“Now you understand why he’s going to lose it all, and why she requested the test?”
“But you can take a test and prove that you’re the…father, not Logan.”
“Why would I do that?” he scoffed, grinning at me.
“Because, he’s your son,” I said, shocked.
“Yeah, but I’m not willing to let him throw everything away. He needs to stay married right now. He can divorce her later, when he’s not thinking with his…heart,” he said, leering at me.
“How can you do this to Logan? All he’s ever wanted from you was love. How can you be so horrible?” I asked, irate now.
“I’m protecting my son! You’re the one that’s going to cost him everything. She’ll sell the island, condemn it or burn it before she’ll ever let him set foot back here. He’ll have no money, no island and no recourse. So, how can you do this to Logan? You said you loved him. Prove it! Leave him, and don’t come back.”
“I can’t,” I whispered, the tears starting now.
“Then I guess you don’t really love him after all, do you?” Wesley Barnett set his glass down on the counter and walked out.
I didn’t know what to do. I was standing in the middle of the living room, feeling as alone and lost as I had the night I woke up naked in that room. I walked out on the deck with Duchess and sat down on one of the deck chairs. Duchess sat down next to me and put her head on my lap. “What do I do now, girl?” I asked, while petting the dog I had come to love. I looked around at the house and the island that I had also grown to love and realized that I couldn’t let Logan lose everything because of me and a baby that wasn’t even his. I knew what I had to do. I had to leave. I knew he would follow me, so I had to find some way to convince him that I didn’t love him. As I stood up, my heart ached so badly that I had to hold onto the railing to steady myself.
I made my way through the house and quickly packed my things. I had enough money left to take a ferry and make it to the mainland, but that was it. I didn’t have anywhere else to go, and I knew it was finally time for me to stop lying to myself and to everyone else. I had to go home.
Dear Logan,
I know you probably won’t believe this, but I have to go home. It’s wrong for me to be here. I love you, but I love Brian, too. I have to tell him the truth. I owe him that much. You were right. I have to face up to my fears. This is not your problem, and I can’t keep pretending it is. You have your own problems to deal with right now. I will miss you terribly, but I’m asking you not to follow me. I won’t come back with you and I can’t marry you. Please, if you love me at all, then let me go.
Delaney
I could barely write through all the tears, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I couldn’t let him give up everything; lose his island and his trust fund because of me. I left the letter on the counter, then took one last look at the home I had grown to love and the memories it held, before I patted Duchess one last time and walked out the door.
Chapter Twelve: Chad
The ferry ride gave me time to think about what I was going to tell everyone. I knew Logan would come for me, but I also knew he would give me some space for a few days. I had to go home and tell everyone the truth. The letter to Logan was going to be the last lie I told. I was through lying to everyone, including myself. I knew what I had to do, and I knew it was the right thing. I couldn’t let Logan take the blame for something he didn’t do. I hoped someday that we could be together, but I knew our lives couldn’t start out as a lie, either. This was for the best. I would go home for a few days, make amends, and then I’d go spend the rest of my pregnancy with my Aunt Vickie.
I took a taxi from the dock, hoping someone would be home at my house to pay for the ride. I had used the last of my stash on the ferry and I refused to take any of Logan’s money for a cab ride. The driver pulled up to the house and I asked him to wait while I ran in to grab some money. I knocked on the door, terrified to see who would answer it. Finally Seth opened the door, “Delaney?” he said, “Whoa are you in trouble!” he said, looking at my over-grown belly.
“Hi Seth. I need to pay the taxi. Do you have any money I can borrow?” I asked.
“Yeah, right!”
“Please, Seth,” I begged.
“Oh, fine.” He ran upstairs and came right back down.
I paid the driver and headed into the house.
“Um, Delaney, are you okay?” Seth asked.
“No, not really. But I will be. Where are Mom and Dad?”
“They’re working.”
“Mom’s working?”
“Yeah, she’s been going crazy worrying about you, so she decided she had to go get a job to occupy her time. She started working at Dad’s office.”
“I guess I caused a lot of trouble, didn’t I? I can’t believe she’s working.”
“I’m glad she’s working. Now she’s not bugging me 24/7. So, um, who…?” he was looking at my belly, afraid to ask the question.
This was not a conversation I wanted to share with my younger brother, and although I wasn’t going to lie, I wasn’t about to tell him that I had been raped.
“You don’t know him. Seth, you’re my brother and I love you. Can I just have a hug?” I asked, needing some comfort.
He hugged me for a split second, trying very hard not to touch my belly. “Are you hungry?” he asked, his way of saying that he loved me too and that he missed me.
“No. I’m fine. So, did you really move into my room?”
“I was going to, but…”
“You hoped I’d come back?” I said. It was wishful thinking on my part.
“No, Mom wouldn’t let me.”
“Oh,” I grinned at him.
