by K. C. Mills
“What about you? You’re not exactly alone, are you?” she said defensively.
“I do what the fuck I want and you already know that, so this is not about me. This is about you. Look, I don’t wanna talk about that shit anymore. Come on let’s go to bed. I’m tired as fuck and I know your ass is in dire need of some sleep.”
I grabbed Rain around the waist and pulled her off the counter. Once she was on her feet, I guided her upstairs and when we reached my room, she turned like she was heading across the hall to the guestroom.
“Nah, come sleep with me,” I said as I caught her arm.
“I told you I’m not having sex with you tonight.”
“And again, did I say shit about that? I said sleep Rain, now bring your ass on. I’m not gone fucking rape your little ass. I just want you in my bed tonight.”
She looked at me as if questioning my motives, but finally broke down. We climbed into my bed and at first, she tried to keep her distance, but I wrapped my body around hers and held her tightly in my arms. She fit perfectly just the way she used to, and with my arms locked around her waist and my chin resting on her shoulder, we both lay there in silence as our breathing fell in sync. My mind quickly drifted to the last night that we were together like this and how it ended the next morning.
“Why you looking at me like that?” I asked Rain who was sitting in the center of the bed with the sheet pulled up to her chest as she held it in place.
“Do you think we’ll be like this forever?” she asked looking at me with sad eyes.
“Shit, I hope not,” I said with a smirk.
“So you don’t want forever with me?” she pouted.
“Chill Rain, that’s not what I meant. I’m talking about this shit. I hope that we’ll have our own shit one day. That’s all I meant.” I waved my hand around the hotel room that we were in. I refused to let our first time be on the street. She was better than that and I owed her more than that, so I pretty much spent almost everything we had for one night in a room so that we could be together.
“Good, because you’re all I want. I don’t care what we have or what we don’t have; as long as it’s you and me, then I’m good,” she said smiling. She looked so beautiful sitting here smiling at me like I was a god or something. In her eyes, I was her savior, her protector, and that shit ate me up every time I let her down and couldn’t give her the life that she deserved. She was better than me. I was only ever going to be a street nigga, but Rain had the potential to be so much more.
“Nah, you deserve more than this shit Rain, and I’m gonna make it happen. I don’t know how but I will. I promise you that. One day, I’ll make sure you’re living how you’re supposed to. Not like this bullshit we’re doing now.”
Before she could respond there was a knock on the door. It was violent and hard, which had me worried.
“Get dressed,” I said looking back at her, as I stepped into my jeans and then pulled my shirt over my head. I lifted my gun off the nightstand and slid it down the back of my jeans, and waited for Rain to be fully dressed before I moved to the door. I cracked the door and my heart dropped when I saw the night clerk that checked us in, along with two uniforms.
“Sir, open the door,” one of them said firmly.
Fuck. I looked back at Rain and she looked horrified. I was already eighteen and there wasn’t shit that they could do to me since I hadn’t committed any crimes that they knew of, but Rain was only sixteen and a ward of the state, so we both knew what that meant.
I opened the door and stepped aside as they all entered the room.
“I need to see some ID,” the officer said, looking from me to Rain and then around the room.
I mugged the night clerk hard as fuck because this was her damn fault. She had to have called.
“Ma’am, are you okay?” the officer asked, now focused on Rain.
She moved towards me looping her arm through mine, gluing her body to my side.
“I’m fine,” she said, looking him right in the eyes.
“Is that man paying you for sex?”
The fuck, they thought that Rain was a prostitute. I immediately got heated.
“Hell no. She’s not a fucking prostitute,” I yelled.
“Sir, calm down and please show us some identification.”
I glanced at Rain as I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket. I had a state ID that I had gotten to use for work, but I knew that Rain didn’t have one which meant that they were going to take her, and it would be a matter of time before they found out that she was a minor and a ward of the state. I could see the fear in her eyes as the officer peered at her.
Shortly after, I was watching as Rain sat in the back of police car and was being driven away. I knew then that it was likely that I wouldn’t see her again, and as they pulled away, my heart went with her. They were taking my heart.
I shook the thought and tightened my hold on Rain. That was a long time ago and she was here now. I kissed her on the shoulder and tried to ease my mind.
“I haven’t changed Rain. I’m still your Theory.”
She didn’t say anything, but her body relaxed a little more against mine and we both drifted off to sleep. I needed to figure out how to have her here with me like this, every night, and I was gonna make that happen. Even if it meant making her situation disappear.
-7-
Rain
When I made it home the next morning, I wasn't expecting Mel to be there because it was past the time he usually left for work, so it shocked me when I opened the door and he came rushing at me yelling.
“Where the fuck have you been all night? I’ve been calling you and you didn’t answer my calls or texts.”
I walked past him and dropped my purse on the counter. “I thought you needed space so I was giving you space.”
“Don’t be fucking cute, Rain. I was worried, damn.”
“Yeah, well as you can see I’m fine, so there’s no need for you to be worried.”
I walked into the bedroom and started stripping out of my clothes. It was after 8:00 and I needed to meet Diamond by 10:00, for a shoot of a new restaurant that one of the Hawks’ players was opening downtown.
