by Taja Kartio
"He doesn't know for sure but he didn't cross any highways or anything. I think he’s in the same neighborhood or at least somewhere relatively close by. The house he was in was red and brown with three garages. Plus there's a broken window so it couldn’t be that hard to find."
Beckett nodded at this but Kale rounded, "What do you mean 'Shouldn't be that hard to find'?"
"Well, we're going to find the house aren't we?" I asked, a little confused with my brother's sudden antagonism.
"Who's we? You're not going anywhere. We'll find the kids home but you and he are staying here where it's safe."
I groaned, "We've had this conversation twice now Kale, and one of them was last night! I can take care of myself! You were going to let me go yesterday!"
"I know Dani. But now we have a kid to worry about. We don't know what he'll be like going outside again let alone if we saw an Infected or if we were attacked by one. You're the only one he seems to like so-
"So if we were attacked he would stay by me!" I countered. There was no way I skipping out on this. I turned to Beckett for backup but he only gave me a cringed look of guilt.
"He... has a point D."
Kale threw his arms up, "Finally!"
My jaw dropped, "That's totally unfair! I should help find this kids family since I'm the one who saved him in the first place!"
"You're helping him by keeping him safe. Here. It's too risky to bring him along," Beckett said smoothly.
Bogus, "Tell me why it's too risky."
"You told us how he was separated. One adult told him to go hide and what does he do? Never finds a hiding spot because he wanted his mom. Not that his reasoning wasn't justifiable but it tells me he can't listen to an order in a very stressful situation. He panicked. And when we heard the Infected that was chasing him yesterday, we also heard him scream. We're lucky those two noises together didn't bring more Infected in our area. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve to come with but it would be safer for him and for us if he stayed here with you where the chance of getting attacked is a hell of a lot slimmer."
I didn't want to admit anything, no matter how much sense Beckett was really knocking into me. I get that stubbornness from Kale, "I guess."
"We'll find his group," Beckett kept an encouraging hue in his voice.
"When will you go start looking?" I asked.
"Well today maybe," Kale traded a thoughtful look with Beckett, "We didn't get to looking for supplies yesterday so we might as well do that today too. Alex can come with as backup."
Beckett nodded at this. It seemed the decision was already made and I really hated it. My anxiety was already beginning to bubble.
"Well... I guess you guys better get ready to go then," I mumbled defeatedly.
"Is there anything he said that could help us?" Beckett asked after a moment.
I tilted my neck, rubbing my hand over my collarbone thoughtfully, "The two boys Hayden was playing with were named Ben and Toby, I couldn't tell you how old they are though and I don't know what his mom's name is. He said something about someone named Dayna. She's the one who told him to hide in the first place but that's really about it."
"Better than nothing," Kale murmured before looking back over at Beckett, "Let's pack up."
"I'll get Alex for you," I stepped away from the counter to throw away the paper towel I'd been using as a plate for my bagels and put my empty cup in the sink, "When do you think you'll be back?"
"I'm not sure. I would guess sometime in the late afternoon. I don't want to be away from here for too long," Kale answered.
Beckett stood from off the stool he'd been sitting on, "No later than five."
I nodded forlornly. If they weren't back by five, I would kick their ass, "Be careful you guys."
I left the kitchen and headed for the basement, feeling a little hopeless as I went. I supposed that after they'd gone, I would be spending quality time with Hayden. Not a bad thing, but I would have to act like nothing was wrong to make sure I don't worry him as well. I didn't need him all bent out of shape, asking questions and such that would make me overthink. Letting my brothers go out looking for this kids group was stressful enough already.
I rounded the corner after coming down the stairs to find that the projector on the ceiling shined on the wall. I wasn't sure what game was put in but both Alex and Hayden were playing, commenting on each other's gameplay in an obnoxiously excited way. I leaned my shoulder against the wall behind them and watched for awhile. Hayden was laughing and I could see a genuine grin formed every time he turned to Alex. It was adorable to say in the least. The positive interaction was good for Hayden. I hated to break it up.
