Keep My Baby Safe

by Bella Grant

  Diana pulled into the driveway, frowning at Travis’ car parked so that the garage was blocked. Her frown became a smirk. He thought I was home, she mused as she pulled to the side so he could get out in the morning. Serves him right for missing my birthday.

  She shivered as she rolled the windows of her car up, then sniffed her shirt. She’d driven the thirty minutes home from the casino with the car windows halfway down so she wouldn’t reek of cigarette smoke. It hadn’t worked, and now the fight that should be about him missing her birthday would be about her going to gamble.

  Before going in and having the same fight—with one different theme—they’d had a hundred times since getting married, she turned her phone on and listened to the multiple pings and dings of texts and voicemails left after she’d turned it off. She read through the texts, which were angry in nature by the last two sent nearly two hours earlier. The voicemails she would continue to ignore for now. The first one had been heartbreaking, as usual, when he told her he wouldn’t be home for her birthday.

  She’d listened with a sinking stomach at six that evening, then sat down on the floor in the kitchen and cried. He’d missed their anniversary, too, because of a work meeting. They had celebrated the next night, but the bitterness hadn’t really left even though he’d worked hard to make it special. And now he’d missed her birthday. So many cancelled dates, late nights, and weekends gone that they couldn’t get back.

  Sighing, she shook her head, trying to rid herself of the bitterness she just couldn’t shake. The cigarette smell enveloped her as her hair moved, and her face scrunched up in disgust. Grabbing a hair tie off the gear shift where she kept spares, she put her long brown hair up in a messy bun so Travis wouldn’t immediately smell the stench.

  Diana loved the casinos, the noises, the thrill of gambling, the excitement that coursed through her when she won. She even sort of liked the tiny amount of devastation she felt when she lost. Only two things caused a dislike of casinos in her mind: the stench of smoke, and the total loss she occasionally experienced. In her anger and sadness, she’d lost nearly five-hundred dollars this evening, a fact she would have to disclose to her husband soon. Luckily, she got paid in two days, which would slightly cover the loss.

  I’m not telling him tonight, she promised herself as she climbed out of the car and stomped to the house. Tonight would be about his working all the time and missing important events.

  When she stepped inside the door, Travis was staring at it as if he’d been waiting there all evening, as if she’d done something wrong. His eyes lifted to hers as she clicked the door closed and turned to face him. A nearly empty wine bottle sat in front of him, and as she watched, he lifted it and poured the rest in his glass. She leaned against the door, staring at him without speaking and wondering how to start this argument.

  “I brought you a gift,” he said into the silence, his eyes on the wine glass rather than on her.

  “I made a lovely dinner,” she retorted, an edge to her voice.

  Travis’ eyes lifted to hers again, searching, and the anger there caused a moment of fear in her, though she knew with one-hundred-percent acuity that he would never harm her physically. “Where have you been?”

  She pushed away from the door to remove her light jacket and drop it and her purse on the chair nearest the door. She remained standing next to it, one hand on the back as if supporting herself, and answered. “Out.”

  “Out where?”

  “Doesn’t matter,” she replied nonchalantly, patting the back of the chair carefully.

  “Casino?” Travis asked, and she shrugged. He exploded off the couch, yelling, “Goddamnit, Diana! I can smell it on you!”

  “Don’t yell at me,” she said quietly, pointing at him. “So I went to the casino. If I have to celebrate my twenty-fifth birthday by myself, I might as well be doing something I enjoy. Not staring at the dinner I made for my own birthday so my incredibly busy husband didn’t have to worry about it.” Her words dripped with anger and disdain.

  She watched as the guilt flitted across his face quickly and disappeared. “I called. I left messages and sent texts. You ignored all of them.”

  “I sat on the kitchen floor and cried after listening to your message,” she informed him tartly. “I chose not to respond because it wouldn’t have mattered if I had. You would have gone to your meeting, and I would have been alone on my birthday. Just like I was alone on our anniversary.”

  “We celebrated it the next day,” Travis reminded her, his face muscles taut with repressed anger. “You said that was fine.”

