by Jax Hart
“Someday you’re going to regret this moment. The moment you watched me walk away. It might be in twenty days or twenty years but mark my words, Rog. You’re gonna be alone with nothing but a heart full of memories and the bitter taste of regret on your tongue as you wonder how in the fuck you ended up alone in that secret cabin of yours without even a goddamn pet for company,” she mutters turning on her heel and walking away in the moonlight.
She doesn’t turn back to look at me, not even once, for if she did—she’d see tears leaking from my eyes. I laugh bitterly tasting them. I don’t ever remember crying—even as a kid.
She’s right—so goddamn right, but my feet won’t move. I’ve made my choice, knowing I’ll live with it.
Somehow.
I can’t sleep. I didn’t want to shower before bed, wanting to leave his smell on me until it fades on its own. He smelled of leather and bourbon and felt like home. I can’t sleep in my bed without remembering how it felt to sleep with him in it.
I sigh snuggling under the thick comforter, my back aching from lying on this worn couch for a week.
My cell rings on the coffee table and I reach for it without even checking the caller. Only Luce would call me at 2 a.m. anyway.
“‘Lo?”
My stomach clenches at the voice I know as well as my own, “Dev?”
“Jeff? Are you out of your mind? Why are you calling me?”
“Please, don’t hang up. Please… I’m begging you. I know I screwed up. I just need to get this off my chest…”
“I’m not interested in the ‘whys’ months later.”
“I know. I j-just miss you. You were such a big part of my life.”
“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when people break-up Jeff. They go their separate ways and you forget about all that.”
“I can’t. She doesn’t understand me like you do.”
She?
“Look Jeff, I don’t know what’s going on with you but I have enough on my plate right now. Please don’t call me again.”
“She’s pregnant.”
“Who? Who’s pregnant Jeff?”
“My new girlfriend. The entire time she was telling me… all I could think about is that it should’ve been you. It should’ve been us having a baby.”
“You’re right it could’ve been. But it’s not. I-I’m sorry I can’t be the one you talk to about this,” I groan burying my head under the duvet wishing this past week was all just a hellacious dream. I don’t hang up. I don’t even know why. I’m just silent as he talks in hushed tones; filling me in on his life since we parted ways. His voice is like an old pair of jeans: sometimes they’re worn and comfortable, other times, the fit is just too tight—either way you’ll always love them.
Listening to him takes my mind of my own heartache as he tells me about Evelyn: A shy soft-spoken girl who’s blonde and blue eyed and nothing at all like me.
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I don’t love her. Not in the way I loved you.”
“If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have let me go. I think you should try to at least work things out with her. Especially since she’s keeping the baby.”
I wait for jealousy to come, it’s fleeting then it’s gone. I don’t want Jeff anymore but talking to him reminds me how strong a bond we had before we pulled the plug.
“Okay, so maybe I do want to hear what happened between us.”
“Dev,” he sighs, “I panicked. I saw my friends going out, dating a different chick each week, talking shit about wild weekends at the Lake, while you and I were playing house.”
“Playing house?” I warn.
“Come on, Dev. You know what I’m trying to say.”
“Yeah, I do. You wanted to go fuck random girls rather than have a real relationship, with me.”
“Hell, it sounded good at the time. I’m sorry. It ended up sucking, to tell you the truth—that’s how I ended up with Evelyn. She was cute and quiet, practically had ‘relationship’ stamped on her forehead.”
“Yeah, well now she has ‘baby momma’ stamped across it.”
“Ouch.”
“Sorry. So, not sorry,” I whisper teasingly.
“Do you still love me?”
“I-I’m sorry. I don’t. I actually met someone too…”
“Oh?”
“He’s incredible.”
“Well, I know he’s a lucky man. Thanks for talking to me Dev. I needed to hear your voice.”
“I get it. We were together a long time, but now we’re on separate roads. Good luck to you.”
“You, too.”
A steady fall of rain begins to pelt against my window, the constant beat oddly lulls me slowly to sleep where I dream of Rog and I at the lake chasing a pair of toddlers down the small beach. The boy has his father’s build while the girl looks like me.
“IT’S A GODDAMN MONSOON OUT THERE,” I mutter debating whether I even want to open Sassy’s today. Saturdays are usually slammed but I doubt many are gonna venture out today, no matter how damn good my cookin’ is. Grabbing the remote, I find the local weather channel whistling through my teeth. Storms are rare out here and some front came down from Canada to fuck with us. High winds, mudslides and power outages are expected as well as over six inches of hard rain.
Grabbing my cell, I text Federico not to open today. It’s an easy call to make. I love that goddamn place but without seeing Dev’s saucy grin and smart mouth telling me what’s wrong with my cooking the place seems lonely despite being full most of the day.
The rain falls so hard I can barely see out my back window where it slams into it with such force it sounds like a million pellets scattering.
“Smith? You’re up early?” I taunt answering his call. Smith isn’t known for being an early bird.
“Yeah, couldn’t sleep. Shit’s goin’ sideways down here in Cali.”
“What’s up, brotha.”
“Guess who started a new MC?”
“Fuckin’ hell. Gregory?”