“You’re so fucking ungrateful,” Mel said, grabbing my arm after I tossed my shirt on the bed.
“I think you better get your fucking hand off me,” I said, as I mugged him hard as hell.
“Or what Rain? I’m tired of us living by your rules. What you say goes. We moved to this fucking city because it’s what you wanted. We are at a standstill in our relationship because you’re afraid to move on. All this shit is about you. Do I even fucking matter, or am I just a check to help pay the damn bills and a dick when you want to get laid?”
I looked in Mel’s eyes and he was more hurt than angry, and I actually felt bad. I did care about him, and I knew that me bringing us here was fucked up, but what’s done was done, so now what?
“Is that really what you think?” I asked after snatching my arm away from him and sitting down on the bed.
He stood there for a minute but then sat down next to me.
“I really don’t know what to think Rain. You’re here but you’re not here. It’s like no matter how hard I try, you won’t let me in and I don't think I can take much more of that. I love you and I’ll do anything for you, but this shit is draining me.”
I closed my eyes and exhaled. “I know Mel and I’m sorry. I’m trying. I swear I am. It’s just-”
“Complicated, yeah I know.”
“I’ve got a deposition at 11:00, but we need to talk. We need to have a real conversation, because this shit right here isn’t working and if this is not what you want, then just let me know.”
Mel grabbed my hand, brought it to his lips and kissed it before he let go, stood and moved towards the closet. He stopped just before he entered and looked at me.
“Is there someone else?” he asked looking down over his shoulder but not really at me.
“No Mel, no,�
�� I lied. I didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth. Not right now.
He didn’t say a word; he just walked in the closet and got dressed. I headed towards the bathroom, turned on the shower, closed the lid to the toilet, and sat down waiting for the water to get hot. I lowered my head into my hands and felt tears forming. I didn’t know what to do. Theory made it seem like it could be us again, but could I really trust that, and should I risk losing Mel for a possibility of something with Theory? Mel wasn’t perfect, but he loved me and he was a good guy. Maybe in time I could let go of my past and just open up to him.
I didn't have the answers, and sitting there obsessing over it wasn’t making them come any faster, so I shed the rest of my clothes and stepped in the shower. I just needed a minute to not think. A minute for my mind to be blank, to just let everything go, and that was exactly what I did.
After I finished my shower, Mel was gone, and I could smell him in the room. His cologne hung in the air, surrounding me with regret. I couldn’t take back what I had done to his life, but maybe I could try to fix it. I got dressed so that I could head to meet Diamond, but I planned on stopping by Mel’s office to surprise him. Maybe we could catch lunch and just chill the way we used to. I missed him, I missed us.
Diamond and I had been on the job for over an hour and I was about finished with my shots, but I needed a few more of the kitchen. So while Diamond finished up her interviews, I snuck away and stole a few more shots. I purposely left my phone in my car so that I could focus, and so far the day had been peaceful because of it. The day had been extremely busy, so I didn’t have time to focus on Mel or Theory, and I felt like I could actually breathe for a minute.
“Aye boo. I’m done, what about you?” Diamond asked, breaking my train of thought.
“Yeah, I’m good. I think I have what I need,” I said, looking around the kitchen. It was really nice and I couldn’t wait to come here. We received an open invite from the owner since he was trying his best to kick it to Diamond, who wasn’t giving him the time of day. It was actually kind of comical.
“So what’s up with your baller? He had no game. I hope that’s not a representation of what he does when he hits the courts,” I said with a grin.
Diamond looked at me and laughed. “You are lame as hell Rain.”
“You didn’t like my little spin on words there?” I said laughing at my own lameness.
“Hell no, with your corny ass.”
I playfully shoved Diamond in the shoulder before I packed up my camera, and she and I left the restaurant.
“So what’s your deal Dia, he was cute and everything? Why you shut homie down like that?”
“Yeah, he was cool and everything, but I’ve got a girlfriend right now.” She said like it didn’t faze her at all.
I stopped and looked at Diamond as she opened her car door to put her stuff in. “Wait, so you’re a lesbian?”
She laughed, likely because of the confused look on my face. I knew for sure that I had seen Diamond being really intimate with a dude before.
“Bi, not gay,” she said.
“Well damn, I never would have guessed that,” I said.
“Yeah, most people don’t, but it’s cool though.”
“Okay, so since you forced your way into my personal life, it’s my turn,” I said with a grin. “So how does that work? You’re really attracted to men and women?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s kind of hard to explain. Being with a woman is some powerful shit. Nobody knows a woman’s body like a woman, but then there’s nothing like a good dick.”
I burst out laughing. “Well alright then,” I said.
“Most people don’t get it, but I don’t really give a fuck. I’m gonna be me regardless,” she said and shrugged.
“Nothing wrong with that boo. So is that why you shut Frank down at the club? I mean, the brother was nice as hell on the eyes Dia.”
“Yeah, a little too nice, and I’m trying to see where this goes with Destiny, so I don’t need that in my life right now. I try not to be a cheater and I could see me fucking with Frank, so it was best if I didn't go there.”
