“I thought you loved him? You told me you did.”
“I did, I do…but not enough. It’s not fair to him.”
We talked for a few more minutes and I knew that it was time to face the music and call my parents. I said my goodbyes to Molly, promising her that I would explain what I could when I came home.
“Mom?” I said when she answered the phone.
“Delaney? Is that you? Oh, thank Heavens,” I heard her yell for my dad to pick up the extension.
“Delaney, where are you?” my dad asked.
“I’m safe. I’m sorry that I haven’t called sooner. I miss you all.”
“Come home!” my mother pleaded, crying.
“I can’t come home yet. I will, but not yet.”
“Why?” my mom sniffled.
“You listen to me young lady…” my dad started in.
“Dad, I’m an adult now, whether you choose to believe it or not. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, but I had to leave. I needed to do some thinking and do a little more growing up on my own. I’m fine though. I’m safe, healthy and very happy,” I said, looking up at Logan as he walked into the room with two cups of hot chocolate.
“Please come home,” my mother pleaded, again.
“Mom, I will come home, but not yet. I still have some growing to do!”
Logan smiled and rubbed my stomach. I had to laugh as it was out of character for him.
“I don’t think this is one bit funny, young lady.”
“I wasn’t laughing about that. It was…my roommate,” I said, praying they didn’t ask me about him.
“You have a roommate?”
“Yes. I promise you both, I’m fine. It has to be this way for now. I need this, please understand. I’m not trying to stay away from you. I just needed some space.”
“From Brian?”
“From Brian, yes…but it’s not just him. Everything was getting so complicated. I needed to get away…I just did.”
“Please come home. You don’t have to see Brian. We’ll tell him to stop coming over.”
“Does he visit you?”
“Yes. He comes over at least once a week, asking if we’ve heard from you. He loves you.”
“I know. I have to go now. I love you both. Tell Seth I miss the little brat. Oh, and stop quizzing Molly. She doesn’t know where I am. I miss you.” I hung up the phone happy that I had called, but still feeling bad for Brian. I knew it was for the best. He deserved more from a woman than I could give him.
“Feel better?”
“Yes. Thank you. You always seem to know what I need.”
“I think there’s one more call you should make,” he said, picking up the phone again.
“I can’t tell Brian the truth, not yet, and I won’t lie to him again. He knows where I am, he knows I’m safe. I don’t want to hurt him anymore.”
“He knows you’re with me, and I’m sure that’s killing him.”
“I know…I just…”
“I didn’t say that to make you feel bad. I just know how I felt when I saw you with him. If you don’t plan on going back to him, then you should tell him…let him go.”
“I told him when I left.”
“You told him you were leaving, but did you tell him it was over between you two?”
“I don’t think so. I don’t remember what I said, I was so upset.”
“You’re not going back to him, are you? I’m sorry. I don’t have any right to ask you that.”
“You have every right. I could never go back to Brian now. My heart is here, with you.”
“This will work out…I promise. You should call him. He needs to know how you feel so he can move on with his life. I’m going to take a walk.”
Logan grabbed his jacket and called Duchess to take a walk with him while I sat there staring at the phone. I wasn’t sure I could pick it up. I knew that Logan was right and that we both needed some closure, so with shaky hands, I reached for the phone.
I dialed Brian’s cell phone number, all the while wondering what I could possibly say to him without hurting him more.
“Hello.”
“Brian?”
He was silent for a minute and then quietly said, “Yeah.”
“How are you?” what a stupid question, I told myself.
“What do you want, Delaney?”
“I don’t know. I just…wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“How’s your mom?”
“Fine. Is there something else? I don’t want to keep you from…anything,” he said, sarcastically.
“My mom said that you stop by the house every week. I just wanted to let you know that I’m okay. I’m so sorry. This is definitely not what I had planned.”
“You got what you wanted.”
“No Brian, this isn’t what I wanted.”
“You’re still with him?”
“Yes.”
“Then you got what you wanted. I have to go.”
“Brian, I wish…”
“What?” he snapped.
“I know I owe you an explanation, and you deserve the truth. I can’t tell you everything right now. I really just needed to know that you were okay and that you’ve moved on. I will always love you. I know you don’t believe that, but it is true.”
“I have to go.”
“Brian, please don’t hate me,” I begged.
“I don’t hate you, Delaney. I love you.”
“I know, but you hate me, too. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for hurting you.”
“I knew you loved him…and I guess I knew you’d end up with him one day. He better treat you right. If not, he’ll be sorry.”
“I wish I could explain everything…it’s really not what you think.”
“I have to go. Take care of yourself.”
“You too. Goodnight.”
“Goodbye, Delaney.”
I sat there for a few minutes trying to figure out exactly how I felt. I knew that Brian needed to hear that it was over between us and as upset as I knew he was about it, I did feel like he had some closure and he was no longer waiting for me. I finally got up and walked outside to find Logan. I was barefoot and I wasn’t wearing a jacket. I realized that I had locked the door behind me. I called for Logan when I realized I’d locked myself out of the house. I was freezing and I had no idea where he was. I strolled down the path to the beach and saw him sitting on the sand looking out at the ocean.
