“Jesus, Robert, that was amazing,” I said. “Scary, but amazing.”
He chuckled, “Yeah, gives you a buzz doesn’t it.”
We walked in silence and finding a bench, we sat. I let him be for a minute and then he spoke.
“I want you to know that I’m really sorry about what happened. I wanted to get in touch straight away but I didn’t have your number. I can’t explain it; I lost control. I spend my whole life trying to keep everything inside but when I’m with you, I struggle,” he said without looking at me.
I turned to face him. “Why do you feel the need to have so much control?” I asked.
“I told you I was a street kid, so was Travis, but he wasn’t as smart as me. I had to make sure that we ate and the cops or the authorities didn’t pick us up. I guess I’ve always been in charge. Before being on the street, I had no control over what happened to me and now it’s a hard habit to break. I like my life, Brooke. I have money; I can do what I want, when I want. But that day I saw you, in that kitchen, something changed. I saw something in your eyes, the way you looked past who I was on the outside and I guess I needed to know more about you. You intrigue and confuse me; no one has had that effect on me, until now. You know, I’ve never kissed a woman before; I refused to. I didn’t want that intimacy with them, but with you…”
I sat and let out a sigh. “You’ve only known me for a couple of days,” I said.
“I know, and I can’t explain it. I just know that I have to spend time with you but I’m worried that I might hurt you. I have a knack of doing that when people get too close to me, a defence mechanism I guess.”
“You’re close to Evelyn and Travis and you haven’t hurt them,” I said.
He closed his eyes. “Oh yes I have, in the past, Brooke. They have the capacity to forgive me, that’s the only reason they’re still in my life.”
“Robert, I don’t know what to say to you. I don’t know what you want from me. I’m only here for another couple of weeks and then I have to leave. I do want you to know though; I didn’t run the other night because you hurt me. I ran because I liked it and that scared me.”
He looked at me sharply but I closed my eyes and continued.
“I like that you are complicated, fucked up even, but I also know you’ll break my heart at some point. You’re dangerous to know, only in the sense that you’re powerful, you’re intense, you demand and you get. I don’t think there would ever be an equal to you. You scare me sometimes, not because I think you will intentionally hurt me, but because you are so closed it makes you unpredictable. I look into your eyes and I see trouble, trouble for me.”
I said what I’d wanted to and then fell quiet. I let him digest what I’d just said. We sat for a couple of minutes in silence. Then he took my hand, brought it to his lips, and very gently kissed my knuckles.
“Can I at least buy you lunch?” he asked with a sadness that pulled at my heart.
Walking back to the bike, he kept hold of my hand. People smiled as they passed, we looked just like any regular couple taking a Sunday morning walk, but I knew that that was probably the last time I would see him, and that saddened me.
He drove a little more sedately to a small restaurant and we were seated immediately despite it being busy. It seemed that no matter where we went he was treated with the utmost respect, feted over. The waiters, while fussing over him, ignored me completely. He took up the one menu that was left on the table and started to order. Stopping mid sentence, he handed it to me.
“What would you like to order, Brooke?” he asked.
I imagined that was a first and I was grateful to him for thinking. He was trying to tell me he could relinquish some control, at least over what I chose to eat for lunch anyway. The waiter hovered around us and I quickly selected my meal, I wanted him to leave us alone, I wanted Robert to respond to what I had said.
“You know, Brooke, no one has ever said the kind of things you did to me. I guess that’s a shame really, I needed to hear that. I’m not closed as you put it, deliberately, I have a lot to hide, and yes, I find it hard to trust people. I don’t think anyone has ever wanted to be my equal. There are women, but they see the money, they are willing to do whatever I say and I have no respect for them. I know it’s wrong, but no one has stood up to me the way you’ve just done.”
“It’s not about standing up to you, Robert, but about communicating, talking about how we feel. You have a good relationship with Evelyn and Travis, surely they can talk to you honestly?” I asked.
His face softened when he spoke about them.
“They’re the only family I’ve got. Evelyn is like a big sister, she took care of Travis and me when we were younger and no matter what problems we got into, she always stood beside us. Because we are so close, I guess I don’t always appreciate when they’re telling me the truth. Take the other night; after Travis dropped you off, he tore a strip into me. I haven’t seen him that angry in years,” he smiled.
Finishing our meal he asked, “If this is the last day I get with you, can it be the full day?”
I closed my eyes; we’d had a good day so far so I nodded. I felt guilty about Sam and Scott, I had come to visit with them after all. However, after the conversation we’d just had and since it was the most open Robert had been about himself, I wanted to spend just a little more time with him before I said my goodbyes.
“Will you come back to the house? Sunday should be a sitting on the sofa, reading the papers day,” he asked.
I smiled, “Sure.”
I sent Sam a quick text telling him I would catch up with him later and we headed out. Driving much slower, he kept one hand over mine. It was as if he couldn’t let go, he wanted the connection to last as long as possible. We arrived at the house and he left the bike in front of the garages. Opening the door, he pulled off his boots and I removed mine, exposing my bright yellow fluffy socks. I shrugged my shoulders at the look he gave to my socks. I liked those socks they were warm and fun.