I just shook my head and laughed. “I feel you.”
“So what’s up with you and ya boy? Did you figure shit out or are you still on the mental ward?”
“I don’t know… we just kind of talked and then went to sleep but to be honest, I don’t really know if I trust him. Theory seems to have a whole new life and I’m still on the fence about whether or not I fit into that life. Mel was mad as hell that I didn’t come home though. I’m actually on my way to go see him now to try and figure this out. I owe him that much.”
“The heart wants what the heart wants and I’ve seen you with Theory. Your heart wants him boo, and I think some of your other body parts want him too,” Diamond said with a smirk.
“Shut up girl, it’s not even like that,” I said trying to hide my smile.
“Don’t forget, I like men too, and he is one fine ass man. So lie if you want, but I know better.”
“And with that I’m out. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said.
“You can run but you can’t hide. I see that lust in your eyes Rain!” Diamond shouted as she climbed in the driver’s seat of her car.
Thirty minutes later, I pulled up at Mel’s office. It was a nice spot downtown in one of the high rise buildings. It was so classy and professional that I almost didn’t want to go in because I was rocking jeans, a t-shirt and Converse, but I went for it anyway. I had been there a few times and they knew me.
I took the elevator to the eleventh floor and got off, waved as I passed the receptionist since she was on the phone, and then made my way to Mel’s office. When I got to the door, I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard a female’s voice.
“Look, I know what I said, but she's trying to figure out what she wants and until I know for sure that we don't have a future, then I'm chilling. I'm not going to just walk away.”
“So the bitch doesn’t even want you but you’re still trying to make it work. I don’t get it Jamel.”
“Don’t call her a bitch, Mariah and yeah, I want it to work. I’ve got two years invested in this and if we can figure it out, then that’s what I want.”
“So what about me? Huh Mel, don’t I matter?”
“You came after me, after I made it clear that I was in a relationship that I wasn't leaving, so don't try and switch shit up now. You were just sex; you knew that from day one. If things don’t work with me and Rain, then we’ll revisit this but for now, we need to keep things like they are.”
“So you fuck me but wanna marry her, and I’m supposed to be okay with that.”
“You have been, so why should that change now.”
“Maybe I want more.”
“Then I’m not your guy, at least not until I know what Rain is going to do.”
I stood there fuming. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This muthafucka was getting pissed with me about commitment, when he was fucking somebody else. I pushed the door open and stepped in, and this bitch had the nerve to be sitting on his lap.
“Hey love. I thought I’d surprise you today,” I said standing in the doorway as Mel stood up, knocking his bitch off his lap so quickly that she landed on the floor.
“What the fuck Mel!” she yelled as she tried to stand.
“Hey baby, I’m…what are you… hey,” he stepped towards me but I backed up.
“Nah, see, I heard your little conversation so let me save you some time. Go ahead and try to make things work with this bitch, because it’s not gonna work with me.”
I looked at his little whore dressed in plastic shoes and a cheap suit. She had on too much makeup and she was long overdue for a trip to the salon. I smiled because in no way did she compare to me. I guess it always felt better knowing that if your man cheated it was a down grade, and this bitch was a walking advertisement for Kmart’s blue light specials.
“Rain wait, let’s talk. It’s rea
lly not what you think,” Mel begged, as he followed behind me. I wasn’t the type to make a scene, so I didn’t say a word as I made my way to the elevator with him right behind me. I smiled and waved at his colleagues as he desperately chased behind me.
“Rain, please,” Mel pleaded as I waited patiently by the elevator.
“Please what? Please don’t leave you, please hear you out, please believe that it only happened one time?” I laughed. “It’s cool Mel, this bitch didn’t want you, remember?” I said with a smirk just as I stepped on the elevator.
I should have been upset, or sad or hurt, but all I felt was relieved. A part of me missed Mel just that quickly, but honestly, I just really felt like I could actually breathe for once.
-8-
Theory
“Theory, are you listening to me?” Lani asked causing me to look across the table at her.
“Yeah, what’s up?” I asked.
“If you’re asking me what’s up then you’re not listening to me,” she pouted.
I inhaled and let it out slow. “I’m listening to you Lani, you said you wanted to take a trip to New York.” I didn’t really hear all the details, but I knew I wasn’t about to take my black ass to New York with her, and I knew that’s what she was hinting around to.
“So are you going?” she asked, looking hopeful.
“I can’t do that right now. It’s just not a good time,” I said as I placed my hand on top of hers, letting my thumb slide across it as I held her hand in place.
“Why not?” she asked with pouty lips and sad eyes. I couldn't tell her that I planned on spending time with Rain, so I lied.
“You know I can’t just jet like that, Lani. I know you don’t take what I do serious, but I actually run a business both in and out the streets,” I said.
“I know, but can’t Frank and Niles handle things for you while you’re gone? It’s just a weekend.”
“Not this time, but we’ll figure something out and besides, you know your father don’t fuck with me like that and you’ll be doing shit with him, so I’ll pass.”