“Hi,” I said, and sat down next to him.
“What are you doing? You must be freezing,” he said while removing his jacket and wrapping it around me.
“I kind of locked the door behind me, so I couldn’t get back in. I hope you have your keys.”
“I have them. I’ll have a key made for you tomorrow. I didn’t think about it.”
“It’s your house. I don’t need a key.”
“Does that mean you’re leaving?” he asked, looking worried.
“Why would you even think that? There’s no place I’d rather be!” I said, and hugged him.
“I thought…maybe since you talked to Brian…”
“I love you…I have feelings for him, yes, but it’s always been you. I told him goodbye and he wished us well.”
“Really?” he asked, skeptically.
“Well, he wished me well…and he threatened you.”
“That sounds more like it.”
“Can we go in now? I’m freezing.”
We got back into the house and sat on the couch together. He wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. Duchess found her way up on to the couch as well, and soon I found myself out of room and very close to Logan.
“You’ve spoiled her,” he said, grinning.
“She’s a good girl.” Just then Duchess rolled onto her back, and pushed me with her back legs, throwing me full force into Logan.
I was knocked over, thrown back onto his lap. He caught me and had his arms around me. I looked up into his eyes and
knew I should get up, but I couldn’t. He looked down at me, and touched my cheek with the back of his hand. Just like before, it sent electricity coursing through my veins. I trembled and my breathing quickened. “Are you still cold?” he asked, breathing a bit faster himself.
“No, actually I’m really quite warm.”
“I can’t tell you how badly I want to kiss you right now,” he said, even more out of breath.
“I, I better say goodnight,” I said, and he helped me sit up.
“Goodnight,” he said, as I headed upstairs.
I crawled into my lonely bed, closed my eyes and immediately thought of Logan. I liked picturing Logan. It helped me stay awake. I was afraid to sleep for fear of once again having my recurring nightmare. Every night I would wake up in a panic as Chad’s face leered at me from above. The dreams were becoming more and more frequent as my pregnancy progressed, and I knew that I needed to start thinking about what to do with the baby; Chad’s baby.
Logan and I had managed up to that point, to keep our relationship strictly platonic. But, as the next few weeks wore on, it became increasingly difficult to over-look the growing desire between us. We were sharing a home, meals, taking daily walks on the beach, spending our evenings watching movies and playing card games, and Logan hadn’t missed one of my doctor’s appointments. It seemed only natural to want to take that next step. There were only two problems: He was married, but not to me; and I was pregnant, but not by him.
“I don’t know why you won’t let me get you some new clothes. You can’t keep wearing the same two pairs of sweat pants throughout the rest of your pregnancy. You still have three months to go.”
“You’ve done enough for me. I don’t want you to buy me anything.”
“Delaney, I have more than enough money. I’d buy you the world, but right now, I’d settle on just getting you some clothes.”
“I’ll buy a few things, if it will make you happy.”
“Come on, then. Let’s go shopping.”
I was able to buy a few pairs of maternity pants, some underwear, a few tops and a much needed support bra. I had a little bit of money left, but was unable to buy anything else. Logan came up behind me then and handed the sales girl cash.
“I told you I was buying this,” I said, irritated at him.
“I know, but please just let me take care of it.”
“Logan, I don’t want your money! You already pay for everything. You pay all of my medical bills, you buy all the food. You take care of everything! I can’t keep living off of you like this,” I said, hating to be so dependent on someone I cared so much about. I felt like I was taking advantage of him.
“Delaney, I told you, I’d buy you anything. And it’s because you don’t want anything from me that makes me want to do it all the more. It’s also because I love you. Can’t I just do it because I love you?”
“I love you too, and that’s why you can’t do this. I will pay you back for everything eventually, but please let me buy my own clothing. You don’t need to buy my bras!” I said, rather harshly. We both started to laugh.
“Alright, you win. Let it not be said that I pissed off a pregnant woman by buying her a bra!”
I had the sales girl give Logan his money back as a symbolic gesture, and then paid her from my own stash. We headed out of the store laughing and then stopped dead in our tracks when we ran right into Hailey Williams.
I froze, but Logan didn’t miss a beat. “Hi Hailey, how are you?” he asked, offering her his most dazzling smile.
“Um, I’m okay, thanks. Delaney, you’re pregnant?” she asked, looking down at my over-grown belly.
“Hi Hailey,” I was able to get that much out.
“Wow, I guess it figures. You guys were always staring at each other!” she said with a grin, but not one bit of sarcasm.
Something was different about her, but I didn’t know what. At first I was terrified that she would run home and tell everyone that I was pregnant, but then I realized that she was also in a maternity store, and she had come all the way to Parker’s Island to shop. I looked down and noticed the faintest bulge from under her shirt.
