We stand there like that for a minute. A couple of girls come in, and we just kind of smile and do our thing while they do their business and then leave.
Finally, she stops crying for just a bit. She's sobbing into my shoulders. I pull back just a tiny bit and look at her.
"Mayra, are you sure? Are you sure you don't have one more ounce of strength in you to fight for your relationship with my brother? I have to ask. Because I know this is going to crush him. I know it's never been easy with him and basketball. But before you decide to cut things off with him, and I will completely understand if you do, just make sure that this is what you really want. Because if it is, I think a clean break will be better. But I don't want you to regret this later, okay?”
She sighs as she cries again, but then she wipes her tears with some paper towels, and she blows her nose.
"I don't know. I think it's time, Ariana. I think it's time that I finally make a choice if he can't. I just can't keep living like this anymore. Either he makes his choice right now, tonight, or I'm done. I really am done. As much as it's gonna kill me, I’m just going to walk away. "
I can tell that she's 100% serious right now. This is Mayra. She's one of the strongest people I know. She’ll walk away if she feels like she has no choice.
But we’re also talking about my brother. I know this is going to kill him too. He has to know what's going on. He has to know that it's now or never.
"Let me talk to him. I'll talk to him, and I'll tell him what you just told me. I know this is your business, and I'm not going to butt in and tell him what to do. But if you're saying that he's just not getting it, and believe me, this is my brother. I know him. I know it's probably going in one ear and out the other. So let me get through to him so that you guys can decide this once and for all."
She nods, and she hugs me again. "Thank you. Tell him, but let him make his own choice. I'll be okay either way."
I hug my best friend one more time. And then I leave, and I go find my brother.
Seventeen
Lucas
I’m still walking around looking for Ariana when I finally see her leaving the girls’ bathroom.
Maybe she's looking for me too because she’s looking around frantically. I jog over, and she sees me, but she doesn't walk over.
In fact, she's about to walk away from me. I keep jogging and catch up to her.
"Hello,” I say slowly.
Ariana finally stops for a minute, but she’s still looking around for someone.
"Who are you looking for?"
She's almost out of breath. She stares at me for a few seconds when she seems to remember what I just asked her. "Oh, I'm looking for my brother. Have you seen him?”
I try not to laugh. “Hi, how are you? I'm good. Thanks for asking. How about you?” I tease.
"Sorry—my brother have you seen him? It's important, Lucas.”
She's standing there, waiting for an answer.
I give in. “He was just here like a minute ago so he must be around here somewhere. I think he was looking for Mayra, actually.”
I look around too. But then I remember my plan for tonight. And I look back at her. But I can tell she's completely focused on something else right now.
"So what is it that’s so important? It seems like everyone’s wires keep getting crossed tonight. I can't wait for us to have dinner later tonight with your parents.”
I never thought I'd say that out loud. But Ariana's parents are pretty cool, but hopefully, now they’ll officially accept me as part of their family.
"Well, I still don't see him, so I’m going to keep looking. But heads up, I might be leaving with Mayra soon. It looks like we’re going to need an emergency girls’ night out. Sorry, babe." She gives me a quick kiss on the cheek, and she's about to leave again, but I grab her gently.
"What do you mean you're leaving? I thought we were doing this thing tonight and then going to grab dinner with your parents, remember? We've had this planned for weeks now. Jimmy's first appearance. We were going to celebrate,” I say.
That's not really why we’re going out to dinner. I mean, I guess it is, but that's not why I care about it so much. I just hope she remembers that we’re all supposed to be there tonight.
Because if she's not, my entire plan is going down the drain. And I'm not sure I can wait any longer to ask this woman to be my wife.
"I know. I'm sorry, but Mayra is not in a good place right now. I need to be there for her, Lucas. She's my best friend, and that's why I’m looking for Jimmy too. He’s being a real doofus to her right now, and I need to tell him what's up before it's too late. Because if he doesn't sort this out with her, I think Mayra and I are going to have to skip out tonight. He's my brother and all, but you can stay here and be with him, and I'll leave with Mayra and help her figure things out. I'm sorry, babe, I really am, but you know I have to be there for her."
Just like that, she's gone again.
This doesn't sound good.
From what I just heard, it sounds like Jimmy and Mayra are on the verge of actually breaking up.
I think about what Jimmy just told me a few minutes ago. That seemed bad, but this seems really bad. Mayra is ready to leave him right now.
My fingers touch the ring in my pocket, and I feel the rock-hard diamond. The diamond that’s supposed to say forever.
If Mayra and Jimmy can’t get through their problems, what does that mean for Ariana and me?
We've already had a big breakup once the summer after we both graduated high school.
We only got back together just over a year ago. If it’s over for Jimmy and Mayra, do Ariana and I even have a chance in the long-term?
Either way, it sounds like if I'm going to have any chance of proposing to Ariana tonight, I need to help find Jimmy too.
