Once we arrived at the emergency room, I endured more of the same nonsense. If they’d just let me get up, I’d show them I was perfectly capable of moving on my own, but no one listened. The doctors and nurses talked over me. The needle in my arm was repeatedly tugged. Tests were ordered. Stats were called out. Someone made a comment about my blood pressure being high. People were in and out of the curtained-off area in which they held me captive.
Finally, my neck was cleared of fracture and a sweet nurse removed the brace, instantly becoming my favorite person. I lifted my head slightly to stretch the muscles, quickly understanding doing so was a mistake. A wave of nausea crashed over me, and the room spun. I felt sicker than the time my sister shared the stomach virus with me. When the nurse recognized the look on my face, I tried telling her it had nothing to do with the fall. I had been feeling under the weather since waking up that morning. When she was convinced I wouldn’t vomit all over her exam room, she left me alone. I gladly welcomed the moment of privacy. Unfortunately, it didn’t last very long.
“Ms. Watson?” It was the poor doctor in charge of me.
“Yeah?” I sighed.
He wheeled over the stool so he could sit next to the bed, then flipped open the chart he held. “Your bloodwork results are back from the lab. Everything seems to be in order, except for your hCG levels. It’s protocol to check for it when a female of childbearing age comes into the ER. I know you said you take daily birth control but, presuming you take it properly, it appears as though you’re in the very small percentage of women who conceive while on the medication.”
“What? No way. There has to be some kind of mistake.”
Probably expecting my shock, the doctor continued. “I ordered an ultrasound to be done as soon as possible so we can make sure everything is stable. We’ll also be able to get a better estimate of dates for you, but my guess is you are somewhere between six and eight weeks along.”
I did the math in my head. Six to eight weeks prior would have been the middle of July. Holy shit! That was when we had Jack’s twenty-fifth birthday party. Joey and I stayed the weekend at his apartment, helping him prepare beforehand and clean up the day after.
While waiting to be taken to have the ultrasound done, panic took control. The well-being of my baby was all I could think about. What if something happened in the fall? Why wasn’t I more careful? How did I not know? Question after question popped into my head, each terrifying me more than the previous one. The only one that kept my heart from tearing through my chest was what Joey would think. Despite the less than ideal timing, he’d be ecstatic. He always talked about starting a family. For some crazy reason, he preferred it to be sooner rather than later. I assumed it would happen at the same time he slid a ring onto my finger. Regardless, we’d find a way to make it work. If we couldn’t, our families would.
As badly as I wanted to, I didn’t ask questions during the exam. The technologist was polite and soothing, as if she understood the turmoil with which I was dealing. Staring at the cabinet on the opposite side of the darkened room, it startled me when she said my name. “Would you like to hear your baby’s heartbeat?” My baby? A tear trickled down my cheek. She smiled, then pressed a button on the machine. A thumping sound filled the room, causing more tears and a sigh of relief. “You’re measuring seven weeks and two days. Just act surprised when the doctor tells you. I’m not supposed to say anything.” I repeatedly thanked her for being so caring.
Because I was living on campus, the doctor decided to admit me overnight. He didn’t feel comfortable sending me back to the dorms with no one to watch out for me. I insisted Rebecca would be there, but he wasn’t having it. Before they took me up to my room, she came into the exam room.
“I have your phone. Should I call your parents first, or do you want me to call Joe?”
“Neither.”
“Why not?” I didn’t want Joey to find out he was going to be a dad over the phone, and he certainly didn’t need to hear about what happened. Not yet.
“I’ll call them when I get back to our room tomorrow because, regardless of what I say, they’ll panic and drive all the way up here. There’s no need for them to make the trip when I’m perfectly fine.”
“I’m sure they’d want to be here, Brie,” she argued.
“I know they would, but it’s late.”
“Do you want me to stay?”
“And what? Sleep on an uncomfortable chair? Thank you, but please go back to the room and get some sleep.”
