“I miss you,” he told her. Something wet trickled down her face. So she was crying, after all. Danny reached out to touch her cheek.
“Jacquelyn?” She woke violently, shooting to her feet and knocking the chair off its legs. Slowly she began to process her surroundings. Jackie was in her office at the barn. She’d dozed off at her desk, understandable after the last few days. And Liam was standing very still and watching her as though she was a skittish doe that might dart in front of a car at any moment. “Jacquelyn?” he asked again. She relaxed at the softness in his voice.
“Forgot where I was,” she told him with a weak smile. It occurred to Jackie that Liam had never looked that openly concerned. There was something vulnerable in his eyes, almost as if what had happened to her and those she loved kept him up nights, too. It was a good thing she knew he couldn’t see dreams that he hadn’t put in her head. “I can’t believe I fell asleep.”
“You need the rest.” He moved with deliberate slowness around the desk until he reached her side. “Take the day off.”
“I can’t afford it,” she reminded him, reaching to pick up her chair and set it right. “Sofie’s exhausted after losing so much blood, not to mention she’s got two broken fingers. She won’t be riding for at least a month. That leaves me to take care of all the horses in this barn. It helps when dad stops by to lend a hand but there’s only so much he can do.”
“You were hurt that night, too. Or did you forget?”
“Oh, please. A mild concussion and some bruises. I may look like crap but I can at least work without causing irreparable damage.” Unlike Shylock, who had a series of cracked ribs and needed near constant attention, Jackie was physically fit as a fiddle. Emotionally she felt like she’d been hit by a semi, run down by a train, and mauled by a particularly vicious grizzly bear. One of her best friends had been tortured because of her. The dog she was supposed to protect and love had nearly been killed on her behalf. To top it all off, she’d nearly failed to call for help. She couldn’t even remember hitting the call button on her cell phone before passing out. Thankfully she had, Liam had saved her ass yet again and they were alive if not a little worse for wear.
That didn’t mean it pardoned any of her sins. It certainly didn’t excuse the fact that she was thinking more and more about a man she’d abandoned nearly twenty years ago. The simple life she might have had with Danny was just looking more appealing than usual after being attacked by a vampire. Being with Liam was what put her in harm’s way so if she wanted to have a few harmless fantasies about a man she probably wouldn’t ever see then she damn well would. So what if she had his number? He wouldn’t want to speak to her, except maybe to shout some very brutal truths. She could do without that.
“Jacquelyn, are you hearing me?” She realized just how deep in her thoughts she had been when Liam called her out with something akin to panic in his eyes. He probably thought there was some brain damage making her zone out. He couldn’t know that it was the past sucking her back in again.
“Sorry, I’m a little distracted. What were you saying?”
The panic left his eyes, replaced with annoyance. “I was saying that if you suffer another blow to the head it could kill you. The doctors told you as much.”
She had to force herself not to wince at the memory of once again being incarcerated in a hospital. It might have been necessary and she hadn’t wanted to leave Sofie on her own but that didn’t mean she hadn’t hated every second. “I haven’t fallen off a horse in years, Liam. I promise you I’m being careful,” she assured him before turning away to take a bridle off the hooks on the wall. “Besides, the horses need exercise.”
“The horses are replaceable. Unless I’m greatly mistaken, there’s only one of you.”
Jackie paused. She was beginning to wonder if there was more behind Liam’s concern than he was saying. “Liam, what aren’t you telling me?” she asked, her fingers tensing around the leather of the bridle as she thought of all the things that could be wrong. “Did you find out something about who ordered the hit on me?”
“What? No, nothing like that. So far nothing’s turned up about the ‘Left Hand’,” he said, muttering the name with some contempt. “Nothing but ghost stories. I have people looking into it. You don’t have to worry.” That was a bad lie. If he had a reason to worry, Jacquelyn did as well. There was a vampire out there who had no respect for human or vampire laws. That meant trouble for everyone.
