She's No Angel

by Janine A. Morris

  She debated about calling Isaac back again, but she wasn’t sure if she would get Miss Tyra again or even if she was ready to have a mature “moving on” conversation that he appeared ready for. She decided she would call him later after she had gathered all of her thoughts. She knew that her aggressive apologetic approach wasn’t working; Isaac was on a whole different plane. One that she had no part in whatsoever. It hurt her the most that he was able to move on so easily, or at least cut off his feelings so fast. She knew that he had a right to be angry, but she couldn’t believe that he would take it this far. At first she thought it was one of those lessons, and he had to make a big deal out of it for the sake of his pride. At this point, though, with all the time that had gone by and the Tyra thing she could finally tell it was more than that. Taking back the ring could have been a hint, but she thought that he would love her at least enough to try to work it out. There was a part of her that figured Isaac was right, this was the best thing for them. If he didn’t even love her enough to get over this, they probably never stood a chance at a lifelong marriage.

  Charlene had finally settled down on her couch with her nice juicy sausage sandwich and one of her favorite movies. She was actually into the movie and distracted from all of her own personal problems, sitting back admiring Stella’s life. She wished she could afford to live like Stella did without the help of a man, and she wished even more that she could have a child to love her for if and when she was lonely. Charlene watched movies about strong, independent women to enjoy them, but also to aspire to be more like those women. Erin Brocovich was the movie that had inspired her to go back to school. It didn’t take much for Charlene to see another possibility in real life through something fictional.

  Charlene was halfway through the marriage part of the movie and about twenty minutes into the digestion phase of that sausage when she suddenly jumped up and ran to the bathroom. Instinctively she lifted the toilet lid and threw her body over the ceramic bowl to hurl, and out came a bunch of brown chunks. Out of breath she stood there, confused from not knowing that that was coming. She rinsed out her mouth and gargled with mouthwash and then headed back to the kitchen to look at the sausage package to see if they were spoiled or something. She looked at it and they looked perfectly fine. She sat there trying to remember whether the last time she had had one of them they made her nauseous, but she couldn’t recall.

  She eventually let it go and went back to watching the movie, and as she sat there she noticed her stomach feeling a little nauseous. She held her hand against her stomach, trying to soothe her belly back to normalcy. She regretted making the sausage, and was upset that it wasn’t agreeing with her stomach. She got up to drink a tall glass of water, but that didn’t help. After a while she turned off the movie, it had been interrupted too much to try to enjoy the rest, so she went ahead and switched to cable television and called her sister.

  “What you doing?” Charlene asked.

  “Getting back from the mall,” Paige replied.

  “What you buy?”

  “Just some shirts I needed for work and some flat shoes.”

  “I need to go buy some things myself.”

  “Yeah, you always shopping ... You don’t need anything.”

  “Well, now that I have to be looking for a new man, I may have to revamp my wardrobe ... Step it up.”

  “Whatever, missy. You slow yourself down.”

  “I was fine, over here chilling. I was trying to watch Stella Got Her Groove Back, but I was being greedy and ate some sausage and it made me throw up.”

  “Throw up?”

  “Yeah. I guess it didn’t agree with my stomach. I was sitting there and all of a sudden I ran to the bathroom and threw up all of it.”

  “Charlene? You don’t think that’s a little strange?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You don’t throw up like that.”

  “No ... But ... Paige, don’t even go there.”

  “What? I’m just saying.”

  “Why would you say that when you already know that’s not possible?”

  “It’s not impossible. I would at least check it out. Not being funny I did notice the other day you gained some weight.”

  “No you didn’t,” Charlene said, laughing.

  “No, seriously. I’m not trying to play you, but in your face and belly area. I didn’t want to say anything but it all makes sense now.”

  “Whatever, Paige. I am not pregnant. The doctor told me my chances were like one in a million—and what would the odds of that be after being with Isaac all this time I get pregnant now when we break up?”

  “Maybe it’s fate.”

  “Whatever, Paige, I’m hanging up with you ... You talking crazy.”

  “Aright, whatever. I said to at least check. It won’t hurt. You said you’re eating like crazy and now this.”

  “Whatever, bye, Paige.”

  “Bye, crazy.”

  They hung up the phone, both slightly laughing at the other. Once off the phone Charlene began to really think about what Paige was saying. She knew it made sense, it would answer a lot. Her recent overeating, her cravings, her weight gain and now this sudden sensitive stomach. She started trying to think when her last period was, but since it had never been regular her entire life she didn’t know if that was a way to tell. The more she thought about it the more mixed her emotions became. She was excited at the thought for a moment, because it would mean she could have children. Then it was also scary because of her situation with Isaac, and she knew the doctor said it would be a high risk for her and the baby. Yet, as much as she tried to deny it, she couldn’t help but think of the possibilities. She didn’t want to admit it to herself, but the idea excited her most because maybe if she was pregnant she could get Isaac back.