Rebecca didn’t like it, but she respected my decision. “Promise you’ll call if you need anything?”
“Promise.”
Once I was finally settled in a room, a joy I had no idea existed grew until it consumed me. At least four different times, I picked up my phone to call Joey. I saw the many missed calls, heard the message he left, and read the numerous texts. I missed our nightly phone call, so he was probably freaking out. If he heard my voice, he’d definitely know something was up, so I settled for replying with a text.
Me: Hey. Sorry. I got held up working on something in lab, then dozed off until now. I’ll call you in the morning.
Joey: Don’t let it happen again. I love you and miss your beautiful face.
Me: Love you more, and not nearly as much as I miss yours.
Joey: Seriously, I was worried. Glad you’re okay.
Me: I promise it won’t happen again. ‘Night, Joey.
Joey: Goodnight, Buttercup. XOXO
Despite my exhaustion, I was unable to fall asleep for a few hours. My hand continually caressed my belly as I thought about how our lives were going to change. There was too much unknown, but there was one thing of which I was absolutely certain. The baby would be loved by so many people.
Later, an excruciating pain radiating from my lower back woke me up. It was worse than anything I’d ever felt before. Somehow, I knew what was happening. I didn’t need the emergency tests that were ordered. I didn’t need the blood staining the sheets. I didn’t need the nurse holding my hand as the doctor came in to deliver the bad news. I didn’t need to hear how sorry they were that they couldn’t do anything to stop it. I didn’t need or want anyone to tell me I’d never be able to hold my baby. That Joey would never be able to hold our baby. I may have only known about the pregnancy for just under twelve hours, but he or she was already everything to me. Unable to move, unable to speak, unable to feel, I lay there as the baby Joey and I created became an angel.
A squawking seagull jolted me from the deep, dark thoughts, and I blinked away forming tears. They weren’t allowed. That was the deal. No way did I get to feel better. It was my own fault for not protecting the precious gift I had been given. I didn’t deserve relief of the pain, and I certainly didn’t deserve the happiness I was feeling by spending time with Joey.
Vowing to distance myself from him until it was time to leave, I stood, picked up the blanket, and rushed back to the house. Lex needed to wake up so we could get out of there. I didn’t belong in a place filled with so many wonderful memories. I didn’t belong with all the people who’d be torn apart by what happened, especially Joey. I couldn’t hurt him again.
When I got to work, I saw Jack sitting comfortably in my chair, his feet propped up on the old desk. He had a look on his face that suggested I’d better start talking without being asked, but I ignored it and swatted at his dirty boots. As they fell to the floor, he swung at me. It was easy enough to dodge. He worked all night, so his attempt was futile.
“Bitch,” he grumbled, steadying himself.
We exchanged places. “How was last night?”
“The highlight of the night was tracking down some kid accused of B&E.” He folded his arms. “So? What happened yesterday?”
“We went to the shore,” I replied, shifting things on the desk to seem busy.
“What happened with BC?” he asked.
“Don’t call her that,” I blurted out.
He smirked. “Stop avoiding my q
uestion.”
“I’m not avoiding anything. There’s nothing to talk about. The girls kept us on the beach all day. Later, we grabbed a drink and a bite to eat. Vince and I went to bed, and they watched a movie downstairs.”
“And?” he prompted, irritated.
I glanced up. “That’s it.”
“You expect me to believe that?”
“Believe whatever the fuck you want,” I responded, booting up my computer.
“Let me get this straight. You spent an entire day with your ex-girlfriend, with whom you’re obviously still in love, and nothing happened?”
“That’s what I said.”
“You disappoint me, little brother.” He shook his head. “Are you waiting for the doctor to come down here, sweep Brie off her feet, and take her back up north so you can sit around and mope for another seven years?”
“Wait a second. Weren’t you warning me to watch myself just yesterday?”