  “I had no choice, did I?” Diana asked, her voice breaking a little. “You made it clear I had no choice.”

  Travis sighed and his face relaxed somewhat. “I am very sorry, Diana.”

  “You always are. And your apology doesn’t change a thing,” Diana told him, staring at the floor. “You’ll miss the next event, or you’ll be late. I guess I should get used to it.”

  Travis moved closer to her, and she braced herself for the accusation she was certain would come. He sniffed when he was within a couple feet of her, stepped back two steps, and glared.

  “The casino again,” he growled, shaking his head. “How much did you lose?”

  Diana shrugged, her guilt pulling at her. “Five hundred.”

  “What the fuck?” he yelled, glaring at her. “Five hundred? What about rent? Groceries?”

  “I can make it back,” she yelled. “I’m sure I’ll have plenty of opportunity when you’re working.”

  “Don’t turn this around on me, dammit! I don’t force you to go to the casino every time your feelings get hurt.” Travis seethed, his hands clenched in fists as he began to pace.

  “Feelings get hurt?” she screamed shrilly, watching as he paced like a chained dog. Losing the money did put their problems on her head, but she felt like he was to blame for driving her to alternative activities. She wanted to be at home with her husband, but he couldn’t be bothered to stay home. Or come home. “You break my heart!”

  He faced her, his expression furious. “I am trying to build our dreams! The only way to do that is to work long hours.”

  “All hours!” she screamed. “I can’t imagine you’re always working. What else is keeping you busy?”

  “What the hell does that mean?” he asked, his eyes wide, astonished by her insinuation.

  “You’re fucking around, aren’t you?” she asked heatedly. “You talk about being able to smell me. I smelled perfume on your shirt the other day. It sure as hell wasn’t mine.”

  “You are being ridiculous! I have never screwed around, and you know it,” he yelled, pointing a finger at her, which she slapped out of her face. “While I’m busy working,” he emphasized the word, “you’re busy losing five-hundred dollars. So stop making stupid accusations to hide your own guilt.”

  Diana’s eyes filled with tears. “I am well aware of my flaw. Believe me, I feel guilty about it all the time.”

  “Then stop going to the fucking casino! It’s an easy goddamn fix, Diana,” he yelled at her.

  She flinched at his raised voice, and his expression changed. When he reached his hand out to comfort her, she jerked away from him and yelled, “Don’t touch me! You drive me to the casino every time you cancel on me. Every time you choose your work over your wife.” She scoffed. “You claim you’re busy building our dream. What bullshit! My dream is to have a husband by my side who loves me. Not an absentee husband who may as well be fucking around.” Her chest was heaving as she hurled another insult. “You aren’t married to me, Travis. You’re married to a fucking job!”

  “Better than being married to a gambling addict,” he said quietly, and the several seconds of silence that followed were filled by a heart-wrenching gasp from Diana.

  She felt as if she’d been hit in the stomach. All the air left her lungs in a rush, and tears, which she had forced to remain in her eyes, spilled down her cheeks. They stared at each other, and though
she saw regret in his eyes, he didn’t try and apologize. He remained silent, and so did she. She waited for him to speak because the only words she wanted to say were hard and unforgiveable. Finally, after several seconds of silence, she spoke.

  “I want a divorce.” Her voice, which she had expected to be weak and quiet, was strong and solid, without a hint of the tears crawling down her face.

  Travis’ expression hardened, his anger disappearing behind a protective shell. He nodded his head and pushed past her, saying, “I’ll pack a bag and go somewhere for the night. Tomorrow, I’ll call a lawyer and let you know when we have an appointment.” His speech finished, he left her in the living room alone.

  Diana lowered slowly to the couch, trying to come to terms with what had unfolded in the last five minutes of her life. He hadn’t put up a fight. He hadn’t said he was sorry. Neither had she. He had agreed as if the same thought had been in his head as well. Her marriage was over, and neither of them seemed to care.

  He left without a word a few minutes later, a small bag in his hand. She didn’t call out to him, just watched him leave from her seat on the couch as devastation crashed over her. She heard his key turn in the door, his last opportunity to keep her safe.

