by Taja Kartio
"I'm sorry!" Both Alex and I stopped. Hollie's face had gone red and she looked to be on the verge of a breakdown, "This is all my fault."
I glared at her. That was an understatement, "Ya. It is your fault."
Alex could barely keep eye contact with her. He was fighting emotions. I could tell he wanted to yell and scream at her but there wasn't much use for that at this point. What was done, was done.
"I didn't mean for this to happen." Her shoulders dropped and she sounded so sincere and guilty that I almost wanted to say something comforting. That part of me that was naturally kind hearted and soft but then I remember the events leading up to this moment. Maybe she didn't intend for Alex to get bit, the original intended was me but her stupid antics got him in this position and this was all so unforgivable.
"You didn't mean for this to happen?" There was venom dripping with each word. I felt Alex tug on my shirt gently as if it wasn't worth it but I couldn't help myself. I was pissed. Actually, there wasn't a single word that could even comprehend how I was feeling right now. Pissed, heartsick. I still didn't want to believe this had just happened, "What the hell were you thinking? Why did you shut the fucking door on me?"
She shook her head distressfully, "I don't know! I panicked!"
I knew she panicked. That was obvious, and I could have believed that but there was so much crap inside that girl that I knew it was much more than just a streak of panic that made her shut the door in my face.
"Panicked?" I stopped to let her say whatever I thought she may want to say but she couldn't seem to spit anything out. Without knowing what to say, she sped out of the room. I heard a door slam seconds later.
"I think she went downstairs," Toby said, peeking into the hallway.
I nodded, "Leave her be."
"Do you need us for anything else?" Ben asked.
"No," I glanced at Hayden standing by the counter, "Why don't you two take him upstairs. You guys can throw in a movie or something. Hayden knows how to put one in."
Both boys nodded and left quietly. Toby took a hold of Hayden's hand and led him out silently. It seemed that they both knew what Alex's situation was but Hayden? Did he know what was going on? He and Alex had gotten rather close over such a short period of time. Did he truly understand what was going to happen?
"That was a little harsh." Alex sat up with a little of my assistance.
"She's sent you to your death, Alex," He was still taking this incredibly well. If anything, he seemed bummed out, "Aren't you scared?"
"Terrified," He mumbled, "I don't want to turn into one of those things."
I wasn't sure how to reply. I couldn't begin to understand how he must be feeling. I've been close to death a couple times since the apocalypse started but being in a position where death was inevitable, and knowing that you had to become an Infected first to get there, was something I couldn't possibly have knowledge of.
He then turned to me, sullen eyes sunken into his sockets, "Promise me that when I turn, you take me out."
A dying wish. One I didn't want to have to promise back because he shouldn't have to be asking it, but one I couldn't possibly refuse to accept, "I promise."
Thirty Seven
Alex’s condition was already getting progressively worse and he’d only been bitten maybe a half hour ago. I helped him upstairs to his room and had him lay down on his bed. He radiated heat underneath the cotton sheets like a pile of hot stones. His cheeks were flushed and his skin took on a glossy shine as salty beads of sweat built. A fever was rapidly taking over his body, faster than any kind of fever I'd ever seen.
“Dani,” I fixed my eyes on the low voice. Alex looked over at me with sleepy eyes, “Why did that Brinston guy in Minneapolis keep you for so long? What did he find?”
Kale told me not to tell anybody- and I shouldn't. But this was Alex. He helped save me and he's been hanging on to us for a while now. I could trust him. Right? Of course. Besides, he was dying. It was awful but this secret would be going to grave with him. It was safe.
“My body temperature is above the normal body temp. Like, so high I should be dead. You know that and…” I leaned my back against the wall across the bed. My stomach churned a little and I wasn't sure why, “... I have the same blood as the Infected. The particles, the stuff that taints the blood cells, whatever made the Infected infected, it’s in me too.”
Alex was quiet and his eyes only rested on me for a moment after I finished, then they rose to the ceiling. It was some weird information to take in, I got that, “What does it mean?”
