Nails stroked her stomach once more, “Because I have one last memory reminding me of something that makes me happy. And no curse can take that feeling from me.”
I noticed her swollen stomach, “You were pregnant?”
“My husband had gotten into another one of his rages, he doesn’t usually strike me, not since I had fallen pregnant but something must’ve really gotten him fired up. When he came at me I shoved him away, scared he was going to hurt the baby, but I pushed him a little too hard. He fell down the staircase head first, breaking his neck-which ultimately killed him. In my devastation, I tried to catch him but I fell too and landed myself in a coma. I was in hospital for a while, nearly five months on life support. My brain was gone, but my body was still working, just enough to keep my baby alive. My spirit refused to leave until I knew he was safely delivered. I didn’t die from the fall, not straight away. I hanged on just long enough to hear my baby boy’s first cry; then I could let go. It was so beautiful, even with the Banishment curse reminding me of all the awful things I had lived through. Of all the times I had cried and been angry at my husband, I still got to keep the memory of my baby.”
My heart melted and my shoulders drooped, “That’s beautiful Nails. Do you still see your son?”
“Oh, sometimes. I like to pick my hosts close to where he is; it lets me watch his progress. He’s turning ten this year. I fear I wouldn’t be able to watch over him anymore if I went to the Third Realm.”
“So you plan to always remain here?”
“Until I know for sure he’ll be okay, I’ll remain. I’ll risk the Hunters every day for him.”
“What is she doing here?” A sharp voice cut across the solemn silence, capturing the attention of all the Banished and Reapers at once. I whipped my head around at the touch of a glare. Lock stood with fists clenched. There was a moment of hesitation as Jordon glanced between Lock and I; noting how Lock’s face curled into a displeased scowl. He went up to his brother and said something under a hushed breath. Lock merely clenched his teeth at whatever Jordon said before he turned and left abruptly.
“Oh…” Nails whispered, “That was strange.” She looked back at me, her eyebrows drawn. “I had thought he would’ve been delighted to see you.”
I sighed uneasily, “I said some really nasty things to him that I shouldn’t have. I should go apologise.”
Nails nodded, “Young love, always so much drama. He’s probably in his room, just go down the corridor and take a sharp left. His room is at the end.”
“Thank you Nails.” I smiled and stood up to leave.
Chapter Twenty-Nine:
I got to the corridor and followed the gloomy hallway down, taking a sharp left when the entrance opened and continued down towards the end of the hall. It was designed in a manner that felt restrictive; all the rooms and walls were identical, with dull stone grey walls and meek coloured doors. I wouldn’t call it a cave, it was closer to an old basement littered with spiders and dust. Upon my approach, I saw his door slightly ajar. It was eerily quiet; I couldn’t hear anything apart from a leaking pipe that dripped constantly. I got to the door and smelled the hint of charcoal and lemongrass that lingered on his clothes. I lifted my hand to knock and the door slammed shut. I jerked my hand away. As I went to knock again, a strong gust of wind shoved me back against the wall.
“Lock? Listen, I’m sorry, okay? I just want to talk” I said through the whistling of the wind. Unnaturally fast, the air suddenly got colder. It got to the point my toes felt numb inside my shoes and my fingers ached. Within moments, my entire body trembled as if I was caught in a blizzard. “Okay! Okay, okay I get it. I’m going.”
Unable to stand another moment, I turned on my heel and fled. Once I was far enough away from his door, the wind subsided and the gentle warmth finally came back. I gave him one last fleeting look before I returned to the others.