“Yeah. He’s ridin’ with a bad crew. Picking up ex-convicts and parolees as soon as they’re cut loose. He’s offering a place in his bunkhouse, food and fresh ink. Somehow he slipped through the Canadian border and made it here.”
“Fuck.”
“Exactly. I needed every man I have back here. Please tell me you left a guard on the girls?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, cursing like a fool.
“Dev and I are over. I heard Luce is back in Chicago getting her stuff boxed up to ship out here.”
“Fuck,” he sighs. “She’s safe for now. I’ll have a man pick her up at the airport and fly another one to Chicago to get her car.”
“Damn. You make her your old lady already?”
“No. But she will be as soon as I figure out how to neutralize these fuckers. What happened with Dev? She seemed like old lady material herself.”
“She is. But she hid shit from me. Shit she should’ve trusted me with. I’ve been alone so long, I can’t get in deep with someone who lies at the start. You feel me?”
“Yeah, I do. Damn, I’m sorry, Rog.”
“Not as sorry as I am. Listen, I’ll keep an eye on shit here. I’ll post a man at every frickin’ road that leads to Springdale if I need to. The new deputy is an old friend. I’ll have him watch our backs too.”
“Sounds good. And Rog—if anything happens to Luce on your watch—”
“I get it. It won’t,” I vow ending the call.
My heart’s racing. Dev—I need to get to Dev. Fuck the storm and our break-up. I’m the shelter she needs right now. Phone still in hand, I call.
“Fuck!” It goes straight to her voicemail. Lightning flashes followed by a boom of thunder so loud my walls rattle. Then the power goes out.
Grabbing the keys to my truck off the counter I open the door fighting the wind and rain and barrel down the stairs to my driveway. My truck’s mostly dry, parked under the wide upper deck that acts as a
portico.
Firing up my engine, I tear off, driving like mad to get to Dev and prayin’ like hell she’s alright.
The pounding is so loud I wake up with a start; bolting up from the old couch; confused.
The power’s out.
A branch from the large maple tree slaps against the window.
Then I realize the pounding is the rain coming down in buckets. On bare feet, I cross to the front window, not even able to see my car through the downpour.
“Ahhhh,” I shriek watching a heavy limb from a tall tree fall to the ground with a loud thud. Scurrying back over to the couch I look for my phone tangled up in the bedding. But my shoulders slump when I finally find it.
It’s dead.
Talking to Jeff last night took what juice was left and I never hooked it up to the charger.
Shit.
I was too depressed to grocery shop so it’s not like much food will go bad until the power comes on.
Trudging to the bathroom, I strip quickly hoping there’s enough warm water left in the tank to give me two minutes to wash the sleep from my eyes.
“Ugh, what I wouldn’t give for a mug of hot coffee and my Kindle,” I groan wondering what I’m going to do with myself stuck inside all day.
“What the fuck?” I scream hearing the crash of glass coming from somewhere close. Grabbing my towel, I wrap it around myself running out of the bathroom half-expecting to see the tree crashed through the window.
“Hello sweetheart. Miss me? You and I have unfinished business,” he says with satisfaction, watching me slowly inching back. He creeps closer, brushing shards of glass from his skin. A thousand pricks of blood coat his face and arms from where he crashed through my front window next to the door.
If I can stall him, maybe he won’t realize I’m only three steps from being able to lock myself in my bedroom.
“W-what do you mean? I’ve got nothing to do with the club or anyone in it.”
He smiles faintly, “Always lyin’. Why do they all continue to lie all the way till the end? That’s right sugar, I’m gonna be the last face you see as I squeeze the breath right outta ya’. But don’t worry, I’m also gonna be the last man to ever see that sweet body you’re so carefully trying to cover with that towel.”
Screaming, I run, barely shutting the door before he’s there. I bolt it. Thank God, Rog has bolts on his rental doors instead of the regular locks. But I know I don’t have much time. If he went through my window, I know his heavy boots will kick my door open. All it did was buy me some time.
I slide my dresser across the door and move the bed away from the window to anchor my barricade.
Dropping my towel, I only have time to put on a T-Shirt.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
The wood door starts to splinter from his kicks.
There’s only one thing left to do.
I need to save myself.
High on fear and adrenalin, a million thoughts race through my head.
Why didn’t I call my mother more?
Why did I waste so many years on Jeff?
God, I hope Luce finds my vibrator before anyone else does if I don’t make it through this.
My keys, purse, shoes—everything is on the other side of that door. Knowing there’s only one way out of this room alive, I open my window, crouching through and step out into the pouring rain.
Barefoot, I carefully make my way across the roof, hands holding onto the gutters. Being on the middle floor, if I’m lucky—I can make it to the side of the building and jump down on the roof of the first-floor deck, shimmy down the railing and make it to the ground before that creep figures out my plan.
The wind and rain are so strong, I almost lose my balance and fall, breaking my own neck. But I’d rather die that way then be abused and tortured by the sick fuck breaking into my bedroom.
“Almost there, Dev. You can do this,” I whisper not even hearing my own words as the wind rips them away and carries them up into the storm.
More thunder booms over head followed by the hiss and crack of lightening striking something close by.
