She's No Angel

by Janine A. Morris

  850 calories and five television programs later, Paige finally called back.

  “What took you so long to return my call?” Charlene asked as she picked up. She had been watching television for over three hours, and she had had over fifteen Oreos and two glasses of milk.

  “I went to the gym, and I’m leaving now.”

  “The gym? Since when you go to the gym?”

  “A little over a month now.”

  “You should have told me, I need to go with you.”

  “Please, for what? You nothing but skin and bones.”

  “Please ... I just ate one and a half rows of Oreo cookies.”

  “Lol ... PMS?”

  “I don’t know, but I know I sat here and tore them things up,” Charlene said, laughing.

  “You a mess,” Paige replied. “What’s up, though? You sound like there was more drama on your message than Oreo eating,” she continued.

  “Yeah ... Well, Isaac called me and started asking me questions about how I found out, and why the doctor would test me for something that major without me asking, and telling me how he heard they don’t normally do that and all of this,” Charlene blurted out.

  “Damn, really? He is really concerned with all of that?”

  “I’m telling you, when it comes to him and having his children, he don’t skip a beat.”

  “That is crazy. You would never think a man would be that into that stuff.”

  “Not Isaac. He wants me to make an appointment so he can come with me.”

  “You’re not even pregnant, why does he want to go?”

  “To see why I will have trouble getting pregnant.”

  “You can’t get pregnant, though, what doesn’t he understand?”

  “Remember, I didn’t tell him everything ... And I can get pregnant, it’s just highly unlikely that I will be,” Charlene said, defending herself.

  “First of all, not highly unlikely, damn near impossible the doctor said ... I was there. Second, you haven’t told Isaac yet, Charlene?”

  “I told him what I thought was enough. Who would think he would come back inquiring?”

  “Leen, listen. This is your relationship, but I really think you need to explain everything to him so that he doesn’t have to go through trying to get you pregnant and all that frustration. You know he wants to give his father a grandchild before he passes, why would you want to deceive him into thinking that’s possible? That’s just mean.”

  Charlene didn’t even know what to say. She had to admit it was kind of heartless. Still, she knew that either way there was going to be disappointment, she didn’t see how her volunteering extra information was going to make it better.

  “I feel ya, Paige, but I just don’t know how. Besides, once I have to retract all my other tales I’ve told he may flip out.”

  “Not if you explain why you didn’t tell him. What else you going to do? Have him come to the doctor with you and ask the doctor to lie for you?”

  “I was just going to tell him I made an appointment, and then when it came, miss it for some reason,” Charlene replied.

  “What’s that going to do?”

  “I’m not sure if he really wants to go to ask questions or to see if I’m being one hundred percent truthful.”

  “And you think by missing the appointment, he is going to go away? He will just expect to go on another, and don’t you think the more you prolong it the more suspicious he will become?”

  Charlene couldn’t take much more of Paige’s sense talking. Just the thought of breaking the news to Isaac was not only making her heart beat faster, it was the absolute last thing she wanted to do. She made an excuse to get off the phone with Paige. Not to be mean, but she just needed some time to think for herself. She had asked Paige and Jasmine their opinions, but she realized that eventually she was going to have to face this herself. Charlene knew that Paige was morally right, but what Jasmine had advised sounded so much easier to handle.

  Chapter 20

  Charlene took the night off from thinking through her situation. She was tired of going back and forth with herself. She started to think that maybe she was making a bigger deal out of it than it was. She hadn’t killed anybody or cheated, she didn’t think she should have to beat herself up over this. So, once she hung up with Paige and pondered over it for a bit, she went right back to watching television and eating Oreo cookies.

  The next day, it crossed her mind once or twice but not enough to call the doctor and make an appointment or to call Isaac and tell him she wasn’t making one. It was Friday, and Charlene worked her little heart out all day to get everything done so she could get off nice and early. She just wanted to go home and relax. It had been a long and daunting week, and she was looking forward to the weekend.

