“Were you out late or something?” he pressed.
“No. In fact, I was home an hour before I said I would be.”
“Your parent’s seem pretty strict.”
“They didn’t used to be. At least I didn’t think they were.”
“There must be something…more. I can’t believe they’d ground you for an entire week just for that.”
“Oh, I’m grounded ‘until further notice,’ whatever that means. They think that I’m…” I sighed, feeling frustrated.
“That you’re what?”
“They think I’m in a relationship with someone and I’m hiding it from them. The whole thing is ridiculous!”
“I’m sorry.”
“Do your parents trust you?” I asked him, not really expecting an answer. Logan never talked about anything personal.
“I rarely see my father.”
“Oh, well how about your mom?”
“She died, years ago.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”
“I didn’t know her, Delaney. She died giving birth.”
“To one of your siblings?” I asked, hoping he didn’t have to bear the guilt of his mother dying while giving birth to him. Not that it would have been his fault.
“I’m an only child,” was all he said while ushering me into second period.
We sat down at our table and the silence was deafening.
Finally he said, “So, are you ever going to tell me what movie you saw?” he grinned, certain I couldn’t forget a movie that got me into so much trouble and grounded indefinitely.
“Beyond Eternity,” I sighed.
“Oh.”
“It was horrible. I spent most of the night in the lobby.”
“It couldn’t have been that bad.”
“It was pretty…well, explicit!” I said, and then felt myself blush.
“I see.”
“Not to mention that we were all supposed to go as a group, and suddenly it was three couples…and me.”
“Why didn’t you bring a date?”
I stared at him for a minute, and finally whispered, “Because he said he’s not much into movies.” I bent over and got my book out of my backpack then, trying to avoid his piercing blue eyes.
“Delaney, I’m sorry…”
“Hey, it’s no big deal. The movie was horrible, anyway.”
“I…I didn’t realize you were asking me…”
“Can we just not talk about it anymore, please?”
“Sure,” he said, looking down.
The rest of the day was spent in an uncomfortable silence. I was actually looking forward to the two classes I didn’t share with him, so I would stop seeing the pity in his eyes.
I sat down next to Molly during 6 period, looking devastated once again. “What happened?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
“You are such a bad liar!”
“I told him that when I asked him to the movie that I was asking him to be my date,” I whispered, not wanting anyone else to hear how humiliated I was.
“So, what did he say?”
“He apologized.”
“For what?”
“I’m not sure.”
“What does that mean?” she asked.
“It means he was sorry that he didn’t know I was asking him out.”
“So, now’s your chance to ask him out again, and this time he’ll know what you mean.”
“NO! I’m not going down that road again.”
“Fine, then be miserable!” Molly said, obviously growing tired of my constant gloom.
“I’m never going to get this. Who needs to know this stuff, anyway?!” I said, frustrated that I was struggling with my math assignment.
“You just need to square the seven, otherwise it’s right,” Logan said after glancing at my assignment for a mere two seconds.
“How do you do that?” I asked.
“Do what?”
“Know the answers to everything?”
“I don’t know anything,” he said, sounding upset.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said a little too quickly.
“I’m thinking you’re not. Is there anything I can do?”
“No, but thanks.”
“So, you never told me what you did over spring break?” I asked, hoping to keep him talking.
“Nothing, really.”
“Did you spend Easter with your dad?”
“I stayed home and read, Delaney. I don’t know what he did.”
“You didn’t even see him?”
“No. I told you, I hardly ever see him…unless he wants something.”
“Who did you spend Easter with?”
“I told you, I stayed home and read.”
“That’s terrible. Don’t you have any other family?”
“No. My grandfather died when I was a kid, and you know about my mom. That’s it.”
I wanted to reach out and touch his hand, but thought better of it. “I’m sorry,” was all I could manage to say.
“Don’t be. I don’t mind being alone…it beats the alternative.”
“Is he really that bad?”
“He’s…he’s okay. Let’s get back to work.”
He helped me with my math assignment and every once in a while I thought he was looking at me like he wanted to talk about something, but he just kept working through our math assignment. He had pulled his chair around the table and sat next to me. He was so close that I don’t think I heard anything he said. I was disappointed when the bell rang, but we walked to our next class together, and I actually felt like I understood him a little better.
The weeks flew by. My countdown was almost over. There were only three days of school left. While everyone ran around worrying about senior pictures, yearbooks and the stupid grad party, I spent my time locked in my room.
I was no longer grounded. That ended after the second week, but I also knew I wasn’t up for all the merriment the end of the school year seemed to bring to most. I preferred to suffer in silence, and not bring anyone else down with me.
I was in my room getting ready for bed when my mother came barging in without knocking. “I’m sorry, Honey. I should have knocked,” she said when she saw that I was putting on my nightgown. “You are so beautiful. A young woman now, and what a figure you have,” she said, looking proud.