“If it’s all right with you, I think I’ll worry anyway,” she said, that weak and unconvincing smile back in place. “What kind of ghost stories are we talking about, anyway? And don’t lie to me. I’ll know.” She turned around to look at him, hoping her tired eyes would guilt him into an honest answer.
“All right. They’re the kind where no one lives to tell the tale,” he said, damning himself for telling her when the blood drained out of her face. He should have known better than to offer her threateningly vague fairy tales, especially when he had something more reassuring up his sleeve. “I’m looking into getting some security out here so - ”
“Whoa!” she said. “I never agreed to anything like that.”
He frowned. “Someone took a shot at you then almost murdered you and the person responsible is still out there. I’m not going to let you wander around defenseless.”
“Let me? Dammit Liam, this is my life. You ask me before you go making decisions on my behalf,” she snapped. He could tell she was truly aggravated now but so was he.
“I find it infuriating that you can be so cavalier about your own safety.” There was a growl in his voice as he stepped toward her and she instinctively backed up. He restrained himself from pursuing. She’d had a bad experience with a vampire recently. He didn’t need to make it worse. Or perhaps he did. What else would make her take the danger more seriously? “Whoever did this is not going to give up. He will go after you again. Do you think I will always arrive in the nick of time?”
“I’m not asking you to,” she said. “I’m just asking for a little control over my own damn life! Everything’s already been turned upside down. The least you could do is ask my opinion about swarming the ranch with a bunch of body guards.”
“I respect your opinion but - ”
“You’re a control freak.” She spat this out with some derision before storming out of her office.
Fortunately he had excellent reflexes and no matter how stunned he might have been by her choice of words, he was after her in half a second. “Control freak?” he repeated.
Jackie hung the bridle up by the crossties then continued down the aisle to fetch a horse. She didn’t want to get into an argument. At least, she didn’t think she wanted to. Maybe she did. Everyone was treating her like porcelain thanks to that damn attack and it was getting to her. Worse than that, however, was that they were right to treat her like that. She hadn’t been any use when she’d tried to protect Sofie. It was through sheer luck that she’d grabbed that gun. If the threat was still out there she was practically helpless in the face of it without Liam and that made her absolutely furious. A good argument might be exactly what she needed. “I know you heard me, Liam. You could hear me if I crossed the street and whispered it. Hell, I bet if I thought it hard enough you’d hear it.”
He caught her arm, halting her progress. “Is that why you’re upset?” he asked. “We never really talked about what happened between the two of us when you were in danger.”
“No, we didn’t and I don’t want to now.” She hadn’t meant to hint that she wasn’t comfortable with the telepathic blood bond… thing. She never meant to do a lot of things with Liam. It was getting to be a pattern.
“Jacquelyn, we have a very close bond.”
Jackie put her hand over his mouth. He stared at her in disbelief. It had probably been a long time since anyone had shut him up like that, if ever. “I don’t want to know,” she told him. He moved her hand gently, stroking her thumb. At some po
int the tone of the conversation had changed. She wasn’t sure where or how but this wasn’t an argument anymore. This was more dangerous. Liam slowly backed her up against one of the stalls then took her face into his hands.
“There are things you need to know. There are things I need to tell you.” He leaned closer, pressing soft kisses to her forehead and cheeks before moving to the corners of her mouth.
“We aren’t talking about the same thing anymore, are we?”
He smiled against her lips. “Probably not.”
Fear sent her heart racing. She didn’t know what the fear was for but she was very sure that was the emotion she was feeling. Perhaps a little of that fear was caused by her feelings for Liam and how her relationship with him put everything she loved at risk. Yes, that might have been it. “There’s something you need to know first. I care about you, Liam,” she said, fighting back the wave of terror that was trying to possess her. She pulled her head back so she could look into his eyes properly. “I understand why you’re trying to take care of me and I appreciate the sentiment but I want to keep my life more or less the way it is. So, just don’t let me catch anyone around here who’s been paid to watch my back and we’ll be okay.”
“All right,” he agreed. “I won’t let you catch them.”