  She left the office at exactly a quarter to five. Her boss had left early for the day, so she left out a little earlier than she was supposed to. On the ride home, she felt great. She was listening to Golden Girl holding it down as a guest DJ on WBLS and jamming to the latest R&B. Good days didn’t come often for Charlene lately, but she was actually having one today. She hadn’t spoken to Isaac yet, and she had breezed through her workday. She didn’t want to let all the drama take over her entire life. She was a newly engaged woman, and hadn’t even begun to get into the happy wedding planning. Charlene wanted to finally just move on, even if it meant she had to ignore Isaac’s little inquisitive tantrum. She had come this far from her past; she wasn’t ready to let it grab her back down now. So she told herself what she had said many times before: you have to fake it until you make it.

  She got home, put down her things and went to the bathroom. She was sitting on the toilet when her phone rang in her purse in the living room. She thought about getting it, but she didn’t feel like jumping up to get it, she was enjoying that feeling of just releasing on her home toilet. So she let the phone ring to voice mail. After the phone rang out, a few moments later her house phone rang. She was almost done by then, but still not ready to wrap up. She was still relaxing, and she decided she would call the person back. Then her answering machine turned on, and seconds later she heard the voice of Isaac coming through the speaker.

  “Hey, it’s me, Isaac. I’m on my way there, be there in about five to ten minutes.”

  Charlene quickly wrapped up what she was doing, pulled up her pants and rushed to her purse to get her cell phone. She instantly checked the caller ID and, as she had expected, it was Isaac who had called both phones. She called him back from her cellular. He answered pretty quickly.

  “Hey, baby,” Charlene said.

  “Hey, darling ... You home? I’ll be at your place in about five minutes.”

  “Oh ... Yeah, I’m here. How did you even know I was home?”

  “I wasn’t sure, but I figured you would be soon. Even if you weren’t there yet, I would have used my key and just waited for you to get home.”

  “OK ... You would have been waiting for me in some silk boxers?” she asked playfully.

  “Maybe,” he replied. “I’ll see ya in a bit.”

  Charlene hung up, realizing there was no need to even try to change or straighten up. He left her no time at all to do anything. When she really thought about it, she shouldn’t have to still put on a show when he came over, anyway.

  About ten minutes later, Charlene heard keys fiddling at her door. She looked up and Isaac was walking in. He was dressed in black slacks, a tan and black button-up shirt and black shoes. He had a fresh haircut and a new nice-sized diamond in his ear. He was looking absolutely delicious, and Charlene was hoping she could get a taste before he left. As soon as Isaac walked in, he, too, headed to the bathroom. Charlene sat on the couch flicking through channels. She had taken off her socks and shoes and was happily wiggling her toes, excited to relax on this Friday night. Once he got out of the bathroom, he started making conversation. Normally, all Isaac wanted to do was watch television and sit mostly in quiet. Not today, though, he was in a conversati
onal mood.

  “How is work going?” he asked.

  “It’s going well. Sarah is finally leaving so it’s going to be a little busy until they replace her.”

  “It’s about time. Didn’t she resign like over three months ago?” he asked.

  “Yeah, but they begged her to give them more time. But she finally left. Today was her last day.”

  “That’s cool. I’m sure you can handle it,” he replied.

  “I hope so and hopefully they bring someone else in quick.”

  “They probably will,” he responded.

  A few seconds passed, and the television seemed to have their attention. Isaac had taken the remote and was flicking through channels now; they both were waiting for something that interested them enough to catch their eyes so they could start to watch it.

  “So did you call the doctor?” he asked.

  He threw her off. For some reason she thought possibly he’d forgotten about it, especially since he hadn’t called or brought it up.

  “No, not yet.”

  “What do you mean, not yet?”

  All of a sudden, Isaac seemed to change his mood. He wasn’t as relaxed and he wasn’t flicking through channels anymore.