“Mom, please.”
“What? I am your mother. But, seeing you like this reminds me that, well, you’re growing up. The boys must be noticing you?”
She was fishing for some insight to my personal life, even though I didn’t have one. “I’m sure you didn’t just come in here to watch me get dressed for bed. Was there something on your mind?” I asked, feeling mortified by the intrusion.
“Oh, I almost forgot. Your senior pictures arrived today. See, you are so beautiful,” she said, pulling them out of the envelope to show me.
“Oh. Great.” I said, not thrilled about another reminder that the end of the school year was fast approaching.
“You don’t seem very happy anymore, Delaney. I wish you’d talk to me.”
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“Your dad and I have both noticed how unhappy you are. You never leave your room and you don’t even go anywhere with Molly anymore. Aren’t you two still friends?”
“Of course we’re still friends. Molly just has a boyfriend now and I don’t want to be a third wheel.” She and Jason were officially a couple now, and although I was happy for her, I couldn’t bear to be near them and their overt affection for one another. I didn’t think Jason was the right guy for Molly, but I didn’t butt in.
“Oh, I see. What about you? Isn’t there someone, some boy that you like?”
“I thought you didn’t want me to date?”
“That’s not true. We just want you to be up front about it, and we’d like to meet him and know that he comes from a good family.”
“A good family? A
re you serious? Look Mom, I know you’re worried about me, but I’m fine, REALLY!”
“So, then there isn’t anyone you’re interested in?” she asked, looking me in the eyes, searching for what she knew to be the truth.
“I...no...yes. Oh, it doesn’t matter.”
She sat down on the edge of my bed and said, “What’s his name?”
I sat down too and put my head in my hands. “It doesn’t matter. We’re not dating…and I guess we never will. School’s almost out and then I won’t ever see him again!” The tears streamed silently down my face.
“Is this the same young man that you’ve been pining away for all this time?”
I was so confused, and I desperately needed to talk. I was surprised how easy the words flowed once I started. I was also surprised how quietly my mother sat there, intent on every word without once interrupting me.
“…so that’s it. He turned me down, and now schools almost over and I won’t ever see him again.”
She sat there quietly while I threw myself down on my bed and cried into my pillow. After a few minutes she said, “Honey, why don’t you ask him out again? It’s worth a shot. Maybe he’s just shy.”
I sat up and sniffled. “You want me to ask him out? I thought you wouldn’t approve of girls asking boys out.”
“I may be a bit old fashioned, but sometimes a young woman has to take charge and take a risk for something she wants,” she smiled softly and handed me another tissue.
“What if he turns me down again?” The thought was terrifying.
“What if he doesn’t?” she patted my arm, gave me a hug and then slowly walked out of my room, leaving me to think things through on my own.
Molly picked me up for school the next morning, and for the first time in weeks, Jason wasn’t with her. “Where’s Jason?” I asked, while hopping in the car.
“He took his mom’s car. I’ll see him at school later,” she said, looking incredibly happy.
“So, are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” I actually smiled for the first time in weeks.
“You do seem better. What’s going on?”
“I talked to my mom last night, really talked to her. She told me to ask him out, again. I realized, what do I have to lose?”
“I TOLD YOU THAT, WEEKS AGO!” she said, angrily.
“I know. I guess I just wasn’t ready to hear it then.”
“So, when are you going to ask him, and what do you want to do with him?” she smiled.
“Oh, I guess I hadn’t really thought about that. I guess a movie’s out!” I giggled at my own stupid humor.
“I don’t know. Maybe you should take him to see Beyond Eternity. It might give him some ideas,” she grinned, trying to embarrass me now.
“I don’t think so! I guess I’ll just ask him out for coffee.”
“That might work if it were a business date. Come on, Delaney. Let him know you’re interested in him.”
“Dinner, then?” I asked, waiting for her approval.
“Dinner’s good. And then you can him for dessert!” she laughed.
“Why do I talk to you?”
“Because, were best buddies forever!”
I grinned at her and said, “Yes we are. I’ll see you at lunch.”
I walked into first period with a new spring in my step. Even if he refused my invitation, I was filled with hope right at that moment. It felt good to have a plan. I suddenly felt in control of my own life again, something I hadn’t felt in months.
I took a deep breath and said, “Hi Logan. How was your weekend?”
“It was fine,” he replied.
I was determined to end this uncomfortable silence we’d shared for the past few weeks, so I continued. “Did you do anything fun?”
He looked up at me with what I thought to be relief as well that we were finally talking again. “I spent the weekend reading.”
“Oh. What did you read?”
“I read a couple of books, nothing of great interest. How about you?”
“Me, I pretty much stayed in my room all weekend.”
“You aren’t still grounded, are you?”