She bit back a smile. That was the answer she’d expected. He moved his hands to her shoulders, stroking the column of her throat. She felt soothed by his touch. While that worried her once, she was beginning to accept it. “There was something I needed to know?” she asked. Liam stilled, his face going carefully blank. She didn’t know what was going on behind those expressive eyes but she could guess. He wanted to tell her something but he didn’t know how she’d take it.
“Yes,” he said at last, although the word sounded as though it had been torn out of him by force. “I care for you, too. Deeply. In fact, for some time now I - ”
“Liam, I don’t know if we should make any big confessions right now. Emotions running a little high and all,” Jackie interrupted. His face was still blank but this time it seemed more out of surprise than in an effort to hide something.
Out of nowhere, a harsh meow echoed through the barn. A skinny brown cat stared at the couple with large yellow eyes. Jackie immediately grinned with relief and slipped out of Liam’s arms. The cat let out another loud ‘meow’ before sauntering up to her. She wrapped her arms around his tiny body, hauling him up into her arms.
“Hey, pretty boy. Do you need food? Is that what you need?” The cat purred like a motor, hanging limply in her arms. He clearly knew he would never in a million years be dropped without fair warning.
“He’s new,” Liam said, studying the slightly dusty cat. It studied him in turn. Liam didn’t get the impression that he was particularly interested.
“Oh, no, he’s been around for a while. Every few months when all the mice have caught on to the fact that there’s a vicious cat in residence at the barn, Anonymous finds me. I have cat food in the pantry for just such occasions.” She readjusted the ball of fur in her arms and walked toward the house. “After a few weeks the mice will be back and he’ll vanish into the wind.”
“His name is Anonymous?” That wasn’t the strangest thing about the cat but it was all Liam was willing to voice at the moment. The fact that the animal was completely calm around a vampire was bizarre. It was almost as if Anonymous was constantly aware of everything that happened in his territory and he’d learned long ago that Liam wasn’t a threat to him. It was disturbing. Of course, Liam had always found cats to be distinctly creepy. Ever since he could remember he’d been disturbed by those unforgiving eyes. He didn’t care what anyone said, he was certain cats had some kind of supernatural origin. The Egyptians would have agreed with him.
“That’s how he likes it,” Jackie said, giving Liam a brief smile. “I’ll be back soon. I’ve just got to get this ghost cat squared away.” She waited until she was well out of the barn to let out a sigh of relief. She had a hunch about what Liam had almost told her. She didn’t want to believe it but the way he looked at her, as though she’d suddenly become the center of the universe, had been enough for her to take evasive action. Jackie knew that what he had to say would change a lot of things and she wasn’t ready for that. She might not ever be ready.
Jackie set Anonymous down in the kitchen before she went hunting for the bag of cat food that resided in her pantry. Thinking about her future with Liam led her back to the Daniel problem. It was normal for relationships to move forward. It was expected. Unfortunately her last serious relationship had ended in disaster and the idea of being that vulnerable again terrified her. “Danny never hurt me,” she told Anonymous, who was sitting quietly on the floor and watching Jackie’s every move. Almost immediately after she spoke she rolled her eyes. Talking to a cat. She wasn’t pathetic enough without adding that? She found the cat food and poured it into a dish decorated with purple fish.
Anonymous trotted over to his human and immediately began to eat once she put the bowl on the ground. Still he kept an ear pointed in her direction. To Jackie it was as if he still wanted to listen. She shook her head. “No thanks, cat. I’d rather not spill my guts to an animal I don’t see for months at a time if it’s all the same to you.”
“Then how about spilling them to me?”
Sofie stood a little away from the hall entrance, frail but determined. She knew things were hard for Jackie. Every day she had people to take care of, work to do and dangers to face. Now she began to see the weak, frightened part of her friend who merely wanted to curl up and hide from everything. Like attracted like and the broken attracted the broken. So many people in Jackie’s life were troubled. So few bothered to notice that she was troubled, too. The things that her mother had done to her, the little ways she’d demeaned her and made her feel as though she wasn’t worth anyone’s time or attention, had stuck. Jackie fought against those old hurts but that didn’t make them disappear. The fear stayed with her. Despite Liam, Sarah and the friends she had, Jackie was lonely in her fear. It made Sofie feel selfish.
