“You think that’s the best way to handle—”
“Ohmigosh, Karan. I think this is it,” Susanna blurted when a low brick wall appeared through a sudden break in the trees, a vision of manicured civilization in the forest.
“The plantation?”
“Yes. This has to be it. We’ve got formal landscaping. Tiered bushes and ornamental grasses and flowering vines. It is. Here’s the entry.”
There was no gate, only an opening marked by stone urns, both stained by rust from the irrigation water. The flagstone walk bore similar stains and wound into another world.
Jay’s world.
“Ohmigosh.” Susanna whispered reverently into the quiet morning. “This must be the backyard. There’s a huge lawn with those big oak trees you see in movies. Generations old like the arbors. Jay told me his great-grandmother planted them.”
“See the house yet?”
“House doesn’t even begin to describe it, Karan. Seriously. Can you say ‘antebellum plantation’?”
“Tara?”
“Actually, no.” Susanna laughed. “Except for the ambience of another era. The house isn’t even white. Just the eaves.”
Those eaves towered above two floors with massive white columns that outlined a wraparound gallery. The house had been constructed of blond brick, and the walls contrasted with the black shutters that framed every floor-to-ceiling window. And there were a lot more windows than the three that graced the porch of her cottage.
She couldn’t even begin to fathom what might drive someone away from The Arbors, and she knew the curiosity might kill her.
“You know, Karan, my cottage is very similar in design. I’ll bet that was intentional. A miniplantation.”
“Brooke should like that. She’s always loved dollhouses.”
As Karan would know since she’d indulged that particular fancy since Brooke was old enough to be trusted not to gnaw on the tiny furnishings of the ridiculously expensive dollhouses Karan gifted her with.
“Fingers crossed. I really want the kids to consider wherever I live as home base. At least until they settle down.”
“As long as you’re there it will be home base.”
Susanna appreciated the reassurance. The most important thing was being together. “I think I can see the driveway. I’ll bet if I took a left at the fork instead of the right that brings me to the cottage, I’d wind up here.”
“I can’t believe this is the first time you’re seeing the house. With as much as you say ‘Jay this’ and ‘Jay that,’ I can’t believe he hasn’t invited you over for a Bundt cake or pecan divinity or whatever Southerners do to welcome neighbors.”
“It’s not like that, Karan. I told you. But I’m really dying to know what could possibly possess him to sell this place. It’s a total mystery.”
“Ask him.”
“I can’t ask him something personal like that.”
“Why not? Seems a logical question to me given the fact you’re taking over his job.”
“Because I can’t.”
There was a beat of silence on the other end before Karan said, “You’re working awfully hard to delineate boundaries between professional and personal. What’s up with that?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Susanna only knew she’d better get a move on. She didn’t want to get caught gawking at Jay’s house like a tourist.
“I’m talking about how many times you’ve mentioned getting personal with this man. I hear it every time we talk. You’re curious about him, Suze.”
“Of course I’m curious. Why doesn’t he simply parcel off the land, sell The Arbors and keep his family home?”
“Why don’t you ask him? Oh, wait. That’s personal. Are you interested in Jay? I mean interested, interested.”
“Stop it. That isn’t funny.” Neither was the heat rushing into her cheeks at the mere mention of being interested in Jay. “I’ll have a hand in deciding the fate of the man’s house.” And wherever Jay was headed must be incredible considering what he’d be leaving behind. “That’s all, Karan.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“I can’t even believe you. Some best friend.”
“What can’t you believe—that I know you so well? What kind of best friend would I be if I let you lie to yourself?”
Susanna slowed the golf cart to a stop, pulled the phone away from her ear and scowled at it, a thrill of annoyance overshadowing the excitement of a moment ago. “That’s unfair.”
“Are you sure?”
Susanna didn’t answer because that simple question had a complicated answer. Karan wasn’t entirely wrong. Susanna couldn’t think about being interested in another man, not Jay or anyone. The very thought made her uncomfortable deep inside, not so much guilty as...unable.
She hadn’t realized until this very moment.
“I’m broken,” she admitted.
“No, my dear sweet friend,” Karan said in a thoughtful tone. “You’re just making peace with the hand life dealt you. You and Skip had big plans, and things didn’t turn out as you expected. You need a new plan.”
“Is that what’s happening?”
“I think so. You were with Skip for your entire adult life. Now he’s gone. It’s got to be easier to shut down a part of yourself than it is to open up and take chances on living a life you didn’t imagine.”
Susanna let the idea filter through her, stared down the path beneath the arbors in the paling dawn, vines winding through trellises and archways so twisted it would be difficult to follow any one to the root. Impossible to separate.
She and Skip had been like that. Their lives entwined into one, so now she couldn’t find her own roots, didn’t think she’d ever bloom again.
“I’m broken. If I wasn’t, I’d be able to figure out how to move on, because I know better than to waste a second when none of us have any idea what the future holds.”
