After a few seconds, Isaac got on the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Izzy,” Charlene said, trying to sound calm.
“Hey, babe,” he said, actually sounding excited to hear her voice.
“What you doing?”
“I’m just heading out to the office, about to get out of here,” he replied.
“What are you doing tonight?”
“Probably just some work at home ... Why? Whatsup?”
“Come do the work over here,” she said back.
Charlene hadn’t been calling to ask that, but after hearing he was with Lacy she wanted to state her claim for some reason.
“Babe, I don’t know if I can.”
“Why not?”
“I have to drop Lacy off at home and then get like ten reports done by tomorrow. You know I can barely get work done around you. You are distracting.”
“Distracting?” Charlene was getting upset, knowing that Lacy was probably listening to the whole conversation.
“I meant that in a good way, baby. I’m going to want to sit and cuddle with my fiancée over getting work done.”
Charlene wasn’t sure why Isaac was being so sweet, but she was happy that he was. That was more what Charlene wanted to hear, or rather wanted Lacy to hear.
“I promise I won’t distract you,” she said.
“OK. I’ll try to make it, babe. Let me see what time it is when I’m done.”
Charlene accepted that answer, because she knew that that was probably all that she was going to get from him at this point. She wanted to tell him to drop off Lacy right now, and once she knew he was alone, she would tell him to stay home and do his work. She wasn’t in the mood to keep all the guilt and fear she was feeling disguised, anyway. She did know, however, that if she didn’t request his presence he might hang out with Lacy all night, and she didn’t like the thought of that, either. Usually she was a trooper about it. Showing how secure she was, or pretending to be at least; and trying to show them both that she was confident in her relationship with Isaac. She didn’t know if they could see through it or not, but the truth was that it bothered her extremely, and she wished that one day Lacy would find someone of her own, and go away. She hoped that happened before she had to finally show her weakness and get rid of Lacy her damn self.
Chapter 15
It couldn’t have been more than a week that went by before it seemed as though she could barely face herself in the mirror. The more sweet and romantic Isaac was, the more that the guilt from not being up front with him was driving her crazy. She knew he deserved to know the life he would be signing up for if he married her, but she was afraid she would lose him if he knew. She wondered if he loved her enough to give up having a child. She knew no man would find that an easy decision to make, especially Isaac, who took so much pride in carrying on his sick father’s name. She couldn’t help but wonder if it was a punishment for all her sins and deceit.
She had discussed it with her sister and Jasmine, and they both understood her dilemma but didn’t quite agree with the way she was handling it. They didn’t know how long she was planning on trying to keep the truth from him. They agreed that for most guys it probably wasn’t as big of a deal. However, since it was Isaac, one of the few men in this day and age that actually yearned for children, that changed the whole situation. It wasn’t like if she never brought it up, he would never notice he wasn’t having kids.
Charlene knew that they were right, she was just unsure about how to face him with it. She knew that it would crush Isaac, and she wasn’t sure if he would work things out with her. He might want to go find a woman that he could definitely have his kids with. The sense of urgency was even more severe since his father was sick, and waiting around while trying to impregnate Charlene would probably not be something he would be too happy about. Charlene knew in her heart that Isaac loved her. However, if she told him the truth about why it was almost impossible for her to bear children, he would probably be just as upset realizing that she had told him some lies.
And Charlene knew that not only were Paige and Jasmine right, it was only a matter of time before Isaac would ask her to go get checked out if he started to realize his sperm weren’t successful. So she realized that she was better off telling him now than later, since it wouldn’t be at such a sensitive time.
It was about 8:00 PM on a Saturday night and she was waiting on Isaac to come over to her house. She had planned on going by his place, but her car was acting up some and she didn’t want to drive it any more than she had to until she got it fixed.
Isaac arrived at about 8:30, and as usual he headed straight for the couch. He was dressed in a navy blue Sean John sweatsuit and white Air Force 1 sneakers. Charlene liked it when Isaac dressed like that, especially since it didn’t happen that often. It was a little nippy in her apartment so she grabbed a blanket from the linen closet and joined him on the couch. He went straight to one of his favorite television shows My Wife and Kids, and got engulfed in the story. He looked so happy, Charlene thought to herself. He really had the perfect life, at least for the most part. She started to feel guilty that the worst part of his life right now, besides his father being sick, was that he had a fiancée that he didn’t really know. She used to be able to convince herself that the past is the past, and as long as he knew her today that’s all that mattered. However, she realized after a while that he didn’t know her today, either. He only knew a part of her, and the image of her. He couldn’t possibly really know her, without knowing her past, because her past was so much of who she was today.
Charlene sat there trying to muster up the courage to tell Isaac the truth, or at least some of it. After his show was over he started flicking through the channels, and Charlene thought it was a good time to strike up a conversation while he wasn’t focused on anything.
“So, how was your day, babe?” she asked.
“It was good. Business went well; I was home at a decent time. It was a good day ... How was yours?”