I shrugged, “I don't know. They couldn't figure it out and that's why they wanted to send me off to the CDC for more testing.”
A short silence and Alex said his words carefully, “So your blood isn't a cure?”
“I… I don’t…” I gave him a look. What was he getting at? “I don't know. They never said if my blood was worth anything.”
“Well it must have if they wanted to keep testing you.”
I felt my eyes narrowing slowly, “Because I had the same blood as an Infected.”
Alex exhaled, “You think it could be a cure?”
He was almost starting to look desperate and I was finally starting to understand why, “I don't know.”
More silence. This time Alex took his sweet time and I knew he was going to speak again. I was sure I knew what he was going to say, more specifically what he was going to ask,
“Can we try?”
I wasn't entirely sure how to answer. Alex was staring at me now with pleading eyes. His hand gripped the sheets waiting for me.
“It may not work.”
At that, Alex laughed, “So I could die. I’m going to die anyway if we don't so there's no harm in trying, is there?”
I supposed not. I sighed, “Any idea on how we could do that?”
“Find a syringe and an elastic band.”
A syringe. Shit! I just… I hated needles. I left the room in search of a god damn syringe. Extract my blood, mix it with his blood. Hope for a fucking miracle. I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't even know what my blood meant. Was I the cure for humanity? Was I immune to ever becoming an Infected? I wondered what it meant to be in this position in the first place. Like, maybe I was supposed to be an Infected and something in my body stopped the process? Or maybe it just slowed it down incredibly, maybe one day I'll turn into one anyway.
I found a syringe and found Alex now sitting up in his bed, back up against the wall. He was dangling his toes off the bed, “I can't feel them.”
Maybe it was too late for this, the infection was already running through his system and maybe this would do nothing to help him. I shimmied onto the bed and sat up against the wall beside him, “Well, here's goes nothing.”
Alex nodded slowly, “Here goes nothing,” he repeated.
I couldn't use his assistance since not only were his toes numb and unresponsive, but so now were his arms. He'd managed to sit up just as his legs were going numb. The infection was setting in quick. I had to use my teeth to get the elastic band tightened around my upper arm. The syringe, however, was a stalled process. I could see the vein but I couldn’t really progress to jabbing the pointy end into my skin.
“Don't like needles?” Alex asked, he seemed to be more patient now.
“Not a fan.”
“No worries. I'm only dying here.”
I dropped my hand, “I think you've picked up too much sarcasm from Kale.”
He didn't deny it. A grin grew and and he shrugged, “Probably.”
“Smartass,” I muttered.
I lifted my syringe again and held it right over the little blue vein slightly lifting from underneath my skin. Okay. Alright. Deep breath. I've had shots before. It's not so bad after they were in my skin. Exhale. As I breathed outwards, I stuck the needle in. There was a small poke and twinge of pain. Nothing too incredibly painful but I wasn't too thrilled with the thing in my arm.
“First try,” Alex
remarked, “Not bad. You could be just like Beckett.”
I chuckled nervously, “Let's not get too carried away.”
I pulled the top and watch my blood slowly fill the little clear container and I waited until it was near full to pull it out. I removed the elastic band around my arm and tied it around Alex's arm.
“You think this is going to work?” I asked, tapping my index finger on the syringe impatiently.
“Maybe. Maybe not. I hope it does.”
“And if it doesn't?” I looked up at his solemn frown.
“Then remember to take me out.”
I didn't really want to think about that.
In we go. I stuck him with the needle and pushed the blood into his vein.
Neither of us seemed sure of what to say afterwards. I took off the elastic band and removed the needle and we both sort of just watched the puncture mark for a while like we were waiting for a burst of heavenly light to show us that he was healed. But nothing like that happened and we both seemed a little disappointed.
“Well,” Alex sighed, “Let's hope for the best.”
“Ya,” I murmured.
“Go get cleaned up,” He nodded to my messy appearance, “Get changed. Nothing we can do but wait now.”