“Don’t bullshit me, Joe. You and I both know you’re fucking miserable without her. I haven’t seen you this happy since before she left that summer. Smiling like a lovesick moron and shit. It’s quite obnoxious, if you want the truth. At least wait until you sleep with her again before you start acting like this.”
Standing forcefully was instinct, but getting in my brother’s face was his fault. “Don’t fucking talk about her like that.”
“My point exactly.” Jack shot me a wide grin. “If you weren’t still in love with her, you wouldn’t give a shit what I said.”
“I never said I wasn’t in love with her. I said nothing happened. Now back off.” I sat down in my chair before drawing any more attention our way.
“What can I do?” he offered without sarcasm. I shook my head. “I can go talk to her.”
“No.” I rubbed my chin, thinking how maybe I could’ve gone to him after all.
“She doesn’t have to know you sent me.” He sighed when I didn’t answer. “Fine. Don’t forget McCray was on a rampage.” I had forgotten about him. “I’m going to the gym. Want me to swing by Mom and Dad’s to grab Maddie?”
That gave me an idea. “Actually, could you, then drop her off at Barb and Rich’s? Just tell BC you have to get some sleep and Maddie was stuck in the house all day yesterday. I’m sure she won’t mind keeping her a few hours. I’ll pick her up after my shift.”
“Since when do you need a lame excuse to visit the Watson’s?”
“I don’t.”
“Whatever. If Brie isn’t there, I’ll take Maddie home. Watch your back, Sullivan.” He waved goodbye as he walked away.
I took my time getting ready for the day. There was a ton of email in my inbox that needed to be sorted through. Most of it was crap, but some of it needed attention. A case I worked on about six months ago was headed to court and the lawyer requested me to testify. The date needed to be pushed back and he wanted to make sure I’d still be available. I replied and forwarded the details to my dad so he could put it on the calendar. Another one concerned the annual police softball game…like they really had to ask me to play.
When I yawned for the seventh or eighth time, I went to the breakroom to grab a cup of coffee. The pot on the burner had probably been sitting there for a bit, so I brewed another one. While waiting, I thought of BC. Spending all day with her felt so good. My memory didn’t quite justify the beauty of her smile or the sound of her voice. Suddenly, a craving for funnel cake hit me and the grin spread across my face. She did this to me. She made me feel alive and able to anticipate the future. That shit was a waste of time without her.
“Where the hell have you been?” Unfortunately, I heard Kevin’s big mouth before I saw him. Pretending not to realize he was talking to me, I focused on filling the paper cup. “Sullivan?!” he yelled, pushing through the chairs in his way.
“What’s up?” I casually countered.
“Yesterday. Where the fuck were you?” I could tell his blood was boiling. It was quite comical.
“Hmm… Yesterday?” I paused, as if in thought, then returned the pot to the burner and grabbed some sugar packets. “I was off.”
“Obviously. Why couldn’t Shannon get in touch with you? She tried calling all day.”
“My phone was dead.”
“You were with that fucking skank, weren’t you?” My body stiffened. My fists clenched tight enough, I knew my knuckles turned white. “Alexa’s sister. Is that where you were?!” His voice had grown louder with every word. This shit wasn’t so funny anymore.
I spun toward him. The prick was closer than I imagined, so I shoved at his chest to move him out of my space, causing him to stumble backward. “Don’t talk about her like that,” I spit out. Either the volume of our voices or the scraping of metal chairs along the worn floor alerted bystanders to the commotion. Three other cops rushed in before Kevin came at me.
“I’m fucking telling you, Sullivan–”
“Shut up, McCray!” Darren snapped, positioning himself in between us. “I’m too old for this shit.” The other two, younger officers stood beside Kevin.
Anger vibrated through me but, somehow, I controlled it. My face had to be red, and I felt the veins bulging in the sides of my neck. For entirely too long, I’d been waiting for an opportunity to punch the fucker, but my chance slipped away quicker than it presented itself.