“My day was cool, too.”
He didn’t reply. His attention got caught up in the channel that he had landed on, and he seemed to be checking out the program. Before he got too interested in it and she lost him completely, she continued.
“I have something to tell you, baby, and it’s really not good news,” she said in an obviously nervous tone.
Isaac instantly looked over at her, right in her eyes. It was like he was searching for the truth before she could even say what it was.
“What does it have to do with?” he asked.
“Me and you,” she said.
“Something to do with Rich?”
“NO!” Charlene said pretty loud. “What would make you say that?”
“Just asking,” he said.
“What do you think, that I am cheating on you with Rich or something?”
“I didn’t say that. Now, what is it?” he asked, sounding frustrated.
“Well then, why was that the first thing out of your mouth?” she asked, sounding equally frustrated.
“No reason, just a guess ... Now, what is it?”
Realizing there was no reason to harp on the topic and draw more attention to it, she went ahead and continued.
“Something Dr. Ginyard told me,” she said.
Isaac paused for a second, as if he was trying to imagine all the things that could come next.
“What did she tell you?” he finally asked.
After a moment of hesitation, she replied. “She said that I will more than likely have a hard time getting pregnant.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Just that ... I may not get pregnant easy; we may have to work at it.”
“I don’t understand, why is that?”
“She just said that I may not be that fertile, that I may have to work at it for a while.”
Isaac was looking down for a second as he listened to her news. Then he looked over at her and put his arm on her leg.
“That’s fine, baby, then we will just work at it.”
Charlene didn’t know how to react. She was surprised that he wasn’t upset, and touched that he reached out to console her.
“Thanks, baby,” she said.
“You don’t have to thank me. Millions of couples don’t get pregnant right away. It’s normal to take some tries,” he said.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“Yeah, like they do on TV, they track when you ovulate and stuff,” he said, slightly giggling.
Trying to act normal, she giggled back. “Yeah,” she said.
“We will be fine,” he said, lightly rubbing her leg.
Charlene realized that her light version of the truth hadn’t helped much because Isaac didn’t seem to get it. Then again, how could he? She hadn’t really told him. He is thinking that it would be the same difficulty that any of his friends would have if they were trying. He didn’t know that he would probably never be successful. Charlene felt uncomfortable knowing that if she left the conversation where it was, it would have been a meaningless conversation because he still wouldn’t know the whole truth and she wouldn’t know how he would react if he did.
“I guess you’re right, we just have to work at it ... But how would you feel if it didn’t work?”
“Don’t even say that, Charlene, we will be fine.”
“I know, I’m just asking. What if ... What if it turns out that we can’t?”
“I don’t even want to think about that, or talk about that. We shouldn’t jinx that. You are young and healthy, and so am I. We will have no problem having our babies.”
His words just pierced Charlene’s heart. How was she going to tell this man just the opposite, that she wasn’t healthy and that they would have nothing but problems having them?
Charlene remained quiet. She took a moment to let it all sink in. She tried to figure out what if anything she could say to make it more clear without putting her foot in her mouth. Before she could think of another comment to make, Isaac interrupted.
“You OK, baby?”
“I’m fine. I just know how bad you want to have kids and I am worried.”
“Don’t be ... This is everyday stuff, you’ll see. If anything, I’ll go with you to the doctor next time, and we will ask questions.”
Although it was very sweet of him, that was the last thing that Charlene wanted. She realized then that she had done all that she could for now. Her attempt at being honest may not have been the most effective, but it was a start.
“Let’s go try right now,” Isaac said slightly playfully as he started to rub her leg again.
Charlene started to giggle some, realizing that this conversation was pretty much done. Isaac continued on to start their efforts, and Charlene went along with it.
“You ready to make our baby?” Isaac asked as he slowly kissed her neck.
Charlene didn’t know what to say, but she also knew confession time was over even if her conscience did try to convince her otherwise.
“Yes, I am,” she whispered back at him as she fell deeper and deeper into his caress.
He slowly kissed her from her neck down to her chest. Once he reached a point where her scoop-neck shirt began to cover her bare skin, and he couldn’t kiss any lower, he began to remove it. He lifted her shirt over her head and continued where he left off. He kissed lower, kiss by kiss until he reached the split in her chest. He started with her right breast, as he slowly and softly kissed all around her breast and nipple. Once he made her right nipple hard, and he had given it his undivided attention, he moved on to the left. He slowly and softly kissed and sucked on her left breast, while he softly caressed her right breast with his free hand. After he had succeeded at making both of her nipples nice and hard, and he could tell her body was yearning for more, he continued down his trail. Charlene just lay back allowing him to do his magic. That’s one thing that Charlene never had a complaint about, was Isaac’s foreplay. He always knew how to get her body nice and moist.