Foot by foot, step by step, I make it to the corner of the roof, crouching low, I spring like a stunt double in an action film and land perfectly on the roof above the small covered porch that runs along the side of the first floor.
Shimmying down the wooden railing, I jump down, run down the porch steps, and onto the wet grass. I run like I’ve never run before. Long legs flying and leaping over fallen trees and branches, I can barely see; rain smacks my face, but I’m alive and running the race as if my life depends on it, because it does.
Arms pumping, feet sinking into mud now, I keep going down the road hoping I can reach town before that asshole figures out I ran and comes for me in his car.
Headlights cut through the rain, coming straight towards me.
“HELP! Please stop! HELP!” I yell waving my arms as I run in the middle of the road, the driver sees me and swerves wildly to the left.
“ROG?!” I cry, moving towards the truck.
“DEVON?!” He roars opening his door uncaring rain pummels inside his cab as he meets me in the road.
“H-he’s back there. That guy… he threatened to rape and kill me,” I pant out clutching my sides. I must’ve sprinted over a half a mile.
“HE’S DEAD!” Roger roars taking my trembling body in his arms and carrying me into his truck. He carefully places me inside on the passenger seat as if I’m made of glass, kisses the top of my head and slides the strap of the seatbelt gingerly across my chest to buckle me in. He turns his head, hot eyes meeting mine telling me what’s in his heart. His aqua eyes burn with the light of love and my hands cup the side of his jaw, “I thought I was going to die back there,” I whisper feeling the aftershock rip through me at how close I came to never seeing this beautiful man’s face again.
“But you didn’t baby. You’re strong—so strong Dev. I’m so proud of you for getting away.”
He pulls back, body getting soaked and shuts my door. I expect him to turn around, but his heavy boots press down on the gas throwing me back in the seat as the massive truck races back to the place I just escaped from.
He hands me his cell, “Call Federico and tell him what’s going on.”
With clumsy hands I do what he says through chattering teeth. He turns the heat on full blast and reaches behind him with one hand to grab his club cut and drape it over my thighs.
“Federico and Toad are on their way.”
His eyes never leave the road as we pull off to the side of the road outside the triple-decker apartment house that’s become home.
“Stay here. No matter what happens, no matter what you hear. If I’m not the man who comes back out—I need you to drive like hell. You hear me?”
“I-I won’t leave you.”
“Now is not the time, Dev. This is an order ya’ hear me? If I die—it’s so you can live.”
“Rog!” I scream seeing the assailant coming out of my apartment. Rog’s thick arm reaches across me to the glovebox where he takes out a large handgun. Bullets start hitting the truck before he can even put the clip in. He pushes my head down, “I love you.”
I almost didn’t hear his words over the spray of bullets and rain pelting the truck.
Before I can say the words back; he’s gone.
Flashes of fire erupt from the nozzle of his gun, but Gregory uses his own truck for cover and fires round after round.
Rog is gonna get hit. He refuses to use this truck as cover and I know it’s because I’m in it.
I won’t let him die for me. I want him to live for me. For us. For the chance of what could be. Without even thinking, I slide over to the driver’s seat, buckle up and move his seat. Head low over the steering wheel, my muddy foot presses the gas and I maneuver the truck hard to the right cutting off the two men.
“Goddamn it Devon!” He roars using the truck for cover now as he fires round after roun
d. He opens the door, hauls me out and orders me to lay flat in the back of the truck bed.
Soaking wet, chilled to the bone the pops of gunfire mixes with thunder as the storm gets worse.
The two of them re-load. Both trucks are shot to shit.
“Thank God,” I whisper, huddled in a wet ball as I hear Federico and Toad arrive. The two of them shout to Rog. Gregory knows he’s outgunned.
POP.
POP. POP. POP. POP.
Silence.
“ROG!” I scream needing to know he’s okay.
“You hit baby?”—
“N-no. A-a-r-e you?”
“No. You stuttering again babe? Kinda like the day we first met, huh?” He tries to joke, coming into view.
On a sob, my arms wrap around his neck, “I-I’m cold Rog, so cold.”
“Don’t look baby,” he pulls back, cupping my face, “only look at me.”
“Is it Federico or Toad?”
“No, baby. It’s done. Finished.”
“I-I need to see. He threatened to do things—”
“I know, sugar. But don’t look,” he grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him. “I don’t want you seeing things, you can’t un-see.”
“Okay,” I answer, trusting him. Knowing he’s right.
“We need to get you home and out of the rain. Dev—you were never here. You spent the night with me. Got it?”
“Y-yes,” I answer determined to prove my loyalty to him—to Creed.
He lifts me into his arms, carries me to Federico’s truck parked behind us. He folds me inside, “I’ll be right back.”
I hear him telling Federico to “call it in,” before he rounds the hood and climbs in the driver’s side.
The heat blasts through the vents as I cuddle up to his side. He’s just as wet as I am but the body heat coming off his muscular body soothes me.
“Dev? DEV! DEV! Don’t you dare fall asleep. You have hypothermia, babe. Hold on. I’ll get you home and take care of you, love.”
My hands clutch his soaked shirt. “How can you see?”