  After a few minutes of sitting in silence, she called Paige again.

  “Can you come over and bring a home pregnancy test?”

  Chapter 27

  A s soon as Paige walked in the door, they both burst out laughing. They felt like high school girls sneaking around with the pregnancy test in the brown paper bag. Charlene knew most adult women take these tests alone, but she couldn’t bear to handle the pressure by herself. Besides, she didn’t know what she wanted the test to say, and she didn’t want to be alone when she found out.

  “I’m mad you even put this in my head,” Charlene said to Paige as she took the brown paper bag out of her hand.

  “You said you weren’t listening, don’t blame me.”

  “Yeah, but I couldn’t help but wonder after you said all of that. I was sitting here thinking about it.”

  “Well, look, don’t get your hopes up. I was saying it is possible and you are having pregnancy symptoms.”

  “Yeah, but how could I turn out to be the one in one in a million?” Charlene asked, trying to keep herself lighthearted about it.

  “I don’t know, but if you are, you know that it’s some sort of miracle.”

  Charlene was reading the directions on the box when Paige said that. She looked up at her sister and got a little serious for a second.

  “What if Isaac doesn’t want it, what should I do? I can’t have an abortion; it may be my only chance of having a baby.”

  “Charlene, I can’t tell you what to do, but I will say you also have to remember the doctor said that it was high risk and she didn’t recommend you trying to carry a child.”

  “She didn’t say I should abort it if I get pregnant,” Charlene said.

  “Yeah, but she did say she suggested you don’t get pregnant, to use protection and stuff.”

  “Paige, I don’t want to think that way. If I somehow am pregnant I should take that as a sign ... a good one, don’t you think?”

  “How about we find out first? We are doing all this talk and we don’t even know if you are.”

  “You’re right,” Charlene said as she started to take the test out of the box.

  She took it out, and glanced at the
directions that were on the inside as well before she decided it was self-explanatory. Then she looked over at Paige.

  “I have something to tell you.”

  “What?”

  “I slept with Rich a couple of weeks ago.”

  Paige damn near banged her head on the wall she jerked back so far.

  “WHAT?” she cried.

  “I know, I know,” Charlene said, sounding pitiful.

  “When? And how did you let that happen?”

  “A couple of weeks ago. Here. When I first spoke to that girl, I had him over.”

  “Charlene, are you out of your mind?”

  “I know ... It was to make me feel better about Isaac, I guess ... I don’t know.”

  “Did you use protection?”

  “Halfway through.”

  “Halfway? Are you saying this baby could be his?”

  “No. I’m not even supposed to be able to get pregnant, remember?”

  “Yeah, but if you are. Could it be his?”

  “Well, he came inside the condom, so unless he had some spectacular precum I don’t think so.”

  “Whatever, Charlene, we will talk about that later. Go take the test first,” Paige said as she shook her head and placed her forehead in her hands.

  Charlene knew what that look was, and she could only agree with her so she didn’t say anything more. She headed to the bathroom to take it. Right before she stepped inside, Paige called her name.

  “Leen?” Paige called.

  “Yeah?”

  “Just know, whatever the result is, is cool. You’re still young, you have forever to figure this out,” Paige said.

  “I know, I’m cool either way. I mean it.”

  “Just don’t want it because you’re thinking about getting Isaac back.”

  It was like Paige was reading her mind. She didn’t want to be so see-through, but as soon as Paige said that, Charlene started to cry. Her eyes filled up with tears and she started sniffling.

  “Don’t cry,” Paige said. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s not that. I don’t know what I want anymore. . . My life has changed so much so fast.”

  “Leen, it really hasn’t, we just don’t see it coming; but trust me, your life hasn’t changed courses at all. God has all this planned out, we have to go with it,” Paige said as she reached out and hugged her baby sister.

  “I know,” Charlene said, releasing into her sister’s embrace.

  After a few more seconds of the Lifetime movie scene, they let go and Charlene proceeded to take the test. Paige waited on the other side of the door while Charlene urinated. As soon as she was done, she opened the door and set the little plastic stick on the bathroom sink. Charlene stepped out of the bathroom.

  “You look at it,” Charlene said to Paige.

  “You sure?”

  “I’m positive.”

  Paige went into the bathroom and couldn’t see any symbol just yet. She waited a bit more and slowly began to see a line showing up. She looked over at Charlene and she was standing in the doorway looking absolutely eager. Paige looked back at the stick and saw more of the line, and then slowly another coming across the first. She picked up the box to see if her assumption about what the two lines meant was correct, and sure enough it was. She looked up at Charlene.

  “You’re pregnant, Leen,” she said.

  “What!” Charlene shouted, and burst into tears.

  Paige grabbed Charlene up in her arms and let her cry it out on her shoulder. Paige didn’t know if they were tears of joy or pain, she just knew for the time being she would let her release them. Little did she know, Charlene didn’t know which they were either. She felt a burst of emotion. Excitement, anger, sadness, fear and many more. She was angry that Isaac wasn’t there to find out with her but excited because maybe there was a chance now that he would be there moving forward with her. She was still fearful because of the slight chance it was Rich’s, and still she had no idea how this could even be, and if she would be able to keep it.