“No. I just didn’t have much of anything to do.” At least he was talking to me again. I decided it was now or never. I took a deep breath, “Logan, would you like to have dinner with me one night?” There, I said it! I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I started to get a bit light-headed. I took a few deep, slow breaths and then realized he never answered me.
“I…can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Oh.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to…I just…”
“You don’t have to explain. It’s okay. It was just a thought,” I rambled on, much too quickly.
“Delaney…”
“Oh darn, um, I left my book in my locker. I’ll be right back.” I almost ran from the room. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. “What made you think he would actually say yes?” I berated myself as I headed into the girls room. I looked in the mirror and told myself, “Keep it together. You can’t go back there with red, swollen eyes!”
I splashed some cold water on my face and forced myself to not cry. I had to make it through the rest of the day sitting next to the one guy I adored, but who obviously didn’t share the same feelings for me. Suddenly I was absolutely dreading the last three days of school. I wasn’t sure I could sit next to him and keep it together that long.
By the time I was able to force myself to go back to class, I was 15 minutes late. “Nice of you to join us, Miss Miller,” my teacher scolded.
“Sorry,” I said, looking down at the floor as I quietly made my way back to my seat.
If Logan noticed that I didn’t come back with a book, he didn’t say anything. He asked if I was okay when I sat down. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” If the silence was uncomfortable before, it was unbearable now. Not another word was said between us the rest of the day.
I walked home after school feeling very discouraged. I had made up my mind that I wasn’t going to shed one more tear over Logan Barnett. I would get through the next two days of school. I would be polite and friendly to him and act as if it was no big deal that he had turned me down.
As I walked into the house, I realized that I would have to tell my mom…something. She was going to ask and I needed to be prepared to tell her that he wasn’t interested in me, without breaking down again. I was determined to not spend another moment crying about someone I couldn’t have and who didn’t want me.
The phone rang as I headed up the stairs, “The machine can get it,” I thought, still heading to my room.
“Delaney, where were you after school? I was going to give you a ride home. Call me…today!” Molly ordered, dying to hear the outcome with Logan, no doubt.
I ignored the message and went to my room. I threw my book bag on my desk, sat down on the edge of my bed and wondered how I was going to make it through the next two days.
The phone rang again, and fearing Molly would leave a much more detailed message, I grabbed it.
“Molly, I don’t feel like talking right now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Are you going to tell me what happened with Logan or what?” she asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh, it went that well, huh?” she said.
“He doesn’t want me.” I almost started to cry, but held to my resolve of no more tears.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“I guess I have to be, don’t I?”
“Okay, he’s just one guy. Why don’t you go out with one of the other 30 guys that have asked you? Brian Walters certainly wouldn’t turn you down.”
“I can’t think about that right now. And I am NEVER going to ask anyone out ever again!”
“So, are you planning on becoming a nun, now?”
“YES, that’s exactly what I’m planning!” I said sarcastically, irritated with her now.
“C
ome on, Delaney. You can’t just give up. It’s not like no one else is interested in you. You’ve been asked out by every guy in school.”
“Not the one that matters.”
“How do you know that you wouldn’t like someone else? You’ve never even given any other guy a chance. You might be surprised.”
“If it will get you to drop the subject, then maybe I’ll consider going out with someone else.”
“Yeah, right. Well, do you want to go to a movie with me and Jason tonight? We’ll see something PG!”
“No, but thanks anyway.”
“Delaney, are you going to lock yourself away again?”
“No! I promise.”
“Okay. I’ll let you go now. Jason’s coming over soon. If you change your mind about the movie, then call me.”
We said our goodbyes and I headed back upstairs. I walked over to the window. I looked outside, thinking about what I was going to tell my mom, when I noticed that expensive car parked across the street. “I wonder who owns that car?” I thought to myself.
I didn’t have too much time to think about the car because my mom and dad walked in just then. “Here goes nothing,” I said aloud as I headed downstairs.
“Hi, honey. How was your day?” my mom asked with a wink, trying to send me a message without getting my father involved.
“It was fine.”
“Just fine?” she asked, looking concerned now.
“It didn’t go like I planned.”
“What didn’t go like you planned?” my father asked.
“She had a math test today, dear.” My mother actually lied to my father.
“Oh, well I’m sure you’ll still get an A. You always do,” he said. “We have to go, Sarah.”
“Where are you going?” I asked, thrilled that they were going somewhere and I wouldn’t have to talk about Logan anymore.
“We’re going out to dinner with Mary and Dave. Is that okay with you, honey? Will you be okay?” my mom asked, sounding very concerned.
“I’ll be fine, Mom. What about Seth?”
“He’ll be home soon. Can you guys fend for yourselves for dinner? There are left-over’s in the fridge, or you could just have sandwiches.”
“That’s fine, Mom. I’ll make sure he eats something healthy.”
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