  When his car was no longer in the driveway, she slumped sideways on the couch and sobbed harder than she ever had in her life. She let the anger, the sadness, and the fear of what might happen take over her soul and cried like she had lost a part of her heart.

  The crying jag subsided, and she rose to get a glass of water before going to bed in their empty queen. She saw the flowers immediately, abandoned on the counter where he’d left them when he got home and found her gone. She saw the small box, cutely wrapped with a little blue bow, and she decided to unwrap it, though she wasn’t sure she even wanted his gift.

  The sapphire ring she found inside was beautiful. The sapphire itself was small and surrounded by smaller sapphires in a setting that reminded her of a flower. The ring was silver, her favorite, and the perfect size for her right ring finger. She put it on, stared at it, and pulled it off almost immediately. She carried it with her to the bedroom, where she laid it inside her jewelry box. Her left hand caught her eye, and the ring on her third finger. With a wrenching sob, she removed her wedding ring as well and laid it beside the sapphire ring. She closed the box with a snap, the sound symbolizing finality and forever in her ears.

  Neither will be worn after today, she thought as a cloud fell over her spirit. Without showering off the cigarette smell, without even brushing her teeth or taking off her clothes, she lay on the bed and cried herself to sleep.

  Chapter 1

  “Happy Birthday!” Alyssa cried loudly over the noise in the bar/restaurant they had chosen for the milestone celebration.

  “Ugh, thirty,” Diana mumbled, tucking her shoulder-length brown hair behind her ear. “Can you believe it?”

  “You don’t look a day over twenty-one,” Alyssa told her, smirking when Diana raised an eyebrow. “Okay, twenty-five.”

  “More accurate, but not the truth.” Diana laughed, lifting her Cosmo to clink Alyssa’s rum and coke. Although they joked, Diana really hadn’t aged in the last few years, despite the rough patch that had lasted over a year after her divorce. Her hair, which was shorter, shone with health, and the small lines around her blue eyes were visible only to her when she was in a mood.

  Alyssa smacked her lips after sipping her drink and lifted her menu. “Today is definitely a cheat day,” she announced, smiling. “Not only is it your birthday, it’s Friday. I don’t have to weigh in until Monday.”

  “You make it sound like your job depends on your weight,” Diana told her, giggling as she too opened her menu. “I’m ordering an appetizer and a meal. I might even splurge on a dessert. A birthday brownie, perhaps.”

  “You can still eat anything you want and you never gain a pound,” Alyssa grumbled, scowling as she looked at the calorie count listed next to every item.

  “Stop looking at the calories and eat,” Diana admonished her. “We have Camp Gladiator tomorrow. You’ll work off everything you’ve eaten since Wednesday in that class.” Camp Gladiator was a fitness class that lasted for an hour and a half and designed for both cardio and strength training. Diana hated it, but she went for Alyssa.

  Alyssa hadn’t been lying when she’d commented on Diana’s metabolism. Diana was willowy, had been her whole life except during the month after her divorce when she’d quit eating and become dangerously skeletal. At 5’8”, she only weighed 120 pounds and desperately wished she weighed more because of the lack of breasts and hips. But she ate like a teenaged boy and gained nothing. She supposed she should be grateful for it and was when she scarfed down a large order of fries or ate half a pepperoni pizza by herself.

  “I’m thinking about this Cajun pasta…” she murmured as she glanced through the menu. She lifted her head and looked around the restaurant. They had never been here, but it was classic New Orleans with mostly Cajun food and specialty drinks with French names. The food that wasn’t Cajun was filled with Cajun spices, so essentially was Cajun. Returning her attention to the menu, she frowned. “Or maybe the shrimp etouffe. Or the crab cakes.”

  “Yeah, well, be careful. Now that you’re thirty, you might lose the advantage of a fast metabolism,” Alyssa warned unnecessarily, inserting her usual rude comment into every conversation.

  “Or maybe I’ll be skinny my entire life,” she retorted, winking to ease the comment’s snark. “I don’t know what you’re so worried about. You look like Marilyn Monroe!”