  “I didn’t call yet, I had got so busy,” she replied. She didn’t look away from the television, and she had started fiddling with her fingers.

  Isaac on the other hand was looking right at her and was very focused.

  “I asked you to call as soon as you hung up, and you couldn’t find a moment since then?”

  “Not that day, it was busy. Then today it was busy and I forgot.”

  “Forgot? Really? How do you forget about something like this?”

  “Sorry, Isaac ... I have a lot on my mind.”

  “You? This is my life we are talking about, too, here.”

  “I know, I’m going to make the appointment.”

  “Forget it ... I’ll make it, because I don’t want to wait on you to clear your schedule and remember.”

  “That’s not necessary. I’ll get to it.”

  “Charlene, there is something up with this whole situation ... something you’re not telling me.”

  Charlene’s eyes dropped momentarily, and she felt her heart racing. Isaac’s tone and anger had made her uncomfortable and nervous. Now he was putting her on the spot. She hadn’t even made up her mind completely about which route to take with this whole thing, and now here he was with the flashlight in her face. She knew she didn’t want to tell him under these circumstances even if she was going to tell him.

  “There is nothing I am not telling you, Isaac, I wish you would calm down about this.”

  “It’s hard to be calm when I don’t know what’s going on.”

  “Just relax. We will work it out. I’ll call the doctor and we can go one day to get some more information.”

  “OK, well, in the meantime help me be clear ... The doctor just said that you did not have normal fertility?”

  “Basically,” she replied, not looking in his direction.

  “But she says you will have kids, it just may take some monitoring of your period and when you’re ovulating and stuff like that?”

  “Something like that.”

  Charlene’s body temperature had risen. Her hands and face were clammy, and she could feel anxiety running through her body. She was partially angry and partially nervous. She just wanted this to end. It was bad enough she wasn’t used to Isaac getting angry and yelling, but she hated his line of questioning. Of course, though, this was out of her control.

  “Something like that?” Isaac asked.

  He put down the remote and turned toward Charlene. She slightly looked his way, but didn’t look him in his face. He took her face in his hands.

  “Look me in my eyes, and tell me you are telling me the truth.”

  Not expecting this, Charlene’s eyes were roaming on and off his. Then before she could stop it, her eyes started to well up with tears. Her body was becoming overwhelmed with guilt, fear, anger, sadness and every other emotion in the book. She just couldn’t hold strong anymore. The tears began to stream down her face, but Isaac still had her face in his hand. Her tears weren’t fazing him one bit. He just sat there holding her face, waiting for her to speak.

  “I can’t have children,” she mumbled through the tears.

  Isaac let go. “What do you mean?”

  “I have a ruptured uterus and it is close to impossible for me to bear children.”

  “Close to impossible?” Isaac asked in a soft and saddened tone.

  “The chances are very, very slim, the doctor said, and if I do get pregnant it would be a high-risk pregnancy for both me and the child,” Charlene continued.

  Isaac sat there in silence for a few moments, taking it all in. Charlene sat a few inches away from him, with tears still rolling down her face, trying to muffle her sobs.

  “Why didn’t you tell me all of this, Charlene?” Isaac finally asked. “This is serious.”

  “I was, but I didn’t know how.”

  “A ruptured uterus? What is that from?” Isaac asked. It was like he had just replayed what she said back in his head, and just realized he’d missed a major part.

  Charlene paused, her sobs stopped for a moment. She looked over at Isaac and could see in his eyes that he wasn’t up for any bull. He wanted to get to the bottom of this. She knew it made no sense for her to even try to bother and play the vague game.

  “I had an abortion and it didn’t go well. My uterus was ruptured, and a few other organs were slightly damaged. I was pretty delicate down there, but it’s been a while so the doctor said a lot has healed. My uterus, on the other hand, was really bad off, so it’s not where it should be.”