"Hey guys," I pushed myself off the wall and walked up to them, "What game are you playing?"
"Crash Team Racing," Alex answered, "What's the news upstairs?"
"I guess you're heading out with Kale and Beckett for a few hours."
Alex paused the game and turned over his shoulder, flashing his eyes at the small figure beside him. I nodded and Alex began to stand, "Well little man, it looks like I'm needed with the grown-ups for a while."
Hayden frowned, "Aww."
"I know, I know. We'll finish the race later," Alex held out his fist and Hayden bumped it with his own smaller fist, "I'm gonna beat you this time. I can feel it."
The boy's frown grew into a kind of sinister smirk, "Ya, right."
Alex gave me a look and I stepped back a few paces alongside him, "Let me guess, we're going to find his family?"
"His group, yes," I corrected, "And to look for supplies I guess. I get to babysit."
"Probably for the best," Alex agreed, heading for the stairs.
Nice, "Be careful Alex. Keep my brothers out of trouble."
He laughed, "Ya. I'll try."
I watched him go and after I heard the 'click' of the door at the top of the stairs, I sighed to myself and walked back into the living room. Hayden was sitting in the same spot as before but now turned around like he'd been waiting for me to come back.
"Where is everybody going?" He asked curiously.
I could barely hold a smile. My stomach was gurgling in a restless way already and I knew my brothers and Alex hadn't left yet. It was going to be a long day, "They're going to find your group."
Twenty Five
Hayden had no intentions of turning off the game he and Alex had started playing so we resorted to board games and movies. First a game of Life and then Battleship, then watching Toy Story up on the landing where my brothers and I slept. A lot of the time, I ended up watching Hayden instead of the movie as I was amused by the child's reactions to the jokes and commentary within the movie. Little white teeth held a natural grin. I wasn't sure what exactly it was, but his happiness made my stomach flutter. There was so much life in him that I was just beginning to see and it was utterly inspiring since laughter wasn't something to be heard very often. It made me think back to my old home before the apocalypse. All the kids that used to live in my neighborhood, all laughing and playing with no cares in the world. They were all about Hayden's age and I could imagine him being a part of an energetic group like that.
"Dani!" Hayden's call pulled me away from my thoughts. I broke contact and looked at the boy sitting on the floor in front of me. He was pointing at the screen. I didn't realize how long I actually spaced out for. The movie was over and the credits were rolling.
"Oh," I blinked several times, "Movies over. What do you want to do now?"
"Can we watch the second one? And the third after that?" He held up both of the DVD cases in front of me with a questioning look.
"Oh ya. Of course." I took the second movie from him and popped it in. Over the course of the next hour, Hayden was thoroughly engrossed with the antics of Woody and his gang. I spent all my time either watching him or completely zoned out. This time, I wasn't thinking about how Hayden reminded me of the kids back home, I was thinking about my brothers and Alex.
The clock was sliding into the
late afternoon and there was about an hour until the deadline that Kale and Beckett had set up. I shouldn't worry too much but every minute that slowly passed by became more and more intolerable. My fingers tapped together and my palms began to sweat. I couldn't keep still in the slightest.
Then the clock hit five and I stood up abruptly, breaking Hayden's concentration on the movie, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, nothing," I waved him to stay where he was, "I'll be right back."
Hayden stared at me curiously as I headed for the spare bedroom but didn't question me again. My book was still on the chair beside the window and the sheets on the bed were still ruffled in the spot Hayden had been sitting earlier. The moment I crossed the room, I spotted the familiar black suburban driving into the cul-de-sac. My initial tension was lifted off my shoulders.
They're home.
Now I wanted to seem them physically. If there were any injuries, I was going to kill them, in a manner of speaking.
