“You won’t see me again, Delaney. I told you, I don’t want you to wait for me. I mean it. Move on with your life!”
“I can’t. Please don’t shut me out,” I said, as the tears started again.
“You have to go…now. I’m married, and even though I don’t love her, I’m bound by that contract.”
“So you have to follow the rules, but she doesn’t?” I said, angry now.
“What she does is irrelevant. The fact remains, I took an oath, and I won’t break it.”
“I’m not asking you to break anything. Just please don’t…”
“Don’t what? I don’t have the right to have any feelings for you, not while I’m with her.”
“But you’re not with her. You don’t love her.”
“You have to go!” He turned toward a door and held it open for me. The look was one I recognized. I wasn’t going to get anywhere with him now. I sighed and headed out the door.
We walked into the garage and parked next to the car that he always drove to school, was another car, a very expensive car...the car I’d seen around my house and in town. The car I thought I saw as I walked on the beach with Brian. I stopped and stared at it. “It was you?”
“Delaney, please just get in,” he said, looking embarrassed that his secret was out.
“This is the same car I saw at home and at the beach last night. Why were you following me?”
He sighed and said, “I wanted to see you, to be close to you. I knew I really hurt you that day that you asked me to the movie, and I wanted to apologize and explain, so I went to your house, but I couldn’t bring myself to knock on your door. I didn’t want to tell you about Martina. I wanted to say yes, to be able to say yes. So, I found myself following you. I’m sorry.”
I sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window. I was shocked by his confession, but very flattered. I was trying to come up with some way, any way to stall him, to make our time together last a little longer. Finally I said, “I will wait for you, whether you want me to or not.” My tears were silent as they streamed down my cheeks.
“Want isn’t the issue, Delaney. I told you, what I want is irrelevant.”
“Do you think your mother would want you to spend three years in misery with a woman you don’t love…a woman who’s carrying another man’s child? She gave the company to your father because she loved you. I can’t believe she would want you to do this.” I had to pull out all the stops now that we were getting close to the dock.
“My mother’s company is all that’s left of her. I have to do whatever it takes to save it, and I won’t drag you into this.” He reached into the back seat and grabbed Brian’s jacket and handed it to me.
We pulled up to the dock then. I could see Brian pacing back and forth in front of the ferry. I turned to Logan and said, “I don’t care what you say, I won’t lose you again!”
He leaned over me and opened my door, “You already have.”
His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I could feel the rejection wash over me. My head was spinning and I was frozen in the seat. I couldn’t move and then suddenly Brian grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the car.
I heard Logan say, “Take good care of her.”
“I will,” Brian said, looking extremely confused.
Brian closed the door and I watched as the love of my life drove away. The pain I felt was worse than any pain Chad had inflicted on me. I was too numb to cry. I was too numb to do anything. Brian led me to the ferry and I went with him because I didn’t know what else to do.
He sat down next to me and said nothing for a while. The ferry left the dock 30 minutes later and still I hadn’t uttered a single word. Once the ferry was out to sea, Brian turned to me and said, “Delaney, I can see that you’re very upset. I won’t ask anything right now. I’m just so relieved and happy that you’re safe. But, I think I deserve some sort of explanation about where you were last night and how you ended up with…him. But I’ll wait until you’re up to talking about it.”
I looked up at him then, and finally the tears came and I couldn’t stop sobbing. I knew I had let everyone down. I had hurt everyone I cared about; Brian, my parents, Molly and Logan. My grief was unbearable and although I knew I didn’t deserve comfort from anyone, Brian pulled me into his arms and held me while I cried the rest of the way home.
Chapter Five: The Wrath of Molly
Brian led me to Molly’s car, knowing I was too distraught to walk on my own. I clung to him as he tried to put me in the passenger seat. “Delaney, let go. You’re fine, now. You’re home,” he said, sounding angry. Why shouldn’t he be angry? He didn’t know what had happened, what I had been through. He only knew I was gone all night while he searched the island for any sign of my whereabouts, only to find me with the one man he knew I couldn’t resist. If I were him, I’d hate me, too.
“Brian, I’m so sorry,” I finally said, holding onto his arm.
“I told you I wouldn’t stand in your way, Delaney. But you could have told me he was there. Then at least I wouldn’t have worried all night.”
“I didn’t know he was there,” I said.
“But you spent the night with him, anyway.”
“No, not like that, it wasn’t like that. Please believe me.”
“You need to go home. When and if you want to see me, you know where to find me.”
“Here’s your jacket,” I said, handing it to him.
“Keep it.”
He closed the car door then and walked over to talk to Molly. They spoke for only a moment, and then Molly got into the car. I had never seen her so angry. I had made her angry on many occasions, but at that moment, she was livid with rage. I knew I had to tell her something, but I couldn’t tell her what really happened. I couldn’t face re-living not only what Chad had done, but worse, Logan’s rejection.
“I called your mom and told her you were staying another night at my house,” she said, keeping her eyes on the road, and away from me.
“Did she ask where I was?”
“I told her you were in the shower and it was my idea for you to stay.”