  “You had an abortion? When was this?” Isaac asked.

  “Yes ... Well, actually I did it myself. I was afraid to go to my mother and afraid to go to the doctor. That’s how I damaged myself in there.”

  “You did it yourself? How old were you?”

  “Yes, myself ... or at least I tried myself ... with a knitting needle. I ended up going to the hospital an hour or so later and they completed what I started and fixed me up.”

  “How old were you?” he asked again.

  “I was thirteen when this happened.”

  Isaac looked away for a second, and then locked his eyes on the floor on the other side of the room. To Charlene, it felt like forever, but only about ten seconds went by before he spoke.

  “Thirteen, Charlene? ... I thought you didn’t start having sex until your last year of high school.”

  Charlene didn’t answer right away. At that point Charlene wished she hadn’t said so much. She was starting to think clearly again through the emotions, and she realized that she had said a lot. She didn’t have time to think of anything else.

  “It was younger than that; I was a little dishonest about that when we met.”

  “A little dishonest?” Isaac’s voice started to rise again. He wasn’t sad for her or himself anymore. He was angry again.

  “Let me guess, you had more than three partners, too ... thirteen having an abortion ... You must have been real loose,” Isaac continued.

  Charlene just sat there. She couldn’t defend herself, because there was no defense. More denials, more lies, what was the point? She wasn’t going to give him any more information to throw in her face, but she definitely wasn’t going to add any lies.

  “The worst part is not that you lied to me and told me you only had three partners and you really were a ho. Not even that you were going to try to have me do the impossible, and turn a ho into a housewife ... But you were going to waltz around here like everything was all good. Knowing you couldn’t have kids, having me be oblivious to that, and you know how much that means to me. I told you what it meant to me to give my father grandchildren, and you didn’t even have the decency to let me in on your little secret ... well, secrets. That’s the worst part.”

  “I’m sorry,
Isaac, I really am. I didn’t want to lose you.”

  “Really? That’s why you have been lying to me through our whole relationship because you didn’t want to lose me?”

  Even though she heard the sarcasm in his question, she still answered. “Yes.”

  “I doubt that, Charlene. The reason for that was because you’re a lying bitch. That’s the only reason.”

  Isaac had already stood up, and by this point he had his keys in his hand and he was walking toward the door. Charlene had her head low, blinded by the tears that had been continuously flowing from her eyes.

  “And you don’t have to worry about losing me. You never had me—whoever the real you is,” Isaac added right before he walked out the door.

  Men can be so evil. When they are hurt, they only know how to lash out and hurt right back. He said everything he could think of to make Charlene feel lower than low, and even worse than she already did. It definitely worked, too. As soon as Isaac shut the door, Charlene’s heart just dropped inside her stomach. The pain ran so deep that her first major sob was silent. It was as if she was gasping for air. Finally she caught her breath and just let out a loud, screechy sob. She knew Isaac had a right to be upset. The reality was he had even made some true points. All except the one that she was just a lying bitch. Charlene knew it wasn’t that, although that is how it seemed. It was fear, fear he wouldn’t accept her. She knew that was no excuse at this point and he probably wouldn’t want to hear that. She also knew the curse of getting caught in lies is that nothing you say after that is credible. Even the truth is a lie after that.

  Chapter 21

  The next morning, Charlene woke up a complete mess. She had cried nonstop for hours, crying her soul out. It wasn’t even just pain from the harsh things Isaac said; it was the pain from knowing he was right.

  She staggered into the bathroom and slowly walked in front of the mirror. She was a sight to see, her face and eyes puffy from the rough night. Her mascara had run down her face, and her hair was wild all over her head. Although she was awake, she wasn’t ready to face the world. She didn’t want to be bothered with anybody or anything. She couldn’t have been happier that it was a Saturday morning and she didn’t have to go to work. If it had been a workday, she surely would have had to call in sick, she was in no mood or condition to work on anything in that office.