I set off in the opposite direction.
Eighteen
Jimmy
Where did Mayra go?
I’m still looking for her on the other side of the gym. I’m about to give up and head to the other side of the gym where the bathrooms are to see if she ran in there.
But if she's not in there, I'm heading out to the parking lot next. I'm already walking that way when Miranda stops me.
"Jimmy, we’re ready for you over here. It's time for the charity auction. The donors and the photographers are ready for you when you are.” She looks at her watch. “Well, actually, we’re ready for you now. We’re already a bit behind schedule so if you don’t mind coming with me?"
“Uh, okay, I guess." I start following her, but I'm still looking for Mayra as I go.
As soon as this is over, I need to keep looking for her. Make it up to her somehow. It seems like that's all I do lately.
Make it up to her only to find out it's not good enough. And that I've messed things up again somehow.
Hopefully, this thing won’t last that much longer, and I can get out of here with her. I know we have dinner plans with my parents, and Lucas has plans of his own, but maybe somehow we can get through all that quickly and head home so we can sit down and try to talk things out one more time.
I’ve just reached the the auction table and I'm sitting down when my sister comes up to me. But Miranda holds up her hand before she reaches me.
"It's okay. She's my sister,” I say.
She lets her through, but she says, "Jimmy, we’re really running on a schedule here, so we really need to do this.”
"Sorry, but this is important. Life or death situation here." Ariana jumps in.
That seems to catch both of us off guard. She stands in front of me so that she's blocking me from everybody else.
“Jimmy, we need to talk. Now.”
“What is it? Is everything okay? Where's Mayra?" I ask.
"She's okay. For now. But you and I have got to talk. She's getting ready to walk out on you right now. I'm telling you, Jimmy. I just talked to her, and she's hit her limit. And I know you two. Breaking up will kill you,” she says quie
tly.
I stand up. “What? She’s really breaking up with me?" She can’t be serious right now. "Mayra told you that herself?"
She nods. "I'm telling you. She's been talking about this to me for weeks. But I think she's finally had it. She thinks you’re choosing your basketball career over her. Or not choosing at all, actually. She says she can’t live like that anymore. And I saw her, and it's killing her to do this, but I see where she's coming from. Mayra’s my best friend, and I have to support her.”
I slowly sit back down.
“But it wouldn't be right for her to just leave like this either. This is why I’m here. You're my brother, and I love you too. So you need to think real hard and real fast. You need to think about what she means to you, if she's worth fighting for one more time. Or if basketball is going to keep being number one in your life."
I sigh, letting my elbows hit the table in front of me and pulling at my hair.
When I don’t know how to even start responding, she keeps going.
“Listen. I get it. I have my career too. And I would never give it up. It means the world to me. But you know what? At the end of the day, Lucas means more to me. He's the love of my life. And I know I'm not one to be talking about about putting Lucas first before my job. I work way too many hours. But if this was me right now, you can bet that I would be choosing Lucas. I lost him once, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I'm not about to lose him again.
“And you've been in the same shoes, Jimmy. Didn't you guys break up back in high school? You did what it took to get her back Don't make the same mistake again, little brother. Fight for her. Fight for her one more time if you still love her. If not, then stop dragging things out with her and let her go. But either way, I think it's time for you to make a choice."
I still can’t meet her eyes. “I—I can't think right now. I have to do this, and then—” I start, but she interrupts me.
“Jimmy, I'm telling you right now. She's about to leave.” She points towards the restrooms. “You don't want that to happen. She will never forgive you. We’re talking about the rest of your life here. Not just basketball, but the one person you were going to share all of those moments with."
I still don’t know what to say. I can’t just leave. Not right now in the middle of my first public appearance. Miranda is looking over at me again.
Mayra is important to me, but can't this wait? Why does it always have to come down to this?
Ariana leans down and whisper-shouts in my face. “Jimmy, this is your future wife we’re talking about. Act like it. Or you're going to lose her, and I'll never forgive you for it. If you're ready to move on, fine. That's fine, I'll understand. But if she means as much as I think she does to you, then l will never forgive you if you don't go and fix things with her right now. Because she's about to leave, and even though I'm your sister, I will leave with her because she needs me right now. She's felt all alone long enough."
"Okay, okay." I stand up. “I’ll be right back,” I shout in the general direction of Miranda and leave before she can stop me.
“She's in the bathroom,” Ariana shouts behind me. Of course she is.
This is like a bad chick flick, but I know what I have to do. I run to the girls’ bathroom.
Nineteen
Carlos
I look at the text messages on my phone. I’m seated in my car, the keys still in the ignition.
I let out a deep breath.
Meet me there.
That’s where I am now: the high school. I’d sent that text message to Naomi like five minutes ago.
I’d sent the damn message before I even knew what I was doing.
And I knew why after I sent it.
Because Naomi means the world to me, and I hate disappointing her.