“You caught us,” Logan said, grinning again.
“What are you doing…here?” I asked.
“The same thing you are, but unlike Logan, Chad refused to come with me,” she said sadly.
Logan put his arm around me then, for support. “Chad?” I asked, trembling at the mention of my attacker’s name.
“Yeah. I guess we both got our dream guys, huh?” she said, and then added, “I’m glad that it at least worked out for you. Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.” Then she rubbed her belly and said, “I certainly have no room to talk,” she said and then headed into the store.
“Oh God, I wonder if he…?”
“They were dating, Delaney. I don’t think he had to drug her to get what he wanted from her. I feel bad for her, but she pretty much made her own bed…so to speak. You can’t worry about it.”
“What if she says something to anyone at home?”
“I don’t think she will. There’s nothing you can do about it anyway. Let’s go have some dinner.”
That night we had Chinese take-out and watched an old Chevy Chase comedy. We were laughing at the stars’ antics when I felt the baby kick me, hard. Instinctively, I reached out and grabbed Logan’s hand and put it on my stomach so he could feel it. I had felt a lot of movement, but this was the first actual kick that I could feel from the outside of my belly. “That’s amazing,” he said, closing his eyes and waiting for another kick.
After a minute, he laid his cheek against my belly and waited for more movement.
I reached down and ran my fingers through his hair. How could he be so wonderful? The baby must have felt or sensed him because she kicked me hard and his head popped up. “Does that hurt?” he asked, looking amazed.
“No,” I said, staring at him in awe.
“What?” he asked me.
“Why are you doing this?”
“Doing what?”
“This…all of this? Why have you taken me in and taken such good care of me? I don’t deserve you.”
“Because I love you, even though I shouldn’t, even though I technically belong to another…I love you, with all my heart. And Delaney, you do deserve it. You deserve much more than I can give you right now. But I swear it won’t be like this forever,” he leaned down toward my belly again and pulled up my shirt to bare my swollen stomach. “Tell your mom that it’s going to be okay, that it will all work out and to stop worrying!”
The next day we went for our usual walk on the beach. We brought Duchess, and she had a great time. “She loves this. If it wasn’t for the mess that giving her a bath entails, I’d bring her every day. I end up wetter than she does,” I said, and yawned.
“You’re so tired lately. Aren’t you sleeping at all?” Logan asked, looking worried.
“I’m fine,” I said, but yawned again. I hadn’t been sleeping. My recurring nightmare either kept me from sleeping or woke me up in a state of panic, refusing to let me go back to sleep.
“Delaney, I have to go to the mainland tomorrow for a meeting. Will you be okay here by yourself?” he asked.
“Um, yeah, I’ll be fine. Duchess and I can come back here and play some more,” I said, and threw another stick into the water for her to fetch.
Just then an older couple stopped to ask directions to the nearest bookstore. Logan gave them directions and then Duchess came running over at full force. I was afraid she might knock one of them over, so I stood up and yelled, “No, Duchess!”
“Look Jim, they’re going to have a baby,” the older woman said, giving her husband a knowing smile. “When are you due, dear?” she asked me, while reaching out to touch my stomach.
“Um, in a few months,” I said.
“Enjoy this time, honey. It goes so fast. We have four children, each one so special.”
“Thank you,” I said, wanting
to end the conversation. Logan sensed my nervousness and reached out and squeezed my hand.
“You two are a lovely couple. Your baby will be beautiful,” she said and then they walked off, hand in hand, toward the bookstore. As they headed up the street, I heard her tell her husband, “Yep, they’ll have a pretty baby. Do you remember looking at me that way?” she asked her husband.
“I still do, Dear, I still do,” he said as they strolled off together.
“What’s wrong, Delaney?” Logan asked me after dinner.
“Nothing.”
“I know something’s bothering you. Why won’t you tell me what it is?”
“I’m fine, just a little tired,” I said.
“Delaney, you said you weren’t going to lie to me. Now what is it?”
“It’s just that couple on the beach.”
“What about them?”
“They assumed that this was our baby.”
“So has everyone else we’ve run into. Why is this particular couple bothering you?” he asked.
“I’m really tired. I don’t want to talk about this. If you don’t mind, I’m going to go to bed.”
“Delaney?”
“Please, can we talk about this in the morning?”
“I won’t be here in the morning. Remember?”
“Oh, yeah, then we can talk about it when you get back.”
“I think we should talk now. I don’t want to leave you when you’re obviously upset.”
“I’m fine,” I said, and smiled at him. “I think my hormones are just getting the better of me and making me crazy.” I stood up and touched his cheek and said, “Thank you for caring. But, really, I’m fine.” I looked up at those piercing blue eyes and wanted him to kiss me so badly that I had to take a step back, excuse myself and almost run to my room.
I think he knew I needed some time to calm down because it was almost an hour before I heard a quiet tap on my door.
“Yes?” I asked.
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