“Thank you, Molly,” I said, and laid my head against the cold window.
“This isn’t like you, Delaney. How could you do that to Brian? To me?”
I didn’t have anything to say in my defense, so I sat there, and said nothing.
“GREAT, more silence. What the HELL is wrong with you?” she asked, not expecting an answer this time.
There was no way I could use the ‘Best Buddy’ thing, and there was no amount of pleading that was going to get her to forgive me and let me off the hook this time.
We drove the rest of the way in silence. She seemed to know not to push me just then. I knew I was in for it later, but right now I needed a hot shower and time to think.
When we got to her house, I asked her if I could take a shower. “Fine!” she snapped.
“Thanks,” I said, trying to break through the wall she’d put up.
“Where did you get those clothes? I’ve never seen you wear anything like that before. Wow, those are Christian Dior!” she said, stunned by the name on the front pocket of the blouse.
“They are?” I said, looking down at the label.
“You didn’t know?”
“I didn’t pay any attention. He handed them to me and I put them on,” I said, not thinking.
“Who handed them to you and what were you wearing in the mean time?” she asked, knowing she had me.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said, looking down.
“You can’t lie to your best friend, straight to her face and then expect her to believe you. I’m not stupid, Delaney. I’ve known you long enough to know you’re lying. You have to tell me the truth! I deserve to know the truth, and frankly, so does Brian. You hurt us both and you scared the hell out of us. What happened to you last night?” she demanded.
“I’ll tell you, but please let me take a shower first?” I pleaded, still feeling l
ike I hadn’t been able to completely rid my skin of Chad.
“You have 20 minutes, that’s it!” she said, and stormed out of the room.
True to her word, she was back in 20 minutes with two plates of food in her hand.
“Okay, spill it!” she said, handing me a plate.
I set the plate on her dresser and sat down next to her on the bed. I didn’t know where to begin, so I started from the balcony when I started feeling really sick.
I told a form of the truth, minus several details; important details. When I got to the part about Logan though, I wasn’t sure if Brian had said anything to her or not, so I took a chance that he hadn’t and kept my ‘knight in shining armor’ anonymous. I knew I was treading on thin ice by lying again. And if she already knew or ever found that it was Logan, then I was risking our friendship. Something told me that Brian didn’t say anything about Logan, and as I told her that I was sick and wondering the street and that a stranger picked me up, she didn’t flinch. So I continued, hating to lie, but needing to for my own sanity.
“What made you so sick?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Food poisoning, I guess. Brian said he was sick, too.”
“Yeah, he was. He had passed out on the balcony. I went looking for you guys and found him out cold on the deck. But, you were gone. You must have gone through the other door. You were very lucky that the man that picked you up wasn’t some rapist or murderer.”
I flinched at the word rape, but shook it off. “No, he was wonderful,” I said, desperately missing Logan.
“Why were you so upset when Brian walked you to my car?”
“I don’t know. I think I just felt horrible for what I put you all through.” At least that wasn’t a complete lie. I did feel terrible about what I had put them through.
“Okay, you’re off the hook! I’m really sorry for being so mean. I don’t know what I thought you were doing, or where you went, but I should have known you wouldn’t just run off with some guy.”
“Is that what you thought?” I asked, feeling hurt.
“The way you were acting when I talked to you on the phone and then the way you were clinging to Brian, like you were begging for forgiveness, had me wondering. I should have known that you would never do that,” she said, looking very contrite. “Well, maybe if it was Logan,” she grinned and saw the look on my face. She looked instantly remorseful. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring him up. Of course you wouldn’t…”
“Don’t be sorry!” I said a bit too harshly. “I would have thought the same thing if I was you,” I said, trying to cover my tracks.
It was only 5:30 in the afternoon when we were done talking, but grief and exhaustion had taken its toll. I told Molly that I needed some sleep and that I still wasn’t feeling very well.
“How about we get into our pajamas, put on a movie and do nothing?” she said, relieved that I was safe and sound and that we had finally talked things through.
“That sounds great. You pick a movie. I’ll go change,” I said, grateful to have a few minutes alone in the bathroom to catch my breath. I had lied so much lately, I knew I couldn’t keep it all straight. I had to come up with yet another lie for Brian. I would also have to lie to my parents again when they asked me what I did over the weekend. The guilt weighed heavy on my mind, but not as much as the grief. In a short 24 hours, I had lost my innocence and the love of my life. I wasn’t sure how I was going to bounce back this time.
As I crawled into bed, Molly looked at me funny. “What are you wearing?” she asked, pointing at my pajama top.
“Pajamas,” I said.
“What are you wearing under your pajama’s?” she asked, grabbing the collar of the shirt I was wearing under my pajama top.
“It’s just a shirt. I was kind of cold,” I lied.
“Okay, but I could turn up the heat if you’re cold,” she said. “Isn’t that a guys’ shirt?” she asked, looking closer at the buttons.
“No, and I’m warm enough now, thanks,” I lied, and rolled over, burying my face in Logan’s shirt. I had kept it on under the blouse he gave me, tucking it into the skirt. I breathed deeply, trying to keep him fresh in my memory and soon drifted off to sleep, praying that I could at least dream of him.