“True, true,” Karan said. “But you’re not wrong to feel the way you do, Suze. You know, but you’re human.”
“I have everything in the world to be grateful for. I shouldn’t be stuck—”
“You are grateful. You’re the most grateful person I know. You don’t waste a second with your kids or me or anyone you love. I’m just saying that you need to branch out. Before you’re old and gray and no man would ever want you.”
“Karan.” But Susanna found herself smiling.
“There’s nothing wrong with being interested in Jay.”
“This isn’t about Jay. It’s about me.”
But Karan laughed a knowing laugh. And kept laughing until Susanna hit the gas and took off, obligated to drown out the laughter with some very rational arguments.
“He’s helping me learn the ropes around here. And even if that wasn’t the case, even if I was stupid enough to jeopardize the acquisition by mixing business with pleasure, Jay couldn’t possibly be in the running.”
“Why’s that?”
“The man is younger than I am. Seven years younger. That’s another lifetime. And, oh, did I mention he’s leaving? As in selling this place?”
“I hear what you’re saying. Now hear what I’m saying. I know you. Listing all the reasons you can’t be interested in a man isn’t going to change the fact if you are.”
“I’m not. I just met him, for heaven’s sake.”
“I’ll reserve opinion if you don’t mind. I’m the one you used to drag through Ashokan High so you could accidentally run into Skip, r
emember? ‘He has second lunch so let’s walk all the way around the freaking school to get to our lockers so we have to go through the cafeteria.’ This ringing a bell?”
Susanna crushed the phone against her ear as if that might block out the sound of Karan’s voice. Her heart suddenly pounded too hard. “You’re ridiculous, Karan. I’m not in ninth grade. I’m forty years old—”
“You’re not forty yet, thank you very much.”
Of course she wasn’t, because then Karan would be forty, as her birthday was nearly a full month before Susanna’s. “Whatever. I outgrew crushes a long time ago.”
“So long ago you might not remember what one was?”
“Puh-leeze.” She sounded alarmingly like Brooke. Daughters grew up to be like their mothers but Susanna had had no idea the reverse was true. “I’d remember a crush. Trust me.”
“You sure about that, Suze? The last time you had a crush on anyone you were a virgin. That makes the sum total of your experience, one man, a really long time ago.”
And he’d been the right man.
“I had a lot of sex in my fifteen years of marriage, thank you.” Likely even more than Karan, who’d had three marriages to two men plus one long-term relationship and a lot of time off in between. Susanna kept that observation to herself.
“It matters. You were comfortable with your husband. You both grew together. That’s different than dating.”
“My kids are dating.”
“Sounds like their mother might want to be, too.”
“I have not had enough caffeine for this yet.”
The path wound around the west side of the lake. Zipping past her own office window, too dark to see inside except for the tiny red glow of the emergency exit sign above the door, she headed toward the maintenance and engineering building, relieved to see empty space where she knew Jay normally parked.
She didn’t want to see him, not with all these thoughts Karan had planted in her head.
“I have to go.” She needed to recover from their topic of conversation.
“Susanna, seven years does not make you a cougar if he’s an adult and not a man-child. Biological age doesn’t make that distinction. Maturity does.”
Susanna mentally twitched. Cougar. Just the thought was enough to conjure visions of Jerry Springer and celebrities older than herself who dressed like Brooke.
“You are killing me here.”
“Don’t be silly, and don’t shut me down. You’ve been alone a long time.”
“Like I’ve had time to even think about that.”
“I know you haven’t had time. But I don’t want to see you blow right past something good if the time is right.”
“Are you not listening to me? The time isn’t right. Even if I was interested, we’re in two entirely places in our lives. I’ve raised my family. He doesn’t even have one.”
“Does he want one?”
“How should I know?”
“You could ask... Oh, wait. That’s personal.” There was a smile in Karan’s voice. “I’m compelled to mention that you can enjoy yourself without mating for life.”
Susanna came to a sudden stop and stared into the mist over the lake, unsure she’d heard correctly.
“You know what I’m talking about, Susanna. Kissing frogs, remember? Every date doesn’t have to be a potential bridegroom.”
Susanna couldn’t even dignify this conversation with a reply. Maybe if they were discussing another man, any other man. But not Jay with the bright green eyes and charming laughter. Not the man she had to coax past the honeymoon phase and into Northstar’s business model with a smile on his face.
CHAPTER FIVE
DAYS PASSED BEFORE Susanna could look at Jay without recalling that disturbing phone conversation with Karan. Days when every smile was suspect. Days when every laugh felt indicative of whether she needed to kiss a frog. Or wanted to.
No.