  “Yeah, but one bad food weekend, and I gain ten pounds,” Alyssa reminded her. “But you’re right. It’s your birthday. I’ll enjoy my food and drink tonight, and work my ass off in the morning.”

  “That’s the spirit,” Diana announced, returning to her menu and her decision. As she read, a table of men erupted into laughter, drawing her attention. She glanced in their direction without really looking at them and continued perusing her menu as she sipped her drink.

  The waitress stopped by a moment later, smiling brightly. “Hey, y’all need anything? Decided what you want?”

  Alyssa indicated that Diana should go first, and she ordered a spinach dip with tortilla chips for an appetizer and the etouffe for dinner. Alyssa ordered a peppercorn steak with steamed veggies, as off her diet as she would ever go, and they both asked for a second drink.

  “Oh!” Alyssa said excitedly when the waitress turned to leave. “Wait, today is her birthday!”

  “No, no, it’s not,” Diana replied quickly, shaking her head at the waitress, whose face had lit up.

  “Yes, it is, you liar!” Alyssa insisted. “Do y’all do something fun for birthdays?”

  “We do, but I think I’ll make it a surprise for this pretty girl,” the waitress said, winking at Diana and brushing a hand down her shoulder to her elbow, lingering there. “Don’t worry, it isn’t too embarrassing.” She sauntered away with a promise to bring their drinks back quickly.

  “You are such a bitch,” Diana said, laughing. “There is no way I’m standing on my chair and shaking my ass with an alligator on my head.”

  “You damn sure will,” Alyssa announced and wiggled her phone. “And I’m recording every second!”

  “By the way, I think the waitress was flirting with me,” Diana hissed, leaning closer.

  “You are such an egotistical bitch,” Alyssa smirked. “Everyone always flirts with Diana.” She ended with a raspberry noise with her tongue out.

  Diana tossed her napkin at her friend just as the table of men erupted into laughter again. The table was behind a wall, blocking her view of the majority of the men. The two she could see she didn’t know, but one of their laughs was familiar. She watched the table for a minute, waiting to see if the hidden two would poke their heads out, but no such luck.

  When she returned her attention to her table, Alyssa was watching her. “What?” she asked defensively.

  “Yo
u looking to get laid tonight? A little—well, hopefully not little—treat for the birthday girl?” Alyssa asked, wiggling her eyebrows in a funny way rather than suggestively.

  Diana snorted, shaking her head. “Um, no thanks. The two I can see are absolutely not my type. A little old.”

  “Yeah, but you don’t know what the other two look like, and when you’re horny, there is no such thing as a type!” Alyssa giggled.

  “Good Lord, Alyssa,” Diana murmured, glancing at the tables near them to see if she had been overheard.

  “Seriously, how long has it been since you’ve had sex?”

  “Longer than I like to think about,” Diana huffed. She missed sex. After her divorce, she’d waited nearly two years before dating. A couple of disastrous dates later, she decided a one-night stand or two might be better for her. She’d enjoyed a couple of fun nights with friends, but neither of them were men she wanted to date. So, she thought to herself after calculating, almost three years. And I am not saying that out loud.

  Alyssa watched the group of men while Diana was lost in the memory, or lack thereof, of sex, and leaned closer to hiss, “There’s nothing wrong with the two I’m looking at. Except their ages maybe…”

  Diana glanced again when they laughed, frowning. “Man, one of them has a laugh like—” She bit her tongue and stopped herself.

  “Like who?” The waitress set down their drinks and the spinach dip. Diana hoped the interruption would refocus Alyssa on the food, but she looked at her with a mouthful of tortilla chip and spinach dip and asked again, “Like who?”

  The laugher erupted, and she heard the sound again. “Like Travis.”

  Alyssa jerked her head back, swallowing hard. “Ew. Why would think of that asshole after all this time?”

  “Because one of those guys sounds just like him when he laughs,” she answered quietly. “I’m surprised I even remember what his laugh sounds like.”

  “Please don’t get all sad tonight. Besides, I don’t really know why you would want to remember what he sounds like,” Alyssa said bitterly. “The man treated you like shit and let you go like you meant nothing to him.”