I quickly left the bedroom and was met with wide blue eyes and a concerned frown, "Dani? What's wrong?"
"Everyone is just coming back," I smiled and stepped around the boy, motioning for him to follow me down the stairs. Just as we came around the corner into the living room, Beckett was walking through the door first, followed by Alex and then Kale. No one had blood on them and they seemed to be okay as far I as could see from the living room entrance.
"Hey!" I stepped forward to help with the several duffel bags that Beckett was carrying, "How did it go?"
"Well, we found the house..." Beckett started until a little voice behind me spoke up.
"Did you find my mom?" Hayden was partially hiding behind me, his eyes peeked out from behind my lower back and he hugged his stuffed lion tightly like he was dreading the answer. I turned back up to my brother who frowned.
"We uh..." Beckett seemed to struggle to find the right words. I didn't like the look he held.
"She's dead. Isn't she?" Hayden's voice was small.
"Hayden... I don't think you should-" Kale started up until Hayden cut him off with a pained choke.
"She's dead! I'm never going to see her again!"
Then he was gone. His quick footsteps ran out of the living room and up the stairs. Kale sighed defeatedly, "I didn't say that."
"I can't say I blame him," I said, "You all have that look on your face. What did you find?"
Kale set one of the backpacks he was holding down on the ground, "The house was a wreck. Gunshot holes in the walls and furniture broken and blood everywhere..."
"And?" I prompted.
"And... lots of bodies,” Kale gravely.
"I think a lot of them were Infected, though," Alex put in quickly.
"We have no idea, Alex,” Kale turned to him.
"Hayden said he had a group of eleven that wasn't including him right? There were more than eleven bodies for sure but a lot of those people were killed with a gunshot or an arrow or a knife or something. Infected don't kill like that. From what I saw, there were only two that were uh..." Alex swallowed, "... that were ripped apart."
"Were either of them a female?"
"One was, I think."
Well crap. I sincerely hoped that that wasn't Hayden's mom.
Kale put a hand up, "Look. Maybe you're right Alex but whatever the case is, there isn’t anyone there that's still alive. Hayden's group is gone and we don't have a clue where to search next."
"I still don't think they would have gone far," Beckett said.
"We don't know anything," Kale shook his head, "They could be close or they could be miles away! Or they could be scattered and there isn't much of a group at all anymore. We just don't know."
"So what does this mean?" I watched my brother carefully. He was silent for a moment but he never took his eyes off of Beckett. Something told me they'd already been talking about the next step that was going to be taken.
"We're going back out tomorrow," Beckett said finally.
Kale puffed his nostrils and picked the backpacks up off the ground before stalking to the kitchen.
I raised a brow, "What's his problem?"
Beckett rolled his eyes before following the eldest, "Who knows."
There was a short moment of silence, "They're fun."
I smirked at the sarcasm in Alex's voice, "Ya?"
He nodded, "Beckett is laid back but gets annoyed incredibly quickly, mostly by Kale, and Kale is just... bossy... and argumentative... and I think he has a lot of underlying hostility."
"Underlying?" I started to grin.
Alex paused, then corrected himself, "I think he can be really hostile."
"Would you believe me if I said he was kind of a teddy bear on the inside?"
Alex shook his head without giving a second to think about it. I couldn't help but laugh. Alex only spent a few hours with him today, while Beckett and I have been spending our entire lives with him.
I picked up the duffel bag Beckett had left me with, "Can you bring this to the kitchen? I should probably go talk to Hayden."
"Sure," Alex nodded.
I thanked him before starting my trek upstairs, a little unsure of what exactly I was going to find when I did find Hayden, blubbering no doubt. Not only had he lost his father, but now Hayden was probably trying to process the thought of losing his mother too. He'd never said anything about siblings or any other relatives so right now, I was assuming he had nobody. Not even I knew what that felt like.