***
For a while he wouldn’t look at me. During my first night, Lock didn’t leave his room, and when he did he ignored me as though I was trash to walk over. This went on for days. The Banished were still weary of me, but it was Gargoyle who took the hardest hit. Thankfully his transmission from Banished to Hunter had slowed almost to a halt. Damage’s disappearance, Miira’s betrayal, and turning into a Banished, took a heavy toll on him. Not even Chaos seemed to be able to spring some life into Gargoyle’s face. The Reapers and other Banished weren’t making it easy on him either. It was my fifth day hiding out with the Reapers and I was walking back towards Gargoyle’s room when Evan’s voice startled me from behind. He sat in a nook built into the wall, a type of built-in shelf that was big enough to support a grown boy. He slouched among the inset curve, one leg dangling out while the other was drawn to his chest. I wouldn’t have noticed him if he hadn’t of said something.
“Why are you still even here?” He had asked in a distasteful snarl.
I crossed my arms firmly, “You’re talking to me now?”
“You’re the one who wanted me gone, remember?” He jabbed back.
I huffed, “I’ve been trying to tell you that I’m sorry for saying all of that. But you don’t seem to be interested in listening to me.”
“Sorry? Sorry for stabbing me in the heart both metaphorically and literally?” He twisted around so both legs dangled over the ledge. “I don’t want your pity, Rachael.”
“It’s not pity! Why do you keep just pushing me away when I am trying to make things better?”
Evan scoffed, rolling his eyes, “What could you possibly say that could make this better? Aren’t I just some monster to you?”
“I’m really sorry if I hurt your feelings, I shouldn’t have said those things. I was just scared and confused. Can we please just go somewhere and talk? ”
He looked at me with an expression I couldn’t understand. It was almost like he still writhed in pain beneath his smirk. “You didn’t answer my question…” I looked back at him a little dumbfounded. “What are you still doing here?” He asked again with a hint of malice.
“I need protection from the Hunters.”
He laughed, “You want US to help you now?”
“Listen, I didn’t ask for any of this!”
“Whatever.” He pushed off the wall as I leapt at him, jabbing my finger in his face.
“No! I’m not done talking to you, don’t you dare run, you coward.” I seemed to have struck a nerve because Evan flickered back into place, his face scrunched like he had been openly challenged.
“What did you just call me?” He snorted as I took another step forward.
“All you’ve done is made things more difficult for me, you did it when I was fifteen and you’re still doing it now. I want to know why? There must be a reason why! Everyone keeps telling me how good we were together, about how much you loved me and how I loved you in return. If it was really that God damned perfect, then why do you insist on pushing me away?”
“It’s not that,” He pushed off the ledge and walked up to me, “I would wait a thousand years for you, I would go through the seven realms of hell again for you if there was any shred of you left inside that head of yours. But there isn’t anything there, there’s nothing left of the old you that loved me. You’re not my Rachael anymore and now you just torment me with your presence. How can you go to him,” He jutted his hand down the hall towards Gargoyle’s room, “when I am here? Do you understand why I am mad? Do you finally understand why I cannot be here with you?”
“Evan…” I exhaled and Lock suddenly sucked his breath in. His face tightened and his hand fell back to his side.
“What did you call me?”
“I called you Evan…”
He evaporated spontaneously into ash before vanishing through the walls. I spun on my heel unsure how to chase him, or if I even wanted to. What he said was right. I was no longer that old Rachael, I don’t even know if that old Rachael even existed anymore. He was looking for a person that just wasn’t there. Yet if I truly believed
that, then why did I feel like I’d just punched a hole in my own heart? The more I stayed with him the more he seemed able to dig his fingers into my mind and pull at strings that I didn’t know existed. Instead of going to Gargoyle, I ended up slumped against the wall, my nerves had grown into knots inside my stomach and I felt physically sick.
“What am I doing here?”
“Rachael?” Gargoyle poked his head out around the corner before walking towards me. I turned my head away, embarrassed that I was this upset. “I heard a commotion, is everything okay?” He sat down so our shoulders brushed together.
“It’s just… Lock.”
“He’s giving you a hard time?”
