leave. The look on my face is all it took for Kace to shove Drew’s shoulder. Oh, shit!
�
�Don’t touch her like that EVER again! Got it?!” Kace says with an eerie calmness, as he takes a step which makes him nose-to-nose with Drew. The first thing that comes to my mind is that I never noticed Kace was that tall. No, stop! I need to keep both of them calm.
“You do not tell me what I can and cannot do with MY girlfriend, you got it?!” Drew says not-so-calmly, getting right in Kace’s face. He’s asking for a fight, I know it. I have to stop this and now.
“Hey! Kace, I’m fine,” I say, looking up at him with my most encouraging voice. “Let’s go home Drew, okay?” I turn to Drew, who is enraged. I place a hand on his cheek, and he comes around enough to see me. He nods his head.
“No way am I letting you go anywhere with him, Kar! Come with us and let him go cool off.”
“No, it’s fine, Kace. I will call y’all tomorrow, okay?” I try to reason. Drew has the audacity to act proud of me deciding to go with him instead of them. This is going to be a long night.
“Call me at any time if you need me, Kar!” I just nod and turn to walk towards Drew’s car, not waiting for him.
I go to his driver’s side and wait for him to stumble over to me. I roll my eyes at his idiocy. “Give me your keys.”
“What?” he says, confused.
“Drew, you’re drunk,” I calmly reply.
“I can drive! Get in!”
“Uh …” I do, just to avoid more confrontation.
We sit so silently the entire way to his apartment, I think I might scream. On a good note, maybe he isn’t that drunk because he is driving perfectly fine. I made a couple failed attempts at talking, but he insists on ignoring me.
We make it to his loft in one piece. He gets out of the car and leaves me to fend for myself. I catch up a little, but I’m still at least ten feet away because he’s walking too fast for me to keep up. When I finally make it to his door, I see that he left it wide open for me, at least. I walk in, shut the door, and see him tilting a drink to his mouth, then slamming it onto the granite. Great!