“Do you want to lay back down?” I asked. He shook his head and I let him be. This was such a hopeless situation. I should have been vibing some positive bullshit but I didn't really know what to do.
Ben and Tony entertained Hayden out the on the living room landing, watching Cars and commentating on different scenes. Hayden wasn't quite as joyful as usual but he seemed to be distracting himself well. I caught the older boy's eyes as I passed by to the bathroom, shrugging grimly.
I shut the bathroom door behind me and gave myself a movement. For now, I avoided eye contact with myself and leaned against the counter, staring down at the sink. I had to keep my cool exterior together. For Alex. He didn't need me in the water works right now and I truly didn't want to worry Ben, Toby, and Hayden any more than possible. I was sure they all knew, including Hayden, what was happening to Alex but I didn't want to make it all so obvious. Slowly and probably rather painfully, he was turning. No doubt that he would soon be one of the Infected and we’d have to kill him. I feared the potential blood transfer was too late, if my blood was even effective for anything.
I couldn't imagine what Alex was going through internally. He said he was terrified and I believed him. Nobody really knew what the inside of an Infected brain was thinking but it was nothing as intricate as a normal human. He would most likely lose all memories, all feeling. He'd be a walking corpse and nothing else, waiting for the day that someone puts him out of his misery. I had to say he looked like he was handling it all pretty well though. I think I would have been in tears by now.
In the mirror, I finally got a good look at myself. I didn't remember getting hit in the face at all but my right eye was beginning to bruise, it was even puffing up a little, and cheek was also taking a on a light shade of purple though it wasn't quite as apparent yet. I pulled off my tank top and turned to set eyes on my shoulders where the Infected had left fingernail indents. There were even a couple of areas that had broken the skin though I couldn't tell how bad they really were. I would probably have Beckett take a look at them later.
I put my shirt back on turned on the faucet. My hands were the most mangled, still drenched in Alex's blood. It was all dry by now and had begun to peel off like flakes of dry skin but the crimson color traveled past my wrists up to my mid-forearms. My gray tank top and jeans were stained as well but I wasn’t too concerned with changing at the moment. I should have, but I wasn't.
“Dani?”
My attention fixed on a pair of small blue eyes, “Alex isn’t going to be okay… is he?”
I quickly glanced at Toby and Ben who exchanged troubled looks with me. Maybe I was wrong, maybe Hayden had no idea what was happening to Alex. I would have liked to give some kind of comforting words like, ‘he’s fine. He’s just feeling a little sick, that's all.’ But what was the point of lying to his face? One could argue that he’s too young and usually I would agree with that but the outcome of Alex’s sickness seemed to be inevitable and Hayden was currently living in this house. It was to his safety that he knew what was going on and besides, Alex was Hayden's friend. He deserved to know no matter how difficult it was going to be to comprehend.
I made no movement, “No Hayden. Alex isn't going to be alright.”
He was clearly troubled by my answer as it wasn't the one he was hoping to hear, “Is he going to die?”
Even without trying to cure him, I honestly wasn't sure. Did the fever kill him first and then turn him? Or did he go from fever to Infected without losing a heartbeat? I supposed it was dead either way but I didn't want to get all technical with the little one, “Maybe.”
Hayden seemed to think about this for a short moment before looking off toward Alex's room, “Can I go see him?”
How could I refuse? “Yes, but let me tell him first.”
Hayden nodded and got to his feet. Toby and Ben made no effort to follow, not that I blamed them. It was a hard situation but they hardly knew Alex, it was probably best if they just stayed out here for now.
I tapped the door of Alex's room softly and stepped inside. Alex looked no better than how he did when I left the room. In fact, he looked a little worse. I couldn't have been go longer than twenty minutes but Alex's skin seemed to have slipped more and his eyes seemed to have sunken in their sockets a little deeper. The entire room smelled of a rotten sickness. I could nearly feel the fever in the air. My blood wasn’t working.
“Hey,” I said softly, “There's someone here who wants to see you.”