“I don’t know… I don’t even know why I’m this upset. He just gets to me, I suppose. I shouldn’t have these feelings, but I do. It’s like there’s some sort of trigger inside my head that switches every time he’s near me. I’m just so confused. He keeps talking about the old me…”
Gargoyle sighed gently, busying his hands by picking up gains from the ground. “You know, you and I used to be on opposite sides. You sympathised with them and we mocked you for it. We called you ‘The Banished Fool’, because no one in their right mind would lend a helping hand to such a miserable bunch of spirits. They were the lowest of the low and no one cared for them. Until you came along… you fell in love with Evan despite everyone saying how strange it was, how wrong you were to care for a demonic spirit. Even I laughed at you…” He stopped his fidgeting; and peered over his shoulder at me like he was ashamed of his past thoughts. “But in the end you two won. That type of determination and bond won’t just go away. You’ll always feel for him, either its fear or love, or whatever. He’ll always be there in your heart, hiding in the deepest part of your subconscious. That type of bond doesn’t just get washed away, it leaves scars. You will remember him in time, and it’ll bring back all the happiness that was originally there. I’m just fearful it’ll bring back the hatred you had for me too…”
“I could never hate you.” I protested, as Gargoyle clenched his teeth and lowered his head.
“Yes you will… because I tried to kill you.”
I stopped smiling. “Wha…What?”
“I held your head under water after hypnotising you away from your school social. You couldn’t have been older than 16. You begged me to let you go, but I didn’t. I was going to kill you just to see if I could get Lock to come out of hiding. I was going to use you as bait; and if you died and Lock didn’t appear it wouldn’t have mattered. You were disposable to me; but to Lock, you were everything. You were worth sacrificing. He charged out after you, knowing full well I could take him down too. He cared for you so much. I’m so sorry Rachael-” I got up and left without saying a word. He didn’t call out to me either.
Chapter Thirty:
Those dreams of me suffocating weren’t about Lock, they were the memories of Gargoyle holding me under water. I slowed at my own realization. All this time I feared him, I hated him, when Lock… No, Lock was his Banished name, this boy who developed in front of me, that was Evan. I grabbed my shirt where my heart fluttered, he is Evan, not the demon Lock.
Evan’s distant shouts rose above the walls, pulling me out of my thoughts. I stopped and turned in circles, trying to track its origin. If what Gargoyle said was true, then there was a part of Evan I didn’t see, but I desperately wanted to. I followed the voices down the hall to where Jordon’s room was. Before I got close enough to the door it was knocked open by Jordon’s body, which stumbled and hit the wall behind him. I froze before taking two quick steps backwards, ducking back around the corner.
“You told her!” Evan charged through, raising his fist to throw another punch. Jordon easily deflected the hit, sidestepping as Evan hit the wall. Raix quickly pounced out of the shadow, snapping the air but Jordon held his hand out to stop the wolf from advancing.
“Why are you so upset?”
Evan started to pace, running his hands through his hair. “You ruined everything!”
“No,” Jordon pointed angrily, “You’re ruining everything. Stop acting like a brat.”
“I didn’t want her to know.”
“Why?” Jordon shouted. Evan turned to run, but Raix jumped at him, shoving him back to the ground. Jordon walked over, then stopped and knelt down to help Evan up. “Why are you running? The Evan I know couldn’t stand the idea of being away from Rachael even for a moment. The Evan I know chose to remain on earth as a Banished instead of taking eternity in peace. You told me that you could not stay for an eternity there if it meant leaving her behind.” Evan propped himself up on his elbows and let out a loud exhausted sigh. I held my hand to my mouth, trying to cover my breathing. In all the commotion they had not detected my presence, yet.
“I wanted to see if she wanted me for me.” He whispered, defeated. “Now that she knows I’m Evan, she’ll never look at me the same. Evan is weak, Evan is just a boy locked in an attic starving to death. Lock is even weaker. He is a monster; the lowest part of me and I hate him. I didn’t want to be either of them, not to her. I wanted to be someone strong, someone worthy enough...”
“So you push her away? This isn’t the answer…” Jordon whispered.