Kevin ignored the warning and tried to push past Darren. The veteran may have had a few years on McCray, but he also had four inches and about thirty pounds of solid muscle to top it off. However, I hoped Kevin made it past him. To my disappointment, the guys grabbed him before he got too far.
“This has nothing to do with any of you. Let me go,” Kevin bitched at them.
“Take a walk.” Darren pointed to the door of the breakroom.
“He’s only here because he’s the old man’s kid and you all know it! He’ll never be a decent cop. Neither will his brother.”
“Enough!” My dad’s voice echoed off the walls, making us all jump. He stood in the doorway, glaring at us. “McCray, I’m pretty sure you should’ve been in your car on the street twenty minutes ago. Go before I send your ass home.” Kevin yanked his arms free and started for the exit. Pop didn’t move when he got there. “If you have a problem with another officer, your first move is to come to me.”
Without responding, he attempted to step around his commanding officer, but my dad didn’t budge. “Yes, sir,” Kevin muttered. Only then was he granted permission to leave. The other guys followed, nodding at my dad.
“What happened?” he finally asked when it was just him and me in the room.
“He called BC a fucking skank,” I growled.
My dad’s eyebrows rose, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. “And he’s still breathing? You must be mellowing, son. When it comes to her, I’ve had to bail you out of situations for less.”
“Your guard dogs came in before I had the chance to teach him a lesson.” My coffee was cold, so I dumped it in the sink and threw the cup in the trash. “It’s guys like him who give cops a bad name. One of these days, he’s going to lose it.”
Pop came walked into the room. “I didn’t think you’d be in today.”
“Why not?”
“Brielle’s in town.”
“I still have to work.”
“Not when you have a ton of vacation and personal days you very rarely use. Hell, I wouldn’t care if you pretended to be sick for the next two weeks.”
“What are you trying to say?”
He sighed. “I don’t want you distracted while you’re on the job. I promised your mother you’d retire in one piece, remember?”
“I’m good, but thanks,” I assured him, hoping he’d let it go.
“Joe, I know there’s shit going through your head. She’s the one who got away. The one you’d do just about anything to get back. Nothing anyone says will change what you’re thinking but, please, be careful.”
“Why does everyone assume I’m going to crumble because BC’s
home?”
“That’s just it, son. She’s not home. She’s only visiting. There’s a difference, but I’m not sure you can see it. You know how much I adore Brie, but I’m always going to watch out for you.”
“Even if I wanted to, I can’t be with her every second she’s here. I need to work or I’ll go crazy.”
“Fine. Why don’t you make rounds at the schools? You haven’t been there in some time and the students miss you for some strange reason. Besides, those guys could use a hand. The elementary school was on lockdown yesterday because some idiot phoned in a threat. Everything was fine, so don’t flip out that I didn’t call you about it.”
Pop knew how much the kids meant to me. It all began with Peyton Anderson. After what happened, she had a hard time returning to school. Not wanting her mom to leave her, she wouldn’t get out of the car when she was being dropped off. When I got word of what was going on, I made sure to be there every morning to escort Peyton to her classroom. A few times during the day, I’d stop by or call to check on her, making sure she got back to her mom as soon as school ended. That was how I met the kids. The following year was easier. She’d be fine with whomever was on duty, but I always caught up with her and her parents to ensure things were going smoothly. She had my number stored in her phone, which also helped make her feel safer.
“Peyton was absent yesterday.” Hearing she wasn’t there for the ordeal made me feel a tad less guilty for going to the shore. “Mrs. Anderson considered keeping her home today, but discussed it with her this morning and she wants to go. Her class has a project due and I gave her my word we’d be there.”
“I wish you’d called. If nothing else, I could’ve gone to talk to Peyton.”
“She’s growing up, Joe. She’s not as fragile as she used to be. You’ve helped shape her into a strong kid. Be proud of that.”
“Her parents are responsible for her success, not me.”
“Mr. and Mrs. Anderson disagree.”
Subtle Reminders Page 20