I walked upstairs to my room and looked around. It was exactly how I left it. Right down to Logan’s shirt sitting on the dresser. I walked over to it, picked it up and cried. Yesterday everything seemed so perfect, I was so happy, and now my life was a mess. I cried for over an hour and then I got up, cleaned up and headed downstairs to wait for the confrontation that was about to begin.
“What time do Mom and Dad usually get home?” I asked Seth.
I was standing in the living room with my back to the door. I heard my parents come in and I froze.
“Delaney? Honey, is that you?” my mother cried.
I closed my eyes and slowly turned to face my parents. I heard my mother gasp, but it was only a moment before she was hugging me and crying. “Oh thank heavens you’re home. Are you okay?” she asked, looking me over and turning me around to inspect every inch.
“I’m okay,” I said.
“I’ve been worried sick about you. How could you just leave like that? Did you think we wouldn’t understand? Brian loves you. Why would you leave him? He would have stood by you, married you. You said he wanted to marry you.”
“Mom, we need to talk,” I said, and then looked over at my father who had yet to say anything or even make a move toward me. “Hi Dad.”
“So let’s talk!” he ordered while heading toward the dining room table.
I sat down with my parents. Seth pulled up a chair next to me. “Seth, please give us a few minutes,” my mother said.
“Why don’t I get to hear who knocked her up…it was Brian, right?” my brother said.
“SETH, Go To Your Room, NOW!” my father yelled.
“Fine!” he said and slowly made his way up the stairs, mumbling something unintelligible along the way.
“Okay, let’s hear it,” my father ordered.
My mother was still sobbing, holding on to my hand like I was going to vanish again.
I started from the beginning, the night I had lied to them and went to the grad party. I told them the truth, trying to only leave out the details that would not only embarrass me, but my father as well.
“Why didn’t I see it? I’m your mother. I should have known something was wrong,” my mom said, hugging me to her.
“Because Mom, like me, you didn’t want t
o see it.”
“Did Brian know?” she asked.
“Christine figured it out. She confronted us, asking why we hadn’t told anyone that we were having a baby.”
“Did she know it wasn’t Brian’s?” she asked.
“No, not at first.”
“I know this would have been wrong, but why didn’t you just say it was Brian’s. He loved you, honey. He wouldn’t have figured it out. Your secret would have been safe.”
“Mom, Brian and I…we never…” I looked at my Dad and I couldn’t go on.
“I was so sure…I guess I have a lot to apologize for, Delaney. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have gone to the stupid party. I knew it was wrong. I never should have lied to you or Brian. I hurt him and I can’t forgive myself for it.”
“Brian knew…what happened…and he didn’t tell us?” my mom asked, angrily.
“He didn’t know I was…raped. He assumed I had been with…another man.”
“Why would he think that?” my mom asked.
“Because he knew I was in love with someone else.” I had managed to keep my tears at bay until I mentioned Logan. That was the one pain I couldn’t control.
“Delaney, I don’t understand any of this. Was the other man the one that…?”
“NO! He would never hurt me,” I said.
“Who did?” my father asked, finally coming out of his stupor.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“The hell it doesn’t!” my father roared. I had never heard my father utter a curse word in my life.
“Dad, please. I don’t want to think about him. I don’t want to talk about him and I definitely don’t want you to go after him.”
“Delaney, he needs to pay for what he did!” he said, echoing Logan’s words from that night.
“Thank you Dad, but someone else got to him first,” I said, wondering just what else Logan had done to Chad. “He’s been punished.”
“It’s not enough!” he said, and then walked out of the room with his hands balled into fists.
My mom hugged me to her again. “What are you going to do, honey?”
“I’m going to keep her,” I said, rubbing my stomach.
“Her?”
“Yes, it’s a girl,” I said, tearing up while remembering the ultrasound that Logan and I had watched together in amazement.
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Yes.”
“Were you staying with the young man that you’re so obviously in love with? Was he the ‘roommate’ that you mentioned when you called?”
“Yes,” I said, the tears silently streaming down my face.
“What happened with him?” she asked.
“He took me in and took care of me. Just like that night…the night it happened.”
“He’s the same man that took care of you that night?”
“Yes. He lives on the island. But, I knew him from school.”
“You were with him, all this time?”
“Yes. I love him.”
“Were you…never mind, I don’t care, I’m just so glad you’re home.”
We talked a while longer, clearing the air. Finally I started up the stairs to go to bed when my dad came up and hugged me. “I’m so sorry, honey.” He pulled back and as he started to walk away, I swore I saw a tear rolling down his face.
“Dad, I’m fine, really,” I called after him.
He nodded his head but kept walking.
I crawled into bed, holding tight to Logan’s shirt.
My mom came upstairs to tuck me in, which I thought was a very sweet gesture. She sat down next to me and asked if she could touch my belly.
“Sure.” Everyone else had.
She smiled at me when she felt the baby move. “Have you been taking good care of yourself?”
“He took very good care of me, Mom,” I said sadly.
“You’ve obviously been to a doctor?”
“Yes, he took me…each time.”
“I’m kind of curious about the shirt, Delaney?”