“It’s all I have. If not for her, then what’s my purpose in even being here? If I haven’t already ruined it with my temper and stupidity that is. There’s nothing I can do to bring her back. She’s gone from me, Jordon.”
Jordon huffed, “If you truly believed that then why do you still have a link to her? If you want it to be over then break the chains.”
“Break the chains?” Jordon nodded. I lifted my hand to my throat. He still had me collared. Evan toyed with the idea; he even lifted the chain upwards so it appeared in metallic smoke before dropping his hand. “I can’t…”
Jordon smiled as he stood, “Then there’s still hope.”
***
I found my way back to my room with a small skip. There’s still hope. What I hoped for, not even I knew, but it was a relief to know I hadn’t burned the bridge between Evan and me. I lost my smile as soon as I saw Gargoyle again, sitting on my bed with his hands folded. He stood up as I walked in and stopped. He wore an apologetic frown.
“I don’t want to talk to you.” I said and turned around to leave, only to have Gargoyle appear in front of me and ease me back.
“You didn’t give me a chance to apologise properly.”
“I don’t think an apology is sufficient enough for attempted murder.”
“That was before I knew who you were.”
“What, you need to know someone to know killing them is wrong?”
Gargoyle let out a soft sigh. “From the depth of my heart I am sorry Rachael. I apologise for the part I played and I take full responsibility. I couldn’t keep going with that type of guilt hanging over my head, you deserved to know the truth and this is it.”
I turned back, “I had nightmares for years about that experience. I blamed it all on Evan, thinking he was the reason why I was always drowning in my sleep.”
Gargoyle lowered his head, “I am sorry. I have done something terrible, but I am not the only one harbouring terrible secrets. I’m just more of a man to own up to them. Don’t be too quick to judge. You must understand everything, the good and the bad. That is all I wanted to say. I’ll leave you alone now.”
He turned to leave and Evan appeared at the door, knocking only once before letting himself in. Gargoyle slowed and straightened to his full height, glaring down at Evan who stopped mid step and swung his attention between us.
“Lock…” Gargoyle addressed, causing Evan’s knuckles to curl into a fist.
“Gargoyle.” I shushed him before approaching Evan, “Evan, I’m glad you’re here. Gargoyle, weren’t you just leaving?”
Gargoyle crossed his arms, “No.”
“Be a good little hybrid and get out…” Evan growled deeply. Gargoyle’s eyes tightened before he reluctantly left the room. Evan’s gla
re followed him out before he swung his attention back to me. His face didn’t relax. Now that I knew who he really was, I could connect the dots; I could see the gentle curve of his cheeks just like in his mother’s face. I could see the warmth in his eyes beyond the banished sharp green. His hair had grown messy and kept at a deep black that not even light could reflect off.
“Listen about before, I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” He admitted. “I do have a tendency of doing and saying stupid things, and I will try to control myself better, but I shouldn’t have yelled at you. If the old Rachael is there or not, it doesn’t matter now. I thought that over the years I had grown more as a man. I wanted to meet you as a completely different person, to be someone who would never make you feel sad or scared. I kept my distance to train myself to become something better. Obviously something which I am not. The moment things didn’t go the way I planned, I lashed out; I became that kid again.” He growled, frustrated.
“No one is perfect, Evan,” I whispered.
“I have to be perfect. How else am I ever going to be good enough?”
I stepped forward and lifted my hand to touch his arm, forgetting that his body was mere smoke. “Good enough? Good enough for what? You have an innate kindness that you keep trying to hide; once I was able to look beyond this wall of armour you’ve built around yourself, that’s not to say I won’t be able to do it again.”
“Well you’re wrong.” He suddenly straightened his back and glared arrogantly. “I was obsessed with proving myself to be something great, but I only set myself up to fail. The sooner I accept that the sooner I can get on with my real purpose.” He reached out to my throat and crushed the collar. The cold nipped at my skin as the weight lifted off me.
My Demonic Ghost #3: Hunters and Creators Page 18