Karan was wrong there. But the rest...transitioning into a woman who, while still a mother, could live a fulfilled life of her own. Karan wasn’t wrong about that. Something was in Susanna’s way, had been since Skip had died. Until she’d sold the house, and her two biggest reasons to get up in the morning had gone off to college, Susanna hadn’t been forced to analyze the situation too closely, too honestly. She’d been in her familiar home working her familiar job, which had helped to balance the unfamiliar.
Skip’s death. Financial struggles. Grown kids.
She no longer had the luxury of familiar. Add to that pressure from every angle. The kids were counting on her to create a new home base, to continue providing. They looked to her to be an emotional anchor as they branched into adulthood. They looked to her to financially provide all that their scholarships and summer jobs couldn’t.
Add Northstar, who believed she’d persuade Jay to close the deal. And The Arbors’ staff, who expected an administrator on par with the one who was leaving. And Jay, who looked to her to transition his private facility into a corporate one without losing the private.
Pressure, pressure, pressure wherever she turned.
She found herself asking: How could she transition The Arbors when she wasn’t successfully transitioning in her life?
And Karan thought she should be worried about dating?
Only Karan.
Susanna couldn’t do a thing but tackle the learning curve of a property administrator. She couldn’t do anything but continue to educate herself about Alzheimer’s care. She certainly couldn’t afford asking questions that undermined her confidence. She needed to keep moving forward and not complicate life any more than it was already.
Susanna found a bit of a break from her worries in the comfort zone of quarterly reports as she prepared for the financial review with Walter.
On the morning of the first of their formal review meetings, Susanna arrived on the property earlier than usual. After checking in with the duty manager, she conducted her own walk-through of lockdown. As she emerged from the stairs on the third floor, she nearly ran into a resident on a crack-of-dawn stroll from the dining room with plastic bags of bread stacked high in the basket of her walker.
Mrs. Harper apparently didn’t notice Susanna, who stopped short to avoid a collision then watched curiously as the small but agile woman with the head full of steely curls tooled down the hall toward her apartment. Travis and Goldie, caged parakeets who made their home in a hallway alcove, tittered excitedly as she passed. Travis wolf-whistled, but the object of his attention kept a slow and steady pace, not acknowledging the compliment in any way.
While the ALF portions of the facility weren’t as closely monitored as the first floor, all three floors were on lockdown, which meant someone knew Mrs. Harper was running around when most residents were still in their apartments.
“That one does gets around, Ms. Adams,” the floor nurse explained after she emerged from an apartment. “Keeps us on our toes. Wish more residents would take advantage of the freedoms they have up here. The exercise is so good for them.”
Susanna agreed and was about to ask about the bread but the radio crackled and the duty manager announced, “Got the shift report done. Will you sign off, or is Mr. C. around?”
Encouraged the management had approached her rather than wait for Jay, Susanna hurried to the first floor and forgot to ask about the bread.
* * *
JAY HAD HEARD THROUGH the grapevine that Susanna had long been on the property toda
y, but he hadn’t seen her yet. She’d been spending a lot of time in her office these past few days while he’d been busy babysitting Walter, who wanted to go over the budget variances for “one last look” for the fiftieth time before the formal financial review, where his work would be held against a corporate yardstick.
After Jay had finally escaped Walter at noon, he was quickly cornered in the north wing common area on the third floor by Winnie, a private aide.
“Did you tell Mrs. Harper she can’t have the bread?”
Jay stared stupidly for a moment, mentally translating. Thanks to Winnie’s heavy Spanish accent, her question came out sounding something like:
“Did-a you tell-a Meesus Harper she canna have zee bread?”
“Why would I tell Mrs. Harper that?”
“I do not know. That’s why I asked.”
Fair enough. “No. I did not tell Mrs. Harper she couldn’t have the bread. What’s the problem?”
Winnie launched into an animated tale, and Jay caught about every fourth or fifth word. Unfortunately, when Winnie got going, her hands started flying and she spoke so fast a native Spanish speaker would struggle to get the message.
Jay eventually got the gist. “No, I did not tell the new administrator to cut off Mrs. Harper,” he assured Winnie.
A woman in the mid stages of Alzheimer’s plus an administrator who hadn’t yet familiarized herself with all the residents’ routines made for an interesting encounter.
“There’s some sort of misunderstanding, Winnie. Tell Mrs. Harper I’ll sort things out and not to worry. She can pick up her bread as usual on—” today was Monday “—Thursday. I’ll make sure Dietary isn’t throwing any away.”
“Gracias, Mr. C. Gracias,” Winnie said breathlessly. “I tell her right now. Right this very minute.”
“You do that, Winnie, and thanks for letting me know.”
Jay escaped, heading straight for Dietary, where he let Liz know that the long-standing order for bread still stood. Then he found Winnie again, who explained that while she’d managed to calm Mrs. Harper down, she’d only managed after the woman had called her son to report the grave injustice. “I tried, Mr. C. Too late. You may geet a call from Mr. George.”
The Time of Her Life Page 7