I hate the way her mouth turns down as she frowns but looks away, trying not to make it a big deal. But it is a big deal.
Ten minutes. That’s what the lady had said. Ten minutes of my time to speak about Valerie, about the role alcohol had played in her death. How it could have been prevented. How much I’d lost and her family had lost because of that night.
The thing is I’ve never talked about this out loud before. Not since I confessed it all to Naomi the night I finally got the courage to try to win her back.
I’d let it all out, and she’d listened to me. She hadn’t judged me. On the contrary. She accepted me for who I am, and I had finally done the same. Had finally forgiven myself.
Yes. I think I’ve finally forgiven myself for that night. Completely let it go. Otherwise, I think I’d still think about her all the time, like I used to. And I still do. But not all the time like before. And I think about the good times we shared now. The guilt isn’t there anymore, at least it doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. More like it’s deeply muted now, barely audible in my mind.
I get a call from Naomi, just when I think that maybe I won’t do this after all. That maybe it’s too hard to go up there in front of everybody.
But she calls, and I pick up.
“Are you sure?” she asks. “I’m on my way. I’ll be there in like two minutes. Are you sure you want to do this?”
No. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, it’s like you said, right? It’s the right thing to do? This one thing could mean so much to a lot of people.”
It sounds more like I’m still trying to convince myself that I need to do this, and it’s true.
I think Naomi hears it in my voice too. “You can do this. I love you.”
She hangs up, and I finally get out of the car.
I grab an extra t-shirt from the back of my car. I usually have one or two in there from when I’m a complete mess of oil and dirt, and I need to run into the store on the way home.
I look down at myself.
I do not look like some fancy speaker.
But I walk inside anyway.
This place looks packed. I see a couple of vans parked real close to the gym. They’re from the local news station.
I almost turn around right then and there, but I remember that Naomi is gonna be here any minute.
I have to do this. At least for her if not for me.
Yeah, that’s what’ll help me get through this.
Naomi.
I look back one more time.
Am I really gonna do this?
I open the double doors and walk in.
I’m just about to look around when someone grabs me by the arm, and I immediately look. It’s her. Miranda.
“You came! Oh, and just in time.”
She’s walking me towards a stage at the back of the gym. I can see there’s a crowd over there, kind of dispersed like they’re waiting for something to start.
“There’s been a delay in our schedule. If you could speak right now—“
“Uh, now?”
“Yes, our local celebrity basketball player. He had to leave for a few minutes, so now would be the perfect time for you to speak about your experience—”
I stop right there. “I’m sorry. I think I made a mistake. I can’t do this.”
She turns and looks at me.
I’m looking at her, and neither of us knows what to say next.
Then I see Valerie’s portrait behind her.
Like a big poster, a giant one on the gym wall.
Valerie.
Junior prom. That picture is from the yearbook.
Miranda turns around and looks at what I’m staring at.
She turns back around and waits for me to speak, but I can’t.
I can’t stop staring at Valerie.
Her smile. I had forgotten what her smile looked like, and her eyes. I’d forgotten how green they used to be.
I hear the sound of deep breathing, and I realize it’s me.
“Carlos, if you can’t, I understand,” she says quietly, her hand on mine. I can see there are tears in her eyes too.
I blink hard and look away.
I clear my throat and take a small step a
way.
Then another hand is in mine, a familiar one.
“Naomi,” I say, turning. It’s her. She still looks out of breath, like she ran here. She probably did, across the parking lot anyway.
“Hey, are you okay?” she asks, looking between Miranda and me.
“Um,” I start, but I can’t say it out loud. That I’m not strong enough to do this. That coming here was a huge mistake.
“I’ll give you two some privacy,” Miranda says. “Let me know if you change your mind.”
She leaves, her clipboard still in hand.
Naomi looks at me. “This is harder than you thought it would be, huh?”
I nod. “I told you. I can’t do this.”
I start walking away. I’m surprised when she comes with me without saying anything else.
We’re about to get to the double door exit when I stop. I turn around. She’s staring at me. Valerie.
I hear the crash of metal against wood in my head, the skidding of tires and the smell of burnt rubber.
I’m back there again.
I close my eyes as I try to block out the images of her that night, when I found her. Her eyes were open. Sad.
I’ll never forget it. I’ll never forget her, as long as I live.
I look at her now, and it’s like she’s telling me to do this for her. And for me.
Because I’ll never be completely healed from that night, but this is another step closer to being free.
I walk over to the stage before the fear has a chance to grip me again. I look for Miranda. She’s by the stage, speaking to someone. I walk up to her, and without saying a word, she hands me the mic in her hand.
She gives me a small nod, and I look at the stage, at the steps in front of me.
I take one more deep breath, and I get on stage.
Naomi is in the front, and I focus on her as I gather the courage to do this. To put myself out there. When did that become me?
Until Forever (Changing Hearts Book 4) Page 7