“Oh, Sofie, you should be resting,” Jackie said, moving towards her with every intention of steering her back into bed.
Sofie held up her hand without the broken fingers to ward her off. “I’ve got a better idea. Tell me what you were going to tell Anonymous.” Jackie’s mouth opened and shut for a minute. Sofie could see her wavering, which was a sign of weakness in itself. If she was fine she would have brushed off the offer and taken her friend back to bed. Instead she cleared her throat.
“You know about what happened to me. But I never really talked about what I did to him, to Danny.” She stopped talking. Jackie wrapped her arms around her body as though she needed something to hold her together through what she was about to say. It clearly wasn’t easy for her but Sofie would understand she needed to say it. “I probably broke his heart when I ran away. God, I never even said goodbye. I should have left a note or called or something. But he didn’t know I was pregnant and I couldn’t bear to tell him like that.” Jackie had to stop again. Her voice had begun to crack. “I was terrified of what he would think of me. I couldn’t protect our child and then… He deserved so much more than some stupid girl who couldn’t even give him a family. So I ran. I didn’t wait to see what would happen.” She sat on the floor next to the cat rapidly inhaling his lunch. “I’m so afraid that I’ll ruin things again. I am so afraid.” There was a threatening shine to her eyes that warned of tears, as Sofie hurried over to sit by her friend, careful of the bruises that lined her body. Her uninjured hand squeezed Jackie’s. The woman who’d been her boss and her friend let out a quiet sob. Suddenly she felt afraid, too. She was so unused to seeing Jackie openly vulnerable. It was like a mountain falling down.
“How’s your hand?” Jackie asked suddenly, looking over at her with too bright eyes.
Sofie tried putting on a happy face but it wasn’t easy. She just wanted some good advice to
give her friend. Something like ‘don’t be afraid, you’re going to be great’ or ‘dark skies are gonna clear up’ or anything a little useful. But how could she give advice about not being afraid when she was feeling afraid? Her boyfriend had tried to kill her. Saying she was off men would be an understatement. She might never be able to look at a guy again without wondering if they were secretly plotting her death. So instead of advice, she just answered Jackie’s question. “The same as this morning when Sarah asked.” She held up her bandaged hand and waved it awkwardly. Her broken fingers had been set at the hospital. They’d also been courteous enough to pour some blood back into her veins. She still felt weak. Part of that might have been trauma. “Shylock’s taking a nap. I think he’s going to heal just fine.” Jackie nodded. “I was thinking I could work some of the horses out for you. I really only need one hand to lunge them in the round pen.”
“And if something happens to your hand? You might never heal right.”
“And if you hit your head? You might never breathe again,” Sofie returned flatly. Jackie flinched. The German had made her point well. “Sarah’s already afraid of psychotic stalker boyfriends thanks to that explanation we had to come up with. She doesn’t need to be afraid of falling off a horse and instantly dying.”
“All right, all right, I get it. Life is full of risk. You can work but you have to be extremely careful. I don’t want anything else to happen to you.”
Jackie put the cat food away and Sofie watched her leave the house again. She experienced a moment of regret for not at least trying to say something comforting but she shook it off. There was work to be done. Maybe she’d even think of something brilliant to tell her later.
Liam sat in Jacquelyn’s office, staring up at the ceiling and thinking that even after centuries of experience he could still be an impulsive idiot. He’d been so close to losing her that now every day he had to fight not to blurt out all he felt for Jacquelyn. He acknowledged that time was precious but he also knew that if he moved too fast he would frighten her. Besides the urge to tell Jacquelyn he loved her, he was also considering asking his human lover if maybe it wouldn’t be safer for her if she weren’t human anymore. She’d nearly been murdered twice since they met. It was logical to want to make her safe.
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