At that, he peered at the small figure peeking in the doorway and a drowsy smile grew, “Hey bud. How's the movie?”
Hayden shrugged his shoulders and stepped inside the bedroom, “I like it.”
Alex nodded approvingly, “It's a pretty good movie.”
I placed my hand on Hayden's back and gently nudged him forward. I wasn't sure why he was being so shy all of a sudden. Usually while in Alex’s presence, he was bouncy and full of energy but right now he was about as quiet and timid as he was the first day we met him. I watched as he slowly patted towards the bedside, his hand nimbly trailed the comforter until he was just out of arm's reach of Alex.
“Are you going to see my mom?”
Both Alex and I were a bit caught off guard by the question. Alex wasn't even sure how to answer that and it took him a moment to even attempt it. The topic of Hayden's mother really bothered me, especially when Everett’s group showed up without Hayden's mother and Hayden didn't act too emotional about it. He didn't like to talk about it and mentioning his mom obviously bothered him but the only time I’d seen tears shed was when Beckett, Kale, and Alex had come back after finding the house that had been attacked by Infected with news that there were two bodies that didn't look like Infected. Maybe Hayden hadn't had too much hope when Everett’s group came? Maybe he had come to terms with the idea that his mom was dead and when he finally knew it was true, he had already accepted it. For his age, I had to say it was a pretty quick acceptance.
Alex carefully thought out what he said next, “I don't know… but if I do, I can tell her about how much of a goofball you are.”
Hayden smiled softly. He even let out a tiny giggle, “And how you've never beaten me Crash Team Racing?”
“That’s a lie.”
Hayden shrugged, “Mom doesn't have know that.”
“I don't think so,” Alex denied with a smirk.
There was short moment of silence before Hayden frowned suddenly, “I don't want you to die.”
Alex flinched at that and I had to say, so did I. Hayden wasn't old enough to know that even when something was probably true, it didn't mean you should say it out loud.
Alex glanced over at me watching the two of them, “Dani’ll take care of ya. Stick with her a
nd you’ll be alright.”
Hayden looked over his shoulder, still with a frown but in a accepting sort of way. He stared for a second and nodded, “Okay.”
Alex suddenly choked like he was struggling to breathe. His torso surged in short pops. I took a step forward and took Hayden by the arm, pulling him back.
“Toby! Ben!” I called, hearing the two come to the bedroom seconds later, “Take Hayden out of here.”
Hayden's resisted only minimally. He knew what was coming and there wasn't much he could do to stop it.
“Dani,” Alex called to me in between his hazardous spurting, “Do me… A favor.”
I nodded instantly, “Anything.”
His expression was serious, more serious than a look I’d ever seen him wear. Grim and sincere, “If I do actually… turn, don't let me stay like that. I don't want… to be one of the those things forever.”
It me a second but I bobbed my head again. This was something I'd promised hours ago but I wondered if Alex even remembered that? Maybe he was just making sure that I remembered. Whichever the case, I repeated what I had said earlier.
“I promise.”
Alex accepted my answer and stared up toward the ceiling, still in the midst of a slight choking like his airways were partially blocked off.
How did it come to this?
Hollie, of course, was the biggest factor. I still didn't know where she was, probably still moping in the basement. Well, screw her. Let her mope. Let her act all depressed and crummy. It should have been her anyway, she should be the one lying on death's bed making me promise to put her out of her misery and she knows it. I wasn't sure what I was going to do about her. How I can live within the same area as her knowing that she killed Alex? How would everyone else react when I tell them how her shitty temper tantrums and selfish acts got us all in this position in the first place?
Then I thought about myself. Yes, Hollie was the main reason Alex was on this bed but what about me? The Infected did have me on the ground and it would have bit me had Alex not tackled off of me. In a few short seconds, dark thoughts traveled into my mind. I wasn't strong enough to handle it all on my own and Alex payed the price. What if I was the one who killed him? If he hadn't been saving my ass, maybe he wouldn't be lying on this bed in need of a cure.