“Do you know what I loved to do when I was kid?” I said, as we climbed the stairs.
Before he could answer, I ran the last few and adopting the surfer position, slid across his wooden floor.
Turning to face him, I said, “Come on, your turn.”
“Why would I want to slide across a floor?”
“Because, Mr. Stone, it’s fun, it’s stupid, so try it.”
Looking like a duckling taking its first steps across an iced pond, he slid across the floor before he fell onto the sofa in a heap. I smiled though, not that he’d slid across the floor; that was dumb, but that he was laughing. I hadn’t heard him laugh. He had smirked, chuckled, but not laughed because he found something funny.
“You know, I don’t want to spoil the moment for you, but it’s nice to hear you laugh,” I said.
He shrugged. “Let me get out of these clothes, there’s wine in the fridge,” he said, as he made his way downstairs.
As much as I didn’t want to, the thought of him peeling off those leathers really got to me.
As I waited for him, it dawned on me that he hadn’t experienced a childhood, neither had Travis. If what Evelyn told me was true, and I had no reason to doubt her, he was neglected by his parents, beaten by his aunt and then looked after himself.
I felt him come back into the room. I hadn’t heard him and instead of coming to me, he sat, his muscular arms were slung across the back of the sofa as if he had opened his body up to me. I walked to the sofa and my resolve totally crumbled. I placed my hands either side of his face, looked into his eyes and gently kissed him. He reached for me, to pull me down towards him.
“No, Robert. I’m not having sex with you. What we’re going to do is what other people do, we’re going to spend time together and enjoy each other’s company.”
“Where do we go from there?” he asked.
“I don’t know, let’s just take each day as it comes and see. Let’s just have fun, be friends and worry about the rest
later.”
With that he picked up a remote, music floated around the room and I sat beside him. I leant into his side with my hand on his chest and he placed his arm around me. At first he was tense under my touch, but then started to relax.
“Why are you tense when I touch you?” I asked.
“I didn’t realise I was. You touched me the other night, I didn’t think there were any problems then,” he said, with a smirk.
“I don’t mean when we’re having sex, I mean now. I put my hand here, on your chest and you tensed.”
He stilled for a moment before he answered, “I don’t think anyone has ever hugged me before, not like this anyway.”
I did the thing I didn’t want to do, what I knew in my head was wrong. In that moment, I fell in love with him. My poor dangerous, damaged, black-eyed Robert.
We must have dozed off because I was woken by a sound from the kitchen. I looked up and saw Evelyn silently walking around; she smiled at me, putting a finger to her lips as she beckoned me over. I gently untangled myself and left him sleeping.
“I’m glad to see you here, Brooke,” she whispered. “He was like a bear with a sore head last night. He looks so peaceful at the moment, it’s good to see him relaxed.”
I smiled, “Well, we seem to have straightened things out, for the moment anyway.”
“I don’t normally come over on Sundays, I just thought Rob might want dinner. Do you want me to leave you alone?” she asked.
“Oh no, don’t leave on my account. Now I feel awkward,” I smiled.
“Don’t be, normally he would cook for himself or eat out.”
“Well, I’ll tell you what, if you don’t mind, why don’t I cook for him. Can I ask you something though? When I first came here, you called him Mr. Stone, now you call him Rob, why is that?”
She laughed softly, “I’ve always called him Rob, but in public, I guess we show detachment. I don’t know if that’s the right word or not but Rob views Travis and me as his Achilles heel. If people really knew how close we are, he worries that he could cause trouble for us, or that people would try to gain information about him from us.”
I heard him stir slightly; a murmur left his lips and that ended the conversation. I didn’t want to be conspiratorial but Evelyn wanted me to know things and I believed it was because she cared for him so much. She wanted him to try to have a normal life. Perhaps she thought that could be with me.
She waved and silently left the house. Taking the paper, I sat on the sofa, close to him without touching and while reading, I watched him sleep. He was so peaceful and relaxed.
I found my camera in my bag and took a picture of him, something to keep. I wanted to be able to study his face, the dark stubble showing on his jaw, the slightly crooked nose, broken in a fight I guessed, his dark hair, black like mine. It was right then that he looked normal, like any regular guy, but I knew differently.
I knew he was damaged, broken and although I didn’t know how I would, I wanted to mend him. I wanted him to have a childhood again, to experience a normal relationship. I wanted to show him that intimacy and touch was good but in the back of my mind I knew in just over two weeks I would also have to leave him. I had no idea how I would, if I could, do that.
Chapter Four
I checked out the kitchen and the fridge and decided what to cook for dinner. I believed myself to be a good cook, not up to the standard of Evelyn judging by what we had eaten before. I liked to cook and I wanted to prepare a meal for Robert. I took out some fresh pasta, some courgettes, garlic, and a lemon, I decided on a simple pasta dish. I sliced the courgettes ready to fry in olive oil, chopped the garlic, and grated some lemon zest. I found a pan and placed it on the stove. With my back to the room I started to prepare the dish. I smiled. I smiled because I knew he was directly behind me. I hadn’t heard him but I’d felt him. He hadn’t touched me, it was just a magnetic pull I felt when he was close.