I slept all night, waking up feeling no better than the day before. I missed Logan terribly and I had hurt Brian deeply. I sighed, sat up and ran my fingers through my hair.
“Did you sleep well?” Molly asked.
“I guess. Molly, would you mind driving me over to Brian’s house? I really need to talk to him.”
“Yeah, okay. Do you want to call him and tell him you’re coming?”
“No, I just need to go. I’m afraid he won’t want to see me if I give him the option.”
I got dressed, pulled my hair back into a ponytail and grabbed my bag. I knew that Brian wouldn’t be the only person I would have to lie to today. I still had to go home. “One thing at a time,” I told myself.
“Delaney, is one of your earrings missing?”
I reached up to touch my ear lobes, and sure enough, one of the earrings my parents’ had given me for graduation was gone. “Oh no, what am I going to do? Will this nightmare never end?” I said, realizing I had no idea where it was or what I would tell my parents. More lies!
Molly pulled up in front of Brian’s house. I told her thanks and that I would walk home from Brian’s house after I made my apologies.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for. It wasn’t your fault you got sick.”
“He needs to hear what happened. I was too upset to talk to him yesterday.”
“Okay, go talk to him. I’ll wait here until I know he’s home.”
“You don’t have to wait. I’m walking home, anyway.”
“Okay. Call if you change your mind. Oh, look who I’m talking to…the only person I know without a cell phone,” she grinned.
“Don’t forget about my parents. That make three people you know without cell phones!” I half smiled.
“Well, use Brian’s phone if you need me. Good luck.”
I watched her drive away, took a deep breath and headed to Brian’s front door.
“Hello. May I help you?” A woman I assumed was Brian’s mother answered the door.
“Um, hi, I’m Delaney Miller. I was wondering if…”
“Delaney, I feel like I already know you! Brian talks about you all the time. I hope you two had fun at the party. Brian didn’t say much about it, but he was sure excited that you two were going together.” She hugged me and immediately invited me in.
“Oh, okay. Thank you.” I followed her inside and noticed Brian standing at the foot of the stairs. He didn’t say a word; he just looked at me with his arms folded across his chest.
“Brian, don’t be rude. Say hi,” his mother’s scolded.
“Hi,” he said obediently.
“Hi. Um, can I talk to you for a few minutes?”
“I’ll leave you two alone. Would you like to stay for lunch, dear?”
“Um no, but thank you, anyway. My parents are expecting me home soon,” I smiled at her.
I looked up at Brian, waiting for him to answer me. “Please, I need to talk to you,” I asked again.
“Fine,” he said and headed up the stairs.
“Um, where are we going?”
“To my room.”
“Won’t your parents mind?”
“They trust me,” he said, looking back at me with obvious doubt as to whether he believed I was trustworthy.
I took his double meaning in stride and followed him up the stairs. His room was pretty much what I expected; sports equipment and posters of football players scattered throughout. It was spotlessly clean though, no doubt due in part to his mother.
“Your room’s great,” I said.
“What do you want, Delaney?” he said, obviously in no mood for small talk.
“I needed to apologize, for starters.”
“For what?”
He was definitely not going to make this easy for me. “For making you worry, for not apologizing yesterday and…”
“And what?”
“And I wanted to explain about how I ended up with…Logan.” Even saying his name made me sound pathetic and I knew by the way Brian gritted his teeth that I was trying to win a losing battle.
I wasn’t having the best luck apologizing, and then it suddenly struck me; I hadn’t done anything wrong. I was a victim and I hadn’t had any idea that Logan would even be there.
“Brian, I’m sorry that you were so worried and that you had to spend the entire night looking for me. Trust me; the night didn’t end up as either of us had planned. I was sick. You know that, because you were too.”
“I know,” he said, softening a bit.
“And, as far as Logan is concerned, I swear to you I didn’t know he was there! There was no plan for us to meet. It just happened. I didn’t even know he lived on the island!” I said, obviously angry now.
“Okay,” he said, the truth starting to finally sink in.
“Okay, that’s it?” I was really angry now, but I was taking it out on the wrong guy. It was Chad and Logan that I was angry with. Chad for obvious reasons and Logan for making me think he cared about me and then pushing me away.
“What do you want me to say, Delaney?”
“I want you to tell me that you believe me!”
“I do believe you,” he said, reaching out to take my hand.
I pulled my hand away and said, “I didn’t sleep with him, I swear it!” I said, my own words taking me by surprise.
I was standing in the middle of his room with my hands balled into fists, shaking.
I was expecting more of a fight, expecting him to challenge my declaration, but instead, he walked over to me and hugged me. “I’m sorry. You were sick and as out of it as I was. I was just so worried. And when I saw who was driving that car, I got a little crazy. I was jealous.”
I found myself hugging him back, needing comfort. “Why couldn’t I love Brian? My life would be so much easier,” I thought to myself.
“Excuse me...” Brian’s mom called from the doorway.
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