He had started to slowly lower her pants as he continued to kiss and nibble at her upper body. Once he had slightly lowered her pants, he ran his lips along her waistline slowly and gently. He didn’t use his tongue, just his soft lips. The feel of his soft, plump lips lightly rubbing against her pelvic border was driving her wild. He continued to slowly pull down her pants, and with his assistance she wiggled out the rest of the way. The entire time he kept his mouth on her body, and once her pants were off he made his way past her panties. By this point Charlene was absolutely craving him. She was wet and overly excited. He had taken his time and remained so gentle that she was even squirming on the inside. After he had begun tongue kissing her lower set of lips, she just lay back and enjoyed every second of it. As she lay there, she started to fill with joy that she had a man that loved her so much and she felt lucky that he was so good in bed. What more could she ask for? She knew a man with his talents was hard to come by. Most men didn’t know when and how to take it slow, but Isaac was definitely a pro.
Just as she drifted off into lust and happiness, he stopped and began undressing. It seemed he couldn’t take any more of her moaning and wiggling, he wanted to join in. Usually he was a trooper, and always finished what he started but it seemed he had another goal in mind tonight. He climbed on top of her and entered her with one aggressive push. From the start it went from soft and slow to hard and fast. No complaints from Charlene, ’cause she was surely loving this, too. Especially since Isaac’s package wasn’t slacking by any means, so she loved a good pumping from her man. Everything was just great, she was moaning, he was biting his bottom lip, they were both in pure ecstasy. It was only a matter of minutes before Charlene was going to orgasm and begin her jerking movements. Sure enough after a few more pumps, she felt that wonderful feeling go through her body, and she tensed up, enjoying the moment. As her body convulsed with pleasure, she squeezed Isaac’s back. He continued thrusting in and out of her, so he could then join her, now that mission number one was complete.
Charlene just lay there in bliss awaiting his nut. The best part of it all was that Charlene had actually forgotten what had started all of this in the first place. The whole conversation just slipped her mind really quickly. That was, until Isaac finally spoke again. Just as he began to tense up and hold himself inside of her with one stiff motion, he spoke into her ear.
“With your pussy, I can do this all day ... We will make a baby in no time.”
Charlene didn’t respond. Isaac pushed himself as far inside of her as he could, as he, too, enjoyed the pleasure he had just given Charlene. That quickly, he drew her out of her trance and back to reality. If only he knew that they could do that all day, every day, but a baby would not come in no time.
Chapter 16
Charlene was at the office, multitasking—talking on the phone and doing some data entry on the computer. The office was pretty quiet and calm and Charlene had spent most of the day online looking up information about damaged uteri. She surprised her own self that she was able to just face it head on and deal with this part of her life. It was as if just talking about it, and having it come up more in the past month than it had her entire life, had helped her grow up overnight. She realized that as rough as this had been for her, it was probably time for her to try her best to address this issue the best way she could. She had spent years burying it as deeply as possible, and still it had surfaced.
Charlene had started to fool herself. She started to believe her own “new life.” She liked it better being the Charlene she had become and it was hard for her to go back to that old place. So although she knew that it was a bit childish to create a new identity, it was the answer for her if she was to have any chance at a normal life. Her plan was to leave out some information about her life, and to pretend to most people to be somewhat of a Goody Two-shoes. It was only a matter of time until she had played the part so well she landed herself, Isaac and a lot of new friends who thought better
of her than anyone ever had.
What woman wouldn’t want a fresh start if she could have one? No judgments, no smart comments, no guys asking in front of everybody for one more jump in the sack, no girls trying to beat you up, no drama. Living life day to day like none of that had ever happened, Charlene became addicted to her new life and persona and she didn’t think she should feel guilty about that. It had been a few years since she had first made her changes, or, as she liked to call it “the none of their business creed,” and life had been fine until now.
Still, Charlene wasn’t going to let this ruin everything; she wanted to see if there was a way she could make it right. Maybe there was something she could tell Isaac so that he would never one day have to wonder why it wasn’t as easy to have children as he was expecting.
“You told him?” Paige asked.
“Yeah ... Well, kinda,” Charlene replied.
“What’s ‘yeah, well, kinda?’”
“I told him the doctor said that it may be difficult for me to get pregnant, but I told him it was because of my fertility, I didn’t tell him the whole truth.”
“OK, I guess as long as he knows the important part.”
“Yeah, except I don’t think he got the important part, either.”
“What do you mean?” Paige asked.
“He seems to think this is a normal case, and if we just try or have sex often enough we will still be having a baby as soon as we want one.”
“But the doctor said it’s almost impossible, like a one-in-a-million chance, right?”
“Yeah, basically.”
“So, he doesn’t know that part?”
“No, he doesn’t. He also doesn’t know that if I did miraculously get pregnant it would be a high risk.”
“Charlene! So what did you tell him?”
“I sort of told him that it won’t be 1, 2, 3 to have a baby ... He at least knows that if it’s not happening, he knows why ... I didn’t lie ... I just left some facts out and downplayed the truth, but the result is the same.”
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