“It’s his.”
“What happened, honey? Don’t take this wrong. I’m thrilled you’re home, but why aren’t you still with him?”
“Because he isn’t mine,” I said, and then sobbed into the pillow, hugging the only piece of Logan that I had left…his shirt.
I cried for hours, unable to stop thinking of Logan. I finally cried myself to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, I knew that it was time to go talk to Brian and Molly.
I walked downstairs and heard my mother on the phone.
“Yes. She’s here. She’s fine. Are you…? Yes, I’ll tell her.”
My mom turned and saw me in the doorway. I knew who was on the phone, but I refused to talk to him. I shook my head no when she started to hand the phone to me. I couldn’t let him weaken my resolve.
She hung up the phone and said, “He was making sure you were home safe.”
“I know.” I was reminded of Brian doing the same thing a few months earlier.
“Maybe you should call him. He said to tell you that he loves you and nothing else matters.”
“Mom, I need to go see Brian and Molly. Then I need to go spend some time with Aunt Vickie. When he comes here, please don’t tell him where I am,” I said, fighting back the tears.
“You’re leaving?” she asked, obviously upset.
“Only for a while. He’s going to come for me and I can’t be here when he does.”
“Delaney, you can’t run forever.”
“Mom, I have to do this. Please understand that I love him and if he comes here I’ll give in and I can’t. I can’t let him give up everything for me and a baby that’s not his. I’m doing this for him.”
“If you love him and he’s coming for you, then he must love you, too. Certainly you can work it out.”
“MOM, he’s married!” I said, knowing that would finally put an end to our conversation.
“He’s married? How old is this man?”
“It doesn’t matter, but he is married,” I whispered.
“You were living with a married man?” she asked, shocked.
“Yes.”
“I don’t understand. Where was his wife?”
“They don’t live together. Mom, please just trust me and don’t tell him where I went. Okay? When I’m sure he’s given up, I’ll come home.”
“I don’t like this, Delaney. I don’t like any of it. I want you to stay home.”
“I’ll be back, I promise.”
“Before the baby comes? We have so much to do to get ready for my granddaughter.”
“Thank you, Mom. Thank you for understanding and for accepting this baby,” I said.
“She’s a part of you. How can she not be wonderful?” Once again Logan’s words echoed through the room.
“I love you, Mom. Thank you. I need to go see Molly and Brian now.”
“Will you be okay?”
“I’m not sure, but I have to go.”
I called my aunt Vickie to ask her if it would be okay if I came to stay with her for a while. She was thrilled and said my room would be ready the second I got there. Everything was starting to fall into place. “Then why do you feel so horrible?” I asked myself as I was heading out the door on my way to Brian’s house.
I walked slowly to Brian’s house, remembering the last time I saw him, and how badly I had hurt him. As I headed down his street, his front window came into view and the pain I had felt that day returned and hit me full force. I was resolved not to cry, to get through this without tears, so I kept walking.
I walked up the steps of his porch, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Christine opened the door and she took a deep breath, obviously not happy to see me. “Delaney?” she almost whispered.
“Hi Christine, I was hoping to talk to you…and Brian for a few minutes.”
“Delaney, honey, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I feel for you, I do
, but he’s been hurt enough.”
“I know. I don’t want to hurt him again, but he needs to know the truth. I need to tell you both the truth. Please.”
“Let her in,” Brian said, standing at the bottom of the stairs.
Christine stepped aside, allowing me inside.
Brian stared at my belly, looking so hurt.
“I’ll leave you two to talk,” Christine said, looking fearful for her son.
“Christine, please. I need to tell you both the truth.”
Just then Molly came bounding down the stairs. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw me. “Delaney? You’re…pregnant?” she asked, stunned.
“I was going to come and see you today too, Molly. How are you?” I asked, not sure what else to say, just then. I was very surprised to see her coming down from Brian’s room. Not unhappy, not jealous, just surprised. I finally understood why she took it so personally that I had hurt Brian. She loved him. I could see it in her eyes. She stared at me, then at Brian, unsure of what to say or do.
“Let’s all go sit down,” Christine said. “Can I get you something to drink?” she asked, always the perfect hostess.
“No, I’m fine, thank you.”
We all walked into the dining room, and flashbacks from the last time I was there returned full force. I started to stumble, and Brian caught me before I fell. “I’m sorry,” I said, standing upright and stepping away from him.
We sat down at the table. Molly wrapped her arms around Brian’s arm as if to show me that he was no longer available to me. “So, let’s hear it,” Brian said.
“I’ve um, I’ve practiced this a hundred times, but my prepared speech has escaped me at the moment,” I said, swallowing hard.
“Why don’t you just try the truth, for a change?” Molly spat, angrily.
“Yeah, okay. So, here goes. The night of the grad party, we both got sick. You remember that part, right Brian?” I was stalling.
“Yeah,” he said sharply.
“Um, well I remember starting to pass out and you reaching out to catch me.” I was shaking.
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