“What are you doing?” he asked, softly.
“I’m cooking you dinner,” I replied. “It will be ready in a minute if you want to get some plates out.”
Brushing past me deliberately close, he set the breakfast bar for two. He opened a bottle and poured us a glass of cold Chablis. I took a sip and turned to face him. Looking into his eyes, that time, although they were still dark, I noticed flecks of silver, like little sparks of something just out of reach. His hand moved to my face and stroked my cheek, he let his thumb run over my lips, and I smiled.
“Sit,” I said. “Dinner’s ready.”
We sat side by side and ate. The sun had set a while ago and I noticed the room lit, subtly, by down lighters. I hadn’t noticed them come on, perhaps they were on a sensor, but they threw a lovely glow over the area we sat.
“How do you do that?” I asked. “How do you walk across a room and stand behind me without me hearing you? You did it the first day, in that kitchen, and you’ve done it today.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” he replied, taking a mouthful of pasta.
“You do. You’re like a cat, you walk so silently, sneaking up on a bird waiting to pounce.”
He smiled, “Perhaps I should have pounced then,” he said.
I shook my head and smiled as I reached for my wine. “I’ve had a great day, thank you.”
“So have I and I’m glad we talked, it’s not something I’ve done for a long time. I mean I talk obviously, but not just sat and spoke to a woman the way we have.”
With our meal finished, I turned to him.
“You need to take me home now,” I said
I gently ran my hand over his jaw, over the day old stubble.
“You could stay,” he replied.
“No. I want to, believe me, but I want us to be friends and this not to be just about sex.”
He sighed. “Ah well, a guy can only try,” he said with a slightly wicked grin.
I slapped his chest, “Come on; help me clear the dishes then it’s time for me to go.”
As we drove back to Sam’s apartment, I knew I’d done the right thing. We needed to be friends. So far what we had done was to eat and then have sex. It was more like the eating part was an incidental thing, the purpose of us getting together before taking me to bed as quickly as possible. Pulling up outside the apartment block, I remembered something I wanted to ask.
“How did you get in this morning, Robert?”
“Supervisor. I own the building,” he said.
Of course he did, I imagined he owned many of the buildings around here.
“Let me have your number,” he said, as he picked up his phone.
I reached for my bag, took out my phone and he took it from me. Entering my number into his phone, he also programmed his into mine.
“Now you can at least call me. Can I see you tomorrow?” he asked.
“Robert, I have to spend some time with Sam, he’s the reason I came here. Why don’t we make a deal? I’ll see Sam tomorrow; it’s his last day off work. I understand his boss was a bit shitty about allowing him some holiday time,” I smirked. “Then, I’ll see you Tuesday, after you finish work?”
“Maybe I should fire his boss, sounds like a mean person,” he laughed. “If that’s what I have to settle for, then that’s what I’ll settle for. I have a business dinner Tuesday but I want you to come with me.”
He left the car to open the door for me and then walked me to the apartment’s entrance. As he faced me, he placed his hands around the nape of my neck and rested his forehead against mine.
“Believe me when I say this, I’ll settle for whatever time you give me. I won’t like it, but seeing you for a little while is better than nothing.”
“Oh, Mr. Intense is back, I had so missed him,” I joked.
I reached up and kissed him, letting his tongue dance with mine, and his hands run through my hair.
“Sure you don’t want to change your mind? I can drive us back super quick,” he whispered into my mouth.
I pulled away
and smiled at him. “You’ve done well today, very restrained. I’ll call you tomorrow and I’ll see you Tuesday.”
“Restrained is not in my nature. I’ll give you tomorrow but after that…” he said with a smirk.
I walked away into the apartment block with just a glance back at him over my shoulder as the door closed behind me. I felt happy; we had a plan, an understanding. I had no doubts that it would not be easy. Could we keep a relationship going over thousand of miles when I returned home? I just didn’t know, but I was pleased that I’d changed my mind from that morning. Sam would be delighted, I hoped, and I ran the stairs to the apartment.
I opened the door and found the guys in the lounge. Sam jumped up to greet me with a big hug.
“We were getting worried, how has your day been? Please tell me the prick didn’t upset you again,” he said.
“No, he didn’t. I’ve had a great day. We went for a walk, we talked about what happened and then went for lunch. After, I went back to his house and we just chilled out, it was relaxing. Oh, Sam, I don’t know what’s going to happen but as much as he is so wrong, he’s so right as well,” I said with a shrug of my shoulders.
“I’m pleased for you. Are you going to see him again?”
“I told him that, if you didn’t mind of course, I would see him Tuesday. I want to spend the day, tomorrow, with you.”
“Honey, you spend as much time with him as you want. I’ve had twenty-five years with you; he can have a couple of weeks. Don’t you worry about me.”
My best friend laid back Sam, who I loved more than my own family. I hugged him in thanks.
“I do feel bad though, and to you Scott. I mean, I’ve come to visit and now I’m only spending half the time with you.”
“Well, like Sam said before, you don’t have to leave. Sam and I have been talking about it, you can crash here with us until you get sorted, if you wanted to stay longer.”
Fallen Angel, Part 1 Page 6