  “You OK?” Paige finally asked.

  “I guess,” Charlene said as she sniffled up her tears and snot and tried to gain her composure.

  Charlene reached over to look at the test herself; she had to double-check it.

  “What, you think I can’t read?” Paige asked.

  “No. I just can’t believe this,” Charlene replied.

  “Well, believe it.”

  “What am I going to do?”

  “I don’t know. I think you need to make a doctor appointment first thing Monday morning, see how far along you are, and see what the doctor says your options are.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  They both stood there for a couple of moments in silence. It seemed both of them were a bit surprised by the results.

  “Should I tell Isaac first?” Charlene asked.

  “That’s up to you ... You may not want to tell him until you know the information from the doctor.”

  “Yeah, but I would want him to at least know.”

  “And what if it’s Rich’s?”

  “It’s not ... It can’t be.”

  “Why? Because you don’t want it to be?”

  “No, because I was having these other symptoms over a month now. I was just with Rich two weeks ago.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

  “So then I should tell Isaac.”

  “I guess, but let’s be honest. You want him to know that you are pregnant with his child so maybe that will make him change his mind.”

  “That, too, and I want him to see that I am able to get pregnant.”

  “Well, tell him. Just don’t be hurt if he is nasty or gets mad if the doctor says you really shouldn’t carry it.”

  “The doctor can’t tell me that.”

  “No, but she did tell you already that even if you did get pregnant the risk to you and the baby is very high.”

  “She also said the likeliness of me getting pregnant is very high, too.”

  “Well, Charlene, you knew for years that was the case. The doctor wasn’t guessing. You probably beat the odds on this one, but I wouldn’t ignore her advice altogether.”

  “I’ll see what she says and decide from there. I can’t think about all of this in one night.”

  “OK. I’m going to get out of here and get back home.”

  “Thanks for coming. I don’t know if I could have done it without you.”

  “No problem. Just don’t tell anyone yet until you see the doctor. You don’t want anything to cloud your judgment.”

  “I know.”

  Charlene walked Paige to the door, gave her a kiss good-bye and closed the door behind her. She went back into the bedroom and lay across her bed. She just lay there for about twenty minutes letting all her thoughts run rampant through her head. She wasn’t sure which one to grab and stick to, she just went back and forth with each emotion. She knew her sister was right; she had so many things to consider. She just hoped that Isaac would at least speak to her now.

  Chapter 28

  She sat looking in the mirror for over ten minutes fixing her hair and applying light makeup. She didn’t want to look too made up, but she wanted to look attractive. Isaac was on his way over, and Charlene was more nervous than she had been on their first date. You never would have thought this was the man she was supposed to marry.

  She had called him in the morning and told him the news, and he agreed to come over and talk. She hadn’t expected him to be so willing to see her, but she was beyond ecstatic that he was. She told him that she took a home pregnancy test and that it came out positive. He asked her why she had taken a test when she wasn’t able to get pregnant, and she told him about the cravings and nausea. It seemed at first that he thought she was lying, probably just to get his attention, but she told him that she knew he would think that and she swore that she was telling the truth. She also told him that she was unsure about what he would want her to do or what the doctor would say. He to
ld her that he wouldn’t tell her to abort it just because of their breakup, but still she thought it was best that they sit down and talk.

  Once Isaac arrived, he stepped inside and went to the couch as he normally would. She was a little surprised that he didn’t give her a hug or kiss, but she figured that he still wasn’t feeling her. She was thankful that he was at least willing to talk but upset that it took the circumstances at hand for him to do so.

  “Thanks for coming by,” she said once she had sat down on the couch.

  “No problem,” he said.

  “Listen, Isaac, I know you have every reason to hate me, but I must admit that I’m a little hurt that you didn’t love me enough to try.”

  “Charlene, I didn’t come over to talk about that.”

  “I know, but in order for us to address this, we have to address that.”

  Isaac didn’t reply.

  “All I’m saying is, I thought you owed me at least to try.”

  “Try? I tried for years. I have caught you in little lies here and there, and I tried to trust you this entire time even when things didn’t add up. I couldn’t try anymore when you not only constantly lie to me, you have no heart or morals.”

  “Isaac, that wasn’t easy for me, OK? I was afraid that you would do just what you did ... walk away.”

  “Whatever, Charlene. I walked away ’cause you lied, not because of the truth.”

  Charlene paused. His response was well put and she took a second to think of a rebuttal.

  “Isaac ... Look, I don’t know what’s what anymore. You have obviously put me behind you faster than I thought you could. You got girls answering your phone, you have moved on—”

  “Tyra is just a coworker. I was at work late that night.”

  Relieved to hear that, Charlene tried to keep her calm demeanor.