When I opened the door to the room Hayden had slept in the night before, I found the bed to be empty. I didn't find this too surprising. He probably wanted to be alone right now but I stood in the doorway and listened for a moment anyway. There was a small sniffle. Weak and almost sounded isolated.
"Hayden?" I called out softly, moving through the doorway a step further. No verbal reply, just another quiet sniffle.
There weren't too many places to hide so I was a little bothered that I couldn't find him at first glance. Not on the other side of the bed or underneath it and not in the corner of the room between the wall and the dresser and not behind the door.
There was only the closet that remained. It was relatively empty. A few hangers still hung from the racks but no clothes remained. I peeked inside, squinting in the darkness.
"Hayden?"
"Go away."
I could see him curled up in the back corner, "That's a nice hiding spot."
Another sniff.
I kneeled down, debating on what to say next but I really couldn't word anything out in my mind. How was I supposed to say his mom could still possibly be alive or she could possibly be the dead woman Alex was talking about. I didn't want to give Hayden false hope, that would just be cruel. So I instead sat down against the closet door and listened to the small racking breaths the little boy was taking. Just by listening, I could tell he was doing everything in his power to hold back hard sobs.
I took a breath, "They're back out tomorrow to find your group."
"My mom's dead," It was a bitter reply covered by a choked throat and leaky nose. He sniffed again. I wondered how well he knew the group he was staying with. The pain of thinking that his mother was dead was heartbreaking yes, but did a thought about any of the other people he knew cross his mind at all? Did he care about any of them to wonder if they were still alive?
"We don't know that," I said.
"Your brother said so," Now it sounded like he was pouting.
My brows scrunched, "He never said that. He didn't even get to finish what he was saying before you took off," I knew it was bleak but it was fact, "Alex and my brothers found the house. Red and brown, just like you said. There were a lot of dead monsters there and Alex... said there were only two that weren't monsters."
Hayden crawled out of his spot at that moment. Tear tracks streaked over his flushed cheeks. His watery blue eyes were a pale shade of pink and his chin was lightly trembling, "Was one of them my mom?"
I wasn't sure what exactly to say. I couldn't say i
t wasn't but I couldn't say it was, "I don't know."
His eyes fell but he didn't move away. He was thinking about those three words and hopefully in more ways than one, "Okay."
Twenty Six
Kale, Beckett, and Alex were out for the second day. This time I wasn't given a specific time for their return, just 'before it got dark'. Not exactly the most encouraging guarantee I've been told. Once again, I was a body of jumbling nerves and an overturned stomach.
Though, I was lucky enough to keep my mind busy with Hayden who decided he really wanted to play something new and that was a game of Cosmic Encounter. Some board game I'd never heard of but Hayden thought the box looked pretty cool. I was glad for something new to be all honest, no matter how complicated the rules were making this game seem like. It was time-consuming which was incredibly favorable. I laid on the floor on my stomach and he sat across from me, toying with the game pieces.
"Dani?"
"Hmm?"
"What were your mom and dad like?"
It caught me off guard. Completely. The air I had been breathing suddenly became lodged in the back of my throat. How could I respond to that question? My eyes tore from the rulebook and peeked over the top of the pages to the curious boy staring at me attentively.
"Why are you asking?" I knew my voice was hitting one of those unstable tones.
Hayden was oblivious to it as he shrugged to himself. His fingers played with one of the game pieces, "I don't know. I was just wondering."
"Well don't." I chided.
"Don't what?"
"Don't ask about them. Ever. It's none of your business." I don't think I intended on sounding so sharp but when the words came out, they cut the air. Hayden seemed a little surprised with my tone as well.
I wasn't sure if it was from sudden grief of the thought of having not having parents or the anger of what they did that had me snap. I haven't spoken about them for years, and I certainly wasn't about to break that silence today. Not for a nosy little boy. I blocked the hurt look on Hayden's face with the rule book I'd been reading through but couldn't seem to read the words anymore. It was going to be a long afternoon.